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Archive for the SFW Category

2013

18

Oct

2 Drunk Australians, 1 Taser of the Day

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As an alcoholic, I think I’ve realized that being drunk doesn’t necessarily make life more fun, it just makes the boring times more tolerable because your judgement is clouded and you do things your sober self would think is idiotic, like playing with a low level taser, or more importantly, bringing home fat dirty chicks and having unprotected sex with them, even cumming inside them, getting them pregnant enough to guilt you into marrying them and never leaving their side, because that’s what a good dude does…when if you were sober, you’d just go home and jerk off…

These Australians, are ridiculous, but this video made me laugh…and it will make you laugh too…

Or maybe you like weird Brazilan bike thief videos….

Or maybe you like Russians slapping up Americans on a train videos…

Posted in:SFW|Videos

2013

17

Oct

Kylie Minogue’s 2014 Calendar of the Day

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Breast Cancer survivor Kylie Minogue has a 2014 Calendar out, which makes sense because she’s in her 40s, and still remembers a time when calendars were relevant, and people did not have computers or smart phones…you know a simpler time when creepers would put their favorite pin-up in their locker at the shop, or in the garage they worked at, because knowing the date comes in handy while counting the days off until you die…

I don’t know if this is a breast cancer campaign, which would make sense, because why would she need the 500 dollars she’ll make selling these to her 8 fans who would actually pay for this…while the other 30 fans she’s got will wait until 2015 when they can pick it up for a discount….

But I do know that she’s looking pretty fucking awesome considering everything she’s been through, like being born in the 60s.

If that doesn’t excite you – because Calendars are Some Dated Shit – Here’s a fashion video she did for GQ Germany…

Posted in:Kylie Minogue|SFW

2013

16

Oct

Motorboating for Breast Cancer of the Day

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This Motorboating for breast cancer is a funny concept, especially when starring harmless nerds, but a fail on my end..because I should be the one doing this shit in a mask….cuz masking perversion with Charity is pretty much how the entire world works…and something I should take part in…

Because from Corporate world to pretty much anything, the big money offices are filled with fucking perverts, who know how to play their pervert shit so much smarter than me…and make real stupid money with it…Make it work for you motherfuckers…smart hustle…

Posted in:SFW|Videos

2013

14

Oct

Jimmy Kimmel Takes Blind People Shooting of the Day

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I haven’t figured out how I feel about Jimmy Kimmel…he’s a bit of a muppet idiot and I don’t generally find him funny, but his team has successfully penetrated the internet….and figured out how to use their big budget ABC PR people to make shit go viral…but he’s also successfully penetrated Sarah Silverman….

So part of me wants to hate him, part of me doesn’t care, part of me wonders why he exists, and part of me almost respects what he does…which doesn’t matter…

What matters is that people are criticizing him for taking blind people out shooting, but he’s just making a point that issuing giving gun licenses to blind people like they are in some states is insane…because it is insane…so as much as I don’t like endorsing anything…this video’s got my emoji thumbs up.

Posted in:Jimmy Kimmel|SFW

2013

11

Oct

stepGIRLS Wrestling in American Apparel of the Day

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In case you’re not up on the stepGIRLS movement…you’re an idiot and I hate you…but more importantly, they are girls who are part of our extended family, all over 18, who we can’t get in trouble by their mom’s for falling in love with, like we were Woody Allen, because they aren’t legally bound to us, just emotionally…

In case you’re not up on the DrunkenStepfather philosophy, it’s written at the top of the page..you see we like having fun with pretty girls and sometimes we take pictures…and sometimes that fun and those pictures are inspired by wrestling…and taken in front of a 3 million dollar Riopelle painting…because sometimes we like being classy even though my life is pretty much fucking homeless…all thanks to you not making me famous,

They are wearing AMERICAN APPAREL …clothing I like to thank for making girls more open minded about no bras and nipples…and even under such violent conditions…these stepGIRLS look like an angels sent from heaven to ruin your life…because you’ll get addicted…and there is no rehab for this kind of love…

