The funny thing about Jessica Simpson’s weight gain is that shit happened overnight, I mean sure we all saw her struggle with it her entire career, with titties like that, it was just a matter of time before the rest of her followed, but she went from tight to sloppy over the fucking holidays or some shit and that’s some serious binge eating. Sure it’s probably gotta do with her getting older and her metabolism getting slower and maybe with realizing that the Country world is more accepting of you when you look like farm animals or Winonna Judd, but I think it has to do with emotional eating that stems from feeling inadequate, but that’s just because that’s how I like all my girls.
I don’t know why anyone gives a fuck about whether she’s fat or not, or why she’s trying to dress like a fat chick trying to hide the fat chick in her by using fashionable tricks, to make her look skinny, something that always makes me laugh when my wife tries to pull it off, like when she comes to me and says “does this vertical stripped black shirt make me look thin” and I have to tell her than no optical illusion, drug, would make her look skinny, not even fucking blindness would make her look skinny, because his heightened sense of sound would force him to listen to both you choking on your fucking chin, but more importantly getting fatter by the fucking minute.
Here are some pictures of Kim Kardashian getting her nails done and she’s lookin’ more ethnic than ever.
Seriously, not sure what it is, but these pictures scream that bitch just got off the boat and is eager to learn about American traditions and take advantage of the “free world” and “land of opportunity” until realizing it is impossible to get work, forcing her to trust some sleaze who introduces her to the underground sex trade turning that dreamy look of excitement and innocence ready to embrace adventure and turnin’ the look her eyes into nothing but despair and fear, realizing that life back in Iran wasn’t so bad after all and if only she could have known what she was getting herself into before escaping the country and knowing that she’d give anything to get the fuck back there because life wasn’t as bad as they made it out to be, and America wasn’t as good as she was told and all she wants is to just hug her mother because she’s so alone and afraid and just needs a fucking hug…
I don’t know if that made sense, I am tired and dyslexic so nothing really makes sense to me. Just words floating around the screen.
When I first moved out of Mexico I got pretty heavy into Punk Rock. I couldn’t really name all the bands I was listening to at the time, it was the 80s, and I have a pretty shitty memory, but I can remember listening to everything from The Misfits, to the Dead Kennedy’s, but my favorite band of them all was The Descendents. The last album I bought of theirs was Everything Sucks in the late-90s, I saw them in concert a bunch of times, I used to listen to their shit on repeat, I was a huge fan, I even met their guitar player on the street once and gave him props, something I never do because I don’t respect anyone and I am a fan of nothing, so seeing Lohan and her psycho personality disorder drug addicted body, even if she’s not wearing pants, just makes me fucking mad. I feel like she’s personally trying to get under my skin and piss me off, but at least we all know that the day her heart gives out on her is comin’ quicker than her skinny crazy self knows.
Her name Chloe Mortaud, she’s supposed to be Miss France, I don’t know who is who in these pictures, I figure what’s the point in really trying to figure out, she’s already a huge disgrace to her country, as the only reason people know about France is because the wine is cheap and the women are topless, in case you didn’t realize, none of these girls are topless, so that’s makes them nothing but big bushed, cheese eating, arrogant french rats, something I can normally see past when the French girl in question is topless or having anal on the first date making her country proud.
I just spent more time cropping and uploading these pictures than this bitch in them has spent being famous, not that American Idol novelty acts make you famous, but that’s okay, I’ve got nothing better to do with my time than focus my attention to some nobody bikini shopping on a show I can’t fucking stand, except for that whole Ryan Seacrest motherfucker, that guy gives me boners and I’m not even gay, he just reminds me of a high school girl that I just can’t help but want to pick him up after class in my kidnapper van and break his little pussy in, if you know what I mean….which may be a challenge, since I don’t know what I mean.
Here’s Katrina Darrell in some staged bikini shots, cuz that’s all she’s good for, even though she’s made it into the top 100 singers in America according to American Idol.
