Tara Reid has taught me so much out of life. First,i there’s no reason to not treat everyday like it’s a fucking party if you have made stupid money in stupid movies and you don’t really need to work the 9-5 grind like an asshole and instead can spend your life drinking and tanning around the world in a bikini. Second, that if you lose a bet that requires you to get plastic surgery on the dancefloor by some contraband plastic surgeon in a third world country, take the high road and don’t go through with the shit, because your nipples and stomach will suffer. Third, if you are engaged to an MTV VJ who has dreams of having his own talkshow that no one watches, escape when you ca and today she teaches us that wearing a shirt makes you look a fuck of a lot better than wearing a bikini, because your hard nipples aim in the right place and we don’t have to get distracted by the mess of scars we can’t avoid when you are half naked. So I guess she’s not a useless party slut after all, but instead a philosopher changing the way we think at least changing the way we think about her, because these hard nipple pics save those bikini pics….
Tila Tequila still isn’t tired of being a party slut, I’ve seen her in action and she doesn’t drink when she goes out, she just pretends to be drunk while everyone watches her and her fake tits dance around like a fool, making out with girls and playing it up like the slut that she is. It’s pretty much a total fucking lie and a far stretch from real party sluts who dance on stages with no panties after one too many drinks and ending up passed out at some chachi’s luxury loft with his dick in her mouth, but it’s the Hollywood version of reality because Tila Tequila is a plastic tool that I haven’t quite figured out who is using to make them money, but I do know that she’s not real, she’s just some internet celebrity, who’s managed to not be forgotten like all the other internet celebrities before her, and I’m not complaining because I really don’t give a fuck either way. She’s not hot, she’s just there and I’m usually willing to try to stick things in anything that’s just layin’ around. So I guess that makes her good enough.
Rihanna breaks down boundaries in her new video, that she’s wearing a leotard and showing off her big black ass in and that’s bringing some interracial sexual tension to the table like we were in the south and she was a plantation owner’s daughter trying to rebel. I really have nothing against IRCs (interracial couples), I think it’s all in good fun, and I am actually in an interracial relationship right now, unfortunately, so I never understood why the Jews always got so worked up about their sons marrying outside their faith, I guess it’s gotta do with them thinking they are the chosen ones or some shit, but seriously we should fuck whoever the fuck we want to fuck or whoever the fuck is willing to fuck us, and sometimes we don’t really have the choice of what color skin they have, or what god they prey to, or whether they even have female gentials. Desperate times call for desperate measures and is the reason why I always keep a wig in close proximity, in the even I need to make that 5 dollar blowjob feel less gay….
The one good thing about models, even if the model in question was born with a penis, or at least looks like she was because she has the hardest fucking face around, it their legs. They generally don’t have tits, don’t have an ass, and may not even have a pussy, but long skinny legs are always fun to look at, especially when your life revolves around a wife who doesn’t have knees anymore, but instead has a set of deep set dimples where her knees were buried in obesity. Sure, you may not want legs you can wear as a scarf because you find shit bony and creepy, but walk a mile in my shoes before judging me, because the last time my wife tried to put her leg on my shoulder it dislocated, and instead of it feeling like I was wearing a scarf and about to go for an amazing lunch, it felt like I was in a work related accident at a chemical factory that smelled like shit, or maybe being smothered by a hundred pound bag of rancid cottage cheese that smelled like shit, or even like getting stuck under a bouncy castle with a preschool of kids jumping on the shit after half of them accidentally shit themselves with excitement, explaining the smell of shit, all with no way out but suicide and that probably traumatized me enough to be drawn to these long and luxurious model legs.
Halloween is coming and that means that so are the everyday girls who feel it’s time to show off their wild side that they really want to show off on the daily basis, but have been raised to think it is inappropriate, except on Halloween, because you’re just dressing up and not actually showing a secret slut side of you. It is like a day pass into whoredom, and that means a lot of the girls you’ve seen walking around in sweat pants, or sweaters, or jeans, who look really fucking boring and prude, will be out getting drunk in lingerie or slutty costumes and that’s what makes shit the hottest night of the year.
