SFW Archives - Page 929 of 1169 Archive - DrunkenStepFather.com

2016

22

Mar

Bella Thorne Went to the Gym of the Day

Bella Thorne’s got a tight fucking body…and she’s got this shameless self promotion that is subtle, even comedic, in a fun and innocent way, an art I assume she crafted in her 40 years of trying to become famous, before realizing “just pretent to be 17 (now 18)”…unless she’s just a product of stage parents, who moved to LA to exploit their kids, and she is, up on some Taylor Swift kick, but without the shitty songs, but instead an acting career she subsidizes, since actors make shit money, by social media whoring….in all the right ways..

Her caption was: I usually don’t do upper body..but I was down to do a little back 🙂 I’m bringing sexy back. Get it..? I’m working out my back..?

Brilliant…relevant..current…now…ass…that ass…straddling..good job Disney, or whoever created her…it’s been a solid campaign…

Posted in:Bella Thorne|SFW

2016

22

Mar

Cindy Crawford for Zoo Magazine of the Day

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Cindy Crawford is older than the airstream she’s posing in…but she still looks good…I guess….I mean if botox on leathery cleavage is your thing..

There’s this thing called aging gracefully, where you age gracefully, and you don’t come out of the woodwork to show the world you can still model, we know you can still model, it’s not like being a model is difficult, just let us keep the memory of you…

Maybe I just hate watching women age because it reminds me of my own mortality….yeah that’s probably it…it’s got nothing to do with preferring grapes to raisins in an era when I can also just reference the gapes…using google search..to look at her old pics, I don’t need her to prove shit to me – she’s Cindy Crawford.

Posted in:Cindy Crawford|SFW

2016

22

Mar

Chemotherapy Selena Gomez Demonstrates the Side Effects of Chemotherapy of the Day

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This is just like when you see those Bald Headed kids who ACTUALLY get chemotherapy going to Disneyworld before the premature death…you know because Selena Gomez has a terminal disease called Lupus, and last year decided to exploit her Chemo because she knew it sounded dramatic to boost sales and garner sympathy, a TAYLOR SWIFT marketing tactic…garbage..

Only in Selena Gomez’s case it involves partying at her cousins party, and throwing up in an elevator, you know side effects of Chemo are rough…

Posted in:Selena Gomez|SFW

2016

22

Mar

Courtney Stodden is a Monster in a Bikini of the Day

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The highlight of my life was when I got invited to Courtney Stodden’s Halloween party back when she was the 17 year old bride who was actually 40 at the time, using an angel people bought, like she was Bella Thorne….but now, Courtney Stodden is not a funny novelty, her age has caught up to her, her plastic surgery has failed her harder than her sex tape, and her shameless attempts to promote herself with any angle that sticks, in this case TRUMP, is just pathetic….but I still think she represents the American dream, which may be terrifying, because it is…so graceful and harder faced that Shauna Sand and her dick..

Here’s a video from her social…

Posted in:Courtney Stodden|SFW

2016

22

Mar

Megan Irwin is Amazing of the Day

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I know what you’re thinking “I wonder if Megan Irwin is Steve Irwin’s daughter, you know the Crocodile Hunter, because that would be amazing, that guy was great before being dead”…

Because that is the only Australian Irwin I know, and you work by associatio because you’re half retarded and don’t think rationally that another Irwin could grace this earth..

Then you find out that this Megan Irwin, the most incredible looking model I’ve seen today, is actually Australian and assume that they must be related, that’s how she got into the industry, through ZOOLOGY, because Australia is an island populated by criminals from the Europe, leading to a limited depth in gene pool, but then why are all Australians so good looking, drunk, and a good time…if incest was really as bad as the hicks in the Ozarks make it look…

Either way, Australia or not, I’d still fuck her if she was my sister…that’s what this is about right? Megan Irwin being the future or something? Right…

BONUS – She’s one of the babes in Mario Testino’s Vogue Australia Shoot

Posted in:Megan Irwin|SFW

2016

22

Mar

Em Rat Cow is So Busted of the Day

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I didn’t want to post this pics, or endorse or support Em Rat Cow more than I already have, not because I hate her, I just think she’s overrated garbage that belongs in a strip club, unless her parents are rich, in which case dancing in the bottle service booth with other rich guys she fucks…

I don’t think she should be in movies or TV, because some misguided (word of the day) producer fucked her, likes her tits, or thinks Hype means dollar signs…even if the hype is just social media hype, not real hype, or talent or compelling anything, but tits…

Sure tits have historically got girls so far ahead, but we are in a world where we have options and just because these tits got millions of followers by being tits, doesn’t mean all the other tits out there don’t matter…so next time you see some tits, tell those tits you care, and that Em Rat Cow and her shitty face, even if she’s not a shitty person, but probably is, isn’t the only tits in the world, despite what Em Rat Cow is trying to say…or thinks…

She’s just like TILA TEQUILA from myspace, millions of followers, give her a show, let her ride hight 2-4 years, before self destructing because bitch never had it, it was all inflated lies…

She’s Had her 5 minutes – give it to someone else goddamn it..