I didn’t know that Paris Hilton had a thing with Chris Brown and that people are speculating that she’s the girl who texted him that spiraled into Rihanna getting beat the fuck up like the second rate citizen she is, but then again, why the fuck would I know that? I don’t live in LA, Paris Hilton has a history of getting her beak of a nose into every scandal she can and when it comes to celebrity of the moment cock, Paris is the number one groupie, following them around, working her way into their pants, by tricking them into thinking she’s famous too, when all her career is, is an excuse to get cock because we all know she didn’t do it for the money, but she did it for the celebrity power that gets her all the cock she wants from even the A-Listers and it doesn’t really matter, because she denies any involvement, but loves the attention and she shows off her stupid Kanye blind-glasses, I thought the cheesy Jewish kids at Bar Mitzvah’s and Sweet 16s stopped on these shits 6 months ago.
I tried staging a Rihanna protest, where I got guys together to burn Rihanna CDs and posters and shit for ruining Chris Brown’s career, bitch. Unfortunately, no one showed up and even my friend who owes me a favor thought it was stupid, but I am still going on this mission because seeing and accepting a non-American taking an American’s job and hating on him for the fight he put up is unpatriotic.
Here’s something fascinating. I was trying to get into my stats on my site and typed in anayltics.goog.com . I messed up the URL but was fascinated by what I found, not that I was that surprised with the desperation that went into this, her biological clock is ticking after all…Try it.
So I was in a car with a friend of mine and we saw a cleaning crew carrying a shop vac, so I rolled down the window and screamed “Your Vacuum Sucks”, thinking my bad joke would go over well and people would get it. Instead, no one laughed or appreciated the best bad joke of the day.
Nothing says water sport like pissing on some unsuspecting bitch’s face while she suntans on the beach your on than paddlesurfing. You know they mean business when you can surf in a pair of sweatpants.
I have had a long hatred for this Hollywood trend called paddle surfing since I first found out it existed, because it is fucking stupid. If you want to go for a paddle, get a fucking canoe. If you want to go for a surf, put on a fucking wetsuit and surf, this hybrid shit looks fucking stupid, seems boring as shit and is probably the weirdest combination since blacks and asians started having babies. I don’t really know what that means, but it has to do with their genitals just not being able to fit into each other but still getting together, like riding a surfboard fully clothed with a fucking paddle.
What doesn’t confuse me is Kate Hudson’s booty, even when it’s in jogging pants that are crawling up her ass to find gold and by gold I mean poo..
Kate Moss is the boss. The rumor is that Kate Moss is pregnant because she’s got a belly and that’s a big deal for a retired model known form being fucking skinny, but she’s out getting drunk, so I assume she’s not, but then again these British slags (Lily Allen), don’t mind getting fucked up while pregnant, you feel less guilty when you have a miscarriage due to negligence versus an intentional abortion. I think she’s lookin’ alright in her see through outfit, but I also think crackwhores look alright because they are willing and affordable, so I’m probably not the best judge of these things.
On a side note, I miss Pete Doherty, bring him back you cunt. He was an inspiration to us all and now he’s gone.
I don’t know what PETA is trying to pull but they are protesting some store or restaurant because they sell Foie Gras. Now I’m not a foody, but I am also not an idiot, so I know what Foie Gras is, mainly because the last time I had a blood test, my doctor told me that I had a fatty liver from hard drinking and that I needed to shape up, I never did because I thought it made me luxurious like this duck liver that comes from jacking ducks up with food to the point of obesity before ripping their insides out and serving it as an overpriced delicacy.
Now I have tried it because I live in Quebec and I feel like this is a french thing and I wasn’t down with it because shit was fatty as fuck and I am not into expensive food, just give me some noodles and butter and I’m happy, but I don’t hate people who do eat it, but PETA does and this is yet another one of their stupid publicity stunts where people get half naked to make their point.
My theory is if you want to make a point PETA, you may want to hire models who don’t look like they’ve been eating Foie Gras the last three weeks to really understand their cause, you know when I see these girls I think they’re saying to not serve foie gras because they want it all for their fat selves, that means replace this sloppy fucking bitches with girls I’d actually take seriously. Until you do that, I’m going to head to my local park, steal one of the wild ducks and lock him in my bathroom feeding him until I can sell him for a small fortune to some Jews who are experimental in their eating.
Here are the pics of PETA making a mockery of a good cause, because I like animals, I just hate attention whores unless they are local enough for me to exploit.
If you look closely, one of them has a nipple. FInd it.
