I'll Make You Famous…
 
 

2009

13

Oct

Elle Macpherson’s Makes Elementary School Hot for the Non-Pedophiles of the Day

When I was in elementary school, the only pussy I remember was one of the girls in my class asking me to watch her pee in the woods behind the school, and then there was lookin onto the stripclub beside the school that eventually burnt down, but before it did, we’d spend our lunch hours watching the strippers on smoke breaks in the parking lot, then there was the mother of one of the kids who was a total fucking whore, who doubled as our lunch monitor and wore all tight denim and leather in fuck me boots, with ridiculous bleached hair extensions before the world even knew what hair extensions were, and there was that one teacher who took an interest in the less fortunate male kids who taught us about sex using his ass as the vagina, but that’s not really where I wanted to go with this story, I wanted to say that no kid had a mom who looked like Elle Macpherson in these pics come pick them up, and if they did, I would have befriended them, provided they didn’t mind having a weird immigrant who spoke broken english as a friend, so that I could sneak in the mom’s room and play with her panties, I mean when I wasn’t getting molested by my teacher.

Pics via Bauer

Posted in:Elementary School|Elle Macpherson

2009

13

Oct

January Jones and Her Tits in Lingerie for GQ of the Day

My gay friend loves the show Mad Men. He watches the shit all the fucking time and is obsessed with the concept of smoking on drinking on the job, except when it comes to me telling him stories about me smoking and drinking on the job, which triggers him to take a motherly approach and lecture me about how I am killing myself because I don’t get a enough hugs leading him to start hugging me to which I reply “you’re killing yourself because you had too many hugs, and by hugs I mean unprotected anal with strangers that gave you AIDS so stop hugging me, because I don’t want to get AIDS like this and if I need to get it any way, it’ll be by fucking a dirty, hot pussy, not by accidentally drinking some of the tears of the overbearing gay man in my life crying over my self destructive ways”….and I am sure he doesn’t watch the show because of this January Jones bitch and her stupid calendar name, or her tits that are in GQ this month….

Posted in:January Jones|Tits

2009

13

Oct

Sofia Vergara and Her See Thru Shirt of the Day

Here is Sofia Vergara in a see thru shirt showing off a really big bra you’d expect someone of her age either wearing or buying at Wal Mart.

She’s some Columbian cocaine smuggler, actor and model who I’ve never heard of. But I have got a pretty sick love affair for vagina and all things vagina related and since her name is pronounced very wrong kinda sounds like vagina, it makes her almost worth caring about.

Serioiusly, if this were the Ancient Greek times, she’d have the women spread eagled and diddling to her image while chanting her name and the 4 % of the male population who weren’t getting railed by their male teachers jerking off to her fat tits and Vergara.

Wow. This is probably the worst post I’ve ever come up with and I’ve produced a lot of shit over the years, and even with references to ancient Greece, something you’d think everyone would find laughs in, I failed, but pretty glad I got to share it with you.

Pics via Fame

Posted in:See Thru|Sofia Vergara

2009

13

Oct

Marisa Miller Photoshopped Tits for Victoria’s Secret of the Day

Marisa Miller got in a bikini and heavily photoshopped for a recent Victoria’s Secret catalog. I am not trying to say that she’s not hot, or not worth fucking, or that she’s some kind of hag, but she is pushing 40 and does have a lot of sun damage and despite having an amazing fit body and me never letting a bitch’s sun damage, rough skin, stop me, seriously, I’ve cum on Aids lesions before, proving that I’m not that picky, but she just doesn’t do it for me, and I guess it’s because I know her tits are fake and I hate fake tit false marketing bullshit enough to discount a perfectly perfect girl because of them.

But here are the pictures.

Posted in:Marisa Miller|Photoshop|Tits

2009

13

Oct

Ashley Tisdale Stays in Shape Because That’s All She Has Going For Her of the Day

By some weird miracle, Ashley Tisdale has a career in entertainment, and not as the ugly awkward chick, but the hot chick, when I look at this bitch, I think someone with this face, should never get a job based on getting paid to be watched by people, not even in the stripper or porn world, I just see her as more of a phone type, maybe an office 9 to 5er and not someone won TV or in movies and I am saying this based on her face, even after she got her nose job. I guess that means she’s got a family member in the industry…but at least she’s focused on keeping in shape, because in the USA being skinny goes a lot farther than it used to, since most pussy is obese, making her almost the prize hen she wants to be….all while feeding her sweatpants to her anus. What can’t this bitch accomplish?! The answer….nothing.

