I'll Make You Famous…
 
 

Jenna Ortega for the Beetlejuice Photocall of the Day
Jenna Ortega for the Beetlejuice Photocall of the Day
Kelly Brook From Big Titty Model to Big Back Model of the Day
Kelly Brook From Big Titty Model to Big Back Model of the Day
Charli XCX for Demon Kim Kardashian’s Brand of the Day
Charli XCX for Demon Kim Kardashian’s Brand of the Day
Christina Aguilera and her Botox Face and Ozempic Body Get Slutty of the Day
Christina Aguilera and her Botox Face and Ozempic Body Get Slutty of the Day
Shannon Mcmullen is the Instagram Of The Day
Shannon Mcmullen is the Instagram Of The Day

2008

22

Oct

Marisa Miller Does Complex of the Day

1 Comment »

So it looks like Marisa Miller has finally achieved the level of fame that I have by being featured in Complex 10 months after me. I mean sure, I wasn’t their covergirl, and I think my write up was 100 words at the back of the issue at best, but it was still the highlight of my year, maybe even my life, because it is the only recognition I have ever received, pretty much ever and for someone like Marisa Miller, who’s been on the cover of all magazines all these years, it’s probably not a big deal, but to someone like you who has been jerking off to Marisa Miller all these years it probably is.

The truth is since being featured in Complex, the company has really done their part to make me feel like family. Just last week I reached out to Marc Ecko asking for some free clothes, since he owns the magazine and Ecko and he never responded, then there was the time a few months ago when I asked him if he could get me tickets to the Lil Wayne show for my stepdaughter and her hot teenage friends and he never got back to me, or the time I reached out to him asking for some money, or a job, or anything because I was struggling and never hearing back from him, then there was my birthday when I got no card or gift from him and his birthday when I got no invitation. I guess Complex really aren’t like family at all…..but they did give you something you wanted and that’s more Marisa Miller in a bikini, which does nothing for me, not because I am gay or due to my impotence, because not getting hard doesn’t mean not getting horny, but because I think she looks old, boring, and like a less attractive stripper than the strippers I am used to. I see the whole All American bullshit, and maybe that’s the real reason why I find nothing interesting about her and I am sure some of you probably disagree. So this one’s for Ellen Degeneres and all you’ve she’s done for the lesbian movement, life wasn’t better when women hated men secretly. Thanks for that.


TO SEE THE REST OF THE PICS, AND READ WHAT SHE HAD TO SAY AS YOU JERK OF, FOLLOW THIS LINK
GO

Posted in:Complex|Marisa Miller

2008

22

Oct

Perez Hilton On Paris Hilton’s TV Show and God Didn’t Strike Them Down of the Day

3 Comments »

So Perez Hilton is supposed to be some unbiased newsreporter, at least he’s made himself famous reporting “exclusive” celebrity stories as a third party outsider, who can’t get laid and who makes way too much fucking money by owning the celebrity gossip world because people his 15 year old girl commentary and I don’t mean commentary on their budding tits, but commentary that would make anyone thing someone with budding tits was writing it and it turns out he is Paris Hilton consultant on her show no one watches, or at least the show I hope no one watches because it looks like shit.

I don’t understand how this obese man has enough time to travel from event to event, do radio shows, jerk off on chat with gay boys he’s picked up because they want to be featured on his site, and film shitty segments on Paris Show. All they need is to throw David Blaine on this and it will be the worst thing to possible pollute your TV.

I hear they are working on a Sitcom called “When Aids Meets Herpes”.

I don’t know why I posted this, I blame just waking up and having it be the first thing I’ve seen today, and considering that little fact you should be happy I am posting at all, and not trying to drink to forget this garbage ever happened…..and that God and by God, I mean the Mexican PA I know who works the show, didn’t take advantage of the opportunity and accidentally drop a lighting fixture to maybe accidentally catch the set on fire so they both go down in a DJ AM caliber blaze of annoying. Riding the world of 2 diseases that are far worse than any actual disease.

Ok.

