SFW Archives - Page 1153 of 1171 Archive - DrunkenStepFather.com

2015

11

Jun

Jennifer Lawrence Awkward Walk in Shorts of the Day

Jennifer Lawrence was the awkward weird celebrity who had no sex appeal and who I didn’t understand. Almost like an Anna Kedrick, in a “why are these girls so popular, they aren’t even hot”…especially not this Jennifer Lawrence character, she’s so thick but yet constantly nominated for Academy Awards…is her dad on the Academy? I mean it was just crazy..

Then a man apparently from Chicago…with nerdism on his side, took his nerd skills to Apple, who may be built on nerds, but nerds are GODS there are loopholes…attacked icloud…got all her nudes….and all of a sudden…Jennifer Lawrence was a babe…who should have won academy awards for knowing how to post in sexts and selfies…seriously….she was that good…

Then there’s the whole fucking the dude from Coldplay who must be in his 50s…reminding us all that her clumsy ass act…is a dirty little bird…who may now have AIDS..but nothing green juice won’t save…right Gwyneth…

Not that celebrities don’t have access to the cure for AIDS…you think the government would make a disease without a cure…I mean get serious people…

All this to say…she’s not that hot..but she is still hot…and it all happened cuz of her nudes…so girls…don’t let your morals get in the way…get naked. take pics with your phone..that’s why there’s a camera…send them around…don’t be shy…and good things will happen…but I guess you already know that…it comes with being born with a vagina…and I come to vagina…so much in common..

TO SEE THE REST OF THE PICS CLICK HERE

Posted in:Jennifer Lawrence|SFW

2015

11

Jun

Selena Gomez Cleavage of the Day

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Selena Gomez has cleavage we can assume Bieber has cum all over…if he’s not the poofter Usher makes us believe he may be….you know that “fucked my way to the top” was based on him…starting as a bottom…now he’s cum here…yes…Selena Gomez and her new chunk tits make me think of Bieber…I am Canadian..that is our culture…keep the Mexicans in the gardens and hotel rooms…not that there are Mexicans here other than me..and I’m not even that Mexican…but I did go to Cancun once..

Remember when people cared whether she got implants or not, like it fucking mattered…and if she did, this is a total misuse of them…as cleavage selfie needs less clothes…she’s a business, she has fans, she’s got noise to make, and this isn’t cutting it…maybe in the 90s…when girls wore turtle necks this would work.. when cleavage was exciting….but today..this generation..if there is no nipples, it don’t matter…it’s not political enough..it’s just “what the fuck is the point of this boring ass pic”….

So let me post it…on my boring ass site…

All this to say…where is the ass…

Posted in:Selena Gomez|SFW

2015

11

Jun

Katy Perry Fashion Model of the Day

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Katy Perry makes me sad…I mean she would if I had any emotions other than the ones I try to mask through drinking and eating like some unhappy married wife…since I am pretty much a housewife, with no job, living off my spouse, planning ways to escape this hell..all while barely having a penis…

So let me rephrase, Katy Perry is depressing…just so desperate it for friends and social acceptance that she went out and became a pop star, living out her dream, only to realize it is just as empty and horrible at the top…people are sill assholes and people now don’t just care about her for her tits, but also her money and star power…

I don’t know, she’s probably a really nice girl..who makes some of the worst pop songs imaginable…but still a really nice girl…that people just keep taking for a ride…when she should be the one doing the riding…ideally on my face…with that vagina…because bigger girls have the tighter vaginas…it’s all the fat pushing down on the egg hole like it was a butt plug..

All this to say….I want Katy perry to sit on my face.

Posted in:Katy Perry|SFW

2015

11

Jun

Kendall Jenner in a Print Ad of the Day

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I think it’s unfortunate that Kendall Jenner, who we know as one of the whores in the whore family, is booking what I would assume big campaigns for print and I guess commercial…like she was a model..and not an instagram / social media celebrity due to being on TV…

When I know that this Kendall Jenner, has been raised amongst some of the biggest fame whores, even her dad grew tits for the cause, not that she can call him a dad, not because he has tits, but because he was too busy being a self involved ego to actually raise her…making me think that she could have done more for this brand..or really any brand…

What I am saying is that use the model jobs for the real models and use the Kardashians for what they are good for…spreading their fucking asses for attention….

I see no ass spreading in this video and thus…this video…is a misuse of this rich as fuck pile of shit…

In more interesting news – here she is whoring in her underwear – paid for by Calvin Klein – in a Selfie.

In more interesting news – here she is riding her sister…

In more interesting news – here’s here sister in a porny shoot….

