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Archive for the Tits Category

2008

16

Dec

Topanga’s Got Fat Tits of the Day

5 Comments »

Danielle Fischel is the weird looking girl who I wouldn’t have molested like she was Miley Cyrus, had I been a producer on the show. The truth is that I never really understood why she was the love interest of that annoying Savage kid, I just assumed her dad was industry or some shit. Now, Danielle Fischel remains a weird lookin’ girl, but she’s added fat to that list.

Since I know some of you were obsessed with this bitch, because I get emails about her more often than I’d like to admit, I figured I’d show you at her getting honored at one of her favorite stomping grounds….a restaurant. Sure, Planet Hollywood doesn’t have the all you can eat buffet she’s into, but food is food and I guess she’s still raking in royalties that allow her to order more than one main course.


If you’re interested, here’s some pics of her making out with a chick, the truth is the girl ate the last piece of pie and Topanga’s trying to get it in her belly where it belongs…
GO

Posted in:Danielle Fischel|Tits|Topanga

2008

09

Dec

Nicole Scherzinger’s Got Some Rubber Pants to Match Her Rubber Tits of the Day

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Nothing says Christmas Spirit like throwing some Christmas themed event and booking the Pussycat Dolls to perfom in their PVC outfits that you wouldn’t see at a fucking strip club, mainly because strippers can’t afford these expensive constumes, but also because the shit is a pain in the ass to peel off and the only thing it’s really good for is festering some interesting rancid smells from a sweaty pussy in a fabric that doesn’t breathe, and I know that’s been on the top of my Christmas list for years, tis the fucking season…..

Posted in:Latex|Nicole Scherzinger|PVC|Tits

2008

09

Dec

Helen Mirren One Piece Bathing Suit Seductress of the Day

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Here are some pictures of Helen Mirren proving that the one piece bathing suits aren’t just for fat insecure 12 year old girls at the public pool, but also work out pretty nicely for menopausal, busty, older actresses. So I guess you’re never too old to cover up that sloppy body while still managing to turn me on. It could be my fever talking but I like to think it’s got more to do with those tits. What I would do to change that diaper….

Posted in:Bathing Suit|Helen Mirren|One Piece|Tits

2008

04

Dec

Chelsy Davy’s Personal Bikini Pictures Exclusive of the Day

6 Comments »

I don’t expect you to know who Chelsy Davy is because she’s dating Prince Harry and has been for 4 years and you’re not quite classy enough to keep track of the Royal Family, not that I am classy enough to know who Chelsy Davy is, because I don’t keep track of the Royal Family, unless you consider me collecting change on the street corner keeping track of the Queen, because her face is on all Canadian money, and I have jerked off to her at least once when material was scarce and all I had on me was a quarter and my imagination, but that doesn’t matter.

The truth is that I am not classy enough to do much, just last week I got kicked out of a McDonald’s. It was at 3 am, I was drunk and they rudely woke me up while I was peacifully napping on the bathroom floor with my pants pulled down and the stall door left open, so this high society shit is pretty much beyond me, but I do know that this girl’s got some pretty solid tits, sure if I was a Prince, I’d be pullin’ substantially better ass than this, not that it would be that hard, considering I’m not a Prince and have landed better ass than this, she was easy and hated herself so it wasn’t that challenging, but more a right time, right place situation that gave me hope of a better tomorrow. True story.

Here are those personal pics of the Prince’s future wife.

Posted in:Bikini|Chelsy Davy|Tits

2008

02

Dec

Paris Hilton’s Push Up Bra Magic of the Day

5 Comments »

The single Paris Hilton is really out on the prowl, you know with wearing latex every chance she gets, trying to convince us that she’s this outrageous fuck, but like every slut who dresses like she’s in some kind fetish club chained to a fucking wall getting gang raped, she’s just fronting for the laziness that we’ve all seen and know, because she’s the kind of girl who loves herself so much, that she thinks just being present while getting slammed is enough fucking effort in making the sex a good experience. The truth is, a lot of people have taken her on a ride, but just because she’s got herpes, doesn’t mean she knew what she was doing when getting it, like this dumb bitch I know who got drunk and let her first boyfriend go down on her when he had a coldsore, not realizing that coldsores are fucking herpes and can scab your shit up and was now tainted and still a fucking virgin and who didn’t get it by being strapped to a fucking wall getting gang raped, like a real sexual liberated deviant who earned her herpes would.

Either way, she’s really got some skills in making her tits look bigger than they actually are and I guess that should count for something, even if that something is trickery that pisses me the fuck off because I like knowing what I am getting myself into, even if it’s in my imagination, because I’d never fuck Paris Hilton, mainly because she’d never fuck me, but also because it’d end up being a story that inspires an episode of CSI, because I hate her and hate fucking usually ends up in a crime scene, and I’d just plead self defense, cuz that pussy is a biological weapon.

