Lindsay Lohan Archives - Page 41 of 51 Archive - DrunkenStepFather.com

Archive for the Lindsay Lohan Category

2008

May

Lindsay Lohan’s New Song of the Day

So Lindsay Lohan is back in the recording studio and shit sounds pretty fuckin’ life changing. I wonder if she produced this with her lesbian lover Samantha Ronson who thinks she’s a fuckin’ legend to the music world because her brother has found some success with the hipsters with his shit and by association she’s thinks she’s on some next level of music. It seems like she gets booked with high paid DJ gigs because people are easily influenced and believe what they are told and are scared to not book her for fear of being called homophobes.

Either way, this trash is Lohan talking over a shitty beat about how she’s a little boss and I have a feeling the rhyming scheme of this shit was ripped off some kid she met at some make a wish foundation event back when she was more more relevant to kids before being a drug addicted whore and the kid wrote a poem for her as a thanks for making their dream come true before dying.

Posted in:Lindsay Lohan|Song

2008

May

Lohan’s Got Some Cleavage of the Day

2 Comments »

I was talking to a hot girl while waiting in line at a Toy Store I went to to buy my friend who is having a baby a little gift. I was looking for lingerie and sex toys that come in pediatric sizes, but had no luck because I guess people aren’t into sexual gag gifts when newborns are involved. I guess that’s the same reason why my friend from the who claimed he was a pediatric gynecologist was always broke and out of work , I just thought it was his alcoholism and schizophrenia, but I think what it came down to was no market for his work.

Either way, I was talking to this hot girl about blow jobs while in line to pay for the gift I did end up getting, and the girl I am with gets all flustered and embarrassed and whispers in my ear how I am offending the girl in line in front of me and I decide to look at her and said something along the lines of how she shouldn’t be offended by blow job talk because based on her ass, I can only assume she’s had a bunch of kids and it takes a handful of fuckin’ blowjobs to lead to getting married and knocked up. She just told me I was sick and moved on.

I feel like Lohan’s done her fair share of dick sucking and wouldn’t judge me for talking about the shit because it’s the one thing she genuinely likes doing. Another thing she likes doing is showing off her big tits and I am a fan despite the whole herpes thing.

Posted in:Hot Tits|Lindsay Lohan

2008

Apr

Lohan’s Lesbian Sex Eyes of the Day

1 Comment »

Lindsay Lohan is giving me sex eyes and I like it. I don’t think she’s as haggard as people like to say she is. She looks good and I want to fuck the Herpes out of her, unfortunately this Samantha Ronson lesbian coke-slut is cock-blocking me. She’s on my Facebook and every time I message her asking for Lohan’s phone number she ignores me. I know while she’s preventing me from stealing Lohan from her because I am substantially cooler, she’s running off her lesbian penis hating mouth to a broken down Lohan. with rants of how the penis is to blame for all your problemsand how she should turn to the pussy because it doesn’t break you down…all while feeding Lohan lines of cocaine…and cashing in on her vulnerability when her peer pressure actually leads to lickin’ Lohan pussy.

I think the highlight of these pictures is how Ronson puts her cigarette in her lesbian hat, like she can’t keep it in a pack in her pocket like the rest of the world, she’s gotta go to the next step towards lesbianism where she feels like a fuckin’ construction worker while she pulls it out from the back of her ear and into her mouth as a group of hot girls walk by and they whistle and cat-call while grabbing their balls.

Posted in:Lesbian|Lindsay Lohan|Sex

2008

Apr

Lindsay Lohan on TMZ Talking About Lindsay Lohan of the Day

1 Comment »

I hate TMZ. I think it’s gotta do with the fame hungry people’s court lawyer who runs it and looks like he’s got some kind of diva ego that requires his personal assistant to lick his ass clean after he takes a shit to remind him how important he is to the world, because even he knows he’s a fuckin’ joke, all while counting all his money.

Now the real reason I hate TMZ is because the staff rip apart celebrities all day but the second one of them comes into the office and pretty much makes fun of how pathetic their lives are they act all star struck and giggle at her stupid jokes. These are the kind of people who feel like they’ve made it because they are on TV but know that they are useless and just riding some kind of wave, because like the woman who worked the cash when Lohan was buying her Cheerios, they will go home to tell their friends how cool it was to meet Lohan, until tomorrow when they are back to making fun of her.

