Unsorted Archives - Page 117 of 511 Archive - DrunkenStepFather.com

2007

09

Jul

I am – Lisa Rinna is a Fucking Clown of the Day

Lisa Rinna hasn’t done much since Melrose Place. If you are wondering why I know she was on Melrose Place, it’s because I keep track of all celebrities or semi-celebrities with big tits and a ton of plastic surgery, it’s kind of a hobbie. I also used to do pretty hard drugs in 1996 that left me on various couches with a group of people who were in love with the show and followed it like it was a fucking cult. I think one guy even got the shit tattooed on his back or something because he was crazy and thought he was living in the show but that’s not important.

What is important is seeing a bitch pick herself up from the depths of getting no work, and realize her place in society and that is being a clown at birthday parties. Here are some pictures of her in action but not in costume because if she gave the whole act away, no one would want to hire her.

I am really only posting these because her nipples are hard, she’s wet and she’s more flexible than my wife, which isn’t saying much, I think the Fridge is more flexible than her because it opens. I guess she’s just had nothing better to do than work out the last 11 years…

2007

09

Jul

I am – Alessandra Ambrosio Slutting out of the Day

2 Comments »

So these are some more pictures form the Ambrosio day at the beach that I didn’t bother posting because I figure you’ve all seen this bitch half naked and every other site beat me to it. Since I haven’t bothered checkin any other sites today because I was too busy getting a lunch at a place I always go on Monday’s because they have a $2 spaghetti special that I can’t pass up on because I love spaghetti it makes me feel so cultured and at $2 I can afford it because my wife doesn’t notice when I steal change….

Either way, one of the girls who works there an knows me started telling me how I scared off one of her waitress friends because I added her to facebook and asked her what she was wearing. For the last 2 months bitch has been running in the bathroom hiding when I get in and refuses to take my order or even make eye contact with me. Reality is I ask every girl what she is wearing whether she is hot or not, it’s just my way of communicating, I can’t get it up so any sexual harassment should be non-threatening, and people need to stop taking themselves so fucking seriously, they need to stop thinking that they are so fucking important and they should think I am out to get them because this is what I do all day, I don’t even remember half the shit I spew. Your life isn’t the O.C. and sometimes when you look at things as a joke it makes life a little more fun, instead of hiding in bathrooms you should just get on webcam and show me your fuckin’ tits.

That said, we should all take a little cue from Alessandra Ambrosio and how she isn’t taking life too seriously as she gets herpes in public.

2007

09

Jul

I am – Reese Witherspoon Scratching her Ass of the Day

6 Comments »

I just spent the last 10 minutes trying to sing a song to my wife about an itchy vagina. I was freestyling, because I am hip hop like that and she wasn’t having it. I came back to my computer and saw these pictures of Reese Witherspoon doing something up her skirt and I may not know exactly what she’s doing but I will post the lyrics to my rap. It’s really good so you may want to sit down for this one…or get up and sing it to yourself while throwin’ your hands up in the air.

my vagina is itchy….
i slept with a guy and now it’s itchy
oh my vagina is itchy
He was probably Bi and rockin H-P-V
I don’t remember cuz I was on GHB
Oh my vagina is itchy…

I don’t know why bitch is itching, maybe it’s because of the two kids that have passed through, maybe it’s bad hygiene, maybe it’s a bug bite or maybe it’s gotta do with the new cock she’s been testing since her divorce. I do know that when a woman is accustomed to having non-condom sex in a monogamous relationship, entering the single scene may lead to HPV because old habits are hard to break…Either way this post is stupid, I’d apologize but I hate you. Cuddles.

Posted in:Reese Witherspoon|Unsorted|Vagina

2007

09

Jul

I am – Mandy Moore Bikini Pictures of the Day

11 Comments »

Here are some pictures of Mandy Moore in a Bikini.

The problem with running this website is that I write too fucking much that no one reads, so that I am constantly out there trying to remember stories and things I see to throw up on the site. I’ll be on my way to the grocery store or post office or some other menial bullshit with my eyes set on finding something to either inspire me or remind me of shit I have done when I was younger. Memory is a fucking weird thing and shit comes to me at really random fucking times in waves. I was sitting on the couch the other day thinking of nothing and all of a sudden I had vivid memories of my childhood like I was watching a fucking movie and I haven’t thought of it for years and I could practically taste the fucking dust in my mouth from our shitty over crowded shanty that we lived in. Either way, today I am totally drawing a fucking blank and can’t even remember what happened to me yesterday or what I did or who I saw because I was drinking again.