Posted in:Kendall Jenner|SFW

2015

11

Jun

Malgosia Bela for i-D Summer of the Day

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Malgosia Bela is some 36 year old Polish model…who unlike the Polish woman at the local deli, is not balding, obese and rocking a moustache……

I’ve heard the name but can’t really place who she is or what she’s been in, because ultimately, who gives a fuck…

Google says she’s been in the Pirelli Calendar in 2009…and again in 2012…making her a professional Pirelli calendar model…and that’s probably more prestigious than being a professional cat calendar model…I mean who the fuck uses calendars anymore…weird people..that’s who…

Now she’s in a magazine looking amazing…and it’s not bad even though she’s 100 fucking years old in model years…

I’m just said these pics aren’t her birthing video…isn’t that what all 36 year old women are supposed to be doing, especially when from Poland….like bitch get it together and find yourself a rich guy…unless you have already, and you probably have, I mean how else do you escape Poland…

Posted in:Malgosia Bela|SFW

2015

11

Jun

Jennifer Lopez and Pitbull Manipulate the Latino Crowds of the Day

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Here’s s Sprint and Beluga Vodka sponsored music video by some dude named Prince Royce who I assume is from Miami…and it is also featuring all things hispanic…Pitbull, who I heard is going to be responsible for the Florida vote in the next election….and that should terrify you and J.Lo in a bathing suit looking trashy as fuck singing in Spanish, even though she can barely speak Spanish…but Spanish like to think of her as a leader for their people…who made it…even though she’s 300 fucking years old…and I guess so is Pitbull…and that she shouldn’t be in a bikini, but Latino people don’t care, they just want to see one of their own doing it..and they will go to death for each other…and will support J.Lo…looking what they probably consider “Fierce”…well into J.Lo’s 90s…it’s just their way..

Posted in:Jennifer Lopez|SFW

2015

11

Jun

Alena Blohm for Free People of the Day

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Alena Blohm has ruined all the other girls for me…but more importantly…she has reminded my how shitty my reality is…in being a hot fucking German pile of amazing I want to stick my dick in like that time I stuck my dick in a pile of spaghetti noodles because a friend told me it felt better than sex…and it didn’t…

Alena Blohm has made me want to break up with all my imaginary model girlfriends, who don’t know I exist, so that I can focus my love on her…..I feel like when you know you know…it’s like why bother with anyone else, when you’ve found all you’ve ever looked for..

Sure, I’m not about to delete tinder for this bitch, I mean it’s not like she’s sucking my dick every night and making me hate her, as girls do…she’s can’t expect more than I’m already giving, and I’m sure she’s not, you know…as she doesn’t know I exist..

It’s a general theme in my life…

Posted in:Alena Blohm|SFW

2015

11

Jun

Givenchy’s New Campaign Seems Interesting of the Day

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Fashion

The models in this campaign are: Candice Swanepoel, Jamie Bochert, Mariacarla Boscono and Frankie Rayder

The directors are Mert & Marcus, just a couple of fashion homos who made a lot of noise with some shit they did with Miley and some other shit they did with Rihanna, because I guess these assholes are massive and book a lot of good celebrity filled jobs…they’ve pulled off the scam…make the people with money believe..

That said, this concept, girls in an opulent place, dressed up all fancy like they were going to a ball, in an erra when people went to balls, and didn’t just suck balls because they were rich..you know the kind of “getting dressed up like this isn’t public high school prom”…before all the Beyonce’s and Rihanna started showing up in outfits they got at the sex shop…

ALl while playing basketball, riding BMXes, skipping…wtf…this shit almost blew my mind if their depth of polarized themes “why are these dressed up girls doing stuff they’d do at the gym, in a nice mansion”…wasn’t low level creativity…

I still dig it…

Posted in:SFW|stepFASHION

2015

11

Jun

Stella Maxwell By David Bellemere for Marie Claire of the DAy

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That sounded like a horrible poem, far too french for my liking, since French people are the fucking worst, except maybe the French girl I met on tinder who always begs me for anal, without even knowing me…or the French girl on snapchat who constantly shows me how small her vagina is – with excitement…like “Look How Small I Am even though I am 30”..because maybe French people aren’t the worst, they just have a bad attitude because they’ve figured it out and what they’ve figured out is that everyone else is a trashy fucking idiot who lives life wrong, while they are out topless on the beach…drunk..and rockin’ bush..

That said, David Bellemere is my favorite photographer and he’s really fucking winning at this photography thing…recently hired by Victoria’s Secret for the brand turn around…and taking fucking over…one half naked sexy pic at a time…

Here he is with Stella Maxwell, from Victoria’s Secret….making magic…I am a fan.

Posted in:SFW|Stella Maxwell

2015

11

Jun

Amber Heard for Elle Magazine of the Day

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If you want to see a homewrecker in a magazine being boring – here’s Amber Heard….

Everyone likes to point the finger at her for being a young harlot, trying to lure in fantasy man Johnny Depp so that she could be by his side into his 60s and 70s, every woman’s dream, I think I read Kate Moss wanted that but got the fuck out when motherfucker turned 30 and was old news…because actors are little bitches, and listening them complain about prostate issues and all the other ailments…is just fucking awesome for a girl who makes her own money and needs none of that shit…

Like all predator situations, it is more likely that creepy old man Depp, who always cheated on his French baby momma, fell for AMber Heard, because he could smell her youth…and the producers she fucked to get to where she was, starring next to him…and like a predator thanks to his Testosterone shots and viagra, he attacked…and she made him make an honest woman out of her…otherwise she’d have none of that cheating shit…

Not that I like to analyze relationships of these idiots, it’s just that these pics of her are so fucking boring that I am reminded she’s no longer the bisexual attention seeker, but a wife…and as we all know..wife’s suck..usually pretty well..because they want anything but their husband inside them…True story….don’t believe me? Just ask your wife.

Posted in:Amber Heard|SFW

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