Pics via Bauer

Posted in:Ashley Tisdale|Shape

2009

13

Oct

Bar Refaeli in Her Bikini of the Day

A Hebrew magazine in Tel Aviv just did a 6-page feature on me. Let’s hope Bar Refaeli is sitting in her luxury apartment by the beach, coming off a cocaine binge from last night, reading that magazine, because I think she should know about me and fall in love with my charming translated words, forcing her to masturbate to my pic then to haveher people call my people, even though I don’t have people, resulting in a first class ticket to Tel Aviv, where she will put her vagina on my face, to prove that Jewish girls don’t actually taste any different than non Jewish girls, unless they are smuggling money across borders in their vaginas during war, but I know if anything, she’ll probably ignore the article, making my whole Israeli takeover totally obsolete….and forgotten…..but what won’t be forgotten is her hot body in a bikini cuz pictures are fucking timeless and even in 20 years, you’ll be able to find these and jerk off and that’s kind of an amazing thing.

Posted in:Bar Refaeli|Bikini

2009

13

Oct

Mya on Dancing With the Stars is Getting Desperate of the Day

Here is a clip from what I assume is last night’s Dancing with the Stars because I don’t own a TV and if I did it wouldn’t be set to some dancing show not matter how much of a mail order bride cock tease who won’t fuck you unless you pay her enough and promise her citizenship on your Russian vacation Karina Smirnoff is but I assume they are trying to keep things fresh, because Mya was doing the Lambada and everyone knows that the Lambada is the forbidden dance and that means it’s meant to go down in small Brazilian town and not on national TV, not that I am that offended by its misrepresentation, or because the entertainment industry ruins all that is sacred to me, because the lambada is not sacred to me, but because where I always thought Lamabada meant dirty, condomless penetration to music, and now I’m forced to realize I was wrong.

Posted in:Dancing With the Stars|Lambada|Mya

2009

13

Oct

Mel B Gets Hugged By a Dirty Lookin’ Friend of the Day

We’ve already established that Mel B must have been a whore to get to where she is because based on her face, but I didn’t realize she’d get it on with anyone who comes along. I guess she’s the kind of woman who uses her pussy to make her feel like she’s got value, like she’s got it going on, like people still want her, like the best is yet to come because accepting that the good times have come and gone is a depressing thought, and that would explain her illegitimate pregnancy, and probably why she’s got this homeless lookin’ thing latching onto her. I used to know a girl who was like Mel B, with low self esteem who would use her pussy to self destruct by fucking tons of dudes without condoms, eventually ending up with many fucking STDs and a drug addiction, because there comes a point where your loneliness and lack of self worth because you get the same jobs as Aubrey O’Day take whatever attention or affection you can get as your standards and hygiene go out the window….

Pics via Bauer

Posted in:Hugged|Mel B|Stranger

2009

13

Oct

Naomi Campbell Bikini Pictures of the Day

I am a little slow on this shit, because let’s face it, 40 year old cunts in bikinis aren’t really what I live for, unless they end in 40 year old sex tapes. If anything I find it almost comical when I see a 40 year old in a bikini. Maybe it’s got something to do with being raised in the late 70s and 80s, a time when the one-piece rand shit, but I think it’s got more to do with 40 year old women having shitty bodies, except maybe when they are genetically altered like Naomi Campbell where she’s all legs, no fat and all attitude thanks to a career of modeling that left her with an ego, a billionaire finance and the whitest lookin’ teeth against her black as night skin, in which case, I shouldn’t complain and just post the pictures….and that’s what I am going to do because knowing I spent 4 minutes writing about Naomi Campbell depresses me.

Pics via INFphoto and Bauer

Posted in:Bikini|Naomi Campbell

2009

13

Oct

Susan Surandon’s Slut Named Eva Amurri Topless and Stripping of the Day

Susan Surandon’s daughter’s name is Eva Amurri and she inherited her mom’s amazing tits, not that I remember Susan Surandon’s tits being amazing, but I do know that she is known for being busty, at least that’s what the weird Rocky Horror Picture re-enactment actors who come out of the woodwork every halloween in every city I’ve been in, have told me.

This is a clip of her showing that shit off on Californication, and they are pretty fucking amazing. Unfortunately, they don’t save her from her shitty face, but they are good enough to ignore her face where the camera didn’t do it for us….

Posted in:Breasts|Californication|Eva Amurri|Stripping