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2007

28

Aug

I am – Aria Giovanni Lingerie Shoot of the Day

Aria Giovanni

2 years ago I got this really cushy gig working coat check at one of the large after hours clubs in the Gay Village here in Montreal. The great things about gigs like that is you basically get paid to listen to good music, talk to cool people and get fucked up all night. You also get to know a slew of regular clients which is nice, but you also end up seeing them in all sorts of weird situations, which when you are underage and working in a bar is pretty fucked, you know??

So there was this regular club girl that came there all the time with her older, greasy boyfriend, who looked like a slimmer version of Brandon Davis, only with a beard. This chick was an eleven out of ten, for real. Nice implants thats didn’t look too fake, long blonde hair, and a nice tan that didn’t make her look like a Jewish house wife. She was always really nice to me and talked to me alot and over time we got to know each other fairly well, and she would always tip me great at the end of the night.

So this one time I was on my break, and I went to the upstairs bathroom to do a few bumps cause it was always way less busy in that bathroom. The last stall door looked a bit open, so I headed for that one to get some privacy. As I pushed open the door, who I do see, but this chick and her man. The chick is standing on the toilet, with her skirt and panties around her ankles, the guy is down on his knees with a pen in his mouth, and he is blowing what I can only assume is cocaine directly up her ass. Now you have to understand that this was about 2 years ago and I was only beginning my decent into drugs and sexual deviance, and at the time, it scared the shit out of me. I bolted out of the bathroom and went back to work. She came to get her coat at the end of the night and I gave it to her without even looking up. Things were horribly awkward ever ytime I saw her after that, but she seemed to tip me even better, so it was like whatever, you know?

Here’s Aria Giovanni. She looks like the type of gal who would let you blow coke up her ass and then fuck her all night, if you weren’t a fat virgin who still lived at home.

hugs and kisses
Marie-Eve Martinez

Jessica Simpson and Her True Calling of the Day
Tara Reid Bikini Pics of the Day
Britney Swims Topless of the Day

Posted in:Aria Giovanni|Lingerie|Slut|Tits|Unsorted

2007

28

Aug

I am – Danielle Lloyd Bikini Pictures of the Day…

2 Comments »

I don’t know when these were taken, but they seem to be doing the internet rounds today and being the slowest fucking blog to update, I figured I might as well post them. Her name is Danielle Lloyd, she’s pretty much useless unless you sell bikinis, because she is always in fucking bikinis and because I don’t know who she is, but then again I have no idea who anyone is, I also had no idea that Owen Wilson tried to kill himself yesterday, I had no idea that Carmen Electra was white, and I think I started feeling the anxiety of being a total hack, or like that the pressure was on or some shit because I ended up dreaming that I was at some party with all the other bloggers and no one would talk to me, I would just sit there getting wasted and yelling at random people as they passed by while a group of guys in the other room sat and played nintendo and guitar. It was the closest thing I had to a gay dream in years, there were no girls, just blown up laminated posters of some of their most famous posts, like the Jessica Alba bikini ass on all fours picture and shit.

Either way, I am a hack, I am just waking up, this is Danielle Lloyd and I am not a gay blogger, and if I was invited to one of their get-togethers which I wouldn’t be, because they don’t consider me one of them, I wouldn’t go, and if I did go, I’d bring a crackwhore to piss randomly in random placed when I got bored, on demand, ideally a stinky fucking pee on the couch just to scare the virgins a bit.

So the life lesson is that I will not take a night off of drinking and I will keep ripping off other blogs so that they continue hating me…so that I don’t become one of them…

Related Posts
Danielle Lloyd in a Pink Animal Print Bikini
Danielle Lloyd White Bikini
Danielle Loydd in a Bikini for Cancer
More Danielle Lloyd In a Bikini, It Seems to Be All Bitch Does

Posted in:Ass|Bikini|Danielle Lloyd|Tits|Unsorted

2007

27

Aug

I am – stepLINKS of the Day

4 Comments »

I was out walking today behind what I thought was a really, really fat white women, with those long braid extentions in her hair that the black girls who used to kick my ass in school used to have. They were really long and down to her ass, but also really ratty looking. I started to imagine what her white trash house looked like on the inside, and her 6 snot nosed kids eating Raman noodles on the living floor and kinda felt good about my life for a few minutes.

