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Archive for the Scarlett Johansson Category

2009

Sep

Scarlett Johansson is the Jolly Green Monster of the Day

I get a lot of hate from people who have little goin on in their lives who get worked up over celebrities enough to get mad when I say that Scarlett Johansson is a fucking pig of a girl. From her first movie until now, whenever I have looked at her, I’ve seen a potentially obese girl, who just happened to not be obese since it would be the end of her career, while everyone else sees this goddess with big tits and big lips who embodies classic Hollywood, while all I see lips that act like football pads who break the impact when she’s shoveling food down her throat and someone who happens to hold her 15 pound surplus in the right part of her but that will spill over into the rest of her and based on these pics, it seems like the end is fucking near…

And here are some pictures of Ryan Reynolds pretty much agreeing with my observation but delivering it in a less painful way by taking her fat ass to the gym and masking it an excursion where they can spend some time together because they have such busy schedules and usually barely see each other, but in reality it is to help his erection function when she gets naked by stopping the sloppy, but then again he was engaged to Alanis when he was a nobody and she is probably the ugliest head in pop music in the last 2 decades, so that just shows the magnitude of how serious this shit is and how desperate he is.

Pics via PacificCoastNews

Posted in:Big|Green|Scarlett Johansson

2009

Mar

Scarlett Johansson’s Tits for Vogue of the Day

4 Comments »

Scarlett Johansson has big tits. Everyone already knows that. Here she is in Vogue, showing them off. I am not sure what else you expect me to say about that. I mean I could go on about my wife’s big tits, or sucking big tits, or being in a grocery store and having a kid point at me and say look at his big tits, but I would rather just post this shit and forget about that little fucker and his making me self conscious.

Posted in:Scarlett Johansson|Tits|Vogue

2009

Feb

Scarlett Johansson Has New Hair of the Day

6 Comments »

The day you start caring about what a girl you’ve never met does to her hair is the day you have to come to terms with the fact that you are really fucking strange. Lucky for you, today is that day, so now that we’ve recognized the problem, you can start working on fixing it.

Sure, I am the kind of guy who doesn’t notice when my own wife gets her hair done, even if she changes the fucking color, sure, I never look at my wife or listen to her when she talks, but I can still stand back and say that just because you are a die hard fan of a girl’s tits, or maybe a little obsessed with a girl making everyone around you feel a little uncomfortable, the second you start talking about what look you like best on her, you’ve gone into the realm of creepy. Sure, you’ve spent many afternoons jerking off to her, but that doesn’t mean you have a fucking connection with her, so be a fucking man or enter hair dressing school, because somethin’s not right here and I’m gonna go with…you.

Posted in:cleavage|Hair|Scarlett Johansson

2008

Dec

Buy Scarlett Johannson’s Used Kleenex of the Day

1 Comment »

So Scarlett Johansson was on Leno, she claimed she had a cold she got from Samuel Jackson, and they decided to auction this shit….

Here’s the ebay discription:

During her 12/17/08 appearance on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, Scarlett Johansson blamed her cold on The Spirit co-star Samuel L. Jackson, saying she caught it from him. She believed that for this reason her cold had some “value.” During her appearance on The Tonight Show, she blew her nose into a tissue provided by Jay Leno. All proceeds of this sale will benefit USA Harvest, the charity of Scarlett Johansson’s choice.

That’s a really weird fetish , because anyone buying anything Johansson is doing it for sexual reasons, especailly when they are paying 2000 dollars for a dirty fucking Kleenex and I don’t know how they are getting away with it because the one time I tried selling my wife’s soiled panties on ebacy, because shit was gross and I knew that some dudes out there like gross, and are willing to pay for gross, you know putting her crusty shit on standing in front of the mirror, or rubbing it on their faces so they can smell her dirty ass but for some reason ebay kept pulling my auctions and banned my account….

But when you are NBC and a celebrity, you can take your germ filled kleenex to ebay for some kind of publicity stunt, that is hyngeinically just as disgusting as my wife’s shit stains, and you know anyone paying 2,000 dollars for this is not going to be doing anything wholesome with this shit, they are probably planning on cloning her, because it is time to replace that sex doll with Johansson’s picture taped to its face, with a real Johansson….Weird Science.

