Cameltoe Archives - Page 2 of 4 Archive - DrunkenStepFather.com

Archive for the Cameltoe Category

2009

Apr

Lindsay Lohan is Still the Star in my Eyes of the Day

I love this security guard in this video, maybe it’s because I hate the paparazzi, but it’s probably because the dude is cool. He’s telling the scummy paparazzi to fuck off and when they tell him he’s taking his job too seriously, he keeps telling them to fuck off.

There’s no way you or anyone can really respect the asshole paparazzi with their cameras, sure I use their pictures all the time, but that doesn’t mean I think they are good at taking pictures or that I think shit is an honorable career, they are fucking theifs who try to rip everyone off with their shitty pictures and insane prices and they even killed Princess Diana.

Either way, I was walking my dog and he made friends with this emo kid. I’m talking skinny jeans, funny mohawk, artist t-shirt, who was probably in his early 20s. I was thinking to myself that shit is way too androngynous nowadays, like that dude really looks like a girl and when I asked his name and he told me it was Melanie, I still didn’t catch on to the fact that I was talking to a fuckin’ girl. I only realized while walking away what I just experienced and I am still confused about the whole thing.

Here are some pictures of a sexy Lohan sunglass shopping. People say she’s too skinny, but let me remind you, there is no such thing as too skinny, there is however such thing as too fat and unfortunately, I’m sitting next to her right now….

BONUS – Don’t pay any attention to Ali Lohan’s tight little shorts cameltoe, girl’s only 15 dude….I’m in Canada…14 is Legal…Not that I’d ever do a 14 year old…I’m just saying, we may not get Hulu, but we do get prime teen pussy….right….

Posted in:Ali Lohan|Cameltoe|Lindsay Lohan|Shopping|Skinny

2009

Mar

Lil Kim in Some Leotard Shit for Biggie of the Day

1 Comment »

Biggie died a bunch of years ago yesterday, people made a big deal out of it. Diddy went from 10,000 to 100,000 followers on Twitter yesterday alone, because he’s managed to milk Biggie for all his life and death is fucking worth and make a killing doin’ it, while Radio shows did tribute sets to Biggie and Lil Kim did Dancing With the Stars and didn’t dedicate her shit to Biggie, despite him being the only reason her whore pussy can call herself a star. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t really care about Biggie or his death and I am not really sure why other people do, maybe it’s because they like feeling part of something, but if he was still alive today, I doubt people would label him as the best rapper of all time.

Sure the whole thing is boring and bullshit and so are these pictures of Lil Kim in her spandex rockin’ some Cameltoe Biggie stuck his tongue, dick, fingers and friends inside that I figured I’d post to jump on that Biggie is Dead bandwagon one day too late, which happens to be less days than I am normally late….

Posted in:Biggie|Cameltoe|Lil Kim|Spandex

2009

Jan

Nicole Kidman’s Got Cameltoe of the Day

1 Comment »

Here’s a little Nicole Kidman cameltoe for those of you who are still curious about this red vagina, especially post Tom Cruise. I mean based on the Tom Cruise stories I’ve heard, I just always assumed she was packing a solid set of testicles, I mean it would explain why they adopted kids. I just thought she was like this doll-like soft spoken asian tranny I spent a night having drinks with because she was the closest thing I ever got to glamor. I mean, I guess these pics prove the whole reason she and Tom Cruise broke up and so did that pregnancy with her cowboy, but I am still skeptical and think this is just a good tuck job. I really don’t have much to say about this because I am sad on the inside, but at least the thought of Nicole Kidman’s lie of a pussy, makes me feel a little better about my life and that night I kissed the asian tranny because I was caught up in the moment.

Posted in:Cameltoe|Nicole Kidman

2009

Jan

Kristin Cavallari’s Cameltoe for her 22nd 80s Party of the Day

No Comments »

I have said it before and I will say it again. I love the idea of leotards. It is the one piece of clothing that grabs pussy, tits and ass at the same fucking time and that’s just something I don’t have the skill to do because I only have 2 hands. Sure, I could always throw in my feet, but I’m just not that flexible and sure, one-piece bathing suits and a few other clothes do the same fucking thing, but they just make me think of my fat wife at the waterpark or laying in the park like a pile of fucking shit that she is and this cotton shit reminds me of dance class, or the month I spent in an aerobics class back in the late 80s when I was running low on jerk off material and tired of fucking girls in bars.

