Here are some pictures of Kristen Stewart, some chick I’ve never heard of because she is ugly, but who is part of this whole Twilight phenomenon and people are confusing as being something pretty, when the only thing pretty about her is how ugly she is. These are some pictures of her smoking some pipe you’d buy at a head shop to smoke whatever drugs you want with. I guess she’s taking a lead from her big Celebrity Rehab brother Sean Stewart, not that they are related, but with a face like that they could be. Something seriously went wrong with Rod Stewart’s sperm….I blame Karma getting back at him for him getting through a loophole and landing a fucking career, tons of money and many ex-model wives….or maybe it’s just too much partying on the road fuckin’ things up a little.
Speaking of drugs, I assume the only drug she’d be smoking in public is one that is legal, because she doesn’t want to lose future work and drag her name in the mud like she’s some kind of Lohan, since she’s new to the scene, but still wants to get fucked up enough to look in the mirror and believe all the hype she’s getting, so I’m guessing she’s getting down with Salvia.
Here are Some Pictures of her showing off her tight little body….that doesn’t match her broken down face…
I had to go to the vagina doctor with my wife. I didn’t really understand why, because she needs more of an exterminator than a doctor for that shit, you know it’s like it’s been left to fend for itself for too long that the fucking thing is no longer a medical issue and more one of pest control, but being the nice guy that I am, I went with her.
The radio was on in the waiting room and I was forced to listen to an hour of Christmas songs. From Bing Crosby, Elvis, Perry Como and it even went into some of the newer shit, that came a solid month too early for my cold dead heart, so I asked the bitch at the desk to put on something a little less annoying and offensive and she told me to sit down and turned up the fucking volume. I was a little surprised that such a big cunt worked at a vagina doctor, but I guess it was fitting.
Speaking of fitting, it looks like Claudia Schiffer’s teeth are trying to escape that clown mouth of hers, she probably regrets leaving David Copperfield back in her prime, when she didn’t need his services, because motherfucker could have sorted that shit out for her, I mean he did walk through the great wall of China and he did make the Statue of Liberty disappear, meaning he has what it takes to make her beauty not disappear, but I guess she’ll just have to go to a plastic surgeon like the rest of the supermodels who aren’t super anymore, but who want to be super, because it is all their know, and their whole contribution to the world and self-worth is based on their beauty, and now that it’s gone, they’re left not knowing what to do with themselves….and in Claudia Schiffer’s case, that personal conflict has made her forget her teeth bleaching treatment while trying to figure out her next step..
The good news is that if she chooses to not go through with the surgery, she can always take this look to the local hospital to Patch Adams that shit for sick kids, I hear it’s rewarding.
I knew an older guy who had spent many years drinking and eating badly. We used to hang in the park, he was retired and I was just a slacker, and he was shitting blood for a couple weeks before we forced him to go to the doctor. He had some kind of ass cancer and they had to remove something and that fucked up his boners.
So this dude spent the next 6 months depressed and complaining to us about how he can fuck whores like he used to, he couldn’t even jerk off because he couldn’t get it up, and that his shit was officially broken. He tried Viagra and it didn’t work, so his doctor suggested testosterone therapy because it was supposed to keep him young and virile, despite being in his 60s.
What that treatment did to him was fucking criminal, it turned him into a fucking monster. He’d stare down women like a guard dog scoping out a black guy climbing the junkyard fence, he’d talk about pussy more aggressively than ever, and he’d grab at random chicks who would walk by. Dude turned into a fucking rapist, but couldn’t do shit about it, because despite the fucking testosterone, his dick still didn’t work, so here was this raging hormonal freakshow who you couldn’t walk down the street without breaking some kind of law and scaring anything with a pussy, who was more sexually frustrated than you have ever been in your life because even though he wanted to fuck more than he ever did, he couldn’t do anything about it, so he got off the treatment, went back to normal and 6 months later they found out the cancer had spread and he died, and this picture reminds me of him and is my little tribute to let him know I have never forgotten those magical days of creepin’ together….
Pink’s new video for a song called Sober hit yesterday and I was too lazy to post it, mainly because I didn’t really give a fuck about Pink or her penis, but I came across the screencaps of her having sex with herself in lingerie and figured it was weird enough to put out there. Is she going on the Lohan kick and doing what nature intended for her, or is she just over guys because her husband broke her heart by leaving her for a real woman, or maybe she’s just given up on everyone and has vowed to spend the rest of time fucking herself, and I guess it doesn’t matter because she’s not hot, so thinking about who she fucks, how she masturbate or even her getting off in general is something that should not enter anyone’s mind, because if it does, you may just be gay, but you already knew that didn’t you, you just don’t want your family to know…
I don’t know what I’m going on about, the truth is I’d fuck Pink, there I said it, but then again I have no standards and haven’t quite figured out if I am gay or not, but I like the idea of her broken heart, down on her luck accessibility, not to mention her bank account, and her hardcore suburban rock attitude that makes me want to punch a mall security guard while high from compressed air at Best Buy,after he busts me stealing underwear from Sears….or some shit.