I was spaced out and didn’t notice her stop and bumped into her, but when I turned around, she was not a she, but was in fact a he, wearing a pair of ninties style Oakleys with a full beard. Now I could tell this guy was no faggot, he just had hair like a faggot, and I can’t figure out why. Nor could I figure out why he would want to sit and have his hair braided for five fucking hours like a Jewish Girl on Vacation either.

So be careful, cause you never know when the lady you’re staring it is going to be a guy. Unless that’s you thing, which wouldn’t surprise me, homo.

hugs and kisses
Marie-Eve Martinez

Now Click These Links….

Cameron Diaz is a slut
GO

Jake Gyllenhaall is possibly a homo. I am shocked. SHOCKED!
GO

The Mammory Memory Game
GO

Are these Bitches Fake or Slutty?
GO

WWE’s Brooke Posing for FHM
GO

Some Chick Drag Racer Building a Car Video – It’s Pretty Much Porn….
GO

Who Would You Rather?
GO

Sluts in their Underwear and Thongs Posing Video
GO

Idiot lets a scorpion sting him on the nuts
GO

More Ghetto Girls Posing in Practically Nothing Video
GO

Pete Doherty is Fucking Cool and Here’s an Interview With Him
GO

Watch This Dudes Answer To Miss South Carolina’s Answer
GO

Mel B’s into Chicks…Here’s the Pic
GO

A little sexy “Something About Chuck” Marketing Strategy….
GO

Some on the Phone Fingering Scene from Some Movie Called Eroism
GO

Drunk Goth’s Drinking Jack Daniels The Right Way…Through Her Pussy
GO

Lookin’ Good Sweetheart
GO

A Couple of Sluts Named Amber Nichole and Denise Penula Learn How to Lap Dance on Each Other
GO

Great Air Sex Video/ Documentary
GO

Alena Seredova is Topless On the Beach
GO

Hot Import Nights Hit Up Orlando….Which Means Girls Modeling in Lingerie..
GO

Some Anna Nicole Smith Outtakes from a Movie Unable to Recite her Lines…
GO

Kate Hudson and Dax Make Out in the Grocery Store While Own Wilson Tries to Kill Himself…
GO

Ed the Sock and Will Sasso Because Will Sasso Hates Me….
GO

How to: Make you friend think he got rejected from College
GO

Mel B was a lesbo. She probabaly still is…I heard Eddie Murphey has a Hot Cunt….
GO

Some Blonde Masturbating
GO

Britney Spears is a child abuser. I dont know if abuser is even a word tho
GO

Jessica Cirio Photoshoot Video
GO

Mmmmm snails are fucking sexy…video
GO

Lily Allen kinda pokies
GO

Tiger Woods makes fun of Charles Barkley, even tho Charles Barkley could beat the shit out of him
GO

Britney drives like a maniac. Of course, she IS a maniac, so thats not really surprising
GO

Some video of a slut you should watch, cause you don’t get any in real life
GO

Some hot chick standing next to Jelly..I mean KELLY Clarkson
GO

Celebrities and their spawn or STDs – depending who you’re talking to….
GO

DMX likes to abuse dogs too
GO

Owen Wilson is a cry baby that is starved for attention and Suicidal
GO

Megan Fox pics to whack off to
GO

Some fast car neither you nor I can afford
GO

Angelina jolie = More of a MILF then anyone
GO

Jessica Simpson wears tight clothes
GO

I had no idea Sharon Stone had 3 adopted sons, all this time I thought she was a single Couger
GO

Nick Hogan almost killed himself in a car accident
GO

Wentworth Miller is a Homo. Is everyon fucking gay these days? Seriously
GO

One more reason Oprah is a fucking bitch
GO

Jennifer Ellison…In Lingerie…Again
GO

Big Brother 8 update for the loser reality TV fans out there
GO

Horny Goat breaks up turtle love
GO

Hayden Panettiere gossip
GO

Lauren Conrad at the Teen Choice Awards
GO

Paris Hilton and Kid Rock hang out
GO

Emily De Raven like whoa!
GO

Don Johnson is old
GO

Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are mad at something again
GO