Now It’s time to get posting the serious stuff. Stay tuned. That is if this didn’t make you kill yourself…

Posted in:Paris Hilton|Perez Hilton

2008

21

Oct

stepLINKS of the Day

1 Comment »

Some shit came up where I couldn’t sit on the computer all day. I like to think it’s because I was on a jet flying somewhere luxurious, but the truth is my computer died again, my wife gave me bullshit jobs to do, then I had to help this asshole I know move, because he leant me some money awhile ago and when he came to collect, he wasn’t too down with me giving him empty bottles, my wife’s dog, a pug, that she came home with Saturday without asking me if I wanted a fucking dog or not and 2 lbs of salomi, it is the economic crisis afterall and he looked desperate, but not desperate enough, so I told him I’d I do some work for him today and didn’t expect it to take me 4 fucking hours.

So I didn’t die today, and since my computer did, I am borrowing a friend’s computer for the next couple of days, until I can come up with 20 bucks to get a new one, but in the meantime, here are my links while I go clean up two days of dog piss from the stepPUG who I hate but who seems to love me. I am told shit days like today happen to all of us, but I am not sure if that is true, since I don’t have any friends, so as far as I’m concerned they just shouldn’t happen to me but At least I have these links to keep you up to date with shit going on on the internet. So click them….


Because It’s cheaper Than a Tuesday Night Movie and More Entertaining….
GO

Lesbian Outfit of the Day….
GO

I Guess You Can’t Blame Him For Being Stupid
He’s Wearing Roller Blades Afterall
GO

I Know I Bitch About Her A Lot, But In The End, Christina Aguilera and Her Tits Are Okay With Me
GO

Megan Good’s Tits Best Moments
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Miranda Kerr Makes Up For That Hat She Was WEaring Yesterday By Taking Her Top Off in FHM
GO

Some Vintage stepTV to Remind You How mush Your Shitty Life is Better Than Some Other People’s
GO

Katie Price Completes Her Transformation into Oompa Loompa
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Abi Titmuss Moons The Camera
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Kim Jogn Il and I Have More in Common Than I Thought
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Kate Hudson at Some Event or Another, Most Likely Prowling for Her Boyfriend of the Week
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Pee-Wee’s Leprechaun Halloween
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Trust Me, Sex is Alot More Fun When You’re Doing It, Instead of Just Talking About It
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Korean Baseball Brawl Isn’t a Brawl At All
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Nick Hogan is Out of Jail
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Christmas On Mars
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Claymation Chess
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Free Breast Exam!!
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Web Cam Striptease Fun
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This Madonna and A-Rod Make Steroid Babies….
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Anne Hathaway, WTF Are You Wearing
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Striptease of the Day
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Sex Has Always Been Fun, And Now It’s Easy Too
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Paintball Prank
GO

It’s a Raid!!
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Cry Baby Spiderman Gets No Candy on Halloween
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She May Be Sad She Lost Her Bikini, But I’m Not
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If You’re Gonna Dine and Dash, It’s Bext to Not Leave Your Purse at the Table
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Heather Carolin is Your Red Head Fantasy
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Mena Suvari is Lookin Good at the Burberry Store Opening
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Top 10 Fauxmosexual Lesbians from Hollywood
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Samantha Takes Off Her Swimsuit
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Lookin’ Good Sweetheart.
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Crystal Forscutt is Divine
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Little Waynes Assistant Ratted Him Out; Has Shortened Life Expectancy
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Shay Laren is in a Little Jean Skirt
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The British Hate Sarah Silverman
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Audrina Patridge in bikini getting dunked on Ellen show
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Some Old Pics of the Nanny in a Bikini….
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Build a Hydrogen Generator
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Keira Knightley Doesn’t Wear a Bra and Her Nipples Are Hard (I’ve had complaints this site is spam, I was told by the webmaster it isn’t)
GO GO
Janice Dickinson Looks Scary as Shit in This Photoshoot…
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The Best Videogames of All Time Tournament
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A Jenna Jameson Pregnancy Pic to Prove She’s Got a Uterus
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Take a Break, Watch Some Porn
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ROGUE COLLECTOR’S PHOTOBUCKET FINDS