Check out this weird auction. I am really hung the fuck over…
GO

Posted in:ebay|Scarlett Johansson|Used Kleenex

2008

Nov

Scarlett Johansson Does Wizard Magazine of the Day

5 Comments »

I never heard of Wizard magazine but I have a feeling that having a subscription to the shit is pretty much a passport to an underground realm in the kingdom of loser that assures you and everyone you know that you will never reproduce biologically, because you will remain a virgin, despite marrying your computer and an RPG character and all efforts you’ve made to redefine the word virginity in the Dictionary by writing strongly worded letters to the president of Myriam Webster about how you are technically not a virgin because you’ve had cybersex with a webcam girl you paid once and the whole thing was embarrassing because you prematurely ejaculated because you were so shy, and that will keep your socially awkward genetic lineage in your pants and not in the pants of a poor unsuspecting girl who you wish would think you’re a good enough guy even though you’re totally not the usual guy she goes after, you know you’re more complex, with your medieval swords in the basement and your own language you invented on weekend for you and your online friend in Istanbul to communicate in chat rooms without other people knowing what you’re saying…..but she doesn’t know you exist, because no one knows you exist and the people who do know you exist, pretend you didn’t exist because watching you is depressing…

Either way, Scarlett Johansson got involved and brought her tits to the magazine and I am sure there was a massive orgasm in basement apartments around the world the second they finished cutting out the picture of her in geek costume and stapling it to their pillow, the previously housed pictures of Sarah Michelle Gellar from Buffy the Vampire Slayer and some Hentai bitch with huge tits….

Posted in:cleavage|Scarlett Johansson

2008

Nov

Scarlett Johansson’s Married Tits of the Day

4 Comments »

Scarlett Johansson reminds me of a childhood friend I used to spend time with’s sister. She wasn’t really anything amazing to look at, you know always had a dumb look on her face and a bit of a dumpy body, but she had huge tits and for some unknown reason (her huge tits), all the guys in our school wanted to fuck the shit out of her.

I used to try to convince my friend to take pictures of her showering or in her underwear or pretty much anything exclusive that only he’d have access to because he was an insider and he would always get mad at me, you know telling me shit like “Dude, that’s my sister”.

I would always tell him that that was the beauty of the whole situation, firstly she’d never expect him to be doing that or lookin’ at her like that, so she’d be more comfortable and willing to be naked or topless around him because she didn’t see him as the predator but as family.

I would also tell him that if I had a sister, I’d totally bang the shit out of her, because at the time I was horny and appreciated the idea of having pussy sleeping in the bedroom next to me, and he would just freak out on me.

I then did some research at the local library to prove that there is no evidence that fucking your sister would lead to flipper babies, especially if you’re wearing a condom. The whole flipper baby theory was the government’s way to control people into being too scared to marry their family members and reproduce with their family members, before TV existed. You know, make them think if they do it, they’re going to go to hell and their demon child will be the proof that will get them caught, and I was just asking for some nudes, I wasn’t asking him to go out and crawl in bed with her and slide his hand in her panties while she was sleeping, and by hand, I mean penis.

Needless to say, I never got the pics, we stopped being friends and my persuasion didn’t work out as well as I had hoped, but every time I see Scarlett Johansson, I think about that girl and the set of tits I never saw. Here she is at some event.

Posted in:cleavage|Scarlett Johansson|Tits

2008

May

Scarlett Johansson’s Cleavage of the Day

2 Comments »

So some people love Scarlett Johansson and I am not one of those people. I find her annoying, sloppy and pretty much a waste of space. When I hear her annoying raspy voice when she’s in movies I just want to mute the shit and she always seems to play the same lazy slow moving cunt in every movie, because she’s a slow moving lazy cunt in real life.

I am not goin to lie, I saw Lost in Translation and as embarrassing as that is, it’s got nothing on her scene in her panties and despite her being the only real pussy in the movie, seeing her in her underwear kinda turned me onto Bill Murray as the only escape from lookin’ at her. All she has going for her is a decent set of fat tits, and that’s never really been enough for me to be a fan of anyone, but has been more of a justification for fuckin’ ugly chicks with big tits. The good news is that she realizes that she’s second rate and not all that hot because she’s getting married to Alanis Morissette’s sloppy seconds and I don’t know about you, but I know that sloppy seconds is a good gauge of the caliber of person you are. When I am aware of how disgusting a girl’s sloppies are, I never commit to that shit and that’s usually the reason why I don’t let them show me their exes because I can’t deal with the blow to the self-esteem it gives me, despite me usually being the worse of two evils.

The point is that dude was engaged to Alanis Morissette and that’s a whole lot more than a one night stand while drunk. Alanis is someone I’d ever get up inside and I have no fuckin’ standards so the thought of her dirty stink stained on Ryan Reynolds and dripping out of Scarlett confirms just how disgusting this slag is.