And you know, when a girl gets out there dressed all slutty, she usually ends up getting all turned on and that means with a little booze, she will put out because of all the sexual attention she’s been getting all night that she’s not used to, making Halloween a night you may actually get laid, and if you can’t or haven’t got laid on Halloweens of yesteryear, then you’ll probably appreciate Olivia Munn in Complex trying on a couple of costumes, because it’s safe to say, you’ll be at home that night watching G4TV and she’ll be your date, after giving out candy to the neighborhood kids because your mom’s more fun than you and out at a work party and you had little else to do, and if you’re lucky, Munn will be wearing one of these costumes or something a little more slutty, so that you don’t fully miss out on life, like you have been the last 20 years and that way you can at least jerk off to someone in costume, since you’re not out jerking off on someone in costume and from my study, it’s less creepy than jerking off to the Charlie Brown Halloween special.
The truth is that I have never dressed up in the past, because I always found it tedious and lame, but the last 2 years I noticed that guys who dress up get a lot more attention from girls, because girls love dressing up and love talking to guys who dress up and it’s pretty much the easiest coversation starter, and unfortunately for us, conversation is the first step to fingerbanging a girl on the dancefloor, unless of course the girl is passed out drunk in her lingerie costume on the couch at whatever party you’re at, being as quiet as possible is probably your best bet. I’m just lookin’ out for you. Oh, and the costume of the year if you want pussy is to dress like Sam Ronson….
I remember loving Heather Graham’s tits, but like all big titties, they grow up and turn 30 something and don’t have the same fuckin draw they had when they were in their 20s, because the nipples aim to the ground like the chick was overweight, and the perky beautiful cleavage that once was, now looks like some kind of sloppy spread out mess. The skin that houses Heather Graham’s tits have been through a lot, you know holding up all that fatty tissue all these years, it was bound to reach a point where it just couldn’t do it anymore, you know like when you carry home your wife’s insanely heavy groceries for the week because she eats a lot and you feel like you just can’t make it up that last flight of stairs because your hands just can’t take the pressure,well,that’s pretty much what Heather Graham’s tits are going through and I guess all we can hope for is that her vagina hasn’t been through the same amount of strain and is hanging down somewhere mid-thigh.
I am sure it’s just one of those natural courses of life that makes us all remember that 20 year olds are pretty much better to look at naked than this shit.
Here she is doing us all a favor and covering up that shit….
Since I first heard about Miley dating some 20 year old underwear model, I assumed the obvious and that was that the dude was gay, lookin’ for exposure like he was Chris Crocker, only more innovative than Chris Crocker because he actally got hooked in with the biggest thing in entertainment right now, at least I hear that’s why Miley calls herself to her parents when they ground her for being in passed her curfew.
There was never a doubt in my mind that this dude actually liked penis, I knew he was a flaming based on his job as an underwear model and the ripple of his abs, that only a gay man would care enough to create, by spending a ton of time at the gym, because the gym is the best place to go see cock in the showers, and I figure that it was important to get it out there, because I’ve been slamming Miley for being a whore all this time, when in reality the only dick she’s been sucking has been in her sexual fantasies, as this motherfucker’s consistently been turning her down, and to think it was because he liked cock and not because he was scared of your really bad fucking teeth and inexperience damaging his money maker.
I don’t want to spend too much time on this, because who really cares….unless of course you’re like me and spend a good part of your day trying to figure out if Miley still has her cherry or if shit’s been popped.
To see the rest of his gay escapade and read the story…. GO
So it looks like a McCain supporter put the internet classes he was learned in prison to good use and decided to send out a racist email to the world, basically saying that Obama is nothin’ but a fried chicken, watermelon eating, porch monkey of a person, like they used to have down in the South afterthe republicans, who from what I understand, were an anti-slavery party, helped abolish slavery, because before that they were treated like fucking animals.
