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Archive for the Lindsay Lohan Category

2008

29

Feb

Lindsay Lohan in Some Shorts and Shit of the Day

I was having a conversation about Lohan with some internet chick the other day because I was trying to get her to send me nude pictures and the celebrity angle is the only way I knew how to relate to 20 year old bitches. I was asking her if she would rather fuck Lohan or Paris and she wouldn’t give a straight answer. When she asked me, I told her that I would never fuck Paris Hilton, I don’t know why because I have no standards, I have fucked girls during their herpes outbreaks and none of them looked as good as Paris Hilton which says a lot about the kind of pussy I get. I just find her trash, expensive trash, but trash nonetheless. It’s like when a wife catches her husband cheating and throws the wedding ring in the garbage. Sure that ring is expensive but motherfucker’s covered in rotting vegetables….but I would fuck Lohan.

I think what it comes down to is that sure Lohan is a bit of a hipster poser trying to fit into that whole coke party scene where the kids look homeless and listen to electro, while Paris is a bottle whore who goes to the clubs where cheesy dudes drop 1000s of dollars to look like they are ballin, while their waxed worked our chests match the glisten in their hair gel.

So the point of all this is to say, Lohan is just cool shit as far as I am concerned and I can see past her shit smeared skin and bloated sloppy body, and it’s good to know she’s back to hitting up the clubs, because that’s when she’s most accessible.

Bonus – Here She is in Shorts Yesterday During the Day

Bonus – Here’s Her Shitty Photoshoot for Paper Magazine

Love Me or Hate Me? Give me a Call and Let Me Know How You Really Feel….Don’t Hack My Site Again
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Posted in:Legs|Lindsay Lohan|Shorts|Slut

2008

25

Feb

Lindsay Lohan is Wasted of the Day

Here’s a video from the weekend of a drunk Lohan leaving the club every famous slut goes to now, called Villa. Now despite giving Villa free publicity on my site, I can guarantee that those cocksuckers still won’t let me in, because I look homeless and those kinds of places don’t like guys like me.

I accidentally followed one of my friends from the park to one of these chachi motherfucker clubs this past weekend, I guess me and Lohan and every single cheesy fucking person under 25 are connected at the soul or some shit.

Either way, we get to this club where there’s a line up of ethnic dudes with trendy mohawks and deliberately ripped jeans, speaking in “bro” and who start giving me dirty looks because I am wearing ripped jeans because I can’t afford un-ripped jeans and I have long ratty hair and I’m pushing 40.

My friend’s cousin turns out to be some bottle whore who is fucking the owner and invited him up to the VIP room, so we get escorted up to a space with about 15 lame dudes and 5 bottles to go with 5 sluts in low cut shirts. I end up drinking off the bottle for free because that’s all I can afford, despite knowing every sip is pissing these assholes off. I try chatting up one of the tits on one of the girls and eventually a fight breaks out between the dudes because with a 3 to 1 ratio, things can get heated with booze while nearing the end of the night. I know that if I spent 1000 dollars on bottles, I’d expect 4 girls on my dick at the end of the night, when these guys just had each other and were mad and ended up kicking their bro in the face while he was down on the ground in his white button up shirt….I’m talking 4 dudes kicking 1 dude then the 1 dude gets up, brushes himself off and goes back to drinking like nothing fuckin’ happened. I guess it’s the bro way….

I decided that after witnessing a bro-fight and all it’s gayness and despite drinking for free, it was my time to go but like Lohan I didn’t need help getting into the car, I just needed help getting my soul back….

Posted in:Drunk|Lindsay Lohan

2008

22

Feb

Lohan is Hiding from the Camera in Leggings of the Day

I read somewhere that Lohan’s mother thinks that Lohan is an artist, which is a lot like your mom telling you that you’re really handsome and that you’ll find yourself a woman who sees it one day, but until then you always have mommy to take care of you….

It turns out that the artist formerly known as Lohan has landed a new job opposite Jack Black which I guess is a sure sign of art, but more like the art that the homeless man down the street makes with his shit on the bus shelter and in public bathrooms and less like something that kids will be analyzing in schools 20 years down the road because shit is genius….

Since I hate Jack Black, I am going to assume that he’s the reason she’s hiding from the cameras, because she has to accept that she’s thrown her shit career down the toilet and this is the shit she has to eat to try to climb her way out of the gutter. Kind of like when I worked at the factory for years hoping that eventually lead to something better until realizing that working in a factory leads to nowhere, kinda like starring opposite Jack Black. I can’t wait to see the fat sex scene because you know she always throws herself at the closest penis in the room and seeing Lohan get fucked by a fat dude will help make my fantasies more realistic.

