Upskirt Archives - Page 6 of 12 Archive - DrunkenStepFather.com

Archive for the Upskirt Category

2008

Jun

Kate Walsh Fights The Wind of the Day

Kate Walsh is on Grey’s Anatomy or was on Grey’s Anatomy because the truth is I don’t really know since I am not a middle aged mother who watches Grey’s Anatomy because it gives me something to masturbate thinking about. I do know that shows that make wives horny are my worst enemy so I am happy that I don’t have a TV and that my wife barely speaks english because the last thing I want is to have her expecting me to treat her like some scripted shit she sees on TV, but I am sure that some of you appreciate it because it’s made the only woman in your life find her vagina and bring it out to play since she packed that shit away, locked it up and threw away the key the day she got pregnant with your kid, so you should be supportive of this kind of mainstream smut, it makes your life a better one.

You should also support Kate Walsh flashing the world her old weathered ass because of a perverted gust of wind, because maybe if enough of us encourage the wind to keep up his pervert ways, maybe it’ll take the practice he’s had on useless bitches and take it to the next level with chicks we actually want to see unexpectedly flash us. Peer pressure has always worked out good for me in the past so the only thing I see that may be a challenge this time is that Wind isn’t really something you can really reason with or manipulate, but at least we can all hope it does because hope is all we really have.

Posted in:Ass|Kate Walsh|Upskirt|Wind

2008

Jun

Lindsay Lohan Fighting the Wind at the MTV Movie Awards of the Day

6 Comments »

Lindsay Lohan was offered 1,000,000 dollars from OK magazine to announce she’s a lesbian. Call me a sell out, but I’d get a sex change and suck a dick a day for the rest of my life for 1,000,000 dollars. I figure I hate fucking my wife anyway and my penis is pretty much already a vagina and I can afford to buy expensive moist toilettes to wipe my face down when the dick is done having it’s way with me. I guess I am just cheaper than Lohan and realize that 1,000,000 dollars probably isn’t much to her, but I also don’t give a fuck about what having a sex change or sucking dick for the rest of my life does to my career, I think it’s pretty clear I have no self-respect and don’t care what you think about me.

Either way, here’s Lohan’s potentially lesbian vagina covered in a hot pair of clean black underwear exposed as she fights with the wind, who turned out to be the biggest pervert at event because I wasn’t invited because no one takes me seriously, but if I was invited, I would have definitely put on a wig and a short skirt and finger-banged her because I hear she’s into that and don’t need to give her 1,000,000 dollars to find out.

On a side note, I will pay Ellen Page 2 dollars to admit she’s a lesbian, even though I already know the answer to that.

Posted in:Awards|Lohan|MTV|Panties|Upskirt

2008

May

Amy Winehouse Shows Off Her Underwear of the Day

8 Comments »

For a crackwhore Amy Winehouse keeps her panties in better condition that any white underwear I’ve ever owned. So while people are shitting on her for being ghetto, disgusting and insane, her pussy isn’t shitting on her pearly white underwear. They are as beautiful as the glistening white of a fresh winter snowfall as I sit by the fire a write my memoirs….the only scary thing about these pictures is whatever the fuck she’s got caged up inside these cleaner than any white underwear I’ve seen, despite how wrecked she is motherfuckers. I just can’t get over how good these panties look, I would have been expecting black fingerprints from when she scratched her unwashed and itchy yeast infection, but instead she’s breaking down stereotypes and it’s fascinating to me.

Posted in:Amy Winehouse|Panties|Upskirt

2008

May

Pam Anderson’s Panty Upskirt of the Day

3 Comments »

These pictures of Pamela Anderson’s Panties remind me of a time I went to the mall with my friend and his pregnant girlfriend. The girl ended up having a miscarriage in the public bathroom because I am guessing she wasn’t too happy seeing all the clothes at Old Navy that she wanted and knew she wouldn’t be able to fit in a couple months down the line and her body decided to do something about it, like reject the baby cuz nothing was going to stop her from sliding into those size 30 jeans. Kinda like when I take a big shit before I go out in hopes of being able to put on my dress pants, because people respect me more in those than they do in my sweats.