I find the whole 80s party pretty fucking played out, I mean she could have come up with a better theme, like maybe famous for being the idiot who turned down a high paying job on the hugely successful spinoff of the show that made her relevant, but then everyone would just dress like her and there’s no fun in that.

Either way, here is her leotard huggin her cunt because it doesn’t judge her for the mistakes she’s made in her career like everyone else who hugs her.

Posted in:80s|Birthday|Cameltoe|Kristen Cavallari|Leotard

2008

Dec

Kourtney Kardashian is a Horrible Christmas Present of the Day

7 Comments »

So Kourtney Kardashian got into the Christmas spirit 3 weeks early and dressed up like some kind of luxurious wrapping paper you see in the window displays of the luxury boutiques in the big city. Unfortunately, Kourtney Kardashian’s last boyfriend told me that she’s a lot less of a gift and more of a part time job because she’s needy as fuck like most rich brats who always got what they wanted growing up because their dad who was too busy for them hired a staff and issued an expense account to use to shut them up because he didn’t want to deal with them.

The good news, is that like her sister, her vagina seems all about eating all things black. Sure, it may have started with these leggings, but I guess you gotta take babysteps before fully jumping into sex with a black dude, you know especially since her ass isn’t quite fat enough, but by the looks of it, it’s getting there.

Posted in:Cameltoe|Kourtney Kardashian

2008

Aug

Olympic Camel Toe the Paraguay Edition of the Day

6 Comments »

I assume the Olympics are coming to an end and we’re all going to have to wait another 4 years for the shit to hit again and despite that making a whole lot of you sad, I really couldn’t care less. It’s rare to find hot athletes who don’t have steroid clits the size of a grown man’s thumb, something my inappropriate little league coach told me about when I was 12 and I have carried that fact around with me for a long time, true story, but this Paraguay slut named Leryn Franco’s lookin’ pretty fuckin’ alright.

I assume because Paraguay doesn’t invest too much money into their team and there proabably aren’t that many Javelin throwers in Paraguay because the people there are too busy dancing around fires, she doesn’t work out all too much considering she pretty much placed last. I figure she joined the shit for the same reason I joined my high school volleyball team and that was to miss school, go to other schools and check out the girl team play and here she is showing off her hot ass and pussy in her tight pants.

Posted in:Cameltoe|Leryn Franco|Olympic|Paraguay

2008

Jul

Caroline D’Amore’s Beach Cameltoe of the Day

6 Comments »

I have met Pizza Restaurant owner Caroline D’Amore, because that’s just the quality of “celebrity” this site puts me in contact with and in reality shit had absolutely nothing to do with this site, and more to do with my alcoholism. This is the story.

It was a Wednesday and I was looking for something to do and this guy I knew invited me to some celebrity DJ event at a chachi bar, where there was no cover charge and where he would be buying bottles of vodka because there was some kind of deal at the bar because it was mid-week.

The DJ was Caroline D’Amore and I thought I had never heard of her, so I went because I was in the mood to get drunk and have a good laugh. After a bunch of drinks, this skinny, Celine Dion lookin’ girl gets up behind the turntables, which happened to be right next to my friends table and I start listening to her set.

I don’t DJ and don’t know much about DJing, but knew that this bitch was killing every single mix, making each song sound like it was violently raping the next song while she did that Paris Hilton dance behind the turntables. I started laughing and made faces at her and she was starting to notice and obsess over me and my mocking. Within 10 minutes of my pointing and ridiculing her, she turns to the club promoter and calls him over, tells him that she’s quitting her set about 20 minutes into it and when he asked why, she points at me and says I am being an asshole and lauging at her.

I find the whole thing amazing, until the promoter and his pussy security make a circle around me and threaten to beat me up and kick me out for fuckin’ with Caroline and Caroline decides to get involved and tell me how much of an asshole I am. I deny because I don’t need to really drive the point home, bitch already quit her set and I take her aside, tell her about my site and that I was just teasing to get her attention because I have a crush on her and tease girls I crush on because I have the same level of game as a ten year old.