I do remember that DJ AM is slamming this Mandy Moore slut and I have issues with DJ AM because he goes around telling people from my city how much he hates me. I don’t really mind being hated because it’s become my job to offend people by saying what’s on my mind, but you would think that someone like DJ AM would be used to the criticism and have better things to do than worry about a site with no readers, like maybe slamming this little number and by little I mean 6 ft and fat, the kind of girl you’d pick to be on your co-ed football league because she’s built like a fucking tank.

My new theory on this fucking guy is the he’s some kind of diet guru girls turn to for weightloss advice or he gives them AIDS, it is the GAYER THAN BICYCLE SHORTS disease. He used to be 400 lbs and when Nicole Richie got with him she was a fat little troll and became what she is today, a skinny little troll and I am guessing Mandy Moore is doing all she can to get down because being a fat chick with no tits is embarrassing and every girl wants to be skinny.

Either way, he plays shitty music, he was engaged to a pretty shitty girl but he does have a pretty decent life traveling the world going to bars and drives expensive cars. I don’t see why the fuck would he care about what someone like me thinks or says enough to tell people that he hates me other than the fact that dude’s a little hyper fucking sensitive or working on my marketing for me.

Thanks to DJ AM, who we all know is Gayer than Bicycle shorts, I am one degree of separation from this bitch I am posting about and I feel pretty fucking shitty about that because I could care fucking less but I do think it’s funny.

Posted in:Bikini|Mandy Moore|Unsorted

2007

09

Jul

I am – Pam Anderson Parties in Hooters Uniform of the Day

9 Comments »

I know that Pam Anderson was one of the lucky big breasted sluts who didn’t have to spend her career taking orders at the local hooters. She was one of those big breasted girls who was able to get in Playboy and land roles in shows like Baywatch that gave her celebrity status for having big tits, while most big breasted sluts were forced to work for tips or work the pole to pay off the tit implants but that didn’t stop her from reminding us all that she knows her role in the world.

Reality is that I am posting these pictures because seeing drunk old ladies is a bit of a fetish of mine. Whenever I get to a bar and see them in the corner alone, preying on young dudes with their tits flopping all over the place, I am compelled to watch like shit’s something you’d see on the nature channel. I know that unsuspecting dudes can’t fight off their years of training with men and when a bitch tells you to fuck her it’s pretty hard to say no, especially when you know she’s got a husband at home and a lot of experience and pent up sex drive that will destroy your cock.

I am also posting these because bitch has a pretty controlled cameltoe going down, and this is the kind of girl who you’d expect to see vagina lips hanging out of the bottom of her shorts, and having such a big vagina under control and seemingly normal sized is something worth celebrating. Maybe it’s something that takes years to master and that skill is probably part of the reason she made it to where she has today…

2007

09

Jul

I am – Paris Hilton's Retarded Cleavage of the Day

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Paris Hilton has been out of Jail for about a week or something and has already spent time on the beach in Hawaii, she’s gone shopping and she’s been going to acting classes and obviously trying to launch some sort of worthy career we can all laugh at her about. She held off on partying for all this time and has finally gone out to a club over the weekend. The funny thing about her is that she’s got some crazy fucking tit action going on and since I saw her half naked, I know shit’s not real. She’s probably been hanging with Pam Anderson’s magical boyfriend to make this illusion shit happen, or she’s just spent a decent amount of money on some miracle bra and fake tit inserts because this cleavage makes no fucking sense for an A-Cup.

Whenever I see girls do this kind of thing, I get a little pissed off. They are the kind of girl you think are hot and you’re scoring huge with when you get enough courage to roofie them up and drag them out of a club by their hair to bring them home with you, because let’s face it, that’s the only game you really have, your personality doesn’t ever get you that far. Once you get them naked you realize that they are not the woman you thought you were getting with and for the rest of the night all you can think about is the 200 pound fat slut who actually had real tits that you coulda probably got without having to date rape drug them.