Either way, my frend, the baby daddy had been trying to convince her to get an abortion the entire pregnancy, and finally told her that he’d be supportive of her decision and would always be there for her and the baby and would not be a deadbeat like he was with his other kids, was playing all considerate and hugging her and holding her in his arms before he ran to the nearest store to by her replacement pants for the ones she just ruined. But dude wasn’t a good actor and his excitement and happiness gleamed from his eyes, and his bullshit act couldn’t fool me, but then again he was giving me high fives and begging me to go to the bar to celebrate as soon as he got his girl home.

Pam Anderson’s panty upskirt reminds me of that day, but that’s just because I assume she’s a slut who’s uterus has seen it’s fair share of fetus, whether aborted or miscarried and here are a pair of her underwear that keep all her used up lady parts in place as to not make a mess on the floor below her.

Posted in:Pam Anderson|Panty|Upskirt

2008

May

Lindsay Lohan’s in France with a Little Up Her Pants of the Day

1 Comment »

I was hanging out at the coffee shop because I had no money to go out and do anything worth doing and felt like watching teenage girls drink their 1000 calorie blended coffee drinks knowing that if they keep up that habit they will be 200 pounds by the time they are 20 so that they better fuckin’ enjoy their Chocolate Chip overpriced Frap now, while their rich skinny teenage asses can afford it because it’s all down hill for them

There was a group of insecure 15 year olds, the kind of girls who don’t get much male attention because they are slow developers and not really down with cock but are instead down with studying and watching Will Farrel movies. One was complaining about how her shirt is lowcut and how she never wears shirts that are that revealing, another one was complaining about how her hair always looks stupid. Then the one in a short skimpy dress, who I labeled the Lohan of the group came in with words of encouragement when she said that “boys love tits”. It’s that kind of inspirational words of wisdom that come out of a teenage girl that make me feel like Lohan’s done her job right.

Here are some pictures of her having an upskirt

Posted in:Lindsay Lohan|Panties|Upskirt

2008

May

Danielle Lloyd With Her Shitty Upskirt of the Day

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It turns out that crack ruins lives. It was only 6 months ago that this wholesome stripper/psychology student I got a lap dance from wasn’t willing to have sex with me because she wasn’t that kind of girl and that she was self proclaimed classy with self respect. I gave her my email despite knowing that no stripper has self-respect are they are all fucked up money hungry liars.

Then last night she reached out to me to go out for a drink since we’ve been corresponding because I don’t like to write my lap dancing sluts off, I’m a nice guy like that. I wasn’t going to go, because I don’t meet people off the internet, but truth is that I already felt her tits in person for 10 dollars so I felt like we had some kind of connection.

She chose some classy place so I put on my best/only stained jeans and showed up at the bar to find the most damaged and abused lookin’ girl sitting in the corner waiting for me. She’s probably barely 25 and looked like she was 40, she was twitching and smelled like cigarettes and piss and despite her trying to make herself look like the classy girl she claimed she was, I could tell that she was in a cheap dress and hadn’t slept in days. Halfway through the drink I thought she was paying for because she was a stripper and strippers are rich, she announced that she wasn’t stripping anymore. I automatically knew she was into other things because there was no way this bitch quit stripping to go back to her studies as she picked a scab off her arm and ate it. She started asking me if I knew pornstars and if I wanted to fuck her and when I said no she asked to borrow $500 to pay for a bikini wax.

Now in case you didn’t know, you have to be pretty fuckin’ desperate to ask me for 10 dollars, because I just don’t have it, so $500 is just way out of my fuckin’ league, not to mention I don’t know this bitch and I didn’t hire this bitch to fuck me, I just agreed to hang with her for lack of better things to do because my wife is boring and I knew that the last 6 months of talking to her have been a drug induced lie and I just wanted closure. When I laughed in her face, she stormed off and announced that if I am not going to give it to her she’s going to have to get it somewhere else and that’s when I asked if she was going to work the street and suck some dick in the back of a car, she said yes then gave me the finger and stormed off leaving me with the $20 bill that I happily paid for because the experience was worth it and it’s a life lesson that next time I hang with a desperate drug addicted ex-stripper, I am going to bring my camera to videotape her and my rich friend to pay her for sex while I watch.

Here’s Danielle Lloyd from the UK, who is one of those strippers who made it and who other strippers in the UK look up to because she doesn’t have to beg poor dudes for $500 to pay for the most expensive bikini wax of all time, she’s got her own money from being an acceptable mainstream slut.

