Lindsay Lohan Archives - Page 42 of 51 Archive - DrunkenStepFather.com

Archive for the Lindsay Lohan Category

2008

Mar

Lindsay Lohan’s Belly of the Day

Here are some pictures that are going around that are getting people talking because they are saying she looks a little fat in the uterus like she could be pregnant, without taking into account that this girl is a pro at getting abortions. I think it’s more likely just her period but then again I am pretty sure both are impossible because of the hysterectomy she had done to stop the spread of her HPV because cervical cancer’s not fun and letting random dudes cum inside your vagina is. So I guess Lohan is just replacing a cocaine and drinking addiction with an emotionally eating fast food addiction while still dabbling in cocaine and alcohol addiction like she’s John Candy or some shit.

I remember when my wife first started getting a little belly. She used to ask me if she was gaining weight and I’d always say that she wasn’t and that I liked it, which was true. Next thing I knew, she was so big she couldn’t even see her dick when taking a piss….no wait a minute that was me, but my wife’s pretty fat too.

I don’t mind that she’s got a little belly, I actually find the whole thing kinda cute, what I am worried about though, is the of example is this giving the young girls around the world, soon they are going to think it’s okay to be fat and without a negative body image all the pussy you’ve been getting will start being hard to get….

Posted in:Belly|Fat|Lindsay Lohan|Nipples|Tits

2008

Feb

Lindsay Lohan in Some Shorts and Shit of the Day

13 Comments »

I was having a conversation about Lohan with some internet chick the other day because I was trying to get her to send me nude pictures and the celebrity angle is the only way I knew how to relate to 20 year old bitches. I was asking her if she would rather fuck Lohan or Paris and she wouldn’t give a straight answer. When she asked me, I told her that I would never fuck Paris Hilton, I don’t know why because I have no standards, I have fucked girls during their herpes outbreaks and none of them looked as good as Paris Hilton which says a lot about the kind of pussy I get. I just find her trash, expensive trash, but trash nonetheless. It’s like when a wife catches her husband cheating and throws the wedding ring in the garbage. Sure that ring is expensive but motherfucker’s covered in rotting vegetables….but I would fuck Lohan.

I think what it comes down to is that sure Lohan is a bit of a hipster poser trying to fit into that whole coke party scene where the kids look homeless and listen to electro, while Paris is a bottle whore who goes to the clubs where cheesy dudes drop 1000s of dollars to look like they are ballin, while their waxed worked our chests match the glisten in their hair gel.

So the point of all this is to say, Lohan is just cool shit as far as I am concerned and I can see past her shit smeared skin and bloated sloppy body, and it’s good to know she’s back to hitting up the clubs, because that’s when she’s most accessible.

Bonus – Here She is in Shorts Yesterday During the Day

Bonus – Here’s Her Shitty Photoshoot for Paper Magazine

Love Me or Hate Me? Give me a Call and Let Me Know How You Really Feel….Don’t Hack My Site Again
GO

Posted in:Legs|Lindsay Lohan|Shorts|Slut

2008

Feb

Lindsay Lohan is Wasted of the Day

2 Comments »

Here’s a video from the weekend of a drunk Lohan leaving the club every famous slut goes to now, called Villa. Now despite giving Villa free publicity on my site, I can guarantee that those cocksuckers still won’t let me in, because I look homeless and those kinds of places don’t like guys like me.

I accidentally followed one of my friends from the park to one of these chachi motherfucker clubs this past weekend, I guess me and Lohan and every single cheesy fucking person under 25 are connected at the soul or some shit.

Either way, we get to this club where there’s a line up of ethnic dudes with trendy mohawks and deliberately ripped jeans, speaking in “bro” and who start giving me dirty looks because I am wearing ripped jeans because I can’t afford un-ripped jeans and I have long ratty hair and I’m pushing 40.

My friend’s cousin turns out to be some bottle whore who is fucking the owner and invited him up to the VIP room, so we get escorted up to a space with about 15 lame dudes and 5 bottles to go with 5 sluts in low cut shirts. I end up drinking off the bottle for free because that’s all I can afford, despite knowing every sip is pissing these assholes off. I try chatting up one of the tits on one of the girls and eventually a fight breaks out between the dudes because with a 3 to 1 ratio, things can get heated with booze while nearing the end of the night. I know that if I spent 1000 dollars on bottles, I’d expect 4 girls on my dick at the end of the night, when these guys just had each other and were mad and ended up kicking their bro in the face while he was down on the ground in his white button up shirt….I’m talking 4 dudes kicking 1 dude then the 1 dude gets up, brushes himself off and goes back to drinking like nothing fuckin’ happened. I guess it’s the bro way….

I decided that after witnessing a bro-fight and all it’s gayness and despite drinking for free, it was my time to go but like Lohan I didn’t need help getting into the car, I just needed help getting my soul back….

