Some Playboy Playmate did some relationship/picking up girl advice for Spike TV, that she considers good tips to get a Playmate or a girl as hot as a Playmate, pretty much letting us all know that she thinks she’s hot shit, despite us knowing she’s an insecure little girl who we could destroy, provided we could get about 4 minutes of her time if we knew where she hung out….

So here’s my commentary on her picking up advice….consider this a viral video Live Blog attempt….

Intro: She wants to show us how to hit on a hot girl who is as hot as a playmate but may seem out of our league….

Dude, hot girl out of my league , are you kidding, you get naked for money bitch, it’s pretty easy to pick you up all you gotta do is show her you some money or promise you a little more fame than what you have. You are a nobody and so am I, so together we can make magic happens, all I need to do is convince you that I am more important than you and that I can give you more exposure than you already have, which isn’t much, because before today, I never heard of you….

1 – She says don’t rush a girl, let her get comfortable and wait for her to get drunk because she will be more willing to get get with you when she’s drunk….

Good fucking advice, I am sure no guy out there has tried to get a girl drunk, or only been able to land a drunk girl, because if she was sober she wouldn’t give them the time of day, it’s called the story of my fucking life, so I don’t really think that tip is a fucking tip, but just the sad truth that is my life. Thanks.

2- Don’t Use Pick Up Lines….

True, pick-up lines are for shitty frat boys. Just come prepared, before going out, cut out a magazine American Express black card ad, print it up, tape it to a piece of cardboard and flash it as often as you can. Also, print up fake business cards with your name and some fake title at a talent agency or production company. Create a back-up story and with a little photoshop skills and research, she’ll be sucking your dick in a fuckin’ minute. Remember, rich important people don’t need pick up lines, they just need to tell a slut she’s a fucking slut and that they need you to really take shit to the next level.If you treat them like shit, they will wonder why you think you are too good for them and will start sucking up to you to get your approval, but you need to make them think you are more important than they are and the only way to do that is with a fake job.

3- Don’t use a lame wingman….use a wingwoman or a guy she’d rather fuck

If you really want to make an impact, convince your fattest friend to come out with you in a tuxedo and with an ear piece on. Tell him that for the night he is playing your bodyguard and there will be guaranteed pussy for him, because groupies love to fuck anything even remotely associate to someone they think is important. It’s pretty much the same reason why Drummers in bands get laid….all in hopes of meeting the lead singer…

4- Don’t send random drinks….

Seriously, don’t send any drinks, if she wants your time, she better be buying you the drinks, to make this happen, you tell her that you hate girls who use you to get drunk and for exposure and that if a girl really wants your attention, she better be doing the buying. Keep it open ended, but make sure you drive the point home that you will not buy her a drink until she’s your fucking girlfriend, because there are plenty of girls who would die to be in her position now. Success highly depends on how well you play it. You can’t be too cocky, you just need to not give a fuck and show no interest in her, but make sure she buys you more drinks than you buy her, you always need to have the upper hand…

5- Don’t Be Shy ask for her number…..

If it was me, I’d never ask her for her number, I’d work it for her to offer her number, then I’d reject her, saying you have too many numbers in your phone and you won’t call her, that’s when the business card comes out and tell her if she wants to work on some projects, to drop you an email because you are hard to reach during the day as you are busy. Stay too busy for her. If she emails, answer her a week later and pretend it is your assistant writing it. Set up a lunch date to discuss, or maybe even a dinner date, and at that point she’s already masturbated to the thought of what you can do for her and she knows she has to fuck you to keep your attention and really make you work for her.

The only issue with my advice, is eventually, she will catch on, so make sure she doesn’t before you fuck her. Don’t get attached because she will hate you when she finds out you live with your mom and you are a liar, but the key is to get her pussy and that’s how it’s done. You’re not lookin’ for a wife, you’re lookin for a good time, and once you have 20 girls in the mix and constantly working on more, you don’t really care if one of them stops calling.

Either way, who gives a fuck about her delusional advice, especially when you can see her naked without having to bother with useless conversation where you have to pretend to be interested in her stupid ideas and thoughts, while wasting your money on her, when all you really want is a pussy to fuck and not really someone you care to get to know who thinks she’s a bigger deal than she is, because other hot girls have dignity and don’t need to pose in Playboy to feel like they are pretty. Sometimes the idea of cumming on her face is better than trying to convince a girl to let you cum on her face because she thinks she’s too good lookin’ for that…..

Posted in:Alison Waite|Playboy