Some Girl’s Tits and G-String
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Piss Like a Man
GO

Posted in:stepLINKS

2008

21

Oct

Traci Bingham in Some Staged Pics of the Day

2 Comments »

So Traci Bingham asked the paparazzi to join her while shopping for sports equipment because times are tough for her, you know with the whole not working since Baywatch thing, and no one knowing who she is thing. She figured that she’d get a deal on the gear if she caused a little ruckus by doing a photoshoot in the store because they will assume she’s someone important, so it came as a shock to her when the manager asked them to leave because he just assumed she was doing some photoshoot for a night school project or some shit, she told him her name and he still had no idea who she was, then she told him she was on Baywatch and he still couldn’t really place her, but eventually just let her go through with it because he liked her tits and really doesn’t get paid enough to argue or spend all that much time with persistent customers who think they are famous, but when it came time for her to buy whatever she ended up buying, he rejected her request for a discount, because that was just asking for too much.

Either way, I know some of you like seeing girls riding little girl bikes and it is a nice change of pace that this time, the girl on the bike you’re jerking off to isn’t 7 years old, like they normally are, you sick fuck.

Posted in:Staged Pics|Traci Bingham

2008

21

Oct

Mary Kate Olsen Gets in a Fender Bender of the Day

4 Comments »

I borrowed a friend’s car the other day to take my wife to the Hospital because we thought she was having a heart attack, at least we were hoping she was having a heart attack and by we, I mean me. I figure it’ll be a hell of a lot easier to deal with her bullshit, if she’s in heaven. I’m just jokin’ around, but when we were parking, something I am not very good at, despite having been a valet for about a month before getting fired for complaints of cars being scratched up because I don’t really have very good coordination and I always feel massively slow and hungover, usually because I am hungover, but this time I didn’t actually hit the car behind me to let me know I had gone just far enough, but instead stopped an inch away from it. The good news is that the owner of the Honda was standing right next to her car, walking her massive lesbian dog, that matched her lesbian outfit and her lesbian attitude. She barked at me saying something like “did you hit my car” and I responded saying something like “no, but I wish I had” leading to her getting really mad at me and getting in my face because she felt that I was being rude. So I asked her if she was just jealous that I had a woman with me and that I didn’t have to hide my sexuality from the world, leading to a lonely life in a shitty apartment with a dog who sometimes licks my pussy, with his luscious tongue, that despite it’s magical length and ability, still doesn’t compare to a real woman to share my pussy with and that’s when the dog bit me. Bitches.

My wife sided with her, because she’s not as loyal as a dog, saying something like I am abusive to women, I am a pig, I spend my days ripping into chicks, because I am a weak scared coward, so I did what anyone would do and bit her.

Here’s a video of Mary Kate Olsen’s friend in her trendy hippie car bumping into the car behind her despite having a whole lot of room, because she’s a worse driver than me. The truth is that this wouldn’t have been a fuckin’ issue had the paparazzi not been there to watch their every move and I guess the good news is that Mary Kate wasn’t driving because the damage would have been a hell of a lot worse, since she’s always high or at least looks like she is.

Posted in:Fender Bender|Mary-Kate Olsen

2008

21

Oct

Family Guy’s McCain / Palin Nazi Joke of the Day

6 Comments »

So family guy did a funny joke where the baby and the dog and the Jewish awkward guy go back in time to Nazi Germany and are getting some heat because they put a McCain/Palin button on one of the Nazi Uniforms.

I think Family Guy is the best show on TV, I don’t really watch TV so I am probably not the person to make TV recommendations, but every episode I’ve seen has had at least one obscure and truly funny thing, and since everyone is shitting on me for being a talentless hack, which is probably true and something I have never denied, because I like to think you’re the one landing here, I’m not the one throwing anything down your throat, so you got to deal with your choices and not bother me about it, especially when I am hating on everything because it makes me feel better about my miserbale existence, and existence made more miserable when SNL fans email me complaining about how it’s so fucking amazing, because I hate on SNL and I hate you for liking it, so I guess we’ll never be friends.