The real joke in all of this is that Obama is half white, living the white dream, meaning he’s got the same genes as the redneck fucks who hate him for being black, when really they hate him for being better at being white than them, you know he’s gone to white schools, has white friends, and is pretty much just a dark skinned white dude and the only thing black about him is his cock, at least that’s what I’ve been told.
I assume he makes good money, lives in a good neighborhood, has a nice enough car, does normal people things like taking his kids to soccer and walking his dog or whatever the fuck else suburban white folk do, while whoever made this is probably shoveling shit in the barn, half broke, shocked he figured out how to spell the subject line of the email, drunk and beating his wife as he builds a fire in the corner of the shack he sleeps in to keep warm, with the only hope he has in life is the fact that he’s white and from what the lessons the last 10 generations of his poor white trash fave have told him, God values that a lot more once you die in a farm related accident or accidentally catching fire at your cross burning meetings, than he values the blacks….
Sure I make racist jokes, because it is funny to offend and stir people up, but that doesn’t mean I think racism isn’t pretty fucking dated and unnecessary. Eventually we’ll all be a shade of beige and I think that because someone is black, white, asian or mexican, they should have equal rights to be heard, especially if they have hot tits. I mean if we based everything on appearances, you’d never get laid….oh right….you never get laid. Bad analogy. But you get what I am saying.
That said, I am not offended by this, I just think it’s a pretty weak attempt to attack someone, or make fun of someone, it’s just way too fucking obvious of a joke and that’s why you’ll probably find this funny, because I seem to attract the real winners in life.
I am not an Obama or McCain supporter, so I don’t want emails to me calling me names or whatever the fuck else I’ve been getting emailed to me the last 2 months from you hicks, I am just posting it, because I find it ridiculous. I am not posting it because I want to out McCain fans for being uneducated scum, or because I support the shit they are doing, I am just doing it because I am doing it.
And in case you need to be reminded that Obama is white, watch this video of him dancing on Ellen…
On a side note, here’s a weird video of Terrry Tate tackling Sarah Palin that I don’t understand…
Enough with this political shit, time for tits.
Update: I hear the person behind the email blast was Heidi and Spencer and here are some pictures of the fake couple in some staged pictures, showing their fake support for McCain – Palin, because they know that if they actually wanted McCain – Palin to win, they’d keep their mouths shut, since the world hates them. If “Guns, God and Glory” is really the McCain – Palin slogan, you are all in a lot of trouble if they win.I
have a feeling it’s just Spencer and Heidi being ironic or sarcastic or Facetious or whatever the fuck this is. So here are Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt trying to be funny, with beer and a rifle and a book about profiting during the economic crisis, considering they have both profited way too much already, and lets just hope that this date that ends in murder suicide, not because we don’t agree with their politics, but because we don’t agree with their existance…
The paparazzi is insane. When you see them stalking Conan O’Brien when he’s out reading and having a coffee, you know the internet has made them go too far. Sure, Conan’s got fans, he’s funny, he’s got a following, he’s taking over for Jay Leno and all that shit, so I get why he’s someone in the news or relevant, but he is not the kind of celebrity you need to stalk, go through his garbage, climb his hedges to get bathing suit pictures of, he’s kinda one of those guys who people like to consider on our side, in how he makes fun of the celebrities, interviews them, laughs at them and all that shit, and not actually one of them but instead these creepy dudes, who get excited when they get a shot of his book, which is also fucking crazy because what Conan is reading, wearing, doing is never a huge fucking deal, and they are making it one, because they clearly have nothing else going on in their scummy lives.
Since no one in their right mind would pay for those groundbreaking pictures or Conan Walking, I can only assume this Pap(smear) is new to the job and this is some kind of paparazzi hazing, like one paparazzi makes him think he’s got a huge story, when training him, then when he brings it to the office to get paid, the boss ends up laughing him out of the fuckin’ place, forcing him to eat his cereal with water until the day he finds out that people only care about chick celebrities when they are in bikinis and not dudes who have talk shows walking around in funny jeans.