THAT SAID…she’s got an amazing body.

Posted in:Emily Ratajkowski|SFW

2016

22

Mar

Kendall Jenner is Not a Self Involved Cunt of the Day

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I guess seeing Kendall Jenner staring at herself would make you think “damn, this girl is a self involved cunt”…well that’s just obvious, when you’re in a family of self involved cunts, you need to be a self involved cunt, because otherwise you starve…despite your hired help feeding you, but you know what I mean, and that’s if your own parents only like you because you are an extension of themselves and can’t bother with you because they are too into themselves, you gotta do you…or some shit.

So I just see it more as a shameless plug to a brand she has obligations to because they paid her, and she’s attempting to be more creative than just posting the catalog pic, because Kendall Jenner is not just art people, but also an artist, or that’s what she’s like to believe because no one likes the reality that they are just a puppet, modern version of an Avon lady, peddling product to about 2 million half retards worldwide, in a country with 350 million people…

She’s garbage…but that goes without saying..

Posted in:Kendall Jenner|SFW

2016

22

Mar

Alessandra Ambrosio for a Magazine of the Day

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When you’re raised in Brazilian Poverty…or really in Brazil in general, because it is a dangerous place at least according to Liveleak, where shit like this – happens to girls on the regular:

You take advantage of you tall model body and the mid 2000 Brazil hype you call the “blessing” your catholic god has given you to be a nude or half nude model for an evil billion dollar corporation, to help put Brazil on the map, or to at least make money so you and your family never have to work again….you don’t let a pregnancy ruin your fucking body like you were arrogant Adriana Lima, just too cocky in her look to really stop from being a mom by 30…

Unless she was bred in a Victoria’s Secret lab in the middle of the Brazilian jungle using technology and medical procedures that aren’t regulated there…

Either way, what I am trying to say, is that despite her no contraception thanks to a love for Jesus and the Pope practices, her kids haven’t destroyed her from being fit as fuck..

Unless this is photoshop – which it can’t be, there’s no way..

Old News (literally), Shit pics (definitely)

Posted in:Alessandra Ambrosio|SFW

2016

22

Mar

Pam Anderson’s Misguided Photoshoot for Misguided of the Day

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Canada’s own, Pam Anderson is the face of some brand called misguided, and we can assume that the only misguided person was the person booking Pam Anderson for the job, because she’s washed up despite beating Hepatitis, she’s 48, (sure she is) and she’s still half naked modeling because it is all she knows…

It’s not that I hate Pam Anderson, I don’t think I ever jerked off to her, but I didn’t mind the cheesy 90s fake tit, blonde hair, petite body image she created and everyone imitated…

She was the low level celebrity, sex tape peddling, shameless and nude with a ton of work done, that led to a generation of stripper looking women who looked like bootleg versions of her, paving the way for Kim Kardashian to do the same thing, just with being fat, brown and doughy with a small waist….Yes, they are the same person…different generations and different levels of plastic but still what girls turned to do define what guys wanted to fuck…while Pam Anderson was always fuckable and still is, while Kim K is just a fucking monster…

I guess what I am saying, if they are going for 90s washed up, they shoulda used Mr Belding and Pauley Shore…because at least there’s more comedy than sadness with them doing sexy shoots…because seeing her model is sad…she must be an investor in the company..

Posted in:Pam Anderson|SFW

2016

22

Mar

Adele Twerking Disturbs me of the Day

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I saw this video of Adele twerking the other day and had no real interest in posting it – mainly because I don’t like fat chicks, especially since Adele is one of those real fat chicks who can’t even find pants that fit her, so instead wears large pieces of fabric wrapped around her to cover up…

She’s the best selling “artist” around, but that doesn’t me her jiggling on stage, something she’s calling a twerk, isn’t anything more than just bending over…and moving slightly for the wave of fat to follow.

If anything, she’s just like your lonely never married aunt at a family wedding with one too many drinks in her…grinding up against one of the groomsmen because she hasn’t had a dick in her for decades, not that Adele doens’t fuck or have kids, it’s just that she probably shouldn’t fuck because it’s a terrible visual, one that hits closer to home when she’d doing this. Terrible…

Posted in:Adele|SFW|Videos

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