So as I throw out all my dreams I have of us spending the day playing squash together, or getting a beer together, or hitting on girls together, because we just won’t work out (no homo), I decided to post this clip recognizing something good.

Now I am not a McCain or Obama supporter, so don’t email me whining about how it is funny because I am a nigger-lovin’ terrorist left wing piece of shit, like all the republicans out there have been doing up until now, I am in Canada, and it’s just a good joke. So instead of emailing me, how about walking out to your barn, pulling out one of your NRA edition rifles with Chaleton Heston’s face carved into the handle, and put yourself out of your misery and for those of you aren’t too uptight about your political party, you may be able to see the humor in this.

Posted in:Family Guy|McCain|Palin|Politics

2008

21

Oct

Tara Reid in Some More Bikini Pictures of the Day

6 Comments »

Tara Reid is still out in a bikini showing up the body she destroys after losing a bet at a Full Moon party in Thailand during the course of her everlasting spring break, where if she didn’t finish a bottle of that Cobra Venom shit the crazy Thai people drink, she’d have to get botched plastic surgery from some back alley sex change operator in Bangkok and her mangled body is the result. Some say that the she could have afforded to hire a real American plastic surgeon in LA, and don’t understand why she didn’t and the answer to that is that it bought into her party time. In Thailand they do it at the party and in America, there’s this whole hospital rules, regulations and formalities bullshit that isn’t doing body shots while getting surgery, while in Thailand, it is highly recommended because it saves the cost of anesthtic. The truth is that I could be wrong about this, maybe it wasn’t Thailand at all, maybe she got her cheap unregulated horrible result surgery in Mexico, or Brazil, or Peurto Rico, because there is no way this shit was done by a trained American Doctor, and if it was, dude needs to lose his motherfuckin’ license. Like that time I lost my license to ill when I found out that the Beastie Boys were Jewish.
Or the time I lost my License to Lady Kill when I realized I don’t know what that means. Or the time I lost my License to Drive You Crazy….Okay time to stop this now.


Since the paparazzi want me dead and I want to continue talking about Tara Reid’s hot washed up party slut body, I have no choice but to link out to another site. That’s just how things are when you’re ghetto like me.
GO

Posted in:Bikini|Tara Reid

2008

20

Oct

stepLINKS of the Day

10 Comments »

So since I have nothing better to do than waste my time, I waste my time talking to the sisters of non celebrities, and in not being very good at moving on, I decided to post some of the conversation I’ve been having with Bon Bon D’Amore, who despite her name is not a tacky pornstar, but the daughter of some Pizza Restaurant owner who’s sister was friends with Kim Kardashian and Paris Hilton before they realized hanging with a Celine Dion look-a-like was a waste of time….

You’re funny! and you’re right im probably not her little sister…just happen to be some idot that knows her sister’s name. but if i am her sister, what kind would i be if i didnt defend her honor? 😉 if she got you booted from facebook u most likely deserved it and i totaly understand that “what you do is mean” its cool…you dumb fucks and your jealousy are one reason she is famous.you people are talking about her, PERIOD. so please feel free to say all u like because no publicity is bad publicity,,right. aahahaaaa  this industry kills me and i fucking love it. XOXO

Love,

Bon Bon (or some weird freak)  🙂

My Response:

I am a nice guy. You are just very aggressive and it’s a little unnecessary. You say all publicity is good publicity, so stop your whining. I know whining is all you know and was the only way you could get your dad’s attention away from his business and it may have worked when you wanted your Mercedes for your 16th birthday, and your dad got it for you, because it was easier than actually spending time with you, since after years of neglect and focus on his business he felt guilty and felt the only remedy was to buy your love and make you forget he chose his business over you, or at least let you know that all the pretty things you have is because he chose his business over you, so you don’t resent him for the choices he made, but I’m not your dad, don’t take your issues out on me, save them for your therapist, at least that way you’ll be getting your moneys worth.