I guess the real reason she’s hiding from the cameras is because she’s shy about her topless photoshoot and by topless photoshoot I mean cold sores from suckin’ dick outbreak.


Related Posts:

Old Lohan Pussy Flash
Lohan is Naked in New York Mag
Lohan Nude Photoshoot

Posted in:Hiding|Leggings|Lindsay Lohan

2008

20

Feb

Lindsay Lohan Nude Photoshoot Outtakes of the Day

So all you motherfuckers got all excited about seeing Lohan topless or nude despite being covered in freckles in the Lindsay Lohan Nude Photoshoot for NY Mag. I didn’t really give a fuck about them either way, because a staged photoshoot with tits is boring, no matter who the tits belong too. I want to see vagina with dick in it from a picture taken by a paparazzi in a closet, none of this airbrushed studio bullshit…. I did ask a plastic surgeon if her tits were real and he said they were real…implants. I also spoke to a dude who goes to her coke parties and he said she was always naked and advertised the fact that her tits were great fakes. I am going to say shit looks real to me…real fantastic and all you virgins are too busy jerking off to agree.

Either way, the fuckers at NY Mag who threatened me with a law suit yesterday are milking this story as hard as the cocks they like having shoved in their fashionable pretentious lawsuit threatening asses and released these out takes that look the same as the last batch….kinda like a Lohan herpes outbreak, the sores always hit the same spot and lacks excitement because you already know what to expect.

Either way, let’s hope bitch will take Marilyn Monroe’s lead and let this be her last photoshoot before having an overdose on barbiturates leaving her a hollywood legend that we can all look back upon and remember how hollywood turned her into a spoiled talentless cokewhore who was addicted to sex but never released a sex tape but always made us feel better about our miserable lives 20 years from now….

Related Posts:

The Cease and Desist Email I GOt From NY MAG Gayness
Lohan’s Tit in Her Nude Photoshoot for NY MAG
Old Lohan Pussy Flash
Lindsay Lohan’s Other Vagina Flash

Posted in:Lindsay Lohan|Nude|NYMag.com|Photoshoot|Topless

2008

19

Feb

Lohan Does the WWE of the Day

It turns out that a 40 year old Lohan has very little to do now that her career is pretty much non existent so bitch is hitting up one of the classier nights of the week at WWE’s Monday Night Raw. In my life, I’ve never understood much about wrestling or the hype about wrestling other than that every Italian or Greek dude I’ve ever met has had a thing for it and that it is the closest thing to gay porn on TV, because half naked dudes, greased up and pretending to fight by rolling all over each other’s half naked body is what the gays call foreplay.

Maybe I’m just traumatized by wrestling, because I remember when growing up, I knew a kid who always wanted to wrestle and not knowing any better, I went for it. After pinning the motherfucker down, I felt his boner against my leg and realized he was a little too into wrestling for me. Later in life I remember wrestling girl expecting it to lead to fooling around but it turned out that it wasn’t foreplay, it was just rape.

Either way, despite the mask, this dude’s not me, in case you were wondering, because if it was me my had would be up Lohan’s shirt dress and I’d be trying to suck on her haggard face, not to mention I would be wearing my favorite soiled sweatpants and not a shirt that’s got more life than my vomit after a night of drinking…

Posted in:Lindsay Lohan|Mexican Mask|Wresting|WWE

2008

18

Feb

Lohan Topless in Some Photoshoot of the Day

These pictures of Lohan in some photoshoot for New York magazine recreating some Marilyn Monroe shoot were just sent to me and she’s topless. Now everyone who reads this site know I have a fake crush on coke whore and her tits are pretty much the main reason why. It’s definitely got nothing to do with her freckled skin that is cute when she it on a kid running a lemonade stand and not so cute when it looks like the coke whore just did some scat porn to get more coke and hasn’t had enough time to shower.

I don’t know what I am talking about, I’m riding off a 3 day hangover. Look at the pics because the best way to draw attention to your useless drug addicted self is to get naked. Remember that girls and be sure to start by sending them to me first.

I know having a sheet between you and lohan seems pretty shitty in pictures because it’s blocking out her pussy, but if this was real life that sheet is a necessity but preferably in latex because skin to skin contact with this whore has some serious repercussions , it’s kinda like wearing a helmet when riding a bike or when retarded so you don’t smash your head in the wall repeatedly.