Paris Hilton reminds us that things aren’t always what they seem as she pretends to make a difference in the world from her life changing jail experience by going to clubs and getting drunk with a set of big tits that just confuse us as into thinking whether anything out there is really authentic or just some practical joke they are playing on us like life is candid fucking camera….

Posted in:Big Tits|cleavage|Paris Hilton|Unsorted

2007

09

Jul

I am – Paris Hilton’s Retarded Cleavage of the Day

1 Comment »

Paris Hilton has been out of Jail for about a week or something and has already spent time on the beach in Hawaii, she’s gone shopping and she’s been going to acting classes and obviously trying to launch some sort of worthy career we can all laugh at her about. She held off on partying for all this time and has finally gone out to a club over the weekend. The funny thing about her is that she’s got some crazy fucking tit action going on and since I saw her half naked, I know shit’s not real. She’s probably been hanging with Pam Anderson’s magical boyfriend to make this illusion shit happen, or she’s just spent a decent amount of money on some miracle bra and fake tit inserts because this cleavage makes no fucking sense for an A-Cup.

Whenever I see girls do this kind of thing, I get a little pissed off. They are the kind of girl you think are hot and you’re scoring huge with when you get enough courage to roofie them up and drag them out of a club by their hair to bring them home with you, because let’s face it, that’s the only game you really have, your personality doesn’t ever get you that far. Once you get them naked you realize that they are not the woman you thought you were getting with and for the rest of the night all you can think about is the 200 pound fat slut who actually had real tits that you coulda probably got without having to date rape drug them.

Paris Hilton reminds us that things aren’t always what they seem as she pretends to make a difference in the world from her life changing jail experience by going to clubs and getting drunk with a set of big tits that just confuse us as into thinking whether anything out there is really authentic or just some practical joke they are playing on us like life is candid fucking camera….

Posted in:Big Tits|cleavage|Paris Hilton|Unsorted

2007

09

Jul

I am – Megan Fox isn't that Hot and is Banging David from 90210 of the Day

No Comments »

Here are some pictures of Megan Fox at some airport with her lame fucking boyfriend from the other day. The reason I am posting these is because I often think a girl is hot until realizing who they are banging and then I get totally turned the fuck off of them. This bitch is all the rage lately and everyone wants a piece of her and all I can see in this pictures is a half decent girl with shitty fucking tattoos that match her useless boyfriend’s shitty fucking tattoos together making a couple that is not so hot and desirable but wealthy in shitty tattoos.

It seems like girls who all the guys find hot and worth around consistently go out and find the biggest fucking cunt out there as a way to make us all feel like bigger losers than we already are. I remember meeting this girl when I was in my 20s who had everything going for her, a job, money, looks, an education and was probably the best lap dance the city had to fucking offer, but one day while smoking a cigarette outside the club she worked at, I saw her get into the car with some asshole in a tracksuit. At first I thought that dude was just her driver but a month later I saw her at a club with him and a few weeks after that I saw them holding hands walking downtown together and I realized that this bundle of hair gel and muscles and a tattoo that said “Italia # 1” was actually her boyfriend. It made getting a lap dance from her a struggle, because no matter how bad I loved her naked and grinding on me for 10 dollars a song, I couldn’t get over that she was involved with that dude. Eventually, I would only get dances from her out of spite, it was like a “Hate Fuck” but a little more expensive and a little less naked on my part.

Either way, I know that I am not as popular as David from 90210. I know that he’s been banging pretty decent lookin’ bitches since his last role as David on 90210, 10 years ago, but the only reason for that is because girls in their mid 20s grew up wanting his cock and now they are living out that dream while he is a hell of a lot more accessible. Megan Fox was a nobody up until this Transformers shit hit, so hopefully this new role as the hottest bitch in movies of the summer will open her up to some new cock that is a little easier for people like me to stomach. Until then she’s not a hot slut I want to see more of, she’s just wasted pussy on some useless f-lister, but that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t want to see her get stuffed like a Turkey on Thanksgiving….let’s just hope this Brian Austin Green asshole isn’t giving her acting tips.