Posted in:Drunk|Lindsay Lohan

2008

Feb

Lohan is Hiding from the Camera in Leggings of the Day

7 Comments »

I read somewhere that Lohan’s mother thinks that Lohan is an artist, which is a lot like your mom telling you that you’re really handsome and that you’ll find yourself a woman who sees it one day, but until then you always have mommy to take care of you….

It turns out that the artist formerly known as Lohan has landed a new job opposite Jack Black which I guess is a sure sign of art, but more like the art that the homeless man down the street makes with his shit on the bus shelter and in public bathrooms and less like something that kids will be analyzing in schools 20 years down the road because shit is genius….

Since I hate Jack Black, I am going to assume that he’s the reason she’s hiding from the cameras, because she has to accept that she’s thrown her shit career down the toilet and this is the shit she has to eat to try to climb her way out of the gutter. Kind of like when I worked at the factory for years hoping that eventually lead to something better until realizing that working in a factory leads to nowhere, kinda like starring opposite Jack Black. I can’t wait to see the fat sex scene because you know she always throws herself at the closest penis in the room and seeing Lohan get fucked by a fat dude will help make my fantasies more realistic.

I guess the real reason she’s hiding from the cameras is because she’s shy about her topless photoshoot and by topless photoshoot I mean cold sores from suckin’ dick outbreak.

Related Posts:

Old Lohan Pussy Flash
Lohan is Naked in New York Mag
Lohan Nude Photoshoot

Posted in:Hiding|Leggings|Lindsay Lohan

2008

Feb

Lindsay Lohan Nude Photoshoot Outtakes of the Day

1 Comment »

So all you motherfuckers got all excited about seeing Lohan topless or nude despite being covered in freckles in the Lindsay Lohan Nude Photoshoot for NY Mag. I didn’t really give a fuck about them either way, because a staged photoshoot with tits is boring, no matter who the tits belong too. I want to see vagina with dick in it from a picture taken by a paparazzi in a closet, none of this airbrushed studio bullshit…. I did ask a plastic surgeon if her tits were real and he said they were real…implants. I also spoke to a dude who goes to her coke parties and he said she was always naked and advertised the fact that her tits were great fakes. I am going to say shit looks real to me…real fantastic and all you virgins are too busy jerking off to agree.

Either way, the fuckers at NY Mag who threatened me with a law suit yesterday are milking this story as hard as the cocks they like having shoved in their fashionable pretentious lawsuit threatening asses and released these out takes that look the same as the last batch….kinda like a Lohan herpes outbreak, the sores always hit the same spot and lacks excitement because you already know what to expect.

Either way, let’s hope bitch will take Marilyn Monroe’s lead and let this be her last photoshoot before having an overdose on barbiturates leaving her a hollywood legend that we can all look back upon and remember how hollywood turned her into a spoiled talentless cokewhore who was addicted to sex but never released a sex tape but always made us feel better about our miserable lives 20 years from now….

Related Posts:

The Cease and Desist Email I GOt From NY MAG Gayness
Lohan’s Tit in Her Nude Photoshoot for NY MAG
Old Lohan Pussy Flash
Lindsay Lohan’s Other Vagina Flash

Posted in:Lindsay Lohan|Nude|NYMag.com|Photoshoot|Topless

2008

Feb

Lohan Does the WWE of the Day

1 Comment »

It turns out that a 40 year old Lohan has very little to do now that her career is pretty much non existent so bitch is hitting up one of the classier nights of the week at WWE’s Monday Night Raw. In my life, I’ve never understood much about wrestling or the hype about wrestling other than that every Italian or Greek dude I’ve ever met has had a thing for it and that it is the closest thing to gay porn on TV, because half naked dudes, greased up and pretending to fight by rolling all over each other’s half naked body is what the gays call foreplay.

Maybe I’m just traumatized by wrestling, because I remember when growing up, I knew a kid who always wanted to wrestle and not knowing any better, I went for it. After pinning the motherfucker down, I felt his boner against my leg and realized he was a little too into wrestling for me. Later in life I remember wrestling girl expecting it to lead to fooling around but it turned out that it wasn’t foreplay, it was just rape.

Either way, despite the mask, this dude’s not me, in case you were wondering, because if it was me my had would be up Lohan’s shirt dress and I’d be trying to suck on her haggard face, not to mention I would be wearing my favorite soiled sweatpants and not a shirt that’s got more life than my vomit after a night of drinking…

Posted in:Lindsay Lohan|Mexican Mask|Wresting|WWE

2008

Feb

Lohan Topless in Some Photoshoot of the Day

1 Comment »

These pictures of Lohan in some photoshoot for New York magazine recreating some Marilyn Monroe shoot were just sent to me and she’s topless. Now everyone who reads this site know I have a fake crush on coke whore and her tits are pretty much the main reason why. It’s definitely got nothing to do with her freckled skin that is cute when she it on a kid running a lemonade stand and not so cute when it looks like the coke whore just did some scat porn to get more coke and hasn’t had enough time to shower.