I had to Take the Pics Down So Check them Out Here – but Put Them Back Up – Fuck ‘Em…
GO

Here’s My Email Communication with NY Mag
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Posted in:Lindsay Lohan|Naked|Nude|Photoshoot|Topless

2008

14

Feb

Lindsay Lohan is my Valentine of the Day

So Lohan doesn’t know this site exists but she’s been my Valentine for the last 3 years I have been doing this shit. I decided a long time ago that I needed to focus on one celebrity back then and I went with Lohan. I ended up scoring her phone number and left her a lot of creepy messages on her answering machine in hopes of her filing a restraining order or to even get me arrested. I figured it would have been good publicity and since she’s so loose in the hips, I probably would have ended up marrying her. She never called me back so I’d like to say something like “it’s her loss” like I am better than she is and like she’s missing out or something that makes my low self esteem feel better about myself, but I figure that the reality is that we are both missing out because a love this strong shouldn’t be ignored…and by love I mean I want to get her pregnant and live on her couch because it would make for a better life.

Either way, she brought her tits out for you all to enjoy and this is where the jealousy comes in and I gotta say stop lookin’ at my girl like that motherfucker. It’s making me mad. Cuddles.

PS – I can’t link to my stalker posts because my site is broken….but if you’re crafty enough you will use the search box to find it….

Posted in:cleavage|Lindsay Lohan|Soulmate|Tits

2008

13

Feb

Lohan’s Got Some Leg of the Day

Lohan is getting out a car and she isn’t wearing leggings to cover up her legs, which is pretty unfortunate because her freckled skin reminds me of this dirty Vietnamese kid who lived around the corner from me and who came from a family of store owners who spent more time pricing half rotten food to take care of him and every time I’d see the little fucker he’d be covered in dirt and mud like he’d been rolling around in the puddle reliving the Vietnam war because the puddle was God’s toy for him because his parents weren’t about to buy him any, all their money went into the store.

Either way, like any girl in a short dress, keeping her goods underwraps where they should be, if only to keep the smell in, is hard. So if you look closely enough you will see a little freckled ass cheek that would have been considered cute when she was 5, because freckles are only cute on kids and not because 5 year old ass is hot but now it just looks like an anal sex accident that wasn’t cleaned up properly and that’s kinda gross unless you’re me, in which case it is a total turn on. I was always the kind of guy who was into banging girls hours after they fucked other dudes….I guess that’s why deep inside, I am convinced Lohan is my soul mate.

Posted in:Ass|Legs|Lindsay Lohan

2007

27

Nov

I am – Lohan’s Baggage of the Day

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The reason I like Lohan is that she’s damaged goods and has a massive amount of emotional baggage, and with emotional baggage comes a girl who really knows her self worth and that usually makes them willing to get with me and get down and dirty because it’s not as bad as that time she was raped or gang banged or molested by her uncle.

Girls with a clean slate are usually 15 years old or boring and don’t appreciate you because you’re more fucked up than they are, so they are always on your ass about how you don’t treat them like they deserve to be treated because they saw it in some Romantic Comdey and think that’s real life. They bust your balls for being crazy because you like to have a good time, while damaged girls are just looking for love, and always have fun, even when they are punching themselves in their own faces while crying because they don’t think you love them. An out of control girl with a drug or alcohol problem are into self destruction and having dirty fucking porn sex while wasted as fuck and are inconsistant as fuck, keepin us on our toes.

That said, here are some pictures of Lohan in a Jewish Outfit of the Day with some baggage because I am an internet poet, even though poetry is for fags, and I’m all like her bags represent her emotional baggage and shit, because that’s just how smart I am. I decided to start an Old School Hip Hop group called Thunder, Lighting and Reign. I’m Reign, motherfuckers….and we’re going to STORM on you. It’s a monsoon in this bitch. Cuddles.


Related Posts:

Lohan’s Drinking Poverty Bottled Water
Lohan and Her Lesbian Cock
Lohan’s Nipple in a See Through Shirt
Lohan’s Out of Rehab Tit

Posted in:Baggage|Lindsay Lohan|Tits|Unsorted

2007

20

Nov

I am – Lindsay Lohan’s Not Drinking Designer Water of the Day

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I blame celebrities for making a lot of stupid shit popular. One of those things is expensive bottled water that assholes feel the need to drink in public to look like they are ballin’. I remember last summer seeing Fiji water in every asshole kid’s hand at 4 dollars a bottle, then Fiji became too normal for showboating assholes that they went with Voss at 10 dollars a bottle or something insane like that.