Posted in:Danielle Lloyd|Upskirt

2008

May

Nicole Scherzinger’s Panty Upskirt of the Day

2 Comments »

You know that whole theory that a girl is sexier in lingerie than naked. I never fell for that scam that I am convinced was issued by the lingerie companies to increase panty sales. I am not into leaving things to my imagination because as a drunk, I am too lazy to imagine things and kinda like my pussy straight up instead of having to visualize the many variations of what it looks like under a barrier of fabric. That’s why I always encouraged girls I was with to not wear underwear, Nicole Scherzinger wasn’t one of those girls and here she is flashing her panties, her really thick fabric panties that pretty much leave everything to the imagination because I can’t even make out what her junk looks like or whether it’s female or male junk, since everyone calls her a tranny because she’s fit and and that depresses as much as the days I used to jerk off to figure skating panty flashes because I live in Canada and it was the only thing on TV.

Posted in:Nicole Scherzinger|Panty|Upskirt

2008

May

Naomi Millbank-Smith Having an Upskirt of the Day

6 Comments »

Here are some pictures of Naomi Millbank-Smith having a standard upskirt moment when getting out of a car. Nobody cares about Naomi Millbank-Smith because she is a reality tv star, which is pretty much the lowest form of celebrity and to make things worse she wasn’t even a reality TV star in the USA and was on some shitty show in another country. So that’s why I decided to write John Tesh an email instead of writing about her. This is what I had to say:

Dear John Tesh,

I have been listening to your radio show for the last couple of weeks because I can’t afford a TV. I have found it to be a great mix of helpful advice and today’s best music and not only does it lift my spirits but I can also use your resourcefulness to better my life.

Since listening to you, I have drank about half the amount of booze I normally do, I have eaten about half the amount of food I normally do and have increased my water intake but you can’t take all the credit for that, my wife cut off the drinking fund she had set up for me because she listens to you too and apparently you don’t advocate hard drinking.

So now that I can’t afford the self-destructive luxuries I want because of your great advice, I feel like you are responsible for this misery. I know you have lots of disposable income and would really love a couple hundred dollars because I feel it will allow me to enjoy your work, without being mad that I am missing American Idol because I will be completely inebriated, instead of wanting to kill myself everytime it comes on as your soothing voice reminds me of how your impact single-handedly took the bottle away from me.

Keep up the good work, you are a legend in the making.

With Love,

Jesus Martinez
DrunkneStepfather.com

Posted in:Naomi Millbank-Smith|Upskirt

2008

Mar

Jessica Simpson Kinda had an Upskirt that You Can’t See of the Day

8 Comments »

I don’t know how old these pictures are, or if they are even of Jessica Simpson, but it looks like she’s trying to stop all of us from seeing her vagina and I am sure that’s nothing you aren’t already used to because even when you’re at sex parties and bitches are wiping out on GHB, you still can’t manage to get a peak because you aren’t really there since the invitation was lost in the mail, at least that’s what you tell yourself to make you feel better about never getting to join in on the fun everyone else is having. Don’t worry, the last time I went to an orgy, I got herpes and despite it being the gift that keeps on giving, it’s pretty much the shittiest gift that keeps on giving, worse than that pair of socks your Aunt knitted you that you can’t seem to take off because they are so colorful and scream your name every time you open your sock drawer.

I don’t know what I am talking about because I have never really been giving a shitty gift, but that’s because no one’s ever given me any gifts, so I’m trying to relate to something I don’t know here and you should give me a break.

Posted in:Jessica Simpson|Upskirt

2008

Mar

Britney Spears Upskirt for her Dentist of the Day

2 Comments »

The shocking news of the day is that Britney Spears goes to the dentist. I was never really disgusted by her hygiene because I know that a woman with that kind of money can’t have a pussy as rank as some of the hookers I’ve hung out with. I am talking the kind I could smell just sitting next to them on the bus on my way home with them, because I’ve never owned a car and have to get them somewhere private somehow and cabs are just out of my budget, especially when I am saving all my pennies to get the most I can get out of them, like ideally having them let me go down on them and other naughty things that leave me smelling like their rank pussies for a couple of days because like Britney, I’m not too into showering and like revisiting my purchase as much as I can because I like getting my money’s worth out of anything.

Unlike me, Britney hit up the dentist today because I am more into seeing how much laziness leads to tooth loss, and she flashed her panties while doin’ it. These are the pics.

Posted in:Britney Spears|Dentist|Upskirt