Posted in:Boyfriend|Brian Austin Green|Candids|Megan Fox|Unsorted

2007

09

Jul

I am – Megan Fox isn’t that Hot and is Banging David from 90210 of the Day

4 Comments »

Here are some pictures of Megan Fox at some airport with her lame fucking boyfriend from the other day. The reason I am posting these is because I often think a girl is hot until realizing who they are banging and then I get totally turned the fuck off of them. This bitch is all the rage lately and everyone wants a piece of her and all I can see in this pictures is a half decent girl with shitty fucking tattoos that match her useless boyfriend’s shitty fucking tattoos together making a couple that is not so hot and desirable but wealthy in shitty tattoos.

It seems like girls who all the guys find hot and worth around consistently go out and find the biggest fucking cunt out there as a way to make us all feel like bigger losers than we already are. I remember meeting this girl when I was in my 20s who had everything going for her, a job, money, looks, an education and was probably the best lap dance the city had to fucking offer, but one day while smoking a cigarette outside the club she worked at, I saw her get into the car with some asshole in a tracksuit. At first I thought that dude was just her driver but a month later I saw her at a club with him and a few weeks after that I saw them holding hands walking downtown together and I realized that this bundle of hair gel and muscles and a tattoo that said “Italia # 1” was actually her boyfriend. It made getting a lap dance from her a struggle, because no matter how bad I loved her naked and grinding on me for 10 dollars a song, I couldn’t get over that she was involved with that dude. Eventually, I would only get dances from her out of spite, it was like a “Hate Fuck” but a little more expensive and a little less naked on my part.

Either way, I know that I am not as popular as David from 90210. I know that he’s been banging pretty decent lookin’ bitches since his last role as David on 90210, 10 years ago, but the only reason for that is because girls in their mid 20s grew up wanting his cock and now they are living out that dream while he is a hell of a lot more accessible. Megan Fox was a nobody up until this Transformers shit hit, so hopefully this new role as the hottest bitch in movies of the summer will open her up to some new cock that is a little easier for people like me to stomach. Until then she’s not a hot slut I want to see more of, she’s just wasted pussy on some useless f-lister, but that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t want to see her get stuffed like a Turkey on Thanksgiving….let’s just hope this Brian Austin Green asshole isn’t giving her acting tips.

Posted in:Boyfriend|Brian Austin Green|Candids|Megan Fox|Unsorted

2007

09

Jul

I am – Tera Patrick's huge rack of the day

1 Comment »

Tera Patrick at Crobar

My stepdaughter is pretty bored this summer and has taking an interest in what I do, so I decided to let her post here and manage the site when I leave for the cruise my wife won this week. She’s 18. She’s been raised properly by me since she was 12 and if I didn’t think she was good enough to pick up my slack, I wouldn’t let her take this shit over for the few weeks I am gone. So this is her first post.

I have no idea who Tera Patrick is, but apparently she was a special guest at Crobar in Chicago and made an appearance a few nights ago. I’m guessing she is some sort of celebrity, or they wouldn’t have invited her to host anything, anywhere, and judging by the stuffed Hello Kitty doll, her cheap looking dress which was probably really expensive and her gigantic rack, I’m gonna say she’s a porn star.

There was a girl in the fourth grade named Beth who stole my boy friend, cause she had developed faster then all of us, gave blow jobs and had huge tits, while the rest of us just wanted to hold hands and play Pogs. It gave me this great anxiety complex where I was completely disgusted with my own body for a few years after and wore baggy clothes to completely cover it up. Everyone (mostly guys) always told me not to be worried about it, but I have a feeling that if every person they walked by could see the size of their cock and judge it as they wished, they would be changing their tune pretty fucking fast.

I went through a phase about 2 years ago where regardless of how nice they were, I wanted implants, and I was going to get them if it was the last thing I did. I even went as far as to start saving the money from my shitty job I still have at Dairy Queen to get them, looked into doctors, the whole nine yards. Luckily, one doctor I met with wasn’t a money grubbing prick, and instead of showing me lovely after pictures of happy women with their enlarged breasts, he showed me a video of the operation and how the women looked like they had been in a fucking car wreck after. He told me to get fuck out of his office and that was pretty much the end of me wanting implants. I suddenly had a new appreciation for my small, but nice, tits.

I ran into to Beth not long ago, it looked like her ass had finally caught up to those huge tits, and that all those huge tits and blow jobs got her was 2 kids, a welfare check and a black eye I’m presuming she got from which ever guy she is currently sleeping with. Serves you right, bitch. Heres some more pics of Tera Patrick. Her huge tits and blow jobs made her a fortune.

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