I hear the paparazzi are staking out the guy who’s in the Sham Wow commercials, they are hoping to get shots of him buying paper towels….oh the scandal that would cause….
Like all smart Americans, Halle Berry is setting up shop in Canada in the event Obama loses the election at least that’s what I think she’s doing.
She recently bought a house that is less than 1 hour away from me, because her pretty boy baby daddy model is from this shitty city I live in and I guess he’s getting homesick and wants his mommy and daddy involved in the upbringing of his million dollar lottery ticket and Halle Berry is committed to making her baby daddy happy, or some shit, because she just doesn’t want to be another statistic, you know single black parent in the ghetto that is Beverly Hills or Malibu or wherever the fuck they live.
I like the pretend that Esquire’s most beautiful girl of 2008 (not 1999 as you would assume) is moving her to be closer to me, but it’s fair to say she doesn’t think I exist, and the truth is I don’t really care that she exists. Sure, she’s hot for a black chick and all, but there’s lots of hot girls in the world, especially when you have no fucking standards, so who needs her.
The only good that can come from this is when I feel like making a million dollars by being a paparazzi and dropping in on them randomly when they are sleeping but I am too lazy or that and because I have a feeling she won’t be using the house at all, she just got it to shut her pretty boy up.
ST. HIPPOLYTE, QUE. – A small town in the Laurentians just got a little more beautiful. Oscar-winning actress Halle Berry and her Montreal partner, model Gabriel Aubry, have bought a house in St. Hippolyte, Que.
The million-dollar home, which the Hollywood star and her boyfriend reportedly bought several weeks ago, sits on 63 acres of land overlooking Molson Lake.’
Aubry, who is the father of Berry’s daughter, grew up near Montreal and his parents still live in the suburb of Laval.
“It feels great, Aubry said “Anything we can do in our own hometown is always a good feeling.”
The big coincidence is I was actually bidding on this property and she swept it from under my nose, when my offer of 14 dollars in quarters was rejected, so now I have reason to really hate her, instead of that whole hate her cuz she doesn’t answer my phone calls bullshit, but here’s the listing, if you care…
Surrounded by sixty-eight acres of privacy and seclusion, this country property features a five acre private spring fed lake and a three bedroom 2,500 sq. ft modern architectural home with various beautiful and original features. This gated estate is less than one hour from Montreal and is accessible by private road. Property has deeded access to Lac à L’Achigan which is less than one kilometer away. For those seeking complete privacy and security this site has it all !
Unique Amenities
Mountain View
Water View
Private Lake
Waterfront
Lac Molson
$1,850,555 (1,850,000 CAD)
Saint-Hippolyte, Quebec, Canada
Estate
Single Family Home
Bedrooms: 3
Bathrooms: 1
Size: 2500 sq ft
Here is the house…
Here is a map of the area….if you want to really get to know her….by sneaking on the property late at night when she’s sleeping…
I expect to be invited to the sex parties….I don’t expect that to happen…But I figured I’d just throw it out there….or maybe plot a way to make it happen…but I am not very good at organizing things, and who really wants to see a tired mother who has spent the last 6 months in yoga in attempts to rejuvenate her vagina, at a sex party….
Here’s the Halle Berry Esquire shoot, where Esquire editors had some kind of relapse and thought that it was 1999 and named her the most beautiful girl in the world, a title, I’ve been using to get in girls pants the last 30 years, but it never seems to work out.
Here she is leaving Yoga over a month ago, because I like to stay current….and she likes the idea of her vagina snappin’ back to it’s original shape and tightness….
Here’s a really old one of her wearinga see through shirt while pregnant with pretty boy’s baby….because she’s slutty like that….
And for those of you who don’t care about real estate, here she is in Monster Ball, a pretty good sex scene, except for the whole Billy Bob Thorton part…… GO
