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Archive for the Lindsay Lohan Category

2009

26

Jan

Lindsay Lohan’s Pretty Skinny, but Still a Huge Cunt of the Day

7 Comments »

My new enemy Lindsay Lohan went shopping to try to remind herself that despite being pretty irrelevant, she’s still got enough money to buy herself anything she wants, so life isn’t all that bad, despite knowing that it is, and she’s lookin’ pretty skinny.

Maybe it’s because she’s back on fucking drugs, but we all know she never stopped taking the drugs. She’s just an unstable bitch who everyone hates, but can’t manage to escape because she hasn’t Heath Ledgered herself, but I am sure she will do us that favor soon enough. She just needs a couple more rejections, failures and episodes. At least we have something to look forward to.

Or maybe she’s so skinny because she’s on an all fish diet. Yes, it is bad joke Monday everyday of the week here at drunkenstepfather.com, because I don’t discriminate against days, I just discriminate against people.

Posted in:Cunt|Lindsay Lohan|Skinny

2009

22

Jan

Lindsay Lohan’s Girlfriend Looks Like Her Dad of the Day

15 Comments »

I got this email:

this is why lindsay and sam are together…because sam looks like lindsay’s dad.

i’m no scientist…but i think lindsay might need some therapy to heal her issues with her dad…so she doesn’t date chicks that look like him.

that’s sick babe.

comparison pic attached…

Now I am no a scientist either, but I don’t think this is an issue of science, I mean it’s definitely not the cure to addiction or HIV, but it is common for girls to date dudes who look or remind them of their fathers. I guess when their dad’s are total fucking fuck ups who I hate and don’t even know, they turn to pussy, but I guess they just can’t break free from going for what they know.

It’s no secret that Lohan is hopped up on the booze and drugs she snorts as a result of having horrible parents and no childhood making her this weak scared victim, it’s also no secret that Sam Ronson looks like a man, but I wouldn’t go as far as to say that Ronson looks like’ Mike Lohan, but it wouldn’t be a shock if we found out she was one of his many love children he doesn’t know exist because he was blacked out from substance abuse and Dina Lohan’s annoying demands.

Posted in:Lindsay Lohan|Mike Lohan|Samantha Ronson

2009

16

Jan

Skinny Lohan Goes Shopping of the Day

2 Comments »

Here is Lohan, the bitch who thinks the world revolves around her, because she’s a spoiled fucking brat who gets what she wants all the time. You know a 21 year old who acts like an irrational 5 year old throwing a fucking tantrum. Sure, it may not be her fault, she is only 21 and has time to grow the fuck up, but I don’t believe in blaming parents, I believe in blaming myself, because ultimately, I am the one who has to live this fucking life.

Sure, she was a child star and was coddled and spoiled by everyone around her because she was their bankroll, so she got everything and anything that she wanted to make sure she kept on producing, kinda like when a horse trainer makes sure his prize race horse gets special treatment when transporting him from race to race, or when a pig farmer lets his state fair prize winner live in the house with his family and makes his wife make extra dinner to give to the fucking pig, or pretty much any other situation where the happiness of one, brings money to many, so many make sure the one is happy. It doesn’t matter.

Here she is shopping, looking skinny and haggard buying vitamins like they will save her weathered face. Let’s hope she pulls a Heath Ledger..

Yesterday I wrote that Lohan is an unstable cunt because she is probably on a lot of drugs and has a lot of time on her hands since the peak of her career was 5 years ago when she was in Mean Girls and it has been a slow and steady ride downhill to unemployment since. You know getting fired for sporadic episodes of Ugly Betty and not getting any movie roles, well I guess I was wrong. She got the gig being the spokesperson/model for Fornarina, a middle the road clothing company that’s not quite designer and not quite Lee Dungaroos.

Posted in:Lindsay Lohan|Shopping|Skinny

2009

15

Jan

Lindsay Lohan is an Asshole of the Day

3 Comments »

So Lohan’s people contacted me today to tell me that Lindsay doesn’t want me going to Sam Ronson’s show in Montreal next week. I didn’t even know he had a fucking show next week. He also plays at all these clubs that I can’t get into so even if I had known, I would have had no fucking plan on going. But I guess in this self absorbed celebrity minds, everything is about them.

I guess it’s funny that Lohan is spending time reaching out to useless people like myself, for obvious self promotion, or maybe it’s all in efforts to keep a short leash on Ronson because she doesn’t work and has a lot of time on her hands. I pretty much told them that we’re not in high school and she can reach out and contact me herself if she has rules set up for me, so that I can laugh in her face and record it. I also said that until she’s making me 3,000,000 dollars a year, I’m pretty much independent and can do whatever the fuck I want and she has no fucking right trying to dictate what I do or where I go. I am pretty insulted that they’d even try to pull that shit on me because it is assuming that I give a shit, which I don’t. Sure, if this was 5 years ago when I was just starting out and Lohan was in her prime, I’d be giving myself high fives for breaking down the walls between nobody and celebrity and I’d feel like I was actually getting out there and not doing this for no reason, but the truth is that celebrities are nobodies too, so I don’t get phased by them but I do get angry when cunts try telling me what to do.

My prediction is they are both on drugs. I just don’t know what drugs they are on. I wasn’t going to write this post, but I am hungover, like seriously fucking hungover and feel like I am dying so I figured why not share the stupidity that is these lesbians.

That said. I still think Lohan is awesome and I want to play connect the dots with my cum and her freckles while Ronson jerks off in the corner….