Enjoy…

GET HOT CLOTHES FOR HOT GIRLS TO MODEL FOR YOU HERE

Posted in:Photos|SFW|stepEXCLUSIVE|stepGIRLS

2013

10

Oct

Adrienne Bailon in a Bathing Suit for a Charity of the Day

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I only make fun of celebrities…because I think everyday girls who don’t necessarily aspire to be famous…and even if they do aspire to be famous but aren’t famous…are ok…even if they are awkwardly shaped…it’s the ones who make millions off their shit that make me mad…

That’s the general misconception the lesbians don’t understand about what I do…I tear apart bitches who have won the lottery…I don’t hit instagram and tell off everyday girls and make fun of their GUNTS, or their Sloppy tits, or their cellulite ass…because they aren’t marketed as being perfect celebrities or reaping the rewards…

So despite this Adrienne Bailon having a wikipedia, she’s in her 30s, and pretty much probably makes less money than you for her “celebrity”…slotting her into a normal…at a charity…in a bathing suit…and we like charitable people helping the world…especially when it requires stripping down and getting wet…

TO SEE THE REST OF THE PICS CLICK HERE

Posted in:Adrienne Bailon|SFW

2013

10

Oct

Shay Mitchell in Some Hot Shoot of the Day

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Shay Mitchell is some actress from some show called Pretty Little Liars…she is from Canada, which would be more exciting for me if Canada was actual the way Americans interpret it, you know a small village where we all know each other, and get together in our igloos for the yearly seal hunt…that always ends in some beaver pelt trading…maple syrup eating…all set to the sounds of Avril Lavigne, Nickelback and Celine Dion…because if that was the case, I would know this girl, and probably have at least one illegitimate kid with her…because Canada also has deadbeat dads….

She’s very fucking lovely…at least in this photoshoot. I’m not sure where it is fun, but I’m a fan…

Posted in:SFW|Shay Mitchell

2013

09

Oct

Kate Upton Has Sex with a Hot Pocket for Money or Hot Pockets of the Day

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This hot pocket campaign with Snoop and Kate Upton would make sense if Kate Upton wasn’t an awkwardly shaped fat girl in training….a model who despite all her fame and success is plus sized…because seeing her have sex with her hot pocket…hits way too close to home…it reminds me of when she’s alone in her apartment and no one is watching all eating her feelings…and the worst thing in all this is that Upton actually begged for the gig and offered to do it for a lifetime supply of the pizza treat…no money…just cheesy meaty goodness…because you know this is how she actually gets off..right?

.

Posted in:Kate Upton|SFW

2013

09

Oct

Miley Cyrus in a Bra at her Listening Party of the Day

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I don’t understand why anyone hates Miley Cyrus or her hustle…but people are hating…but for every hater there’s 10 people loving her shit…I mean how can you not love it…

She’s a small framed popstar with a toned stomach….not afraid of putting herself out there or showing off her nipples…and really that to me is more than enough…but she even goes even beyond that…and every move may be calculated…contrived and strategic…but it’s not a negative thing…I mean pop music is shit…Miley just brings more excitement to it…

She had a listening party last night, I got myself invited to it when it was already too late to go, but if I was there, I would have totally held her hand and tried to get her pregnant, because to me…Miley is pretty perfect…except when she talks…but from this perspective..sitting on my soiled couch…we don’t have that issue.

TO SEE THE REST OF THE PICS CLICK HERE

Posted in:Miley Cyrus|SFW

2013

09

Oct

Candice Swanepoel Instagram Erotica of the Day

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A few weeks ago…I said that I was tired of Candice Swanepoel…that her amazing Victoria’s Secret body was boring, and repetitive, and that she was old and over exposed…that Victoria’s Secret shoved her down our throats too many times…and that I was done with her and ready to move my obsessive compulsive disorder onto new models…but then today, I went to her instagram…and I learned to love again, she’s so solid…that her body should be what all girls look like…you know the mainstream average measurements…instead of all the genetically modified shit you see every time you leave your house…it would be a far better world to live in….

Here’s another video….

She is amazing…

Posted in:Candice Swanepoel|SFW