I understand you live in a rich kid bubble where you are the center of the universe, where you are untouchable and where you think your sister is famous because sites like mine write about her and because she badly djs events for a lot of money despite people lrefusing to be on the same bill or in pictures with her, because they think she’s a joke,  and was friends with Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian, two of the most useless people in LA, besides the cast of The Hills and because she’s been in some straight to DVD movies no one will ever see, but the truth is that I am more famous than she is on the internet, and I can give you a little taste of what she’s getting, you know give you the glory you deserve, so you can get out of her shadow, unless you are fat. In which case the only taste of fame you will have is the Superstar Combo at your favorite diner and in which case I will order you a cake any flavor you want, I am generous just let me know. 

On a side note, your sister’s boyfriend’s brother works at Facebook and pretty much set me up to be deleted and that isn’t cool.

On another side note, you and your sister should dress up like Celine Dion and her husband on halloween, you as the husband since you are fat and  have testicles and her as Celine since, because she looks like this Celine Dion impersonator who works at this Dive bar down the street from me and who sings like a fucking angel and wouldn’t even need a costume…..

I hope you are having a wonderful  Saturday and I am happy that we are new found friends and I think I may be developing feelings for you, despite not even knowing what you look like, which may be crazy, but what I do know is that you are perfection.

With Love, 
Jesus Martinez
Drunkenstepfather.com

Her Response:

Actually it was a bmw :p
Kinda curious what u look like? Must be ugo if u hide behind ur computer

My Response

Bon Bon,

you gotta aim higher, sure BMW’s are my favorite car, but I have no taste and I wanna see you in a Bentley. Quit fuckin’ around.

I am a 38 year old Mexican, I am married. I am about 100 pounds overweight. I am poor. My wife buys my clothes at the Salvation Army. Today I am wearing a pair of sweatpants because they don’t make jeans in my size and if they do, I don’t know where to buy them, so I stick to elastic waistbands, and an old white T-shirt that has a coffee stain that I didn’t make, but it came that way, I think my wife paid 2 dollars for the outfit. I have animal slippers on, I am smoking a cigar, I don’t believe in haircuts and I don’t believe in brushing hair or shaving. My mouth smells like death because I haven’t brushed my teeth often enough and I used to live on the street, I have some kind of infection and a molar fell out last month and I think it is infected but can’t afford to see a doctor. That may be sound like I am selling myself short, but some people like me and I do always have a great tan in the summer and I have a great personality, if you like drunk, bitter, bitchy guys who are always out of breath because their heart is strugglin’. Oh, and my penis is well below average, I blame the weight cuz Oprah says for every 30 lbs you gain an inch, so I should technically be 3.5 inches bigger than my 2.5 inches hard state of today, not that I ever get hard, my drinkin’s been pretty abusive on my libido.

What do you look like and when is our first date?

Love

Jesus

Her response:

you truly are an idiot

My response:

Bon Bon,

Stop flirting with me, this is starting to geta little uncomfortable and you are kinda scaring me but as long as you don’t look like Kourtney Kardashian, I will totally let you lick my asshole.

With Love, 
Jesus Martinez
Drunkenstepfather.com

Still nothing, so now, she’s out of my life for good and here are my links…

Pink Had a Drinking Problem That She Sorted Out
Now If She Could Only Sort Out That Whole Being a Man and Not Being Female Thing
GO

Reading is FUNdamental!
GO

Olivia Munn is the Hottest Halloweener
GO

This May Come as a Surprise, But I Find the New American Apparel Ads Morally Questionable
GO

Just Ram It!!!
GO

When Did Sarah Michelle Gellar Become Suck a Slut?
GO

Aisleyne Horgan Wallace is in a Wet T Shirt and a Thong
GO

David Ducovney Divorce Drama Starting to Unfold
GO

The Ten Best Political Ads Ever
GO

Canadian Beauty Queens Are Always Good for a Pick Me Up
GO

Tribute to the Naughty School Girl
GO

I Mean, Who Doesn’t Love Ass Cream, Really?
GO

Web Sluts May Not Seem Interesting, But Since You Have No Sluts, It’s Actually Pretty Sweet
GO