Posted in:cleavage|Scarlett Johansson

2007

May

I am – Celebrities Showing Off Their Tits at the Metropolitan Museum of Art Gala of the Day

2 Comments »

I am all for girls rocking cleavage shirts because I am a pervert and this site has given me a keen eye for spotting nipple slips. I was standing outside a bar, hoping a drunk guy who came out for a cigarette and accidentally drop his wallet the other day, and a group of hot chicks walked out with low cut shirts on, I guess it’s in style to show off your rack and I am not really complaining. One of them conveniently dropped something and when she went to pick it up her shirt dropped and I saw full fucking massive tit, while the other guys next to me missed it. It reminded me of when I was 12 and my foster mother used to come give me talks about God before I went to bed. She’d be in her night gown while I’d be lying in bed. She’d bend over to tuck me in, full tit exposed and I’d totally get a boner and jerk off to it the second she walked out. I always got scared that God was watching me, then I realized that if he was, he was a total pedophile and I might as well give him a good performance, because let’s face it, if I get him to get off when I was 12 only good things would be coming to me….I was wrong…

I am guessing that these celebrities are thinking the same thing, they are advertising their tits at some exclusive black tie event I wasn’t invited to, so that people like us fall into their booby trap…get it..I am so witty and that is good enough for you to start your day to….you’re welcome…

Jessica Simpson May Be Busted But Her Tits are Fucking Huge

Lohan May Be Distracting Us From Her Cocaine Video, But At Least She’s Doing it Properly, this shit will even get Disney to Sign Her Again

Salma Hayek is Pregnant and Full of Milk and That’s Pretty Much What I Wish All My Diet Consisted Of…

Jennifer Garner is Post-Pregancy and Her Tits Have Dried Up, But I’d Still Try To Get the Last Drops Out of Her

Rose McGowan has Always Had Hot Tits

Christina Ricci May Look Old and Beat Up and Her Tits May Have Been Reduced But She’s Still Packin’ Heat.

Scarlett Johannson Still Has Tits and I am Still Lookin’ At Them

Julianne Moore is the First Fire Crotch I Ever Saw in a Movie and Will Always Hold a Warm Place in My Heart for Proving that Myth Isn’t a Myth….

Rosario Dawson’s Tits Look Small But Small Titis are Tits Too…

Juliette Lewis is a Crackhead and Crackheads Don’t Have Tits, But She’s Still Trying…

I Don’t Really Give a Fuck About Mischa Barton But Whatever This is Still Cleavage…

Alicia Keys Has a Hairy Chest, So I Don’t Know If She Counts, But Even Men With Tits Count in Your World, Cuz You Are Desperate…

A few new ones…

I think Ivanka Trump Looks Awesome….I’d wallet-fuck her…

Karolina Kurkova Models Bikinis and I like Bikinis, Especially when they are on me, I feel so pretty…

Gisele isn’t with Victoria’s Secret Anymore, She’s Not a Hot as She Used To Be, But She Has Done A Lot in Her Panties and That Pretty Much Redeems Her….

2007

Apr

I am – Scarlett Johansson is Scared of Cameras of the Day

1 Comment »

I was walking by a pay by the hour motel I like to park myself outside of, even though I don’t have a car. I just like seeing the people go in and try to figure out if they are virgins who live with their parent’s trying to get freaky on their anniversary, or if they are dudes cheating on their wives, or if they are dudes hiring whores, or if they are dudes who pick up random drunk chicks they don’t want to bring home to their friends because they are ugly, but not ugly enough to stuff like a turkey if no one knows. Anyway, I was standing outside the parking lot and was spotted by a couple, they tried no to make eye contact, thinking I may have been someone they know and they didn’t want me to bust them.

It reminds me a lot of how Scarlett is with the paparazzi. Her career is based on being seen but bitch always tries to avoid people taking her picture, whether it’s with a sign telling the papraazzi to fuck off or a hood over her head, bitch is so fucking dramatic, maybe because she’s an actor and drama is what she’s all about, but I have a feeling it’s just a way to draw more attention to herself which is pretty fucking lame – but obviously works….because here I am talking about it, but then again, I don’t get out much so I talk about lots of shit no one cares about.

Bonus – I found old pictures of Scarlett Hiding Before Cuz Bitch is Repetitive GO

Posted in:Scarlett Johansson|Unsorted

2007

Feb

I am – Scarlett Johansson Hiding of the Day

1 Comment »

Scarlett does us all a favor and covers up her stupid face when a paparazzi runs after her, maybe next time she can take it up a notch and put on some fucking pants to cover up her junky piece of shit ass. Rumor is Justin Timberlake is slamming her which isn’t unlikely, he’s been known to date dumpy looking blond chicks, it’s kinda a Rod Stewart tall blond model situation only the opposite.

I know what I write is life changing to about 5 people but it seems like other blogs are realizing that they have no talent, they just know how to upload pictures and need people like me to make their sites worth reading…that just goes to show you how shitty these other sites are. When I become the General of the virgin blogger army, it’s safe to say the internet is going down hill.

I want to set up an embed field at the end of each post so that you can save time when ripping me off and throw that shit up on you own website, myspace and even in emails to your friends. You can all be just like me.

Posted in:Scarlett Johansson|Unsorted