SFW Archives - Page 725 of 1169 Archive - DrunkenStepFather.com

2017

05

Jan

Josephine Skriver Robot Poses with Skis of the Day

Robot woman….has been lent out to other brands to model…because VS is trying to recoup their investment on Josephine Skriver – the vagina Victoria’s Secret created in a lab…very very expensive…the first prototype always is….you just breaking even when you use the technology developed on her on other girls…building out the army

You probably don’t care about Josephine Skriver, or know her story, but those of you who do have heard this romantic story…that is great for the media and PR…something people talk about…and that story is about a gay and lesbian biologist who were so desperate to have kids in a country where DNA / Cloning was legal at the time….so they did it themselves in the lab…because saying “we genetically coded a robot human model to exploit as hard as we can to save money on model expenses – as a team of robot models that are perfect to our standards – like how UBER wants their self driving cars”…..you know logical business…is less sellable and creepy…

But billion dollar businesses are all fucking creepy….

Here she is in some skiing fetish erotica..that is not erotic…unless you have a ski fetish, and when ski suits are the bikinis of you town…it can be erotic…it’s like some 80s or 90s ski magic when tight ski pants were everything…

Posted in:Josephine Skriver|SFW

2017

05

Jan

Salma Hayek’s in GQ Mexico of the Day

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Salma Hayek may be old, washed up, boring….because she’s rich and has made it in America as a Mexican import who barely speaks english, unless that’s just part of her act, you know to get all the Mexican roles…she’s probably from New Jersey and this is all lies where she milks being a Mexican you want to milk, and wish was illegally working in your house cleaning and taking care of your kids for a dollar a day – so that you can Arnold Schwarzenegger her – but realize it’s a fantasy – because she’s not an illegal…and more importantly…because you don’t have a dollar a day to pay her if she was…sadness…

But she’s still Salma Hayek…and that’s all I have to say about that..

Posted in:Salma Hayek|SFW

2017

05

Jan

Alessandra Ambrosio and her Friends Topless in Bikinis of the Day

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Alessandra Ambrosio is in a bikini with her friends – doing the classic topless with her friends butt shot pic you’ve seen before, or at least that I’ve seen before…

So she’s a bikini model…and as I’ve discussed earlier…I fucking love bikinis…more than girls naked and fucking…more than girls in their underwear…more than the girl in the bikinis…the bikini is where the magic happens…unless they wear it too long while it is wet and it gives them a yeast infection…because yeast infections smell…while bikinis don’t smell even when they do smell because represent so much more good in the world than the girl wearing them…they are a spiritual experience…

What isn’t a spiritual experience is Alessandra Ambrosio the old mom in a bikini again…I mean she probably thinks some gods found her and made this happen but she bores me, even though this is kind of what she does…and has always done it and is amazing she still does it…or people want her doing it….and pay her to do it…but they do…because they are lazy, she’s got a name, and they like doing what they are told to do…they see her as status…even when there is far more hot young pussy out there better suited…

Here are pics of her and her friends – I have no idea who they are – but jerking off to people’s vacation pics – is always the best…it is one of those sacred things we’ve lost now that social media is less about the subtle and occasional bikini pic here and there…but is straight bikini photoshoots…that get boring.

Posted in:Alessandra Ambrosio|SFW

2017

05

Jan

Mariah Carey Still Exists of the Day

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Everyone is talking about Mariah Carey, even this little kid in the grocery store who I guess watched the ball drop like his creepy coach tried to watch his ball drop on New Years, and was talking about how pathetic a lip syncer Mariah Carey, someone he probably shouldn’t know because he’s 10 and the last 10 years of Mariah Carey have been coasting…

And Mariah Carey is posting weird hot tub in a party dress videos…to divert attention from the fact that all these people Lip Sync, but most are less drunk or medicated and don’t do as shitty of a job…

But Mariah Carey, the narcissist, medicated, weirdo mess – won’t take accountability, or admit failure, she will just post pics like this weirdness to stroke her ego more than it has already been stroked…becasue she’s a crazy person – who had some kind of breakdown at least once – because that’s what happens when you’re a crazy person with an ego, too much money, surrounded by coddlers who feed that ego….you can do no wrong…even when you do wrong..because you’ve won…

I am not sure what’s going on in this instagram pic…but it’s amazing…so many layers of nuts…

Posted in:Mariah Carey|SFW

2017

04

Jan

Maria Sharapova is a Cheater in a Bikini of the Day

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I’ve had three major traffic on this site, where I hit over 300,000 people in one day, the biggest day was when I was given the Farrah Abraham squirting clip promoting her first sex tape and Gawker linked it up…

The second was the first 6 weeks of doing the site when Maria Sharapova was on the beach in a yellow bikini – pulling sand out of her vagina…a post that went viral before viral was a thing…it was 2004…a post that ended up inspiring at least 2-3 people I know to become big players in the internet space….a post that made me feel the need to update this bullshit for the rest of my fucking life…because so many people don’t care about me – or my jokes but they care about people in bikinis…making a stupid fucking life for myself….and 12 years later…I’m still doing it…like a fool…for no money or reason….