Now I realize that rich kids are assholes who get free money to do what they want with and I realize that poor people that are trying to maintain some kind of rich image because they think that shit gets them respect are assholes too, but I also realize that drinking bottled water is for fucking homo’s, If you’re dehydrated from a night of drinking, there’s nothing wrong with hitting up the water fountain at the local bus stop, you can probably land some teenage runaway pussy there, who is impressed if you buy her a fuckin’ chocolate bar because she hasn’t eaten in a week, but when you’re dropping more money on water than something with booze in it, you’re clearly a fuckin asshole too because bottled water will not get you pussy.

Here are pictures of Lohan drinking some Whole Foods house brand water, and despite Whole Foods sounding like some pretentious hippie lesbian organic shit, I can only assume this water isn’t anything designer and is the equivalent of wearing a pair of sneakers that you got a Wal Mart because you suck at life.


Related Posts:

Lohan Hanging With Her Lesbian Cock
Lohan’s Nipple
Lohan’s Always Hot
Lohan’s Hot Tit From The Side

Posted in:Hot|Lindsay Lohan|Tits|Unsorted|Water

2007

13

Nov

I am – Lohan is Hanging With Her Lesbian Cock Ronson of the Day

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So it seems like Lohan’s fallen off the wagon or is at least about to fall off the wagon and that gets me excited because she’s going to be more accessible. I don’t actually think she’s ever been on a wagon, but that’s only because her parents turned her into a money making machine when she was a kid and when you’re a money making machine, there’s not time to play and also because I am sure the rehab center she was at were letting her do whatever fucking drugs she wanted because she was a great marketing tool for them.

That said, she’s back with the Lesbian Cock Ronson and where there’s lesbian cock there’s cocaine, especially when that lesbian cock is a bad DJ, because she needs that shit to get the confidence to go on stage and make a fool of herself without realizing it. Powdered Courage baby…you should try it.

Bonus: Steve Aoki – Lohan’s Homey is in some videogame and it made me laugh


Related Posts:

Lohan Lookin’ Wrecked
Lohan is Partying Drunk
Lohan Lookin’ Wrecked
Lohan Doing Cocaine Screen Shots
Lohan is a Drunken Party Slut

Posted in:Lesbian Cock|Lindsay Lohan|Samantha Ronson|Unsorted

2007

12

Nov

I am – Lohan’s Shitty Upskirt Pictures of the Day

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I was hanging with some Native American girls this past weekend as I sometimes do, because I like to keep things multicultural and I don’t remember the night at all, but I do remember one of them hated me more than I hate myself and I like when that happens, because it reaffirms that I am right in thinking what I think about myself…it’s like getting an “A” on a test.

When I found out that she wasn’t as native as her friend and was what they call non-status and pay taxes, I decided that would be a good theme for the night. So instead of learning her name or asking her to Huff Gas with me, I decided to name her non-status and try to encourage her to fuck every white guy in the place, because they’ve already fucked her. Everytime she bought a drink, I’d be like “sweet deal, you didn’t have to pay taxes on that shit, maybe I should get you to buy my drinks for me” then I’d correct myself saying “oh shit, that’s right you’re non status”.

I realize that this story is way less funny than the actually experience, I guess you’d have to have been there to get it, but I am too lazy to edit myself and I like to document how I piss off new minorities and this weekend was dedicated to the non status people….

Either way, here are pictures of Lohan having a shitty upskirt, that isn’t an upskirt and is really just a pair of shorts. She may have gone to rehab, but didn’t go to finishing school, so I am pretty sure that her freckled vagina isn’t done being willing to get raped and pillaged like a Native Village, but the status she’ll land is some STD shit, that I am willing to bury my face into, because she’s worth the pain.


Related Posts:

Lohan’s Vagina Pictures
Lohan’s Nipple in a See Through Shirt
Lohan is Hot From Every Angle
Lohan’s Hot Tits

Posted in:Hot|Lindsay Lohan|Uncategorized|Unsorted|Upskirt

2007

09

Nov

I am – Lindsay Lohan’s Nipple of the Day

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I got these pics off some virgin’s site who thinks there’s nipple in them, but I don’t see nipple, maybe you have to have some virgin super desperation “computer eye” to see her nipple, kinda like a homeless man who thinks he finds a thanksgiving feasts in the dumpster when shit’s just garbage or a how a drunk horny motherfucker thinks the bitch he’s talking to is worth fucking when she’s really got testicles or maybe how everyone on welfare goes to the casino on welfare check day in hopes of winning big but instead end up broker than when they walked in ….if you know what I mean, which you probably don’t because you’re already jerking off to these because you think you see nipple.

In reality, I am more concerned with her legs being wrapped in Christmas Wrapping paper, shit makes me want to unwrap her with my penis but that’s just an old Martinez family tradition….At least I know I’d be getting her herpes, because I hear it’s the gift that keeps on giving, which is a lot better than the can of creamed corn my wife got me last year, when I clearly asked her for a divorce and a couple younger hotter girls to replace her.