So if you can stomach sitting through a Pink video, there’s a couple seconds of her having sex with herself.
If you had plans to go to Mumbai for some Butter Chicken cuz your family didn’t invite you to their house for Turkey, you may want to re-schedule, because shit is in flames, people are getting killed, people are being held hostage and US and British people are being targeted and Sikhed (get it). The airport, hotels, restaurants and cafe’s that tourists frequent are all getting hit, and this is some crazy shit, so if you’re reading this, you can be thankful that you are an ignorant piece of shit who’s idea of Indian is people on a reserve who don’t pay taxes and run Casinos and your idea of traveling is going to a 3 star resort in the Dominican or Cancun, because culture is for losers while Cancun is for all you can drink bars, tit flashing and getting herpes before your 21st birthday….all for around 1000 dollars.
Here’s a video….I am sure tons more are out there….
If you’re lookin’ for a deal, you may want to reach out to the Oberoi Hotel, it’s One Currently Being Attacked….It could like bookin’ Florida during Hurricane Season….I should be a Travel Agent….
UPDATE – DO NOT CALL ANY CUSTOMER SUPPORT NUMBERS FOR ANY US PRODUCT BECAUSE THE WAIT TIME IS LONGER THAN USUAL.
ANOTHER UPDATE – THE TAJ HOTEL IS ON FIRE AND PEOPLE ARE STILL INSIDE THE HOTEL BECAUSE THE TERRORISTS TOLD THEM TO STAY IN THEIR ROOM – PROBABLY A VERY HORRIBLE WAY TO GO – RIP MOTHERFUCKERS…..
In honor of Thanksgiving, I decided to post these pictures of a turkey, or someone who will probably eat an entire turkey tomorrow, because Beyonce is the kind of girl who just doesn’t like sharing and has the ability to clear a table stocked with enough fried chicken for a couple dozen people, but in her defense, she’s never been this physical in her performances, and that probably works up a mean appetite, you know making those who used to be shocked with how much she managed to eat before, she was doin’ nothing, totally blown the fuck away when they see what she manages to stuff in her face now, and it’s got something to do with her not wanting to share the spotlight with the younger, hotter Rihanna who I know she just can’t fucking stand, even though Rihanna’s career is making Beyonce’s divorce settlement a lot more lucrative, when she finally leaves Jay Z for two timing her.
Every time I watch her do this song and dance, I laugh because of the pain I see in her eyes. It’s like watching some morbidly obese person trying to get a new lease on life and taking their fat ass to the streets to burn off some calories, or like watching my wife trying to get off the couch. There is struggle and panting as heart is begging her to stop, but Beyonce won’t listen, because if she does, it means Rihanna won.
At least she’s managed to find a full-body pair of spanx to strap her in and keep her fat from spilling out all over the fuckin’ reinforced stage, making the homeless people they kicked off their corner to throw this street performance even more pissed off, you know in a first they take their homes and now they’re rubbing how much food they’ve managed to stuff in their faces in their face, while they sitting there starving, cold in mismatched shoes waiting for it all to end..
Here are the pics.
And the videos….
Her Performing Single Ladies…
Her Obnoxious Grand Entrance and a Little Crazy in Love
Her name is Holly Montag and in case you were wondering she is the spin-off of her sister Heidi, that’s just how deep The Hills goes, it makes celebrities out of the family and friends of the lying pieces of shit who the show is based on, which means that not only does that shit ruin our lives, but also the lives of innocent people, who get caught up in the whole thing when they see how much money and how many perks their siblings are getting, that they need to jump on the fuckin’ bandwagon and get their fair share or some shit, and at least they are getting paid. I just hope for their sake they don’t think this is going to open any real doors for them, because the fame from this show is fleeting. There’s no room to show off any actual talent and I’m sure no producer would touch anyone who has tainted themselves with this shit, it’s like fucking the fat chick in your neighborhood, who’s pussy smells like gym socks and old cheddar one night when you’re drunk at a party, the same party the hot chick you’ve been working when you are of sound body and mind is at, the one who accidentally walks in on you in the kitchen pantry with your dick 2 inches (75% of the way) in this piece of shit girl that is only at the party because no one had the heart to tell her she wasn’t invited for fear of having her columbine their asses, and the same girl who looks at you disappointed around the same time they throw up in disgust and run off in tears because she was on the fence about getting with you, but just need a little more convincing, but instead of working on them proper by getting her too drunk to realize what the fuck she was doing, you go out and fuck the fat girl who smells that everyone teases.