Matt Stairs Gets Ass Hammered
GO

Will Smith Like Likes to Pay for Whores That Aren’t Women
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How Much to YOU Love MCDonalds?
GO

While the Roomate is Away….
GO

An Internet Girl to Pretend Fuck is Better Then No Girl to Not Fuck, You Know What I Mean?
GO

Good From Far, Far From Good
GO

Trish Stratus Looks Good In Lingerie
GO

Why Hello Tracy Stone
GO

Self Shot Shoves Things in Her Holes
GO

That Old Dude From Soul Train Beat Up His Wife
GO

If Jennifer Aniston is Pregnant With John Mayer’s Baby, That is Hilarious
GO

Striptease of the Day
GO

Because It’s a Gift That Keeps On Giving
GO

Gotta Love the Neighbors
GO

Praise Jesus, Paris Hilton May Leave Us For Good
GO

Kung Fu Election
GO

Assholes with Lamborginis Deserve to Have Them Towed
GO

Double Breasted!
GO

Miranda Kerr, WTF Are You Wearing?
GO

The Best Porn You’ll Find This Hour
GO

Olga Poses For Nudes
GO

Brooke Hogan Has a Cry
GO

Guy Ritchie Sums Up Sex With Madonna in 8 words
GO

Everyone Hates Sarah Palin, and Here’s Some Video Proof
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Wedding Concussion
GO

That Asshole Mr.Blackwell Has Croaked and Gone to that Gay Bath House in the Sky
GO

Lanni Barbie Step by Step
GO

How To: Make Your Youtube Video Number One
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Jenna’s Porn Bloopers
GO

Some Interview With Some 74 Year Old Pornstar
GO

Adriana Lima’s 3 Million Dollar Tits
GO

Posted in:stepLINKS

2008

20

Oct

Zac Effron Turns 21 and Sluts Come Out To Set Him Straight

3 Comments »

Zac Effron turned 21 and I didn’t get an invitation to his party because my penis isn’t big enough, I have to admit that I was a little heartbroken when I found out he insists all men around him have 11 inch erections at all times, something I couldn’t even compete with if I had a penis . But when I found out this birthday went down pretty much 2 minutes ago, because Zac Effron news isn’t something I stay on top of, especially when I am not asked to be a part of the day he became legal, I figured I’d do a birthday post for him and the 21 topless, waxed, muscular men hired to dance for him privately in his hotel suite and for the cougars who made it out to his party in hopes of swaying him to their side of the fence, and by their side of the fence I mean, into their pants, and by the looks of it, they both failed and left the party alone. If only they wore pants but they didn’t, so here are the cougars Amanda Bynes, her legs and Michelle Trachtenberg and her legs and I guess on the positive side of things, it’s always nice to see girls who you used to fantasize about preying on when they were 16, who you have replaced with other 16 year olds, doing some preying on some young pussy of their own, not that Zac Effron has a pussy, other than the man pussy in his ass that’s been popular at the gay clubs, but based on his hair he just wishes that he had a real one of his own so liking girl things wouldn’t come with such stigma and I am not talking about Vanessa Hudgens. In fact…I have no idea what I am talking about or why I did this post.

Posted in:Amanda Bynes|Michelle Trachtenberg|Zac Effron

2008

20

Oct

Gisele See Through Shirt of the Day

5 Comments »

I don’t find Gisele anything special, she only proves to me that models have hard features, are tall and broad like monsters and make me feel uncomfortable when standing next to them because I only go up to their shoulders, not that I spend that much time with models, but because I spend that much time thinking about spending time with models.

They have this glamorous life that you think makes them glamourous too, at least that’s what the media wants us to believe and in 10 years after their careers have pretty much dried up, you will find out that they were once the best performing tranny in Brazil, before the big bad corporate Victoria’s Secret people stole her from her dreams and made her tuck it in and play a girl her entire career, at least that’s what I predict is going to happen, but before it does, here she is in a see through shirt.

Posted in:Gisele|See Through