Posted in:cleavage|Paris Hilton|Push Up Bra|Tits

2008

02

Dec

Melinda Messenger’s Got Some Big Tits of the Day

2 Comments »

This is some broken down UK slag, with the face a Thai discount plastic surgeon used to leaving surgical tools in patients would be proud of. She’s only in her late 30s, but still manages to look like the 50 year old rich mom’s with 75 year old husbands and 20 year old daughters, who spend their days getting their hair done while wearing their daughters’ slutty clothes and doing their daughters’ coke, while trying their hardest to get with their daughters’ male friends, because they can’t handle their husbands’ old limp dicks and hate themselves for leaving the party life at 30, to enter the fairy tale family life for security and because everyone around them told them it’d be a good opportunity. The good old days were their 20s, when they worked the dancefloor at the disco they worked at, fucking like there wasn’t a care in the world, being passed around like the whores that they are, before being swept off their feet by a doctor or lawyer who pursued them because they never had a girlfriend and were too busy making enough money to sway any desperate, money hungry slut with not direction to become their wife and baby mommas.

Either way, her cleavage is pretty insane. I wonder how many CCs she’s got in there.

Posted in:Melinda Messenger|Tits

2008

02

Dec

Hayley Marie Norman’s Tits of the Day

14 Comments »


haley marie norman in crash by mrstrongback

Her name is Hayley Marie Norman and I know pretty much nothing about her, other than watching her take a shower reminds me of the days I used to jerk off to National Geographic. Now I am not sure if that is racist, but it’s not meant to be, it’s meant to imply that those titties look like they’re straight from the tribe and have never seen a bra before, but have seen a lot of breast feeding in her 24 years and I’d say the same thing if she was white. If anything, she’s just perpetuating stereotypes, like this black neighbor I have who is lazy, smokes pot all day and tries to bang fat white chicks, or the Chinese guy I met the other day who owns a restaurant and likes computers, or the Jewish guy who has a big nose and doesn’t like tipping, so don’t hate me for saying it, hate her for living it.

Before getting married, I used to hate seeing nipples aim to the ground, but have since got over it because most tits that sag are hotter than the tits I’ve been milking the last 8 years and that’s the end of this post.

Posted in:Hayley Marie Norman|Tits

2008

02

Dec

Jessica Alba for Campari of the Day

5 Comments »

As an alcoholic, I’ve made it a point to try as many types of booze as possible. You know, if I was working landscaping or doing construction on houses I’d always manage to find the liquor cabinet to sneak a swig or two to get me through the day while pretending I was lost lookin’ for the bathroom. Drinking on the job never got me fired, but being caught stealing booze has, and I think it’s been worth it.

From what I remember, Campari is some rich person grapefruit drink, that you’d need to either have a vag or treat you ass like it was a vag to really appreciate and in my time drinking, I have never heard anyone order the shit, but then again, I only go out in places that only sell vodka, rum, whiskey and beer, but I like to assume that with the economic crisis, people have cut back on these fruity drinks, and are spending their hard earned borrowed money on drinks that actually kill the pain. At least that would explain why they got Alba to be the spokesperson for the shit, because we all know she’s desperate for work and exposure since her baby making fiasco, and I am sure they got her on a fucking discount.

I guess it’s nice to see her getting work, you know since she’s pretty much ruined herself and I was convinced this pregnancy was going to be the end of her, not that doing a photoshoot for some alcohol company is really getting work as an actor, not that she’s an actor, because she is more of a whore milking out a name she created for herself by having tits than a true artist who values her craft and protects the name she’s created for herself. As long as you’ve got you checkbook out, she’ll be there, probably because she’s only got a small window of opportunity, and you might as well take what you get, at least that’s what I told myself when I married my disgusting wife, I figure, who needs dignity, when you can have free rent.

Posted in:Campari|Jessica Alba|Tits

2008

25

Nov

Rihanna’s Tits Throwback of the Day

4 Comments »

Here’s some throwback pictures of Rihanna at the AMAs a couple of days ago. I got into a fight with a friend because he told me how she’s gone to shit and I took it personal, not because I am the kind of guy who sits around on Xbox Live talking to other dudes about whether a celebrity is hot or not, because I’m not, I generally think they all fucking suck and I talk about them enough in a day to never talk about them again, since I never gave a fuck about this shit, proven in pretty much everything I write, but there’s just something about Rihanna. Maybe it’s got something to do with my plantation fetish, but I think it’s got more to do with her being the biggest thing in music and having a decent attitude about shit because she comes from poverty in the Islands and now she’s on top of her fuckin’ game, sure she’s thick, but when in some ridiculous fetish costume out of one of your Warrior Princess fantasies, her tits look like they are catching up to that dumpy ass, and I can only assume it’s pregnancy, it happens. They’re fertile, just roll through your local Wal Mart, you’ll see a whole lot of local Rihannas pushin’ their single mother strollers…..true story.

Posted in:Rihanna|Tits

2008

25

Nov

Tila Tequila’s Got a See Through Shirt of the Day

3 Comments »

Tila Tequila was at the Pussycat Doll event and like all girls wanted to be the center of attention in the room. You know how competitive women are, it’s some primitive animal instinct, where they try to be the bitch the stud decides to fuck, knock up so she can live her life purpose of procreation out, or some shit. So when the event is for a group of sluts, girls have to step the game up, slip into some lingerie, bondage gear, fetish shit, because it is the only way they will get noticed amongst the competition, even though every one in attendance, like Parish Hilton or Bai Ling, are the kind of girls you’d expect to walk in on getting fucked in the back alley, bathroom, dancefloor, VIP room, taxi on the way home, bedroom, and pretty much anywhere there is a hard penis, or phallic shaped object around. You know how the Pussycat dolls are, they like to keep it classy.

Posted in:Nipples|See Through|Tila Tequila|Tits