I guess i just like people with a spine, if I met Lohan I’d try to finger her, I wouldn’t try to retract anything I said or laugh at her stupid jokes like some star struck teen meeting Hannah Montana, it’s about keeping it real and this video proves that TMZ is just some candy coated shit that is far too popular for their own good. I guess the only hope for them is that a plane crashes into their offices while filming…hopefully the terrorists realize that their next hit on America shouldn’t be on the financial industry but on Hollywood because that’s really where all the problems started.

That said, Lohan looks like a middle aged mom at soccer practice or some shit, I guess that’s what happens when you have numerous unwanted pregnancies and abortions….each one adds to the uterus bank making tricking her body into thinking thatit’s actually brought one of those bastards to term, I guess it could also be the cocaine…shit rapes faces but I like my theory that makes absolutely no sense better.

Posted in:Lindsay Lohan|TMZ

2008

Mar

Lindsay Lohan’s Got Some Booty of the Day

5 Comments »

Image Removed due to Papparazzi

Lohan isn’t my internet girlfriend anymore, I’ve moved on from her like everyone else has. I just don’t find her worth harassing anymore and she hasn’t really been that responsive to my emails, phone calls or myspace messages and she’s not very hot. I thought she would be my meal ticket, but I just can’t have this one-way relationship anymore and I have given up.

Last week I reached out to her Lesbian cock on Facebook and she never responded to me so in memory of a Lohan that was once worth fuckin and who was once going to be the girl who makes me relevant, here are some pictures of her from the side in a pair of tight pants that show off her booty. Since I am a fan of booty and tight pants pants are the reason I leave my house and hang out at college campuses like I am the dirty professor until security escorts me out for propositioning random girls to pose naked for me in my art class I don’t actually teach, here’s Lohan’s ass doing good things proving that sometimes weight gain is a good thing since Lohan never had a good ass, the problem with weight gain is that it never stops when the tits and ass are full, and it’s never too long before the stomach and rest of her follows their lead.

See the Images Here
GO

Posted in:Ass|Booty|Lindsay Lohan

2008

Mar

Lindsay Lohan’s Legs Rub Together When She Walks of the Day

6 Comments »

So it turns out that Lindsay Lohan’s thighs rub together when she walks, which isn’t really that big of a deal considering my wife’s tits rub her thighs when she walks, but then again my wife’s idea of walking is sitting on our ghetto couch and in all fairness to my wife, she’s not a celebrity and never will be, unless she’d doing the before pictures for some weightloss scam that they will photoshop a fit girl’s face onto to sell product. In reality, my wife being fat is all my fault because I told her I was tired of fucking her and wanted a blow-up doll. Since, she’s french she understood that I wanted a bouncy castle and decided to turn herself into one, at least that’s the only explanation I have for what has proven to be a really disgusting part of my life.

Either way, here’s Lohan’s thick drug addicted thighs rubbin’ together.

Bonus – Some Shitty See Through Action from the Other Day:

Posted in:Leggings|Legs|Lindsay Lohan|Thick

2008

Mar

Lindsay Lohan’s Lesbian Pizza Party of the Day

8 Comments »

I was surprised to find out that lesbians ate pizza, I always thought they only ate pussy, but here is Lohan and her lesbian cock, Samantha Ronson on a pizza date, proving me wrong.

I always find it funny when the people I’ve known in my life have had to fuck off to rehab and they come back to the normal life and ask me out for a coffee because they don’t drink or do drugs anymore and coffee is their drug of choice. So I have to sit through hours of them spewing their self absorbed bullshit on me, like how they are changed and how they are never going to touch drugs again and how they realized in rehab that they really hated themselves and that is why they were self destructive and now they are working on a better happier life, while I know they are bullshit and 3 months or less later I run into them jacked on coke in a club talking about how they are cured and just dabble in the shit and 6 months later I get a call from them asking me for money, which is pretty fucking desperate because everyone knows I have no money, but I guess they’ve gone through all their other leads and are desperate and then a year later a get a call from a mutual friend telling me they are dead.