I don’t know if that made sense, but being a fouth tier character on The Hills is career suicide, but at least Holly Montag’s got the right idea and shows her very white panties on Canadian cable channels, not that it’s that big of a deal, since only one person is watching the shit, but it’s a big deal to me, because the white panties my wife wears are only white for about a minute before the yellow mucus discharge faucet in her pants wins the wrestling match that is her putting them on.
Either way, I’m a simple man, and these pics are good enough for me and that’s why I am sharing them with you. Thanks girl on Facebook who I stole these from. I’m sure you’ll be emailing me to take them down in about a minute. Asshole.
I’m not a lesbian or anything, but Megan Fox pretends she is to get attention from the media and really secure her place as the town whore everyone wants to fuck. Kinda like Katy Perry and her whole kissed a girl shit, proving that men are weak, it doesn’t take very much to get excited, but the least Megan Fox could do is get out of her Brian Austin Green issued uniform that covers her from head to toe, and show us that pussy she’s always talkin’ about using because eventually she’ll have had his kid, since she’s under his spell, and it’ll all be over for her, true story, some crazy lady told me all about it on the bus today, she carrying a bag filled with bras and underwear she picked up at the Salvation Army, so I’m not sure how much of what she says is fact and how much of it is crazy.
Benji Madden was seen leaving a club with his new fuck toy, who is some guy he put in a silly had to make look like his one true love, his brother. I mean it was kind of expected, since he’s been circle jerking with another man since the womb, even if they are twins and sex with each other isn’t considered homo, but masturbation, since they are the same fucking person. You know that whole if you had a clone of yourself would you let it suck your dick debate you’ve been having in you head since you first heard about Dolly the sheep, or whatever the fuck that cloned sheep was named.
So Benji isn’t talking much about Paris Hilton, their break up or any of that juicy shit that is her vaginal infections, because if you were famous and had the option to bang real chicks, you wouldn’t be down with admitting the dark time your judgment got the best of you because you were emotionally in a bad place since your one true love ran off with a troll and had a baby with her, you know leaving you forced to get with her best friend because it forces you to spend time together and it’s better to have something that keeps you tied to him, besides family functions or Good Charlotte reunion tours, you wouldn’t want people bringing it up or even admitting that it happened to yourself.
The truth is that Benji isn’t the first guy Paris has helped bring to his homosexual calling, she’s got those big feet, fake hair, lots of make-up and obnoxious outfits that would be encouraged at a gay club on tranny night, so I guess after fucking Paris the only place for you to go is Gay, especially since there’s a whole group of fags who aren’t scared of a little herpes, you know, since they have Aids.
I was at some chick who lives in the building’s apartment because I needed to borrow a cup of sugar, and by sugar I mean bitch just wanted to fuck me and I don’t have it in my to say no to positive attention and by wanting to fuck I mean I invited myself over to watch TV because I don’t have one.
I ended up watching Kanye on Conan and when I watch him I feel like I am experiencing some sort of mental breakdown, and since I was too busy staring at the chick who lives in my building’s braless titties, I didn’t really pay much attention to this insecure broken down motherfucker, but I did notice that near the end of the interview he announces he has to go to the bathroom like he’s got no fucking filter or care for anyone by himself in his self centered world, like a retarded kid who can’t think 30 seconds into the future, and who need handlers to make sure he doesn’t do things he’s not supposed to when in public, like this retard I used to work with, who was hired by some work program, so my boss could get cheap labor, and I could have a good laugh when showing him pictures of tits in playboy and convincing him that they were the girl we worked with’s tits, getting him all riled up and ending with him groping her, because dude liked what he saw and didn’t realize shit was inappropriate behavior because he could only work on impulse, it’s what being retarded’s all about.
Either way, Kanye doesn’t play along with any of Conan’s jokes, he wasn’t interesting to listen to, he wasn’t funny, and he wasn’t normal, he seemed medicated and totally affected by the fame, money, and death of his mother. Dude’s about to fucking crack and he reminded me of a 5 year old who just got molested only he takes himself a lot more seriously than a 5 year old, with self-proclaimed announcements that he’s a pop artist through music and shit, because everyone knows if you call yourself a pop artist, people will believe you’re one, but the real truth is that his art died the second he made his first album, now he’s just some mainstream, pop, Daft Punk rip off artist, milkin it for all he can while losing his fucking perspective and slowly diving into insanity and the day he takes his shit that he’s been taking so seriously to heart and ends up jumping off a fuckin’ building, or Kurt Cobaining himself.
He’s not pushing boundaries, he’s just a broken down motherfucker and I think it’s gotta do with God taking his momma away, but maybe it’s time for his friends to intervene, but I am pretty sure he doesn’t have any, he’s just got employees and people sucking up to him and that’s probably where the crazy started.