Posted in:Asshole|Lindsay Lohan

2009

12

Jan

Lindsay Lohan Passive Aggressive Finger of the Day

7 Comments »

I think Lindsay Lohan is awesome, but my advice to her would be to do funnier stunts to the paparazzi to get them to fuck off…. you know scratching your chin with your sex organ if you’re in a lesbian relationship is almost annoying and childish, throwing her feces or her dog’s feces, or maybe even an old used tampon, maybe even a hot drink, red paint, a midget would be a lot better. Sure she’s got to keep up appearances to ensure a future career and she has to be a pleasure to take pictures of because it’s all part of the PR machine, but I think it’s time for her to take shit up a notch and really do some fucking damage. I want to see some broken fucking noses and shit…

Posted in:Finger|Lindsay Lohan

2009

08

Jan

Lindsay Lohan in Interview Magazine of the Day

10 Comments »

Lesbian Lohan is in the February issue of Interview Magazine. I am sure I could come up with something clever to say about these pictures, but I’ve decided to try to masturbate to them instead. I figure she needs a little dick, and if I can manage to work this limp dick into something functional is probably a great compliment to any girl. It’s actually on the same level of those miracles you see at evangelical churches, you know where the bitch on crutches walks after a preacher speaks in tongues and convulses for them like he’s channeling some kind of holy energy….I blame drinking.

Update….

I didn’t manage to finish the job, in fact, I hardly started. I sat with my pants around my ankles, my limp flesh in hand and nothing. I had to stop, I felt my neighbors’ eyes judging me because I don’t have blinds…but I figured why not share the pics with you….since that’s pretty much what I do every fucking day.

BONUS – Here’s a video of her shopping at Burberry alone and I think one of the Paparazzi calls her a bitch before asking her how the single life is treating her, even though her and Ronson are still rubbin’ cunts…..

Posted in:Lindsay Lohan|Police Escort

2009

05

Jan

Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson Have a Fight on New Year’s of the Day

1 Comment »

I guess things are rocky in the world of fake celebrity lesbian relationships that were set up as a publicity stunt and that are now getting hard to keep up because the dying need for penis, because here’s a video of Lohan bitching out Ronson at Mansion on New Year’s. I am sure Ronson deals with this shit everyday, because Lindsay is one of those high maintenance, unstable, needy bitches you’d only date if it mean you’d make 3,000,000 dollars a year while with them. The funniest thing in this video is that they aren’t fighting about coke, or jealousy, they are fighting over me and by me I mean over who used up all the coke. I just have that affect on fake celebrity relationships.

Posted in:Fight|Lindsay Lohan|Samantha Ronson

2009

01

Jan

Lindsay Lohan’s Cry for Attention on New Year’s So People Don’t Forget Her of the Day

2 Comments »

What better way to ring in the New Year than to show off to the world what the last 12 months of serious drug use has done to your shit stained body. I guess that was the motivation behind Lohan’s setting up these staged bikini pictures. I guess it’s hard trying to stay in the Limelight when the only job you can get is being your girlfriend’s sidekick at Night Clubs in Miami. It probably gives you a lot of opportunity to have alone time to think about where your life went wrong, how shitty it is as she’s choppin’ up the next fuckin’ line. It probably gives you enough time to get psycho jealous of Ronson and try to leash her in and tell her who she can and can’t talk to, because your broken little soul fears abandonment and likes to be the boss. Lohan is a crazy bitch, but at least she’s not a fat crazy bitch and by the looks of it, the drug abuse is doin’ okay for her especially when the shit finally kills her. I mean I don’t wish death upon anyone, but I the slow demise of an insecure, broken down, sad person is like porn to me. Fall from the fucking top you fucking cunt and just because you’re skinny, doesn’t mean you’re not a fucking pig.

Posted in:Bikini|Lindsay Lohan|Skinny

2008

29

Dec

Lohan Getting in Cars With Boys of the Day

5 Comments »

Here’s a video of Lohan getting into a car after getting her haircut. Yep. My life is this pathetic. Actually, it gets even worse than this…I mean why the fuck would anyone give a shit about seeing Lohan getting in a fucking car if her tits aren’t out, her pussy isn’t demonstrating stunts, or she’s not ripping fucking lines while drinking a bottle of vodka and dancing on the fucking bar.

Posted in:Lindsay Lohan

2008

17

Dec

Lindsay Lohan’s See Through Pants of the Day

7 Comments »

I was with a friend of mine the other night getting drunk on the side of a busy street watching people go by while freezing our fucking asses off. I’d say that most of the girls who walked by us were in leggings or tights and my friend went nuts and not for the same reason I went nuts for them a few years ago, but because he is tired of them. Sure, he likes hot ass and pussy definition as much as the next guy, but shit just became too popular for him and it’s lost its appeal. A few years ago, you’d freak out when a girl would walk by in the shit and now, it’s expected and I guess he’s jaded, desensitized and needs more, kinda like how I feel about porn, and Lohan and her Lesbian ass are bringing it. I figure she’s a trendsetter and it’s just the natural progression of shit, you know slowly going see through, until eventually girls are walking around naked, and then my friend will get bored of that and have no choice but to accept the fact that he’s gay, because as far as I’m concerned the more girls in leggings the better and I can’t see myself ever getting bored of a socially accepted second layer of skin that allows me to perv out while girls think they’re just being casual…..

Posted in:Lindsay Lohan|See Through|Tights