Even Jesus can’t save Michael Vick. I mean the guy from the bible, not that fat asshole who owns this site
GO

Porn Blooper
GO

Kim Kardishian and some interviewer acting like Kim is a big deal
GO

Jessica Simpson in a Tight Tank Top With Hot fucking Tit Action
GO

The Rest of the Teen Choice Pics that We Missed…
GO

Lohan is Still Fucking Sexy Pictures from a Photoshoot
GO

Hot Teens Naked and Posing…
GO

People Doing Shots of Tequila Out of Some Girls Snatch
GO

Dude’s Build Some Insane Slip and Slide
GO

Some Bondage Video With Lizards…Weird
GO

A Couple Girls Flashing their Boxes in Public
GO

Use This Spray to Get Laid …Without it You are Hopeless
GO

Posted in:stepLINKS|Unsorted

2007

27

Aug

I am – Elle Macpherson Surfing of the Day

1 Comment »

It seems like surfing is the new thing for middle-aged celebrities to learn. I am going to admit that I have always wanted to be a surfer because they get all the bitches and are living the dream, unfortunately I don’t know how to swim, I am drunk too often, and I am too fat for any surfboard to support my weight – but I still like to believe that one day I’ll be living the dream….

Here are some pictures of a SLAMMIN’ Elle Macpherson in a bikini that someone sent in to me. She was one of the original bikini models who opened my eyes to bikini models and I remember spending endless nights curled up to my Sports Illustrated 1988 or 89 video where here nipples were exposed numerous times…..

I came across this story I wrote a while ago and figured I’d post it because I don’t think I have yet and since it’s a true story, you need to read it….

I knew this gay kid who was from a gay family. He had a brother and he had a father and he never really spoke of his mother, but it is safe to say that she is either dead or fucked off on them. They grew up in a good part of town and they had a nice house and a good female influence in the shape of a 250 pound aunt who was the biggest leather wearing dyke in the county. His dad was a fag, his brother was a fag and he was a fag but he was in the closet, his dad was in the closet and his brother was in the closet. They were all in the fucking closet for fear of being judged, disowned or whatever because the dad played the front of the homophobe while doing dudes in his spare time.

The family had an unfortunate experience of finding out that each other were into the cock when they all accidentally ended up at the Gay Sauna on the same night and one brother happened to be on the receiving end of the Glory hole and another brother ended up on the left side glory hole and his dad ended up on the right side of the glory hole and dude ended up servicing each of them to completion unknowingly until the meet at greet in the hot tub where the dad decided that it was time for a sit down and talk about him being a faggot and the faggot way of life.

So the point of the story is that the gay kid I knew sucked off his dad and his brother in one sitting, one night, a series of unfortunate events and that story is more fucked up that these pictures of Elle Macpherson could turn any man straight…..

Related Posts:

Elle Macpherson is Insane
Elle Macpherson and her STD
Jennifer Garner Paddle Surfing
Courtney Cox Surfing

2007

27

Aug

I am – Nicole Richie’s Pregnant Tits and Gut of the Day

2 Comments »

Some dude called me a homo and a whiner today because I called him a cocksucker and I realize that I do whine and complain alot and I am okay with that. I emailed some big entertainment company asking them to advertise on my site, they were nice enough to respond to me and send me a rejection directly, usually my emails go unanswered and are just lost forever.

Since I knew the email was hitting his inbox, I took the opportunity to send him an email expressing my opinion. It may not be funny or interesting but I am posting it anyway….

Do you not want to work with me because there is some barely there nudity on my site? It is not a porn site, it is mainstream entertainment site that aims for readers that 21 and older. I figure that if you’re over 21 I sure as hell hope you’ve seen tits before, otherwise you should probably just jump or maybe go gay or something, because let’s face it being a virgin isn’t cool and never will be, no matter what the asexuals at your University are telling you. I think I saw my first set of tits when I was 11…..and I am not talking on my mother, I am talking on a real live girl and it only cost me $5.