But that’s not the point, I am fucking hungover, I think I drank enough to kill a cow, too bad I didn’t bring my out wife with me….get it…cuz she’s fat…and I hate her, yeah this is what happens when I’m licking my vodka smelling sweat in hopes of making this alcohol withdrawal less shaky.


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Lohan’s Got Hot Tits
Lohan Touching Her Toes
Lohan Parties Like a Lesbian in Japan
Lohan’s Tit in a Bra

Posted in:Lindsay Lohan|Nipples|Unsorted

2007

30

Oct

I am – Lohan Lookin’ Hot of the Day

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Lohan is my dream celebrity and I think she still looks hot when the paparazzi take shitty pictures from shitty angles that make her look like a big headed/small footed freakshow dressed like a bee in stupid pants getting ready to perform at the local carnival, but this isn’t the circus, she’s actually preparing for some weird Tango Dance movie she’s in that will definitely be Academy Award nominated, and by Academy Award I mean straight to fucking video. That was a pretty long sentence.

The thing I love about dirty girls is the risk taking involved in having sex with them. When you have sex with a standard chick, all you have to worry about is knocking her up, and that fear only lasts a couple of days around when her period is supposed to hit and if it doesn’t hit, you just abort mission. With a dirty girl, you got all kinds of other concerns that may take 6 months to discover, like you’re some kind of Indiana Jones motherfucker and your penis is the cup Jesus drank from….not this Jesus, that’s not how I’m living, but it seems every dude under the age of 20 is bi and fucking other dudes and then fucking girls at teenage sex parties and since girls have a vagina but are not smart enough to use them properly, no one uses condoms. Now STDs are the new Black (plague) and all these little sluts are going to be rockin’ herpes/HIV/HPV in the next 10 years, so I figure we should all just jump on that train and be the trendsetters because every loves the people who start a movement and take it to the mainstream. We’ll be heroes in our own right and they will make Stamps and trading cards with our pictures on them. Maybe we’ll even get invited to be on Kimmel.

Lohan is already up on this and is an inspiration to us all, so I figure it’s my duty to go to the source of all that fun. When I do, I can see past her flaws, like her belly while she’s sitting in the car, just as easily as I can see past her 21 year old haggard face from all the hard living, because that shit it all part of what we’re all trying to work towards.


Related Posts:

Lohan’s Hot Tit
Lohan Touching Her Toes
Lohan’s Bikini Ass

Posted in:Hot|Lindsay Lohan|Tights|Tits|Unsorted

2007

30

Oct

I am – Lohan Lookin' Hot of the Day

lohan_hot_top.jpg

Lohan is my dream celebrity and I think she still looks hot when the paparazzi take shitty pictures from shitty angles that make her look like a big headed/small footed freakshow dressed like a bee in stupid pants getting ready to perform at the local carnival, but this isn’t the circus, she’s actually preparing for some weird Tango Dance movie she’s in that will definitely be Academy Award nominated, and by Academy Award I mean straight to fucking video. That was a pretty long sentence.

The thing I love about dirty girls is the risk taking involved in having sex with them. When you have sex with a standard chick, all you have to worry about is knocking her up, and that fear only lasts a couple of days around when her period is supposed to hit and if it doesn’t hit, you just abort mission. With a dirty girl, you got all kinds of other concerns that may take 6 months to discover, like you’re some kind of Indiana Jones motherfucker and your penis is the cup Jesus drank from….not this Jesus, that’s not how I’m living, but it seems every dude under the age of 20 is bi and fucking other dudes and then fucking girls at teenage sex parties and since girls have a vagina but are not smart enough to use them properly, no one uses condoms. Now STDs are the new Black (plague) and all these little sluts are going to be rockin’ herpes/HIV/HPV in the next 10 years, so I figure we should all just jump on that train and be the trendsetters because every loves the people who start a movement and take it to the mainstream. We’ll be heroes in our own right and they will make Stamps and trading cards with our pictures on them. Maybe we’ll even get invited to be on Kimmel.

Lohan is already up on this and is an inspiration to us all, so I figure it’s my duty to go to the source of all that fun. When I do, I can see past her flaws, like her belly while she’s sitting in the car, just as easily as I can see past her 21 year old haggard face from all the hard living, because that shit it all part of what we’re all trying to work towards.


Related Posts:

Lohan’s Hot Tit
Lohan Touching Her Toes
Lohan’s Bikini Ass

Posted in:Hot|Lindsay Lohan|Tights|Tits|Unsorted