So in a lot of ways, Maria Sharapova is my spirit animal…my soul sister…my partner…my enemy…the devil…but she’s still doing what she was doing then….and so am I…so maybe we’re on some path we gotta stick to….her in bikinis…now that she’s allowed to play tennis again…an me running the most irrelevant blog on the internet…both of us better 12 years ago…but still here…one more athletic than the other…both performance enhancement drug users!

TO SEE THE REST OF THE PICS CLICK HERE

Posted in:Maria Sharapova|SFW

2017

04

Jan

Bella Thorne is Still in Bahamas of the Day

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In this day and age – we are so obsessed with girls being naked, or half naked, you know stripping down and showing bikini or panties, or bare asshole spread so I can imagine tonguing it as she licks my ass while jerking me off….you know 69 the Asshole edition….and Bella Thorne knows it..

She knows she’s long and lean and has a rocking body. She knows that the world needs a hot redhead and she’s it. She knows that when you’re raised on porn, sex is different, outlook on sex is different, anal is first date behavior, so are gangbangs, orgies, rape fetishes…so half naked pics aren’t a big deal…that shit is G Rated…G Rated we can all jerk off to because bikinis are fucking wonderful..

I like what she’s bringing to the world…it’s easy, not complicated, basic, and perfect…

Here she is in her underwear….

Posted in:Bella Thorne|SFW

2017

04

Jan

Ariel WInter’s Butt in a Bikini of the Day

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Ariel Winter posted a butt shot…and she’s laying on her stomach…because she doesn’t want to take away from her butt shot by ruining it with her big round belly….even though people only like her for her tits…and this posting the ass is just confusing what she’s known for, what she’s about..

I think she looks like a vile little troll, but I never watched the show and I never developed an emotional relationship with her tits that keep on growing….I didn’t cry when they were reduced and reshaped….and I didn’t celebrate when they grew back in from eating…

I just know that all 18 year olds are firm, tight, and even the fat ones are good enough to stare at – because they haven’t hit their mid 20s – early 30s slump all girls experience – where girls start to melt and turn sloppy because the best years are behind them…where their boyfriends jerk off to pics of them in high school because her body caught up with her big tits.. who cares

Posted in:Ariel Winter|SFW

2017

04

Jan

Iliza Shlesinger Nude Selfie of the Day

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Iliza Shlesinger is a Last Comic Standing winner….you’ve probably never heard of her because no one has ever watched Last Comic Standing…and she won in 2008 and it was probably because they were being criticized for not having enough female winners…

I hate female comedians…I mean I hate all comedians, but female ones more than males, they just aren’t funny….

It’s a series of “wish I was an actress, but I’m too ugly, so I’m going to use this angle”…that in this feminist world works….

The female audience is the market, leaving male comedians to be pussy nerds rather than misogynist assholes, and females to be as vulgar and I guess vulgar as they can…just to get noticed…which is in line with this girl’s approach to selfies…show them jewish tits..exist…good job.

Posted in:Iliza Shlesinger|SFW

2017

04

Jan

Rose Bertram is the Model in Dubai of the Day

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Rose Bertram is a Sports Illustrated model – in her bikini in Dubai…possibly getting shit on by very rich Arab men in the timeless joke about instagram models heading over to Dubai on the private jet to give these rich dudes a taste of America…because it actually happens…so much so that if I was a model…I wouldn’t tag Dubai…just to try to pretend I’m not a fucking hooker on a free trip…or on a “job”…for some rich dude’s fake bikini company that involves being shit on by him and his friends….because we know they have the money…we know models love money and we know Rose Bertram and her big tits isn’t making that money in the legitimate way and a girl’s got needs…

Posted in:Rose Bertram|SFW

2017

04

Jan

Hilary Duff Peeing in the Pool of the Day

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In very important news, Hilary Duff’s flight out of Hawaii was delayed, so she got to spend another day to celebrate, and what better way than to soak her big juicy booty that I love…in what I assume is taking a pee in the pool but not taking a pee on my face…

TO SEE THE REST OF THE PICS CLICK HERE

Posted in:Hilary Duff|SFW

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