Either way, I understand you have to protect your company and your crazy bible fucking audience, it’s just the way of America. It’s more outdated than any other country, but it’s playing things safe and I respect safe, it’s the reason I’ve never tried heroin. I guess the land of the free is really the land of the heavily conservative and scared to push boundaries and you spend your resources discussing whether a congressman is really a republican because in 1990 he was videotaped with supporting pro-choice when a real republican is pro-life….because I can only assume they’ve never knocked up a bitch they didn’t want to get married to because otherwise they’d know that killing a fetus is more exciting than being stuck with a fat whore you had a one night stand with when drunk….because a life of misery is a life not worth living….

If ever you change your mind and want to work with me, I am pretty cheap, at least that’s what my wife always says, but that’s only because I hate her and use her credit card to buy her Christmas gifts. Cuddles.

With Love,

Jesus Martinez
DrunkenStepfather.com

Speaking of Abortion, Here are some pics of Nicole Richie and her new tits and baby stomach. I am surprised she didn’t have an abortion and I am sure she’s had her fair share of them in the past…Let’s just hope her drug addiction and eating disorder doesn’t turn this kid into some kind of flipper baby….even if it’s the only way anyone can put up with her bullshit….

Related Posts:

Nicole Richie’s Sheer Maternity Top of the Day
Nicole Richie is Pregnant of the Day
Nicole Richie’s Hiking Ass

Posted in:Belly|Nicole Richie|Pregnant|Tits|Unsorted

2007

27

Aug

I am – Nicole Richie's Pregnant Tits and Gut of the Day

No Comments »

Some dude called me a homo and a whiner today because I called him a cocksucker and I realize that I do whine and complain alot and I am okay with that. I emailed some big entertainment company asking them to advertise on my site, they were nice enough to respond to me and send me a rejection directly, usually my emails go unanswered and are just lost forever.

Since I knew the email was hitting his inbox, I took the opportunity to send him an email expressing my opinion. It may not be funny or interesting but I am posting it anyway….

Do you not want to work with me because there is some barely there nudity on my site? It is not a porn site, it is mainstream entertainment site that aims for readers that 21 and older. I figure that if you’re over 21 I sure as hell hope you’ve seen tits before, otherwise you should probably just jump or maybe go gay or something, because let’s face it being a virgin isn’t cool and never will be, no matter what the asexuals at your University are telling you. I think I saw my first set of tits when I was 11…..and I am not talking on my mother, I am talking on a real live girl and it only cost me $5.

Either way, I understand you have to protect your company and your crazy bible fucking audience, it’s just the way of America. It’s more outdated than any other country, but it’s playing things safe and I respect safe, it’s the reason I’ve never tried heroin. I guess the land of the free is really the land of the heavily conservative and scared to push boundaries and you spend your resources discussing whether a congressman is really a republican because in 1990 he was videotaped with supporting pro-choice when a real republican is pro-life….because I can only assume they’ve never knocked up a bitch they didn’t want to get married to because otherwise they’d know that killing a fetus is more exciting than being stuck with a fat whore you had a one night stand with when drunk….because a life of misery is a life not worth living….

If ever you change your mind and want to work with me, I am pretty cheap, at least that’s what my wife always says, but that’s only because I hate her and use her credit card to buy her Christmas gifts. Cuddles.

With Love,

Jesus Martinez
DrunkenStepfather.com

Speaking of Abortion, Here are some pics of Nicole Richie and her new tits and baby stomach. I am surprised she didn’t have an abortion and I am sure she’s had her fair share of them in the past…Let’s just hope her drug addiction and eating disorder doesn’t turn this kid into some kind of flipper baby….even if it’s the only way anyone can put up with her bullshit….