It turns out she knew about the site and said that I had written about her cameltoe in the past , I told her that I didn’t remember but that I fucking love cameltoe and that she should keep bringing the goods, she gave me a hug, forgave me for mocking her and left me. Since then, she has continued her DJ career, while I continue my cameltoe blogging, never to cross paths again, but the fact that she knew the site made me forget that she sucked as a DJ and made me a fan, even if only for 5 minutes and mainly because I wanted to get invited back to her hotel to watch her shower, but that didn’t happen. What has happened is that everytime she’s been back to Montreal, she’s made a point of not emailing me or inviting me out to her event or to grab some pizza and I feel pretty rejected about the whole thing because I thought we were friends, but at least I can still post about her vagina tightly wrapped in a bathing suit. No one can take that away from me.

Posted in:Bathing Suit|Cameltoe|Caroline D'Amore

2008

Jun

Patricia Heaton’s Got a Pretty Shitty Cameltoe of the Day

9 Comments »

Cameltoes are pretty much a given when you’re a mom and that’s just because you lose all control of your vagina and shit’s just loosely hanging making it next to impossible to keep your pants from making their way up in the crack. It’s like the thing’s got a mind of it’s own as each lip falls on either side of the pant seam and the only corrective measure one can take is duct tape.

Here’s Patricia Heaton’s vagina barely eating her pants, but it’s a taste of what’s to come because let’s face it, shit’s just not as tight enough to fight off tight pants anymore.

Posted in:Cameltoe|Patricia Heaton

2008

Apr

Sienna Miller’s Hot Cocaine Body Rocks a Cameltoe in a Bikini of the Day

3 Comments »

Sienna Miller is good to go. She’s got an amazing cocaine body and I love that she doesn’t mind showing it off like some free spirited vegan feminist in sandals with a huge bush, but unlike the vegan feminist, Sienna Miller doesn’t rip cocks off men everywhere and hold them over her head like she’s carrying some Olympic torch in her quest to take the penis down, but instead begs for it to be stuck inside her because it’s a lazy day and she just feels like smoking some cigarettes, drinking some wine and laying on white linens naked all day after getting fucked.

Sure it could just be misrepresentation and misinterpretation, but she seems to be the good kind of hippie, the kind who is into fucking but who lives in luxury lofts, wears designer clothes and has enough money to pay me child support after I K-Fed her. Not that I ever will, but you get what I’m saying here, her vagina’s so hungry it’s eating her white bikini bottoms and that to me is enough proof of what I just wrote. Reality is that none of us will find out, but you can try to pretend you are while masturbating. It wouldn’t be a first time for you…at least you’re giving your dead relatives who are watching over you something to watch and by watch I mean be ashamed of…I guess it’s your kind of over-acheiving or some shit, you know adding chronic masturbater to being an unemployed, overweight loser on welfare in his mom’s basement is kind of an achievement.

Posted in:Bikini|Cameltoe|Cocaine|Sienna Miller

2008

Mar

Hayden Panettiere has a Lame Cameltoe of the Day

4 Comments »

I always love when girls wear vagina hugging pants because it gives me enough information to visualize what they look like naked. I know that the chances of them ever showing me their goods are pretty fuckin’ slim, especially since they are young and hot and sitting across from me at the coffee shop, often times telling their boyfriends how some creepy old guy keeps lookin’ at them and it’s making them uncomfortable.

Since Hayden pretty much has as much has the same body type and sex appeal as the dresser I pulled out of the trash last year to help store my wife’s disgusting clothes that I was tired of seeing in piles throughout our room, since I am quite the homemaker, the only reason I’d want to see anything hugging her crotch is to see if she’s got a bigger dick than me, which she does. That’s pretty much the reason I’ve never done any gang bangs in my life, I just know I’d always fall short and wouldn’t be able to live with myself being that inadequate….I’d volunteer to box Panettiere to prove that despite having a smaller dick I am still all man, but I know she’d win. So it’s pretty much a losing day for a loser today.

Posted in:Boring|Cameltoe|Hayden Panettiere