I don’t know what I am talking about, I’m riding off a 3 day hangover. Look at the pics because the best way to draw attention to your useless drug addicted self is to get naked. Remember that girls and be sure to start by sending them to me first.

I know having a sheet between you and lohan seems pretty shitty in pictures because it’s blocking out her pussy, but if this was real life that sheet is a necessity but preferably in latex because skin to skin contact with this whore has some serious repercussions , it’s kinda like wearing a helmet when riding a bike or when retarded so you don’t smash your head in the wall repeatedly.

I had to Take the Pics Down So Check them Out Here – but Put Them Back Up – Fuck ‘Em…
GO

Here’s My Email Communication with NY Mag
GO

Posted in:Lindsay Lohan|Naked|Nude|Photoshoot|Topless

2008

Feb

Lindsay Lohan is my Valentine of the Day

8 Comments »

So Lohan doesn’t know this site exists but she’s been my Valentine for the last 3 years I have been doing this shit. I decided a long time ago that I needed to focus on one celebrity back then and I went with Lohan. I ended up scoring her phone number and left her a lot of creepy messages on her answering machine in hopes of her filing a restraining order or to even get me arrested. I figured it would have been good publicity and since she’s so loose in the hips, I probably would have ended up marrying her. She never called me back so I’d like to say something like “it’s her loss” like I am better than she is and like she’s missing out or something that makes my low self esteem feel better about myself, but I figure that the reality is that we are both missing out because a love this strong shouldn’t be ignored…and by love I mean I want to get her pregnant and live on her couch because it would make for a better life.

Either way, she brought her tits out for you all to enjoy and this is where the jealousy comes in and I gotta say stop lookin’ at my girl like that motherfucker. It’s making me mad. Cuddles.

PS – I can’t link to my stalker posts because my site is broken….but if you’re crafty enough you will use the search box to find it….

Posted in:cleavage|Lindsay Lohan|Soulmate|Tits

2008

Feb

Lohan’s Got Some Leg of the Day

1 Comment »

Lohan is getting out a car and she isn’t wearing leggings to cover up her legs, which is pretty unfortunate because her freckled skin reminds me of this dirty Vietnamese kid who lived around the corner from me and who came from a family of store owners who spent more time pricing half rotten food to take care of him and every time I’d see the little fucker he’d be covered in dirt and mud like he’d been rolling around in the puddle reliving the Vietnam war because the puddle was God’s toy for him because his parents weren’t about to buy him any, all their money went into the store.

Either way, like any girl in a short dress, keeping her goods underwraps where they should be, if only to keep the smell in, is hard. So if you look closely enough you will see a little freckled ass cheek that would have been considered cute when she was 5, because freckles are only cute on kids and not because 5 year old ass is hot but now it just looks like an anal sex accident that wasn’t cleaned up properly and that’s kinda gross unless you’re me, in which case it is a total turn on. I was always the kind of guy who was into banging girls hours after they fucked other dudes….I guess that’s why deep inside, I am convinced Lohan is my soul mate.

Posted in:Ass|Legs|Lindsay Lohan

2007

Nov

I am – Lohan’s Baggage of the Day

2 Comments »

The reason I like Lohan is that she’s damaged goods and has a massive amount of emotional baggage, and with emotional baggage comes a girl who really knows her self worth and that usually makes them willing to get with me and get down and dirty because it’s not as bad as that time she was raped or gang banged or molested by her uncle.

Girls with a clean slate are usually 15 years old or boring and don’t appreciate you because you’re more fucked up than they are, so they are always on your ass about how you don’t treat them like they deserve to be treated because they saw it in some Romantic Comdey and think that’s real life. They bust your balls for being crazy because you like to have a good time, while damaged girls are just looking for love, and always have fun, even when they are punching themselves in their own faces while crying because they don’t think you love them. An out of control girl with a drug or alcohol problem are into self destruction and having dirty fucking porn sex while wasted as fuck and are inconsistant as fuck, keepin us on our toes.

That said, here are some pictures of Lohan in a Jewish Outfit of the Day with some baggage because I am an internet poet, even though poetry is for fags, and I’m all like her bags represent her emotional baggage and shit, because that’s just how smart I am. I decided to start an Old School Hip Hop group called Thunder, Lighting and Reign. I’m Reign, motherfuckers….and we’re going to STORM on you. It’s a monsoon in this bitch. Cuddles.

Related Posts:

Lohan’s Drinking Poverty Bottled Water
Lohan and Her Lesbian Cock
Lohan’s Nipple in a See Through Shirt
Lohan’s Out of Rehab Tit

Posted in:Baggage|Lindsay Lohan|Tits|Unsorted