Related Posts:

Nicole Richie’s Sheer Maternity Top of the Day
Nicole Richie is Pregnant of the Day
Nicole Richie’s Hiking Ass

Posted in:Belly|Nicole Richie|Pregnant|Tits|Unsorted

2007

27

Aug

I am – Girl Has a Shower in my stepSHIRT of the Day

2 Comments »

So girls never get naked for me in everyday life, but they do for other people and sometimes those other people throw them in a stepSHIRT and send videos my way to make me feel like I am a real man…The people at JuliesRoom sent this into me and it strangely reminds me of the last shower I took at the community pool where I ended up getting asked to leave for scaring some kids and sneaking in the girls locker-room. You can’t take me anywhere.

I know this won’t inspire you to buy shirts, since I’ve sold two, but I’ll throw up this link for you to click to anyway, I am a bit of a dreamer….

Posted in:stepSHIRT|Unsorted

2007

27

Aug

I am – Jail Bait and Whores at the Teen Choice Awards of the Day

1 Comment »

Teen Choice Jessica Alba Tits

I was at a house party on the weekend with a friend of mine and we were outside on the patio when this loser came up to us. He didn’t say anything at first. He just stood there listening to our conversation, staring blankly. After about 3 minutes of this, there was a break in our conversation and a moment of silence. I guess jackass thought he would use this as his “in” to start talking to us and of all things he could say, blurted out “So, you have 2 beers, huh?” pointing at the beer I had in each hand.

I looked at my friend, and my friend looked at me, and he just stood there very please with himself, with a look on his face that suggested he actually thought this introduction to our conversation was going to get him some pussy. Now generally I try not to be a bitch when it comes to guys coming up to me, but in this case, I couldnt help myself and i laughed in his face. I know not all of you are Don Juan, and I will pretty much sleep with anyone who is a 6/10 or above, but even I like there to be a little effort in the initial pick up sometimes. Why not just say “So, I see your wearing shoes.” or “Hey, you have hair, I like that in a women.” You get the point. I honestly would have been more receptive to “Nice shirt, wanna fuck?”

One more example of why guys like you will be virgins until you die, or until you finally breakdown and pay a whore with the money you have been saving in your piggy bank, which ever comes first.

Here’s some pics from the Teen Choice awards. Virgin or not, none of these girls will ever sleep with you, ever. And yeah, some of these chicks are borderline Jail Bait, but you are a Perv and are into that type of thing.

Aimee Teegarden

Audrina Partridge

Jessica Alba

Megan Fox

Sophia Bush

Vanessa Hudgens

Comic Nerds Wanking to Jessica Alba of the Day
Megan Fox isn’t that Hot and is Banging David from 90210 of the Day
Sophia Bush goes to the Bathroom of the Day

2007

27

Aug

I am – Lohan’s Sex Scene from I Know Who Killed Me of the Day

1 Comment »

I never ended up seeing the Lohan movie “I Know Who Killed Me” because I don’t have money for that shit and because I don’t think anyone else did meaning it stayed in theaters for all of 3 weeks….but I am okay with watching the Lohan sex scene because I can only assume this is how she fucks in real life, and knowing that if I was really in the room with her and not just there in fantasy, all I’d be thinking about is shit, I hope I don’t get herpes…why the fuck am I doing this…I am going to totally get herpes…I’ve been alive 37 years and I’ve done a lot of bad things…but never got herpes…I can’t believe my dick is working this is amazing…fuck I don’t want herpes…then I’d cum. here’s the video.

Posted in:Ass|Lindsay Lohan|Sex Scene|Tits|Unsorted

2007

27

Aug

I am – Lohan's Sex Scene from I Know Who Killed Me of the Day

No Comments »

I never ended up seeing the Lohan movie “I Know Who Killed Me” because I don’t have money for that shit and because I don’t think anyone else did meaning it stayed in theaters for all of 3 weeks….but I am okay with watching the Lohan sex scene because I can only assume this is how she fucks in real life, and knowing that if I was really in the room with her and not just there in fantasy, all I’d be thinking about is shit, I hope I don’t get herpes…why the fuck am I doing this…I am going to totally get herpes…I’ve been alive 37 years and I’ve done a lot of bad things…but never got herpes…I can’t believe my dick is working this is amazing…fuck I don’t want herpes…then I’d cum. here’s the video.

Posted in:Ass|Lindsay Lohan|Sex Scene|Tits|Unsorted

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