I am not saying that Lohan is back on the drugs, I am saying she was never off the drugs. She looks like the kind of girl who has a mother who fed her cocaine when she was 10 to keep a trim figure while staying energetic so that she could make more money for the family, she just went to rehab to save face and make the public and producers think she was making positive changes, while in reality she’s still a vagina lickin’ cokehead with too much money to ever stop and I think I love that kind of determination. Unfortunately, the lesbian cock she’s sockin’ is Samantha Ronson’s and that destroys any lesbian all the sex appeal from a potentially amazing video opportunity, if only another chick was cast for the part.

Posted in:Lindsay Lohan|Pizza|Samantha Ronson

2008

Mar

Lindsay Lohan’s Sex Tape of the Day

12 Comments »

There was a rumor that Lohan had a sex tape with Callum Best, one of her many boyfriends and people are saying that this is a cell phone pic of her suckin’ dick. I am surprised Lohan actually sucks dick, I took her for the kind of girl who just lies there and lets you do things to her because she’s either too drunk, too lazy and too into herself to care about making you feel good, kinda like thinking she’s doing you a favor for letting you into her sacred place that so many others have ventured into, making it about as sacred as a seat on a city bus, but since it’s expensive and she’s famous, it’s far more luxurious and that’s something you should consider yourself lucky for getting a piece of….

I can’t make out whether the shit is her or not and all these sex scandals bore me because I’m not the one starring in the videos with these famous bitches, but if I was you would all love the way I awkwardly grab women’s tits before giggling and hiding under the sheets because I am shy.

Either way, here are her hard nipples on their way to a private jet….obviously a lesbian private jet…that’s why she’s got the boots on….

Here she is smoking….

Posted in:Blowjob|Lindsay Lohan|Sex Tape

2008

Mar

Lohan and Her Lesbian Cock of the Day

9 Comments »

I wonder who the fuck raped or molested Samantha Ronson when she was younger to make her end up like this creepy drug addicted lookin’ lesbian in a hat. I guess there is a chance that she wasn’t molested or raped and it is just a genetic issue. I’m thinking that maybe there wasn’t enough female DNA to go around in her mother’s broken womb, because it all went into Mark Ronson’s singing, and Samantha Ronson got stuck with the short end of the stick, literally, because bitch was born without the penis she wished she had….

Either way, she’s hanging with my internet mother Lohan, because she looks old enough to be my mother, which wouldn’t stop me from getting her herpes all over my face and my seed all over her uterus in hopes of having a genetic freak like Ronson of our own.

I am not sure why Samantha Ronson is creepin’ on Lohan, but I know she’s up to no good. She looks like the dude from the Frosty the Snowman cartoon who was trying to steal Frosty’s hat and ultimately killed him…and I feel like Ronson is up on that which means that they are either fucking, or doing drugs together, when they really should be shoppin’ for clothes together because Samantha Ronson’s needs a new look, but is more into drinkin’ beer, huffin lines, watchin’ football and fuckin’ bitches with her clown sneakers on….what she doesn’t realize is that just because she fucks bitches and is a bitch doesn’t mean she has the right to dress like a dude, if you have a vagina, you should be a lady who dresses like a lady even if you fuck ladies.

Either way, I messaged Ronson on Facebook for an official statement about these pictures, she ignored me. Maybe she was jerking off to porn and changing the oil on her car after building a shed in her backyard, like the dude that she is, or maybe she was out trying to ruin Lohan more than she already has by riding Lohan’s fame until Lohan self-destructs as Ronson shovels cocaine up both their noses….

I’ve spent too much time writing this post and it sucks. I need a nap.

Posted in:Lesbian|Lindsay Lohan|Nipples|Samantha Ronson

2008

Mar

Lindsay Lohan and Her Belly Button See Through of the Day

3 Comments »

Here’s my new fetish because the internet has made me way too fuckin’ desensitized and it’s called Belly Button flashing. It’s kinda like when midriff tops made a comeback a decade ago, only more seductive since it’s not being made blatantly obvious. I feel like I’m in a Muslim country and I just got a glimpse skin on a girls leg where the socks and pants don’t meet and I am so hard because of my sexual repression that I am gong to go drive my car into a convenience store, because the browns even own convenience stores in their home countries, that’s how they got so good at it so they could take over here as their strategic entry point. So the next time you’re out buying a pack of smokes or a case of beer and a porn mag, realize that you are supporting terrorism and while you’re doing that, I am supporting Lohan’s decorative belly button see through moment.

Posted in:Belly Button|Lindsay Lohan|See Through