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Jenna Ortega for the Beetlejuice Photocall of the Day
Jenna Ortega for the Beetlejuice Photocall of the Day
Kelly Brook From Big Titty Model to Big Back Model of the Day
Kelly Brook From Big Titty Model to Big Back Model of the Day
Charli XCX for Demon Kim Kardashian’s Brand of the Day
Charli XCX for Demon Kim Kardashian’s Brand of the Day
Christina Aguilera and her Botox Face and Ozempic Body Get Slutty of the Day
Christina Aguilera and her Botox Face and Ozempic Body Get Slutty of the Day
Shannon Mcmullen is the Instagram Of The Day
Shannon Mcmullen is the Instagram Of The Day

2008

15

Oct

Mischa Barton Does Beer of the Day

6 Comments »

If you’re wondering how Mischa Barton keeps her luxurious legs and by luxurious I mean sloppy as fuck, which may have been a sign of wealth in a time of famine and poverty (no, not last week), here’s your answer, Beer. Beer is also the way I keep my appealing figure, and by appealing I mean fat and really only appealing to my neighbor who thinks he was a hot air balloon operator because he is crazy and I remind him of a time when his craft was relevant as he tries to figure out a way to paint a pattern on my stomach and tie a basket to my legs and have me carry him into the sky, which always ends up in me calling the police or filing complaints with my landlord….

Posted in:Beer|Mischa Barton

2008

15

Oct

Nice American Racist Holds His Obama Monkey At Some Palin Convention of the Day

6 Comments »

I have a feeling that this guy isn’t an Obama supporter, in fact, I’d say he doesn’t like Obama at all. Other things this guy doesn’t like, Black People, Jews, Gays, Mexicans, Native Americans, Democrats, Hawaiians, Homeless people, Arabs, handicapped people, Muslims, pretty much anyone born outside the USA and all non-American made products, Indians, Chinese which also includes Japanese, Vietnamese, Koreans, Thai people, except for their teenage virgin lady boys, those are good for entertainment as are most animals, hookers and cross burnings…

I also have a feeling that he mirrors the beliefs of the majority of small town Americans. Good luck with that…

Posted in:Monkey|Obama|Racist

2008

15

Oct

Jennifer Aniston’s Desperate Nipple Cries For a Baby To Suck It of the Day

6 Comments »

In case you were wondering, Jennifer Aniston’s nipple is still acting up and not accepting the fact that it will never have a baby of it’s own to feed an is doing everything it can to escape her shirt and find one of her own. I guess the real fear people have about all this is that her expired maternal clock tit is going to take over her rational thought and leave her running around the streets, malls and coffee shop grabbing other people’s babies and shoving her dried up, dusty tit in their mouth, only to upset a lot of people and end up institutionalized. I guess what it all comes down to is that it’s times like these that Jennifer Aniston really regrets having those abortions when she was younger, because she didn’t want motherhood to get in the way of her career….if only you could turn back time Aniston….you know if only you knew what you know now, when you were younger, you know hindsight is 20/20….I don’t know what I’m doing. I need a fucking nap.

Posted in:Desperate|Jennifer Aniston|Nipple

2008

15

Oct

Audrina Gets Dunked By Ellen in a Bikini of the Day

4 Comments »

Daytime television just got a little more Lesbian Pornographic, while Audrina from The Hills showed up to the Ellen show in a bikini, to get dunked for charity, a charity challenge that Ellen came up with that reminds me of the time I tried to start a Blow-Job-A-Thon, where people would give me money depending on the number of blowjobs I could land in a month, that 100 dollars I tricked people to give me was well spent on trying to get those blowjobs, which I wasn’t very successful at doing or the time I went oor to door pretending I was collecting money for sick kids, but instead used it on drinking, but way more lesbian.

The highlight of the video is Ellen awkwardly offering to warm up Audrina, but pulling back on it because the clit boner in her pants would have probably ended up in Audrina’s mouth, and instead Ellen chose the dignified route of keeping her soft-on in her pants, and taking out that sexual frustration on throwing baseballs to get the bitch as wet as she was throwing the balls. It’s all really inappropriate to think that kids watch this shit, like it ain’t a thing. The morals and values they are learning, like that a lesbian can have her own TV show and get girls in bikinis on the show for her own sexual perversions could really fuck shit up, but instead of censoring her like they should, or having her pretend that she likes dick, like Oprah and Rosie before she came out, they just pay her lots of money to keep her lesbian mouth shut so that she doesn’t start some lesbian protest or lesbian campaign about how whatever network she is on is homophobic and I guess that’s a good thing for you Audrina fans….

Posted in:Audrina Patridge|Bikini|Dunked|Ellen

2008

15

Oct

Heidi Montag Goes to the Pumpkin Patch of the Day

9 Comments »

Heidi Montag managed to step away from the hustle and bustle that is her lie of a life on The Hills and re-connect with her roots. You know heading out to the pumpkin patch where she was made by the farmer’s handicapped son and where she worked as a scarecrow for the first 17 years of her life, before somehow managing to take her straw-filled useless body and her face only a farmer’s retard son could love, that made for the best damn face in the scarecrow business, where no crows ever came within 10 feet of the crop with her around, to Hollywood, where she became what she is today. The only remnants of what once was is her soulless body and that face that could stop traffic for being something out of a really low budget horror movie and of course the wonderful memories that she’s decided to share with her fake boyfriend of her time as a device, traditionally a human figure dressed in old clothes, or mannequin, that is used to discourage birds such as crows from disturbing crops, because this time of year is always really nostalgic for her, like the group of seniors I saw celebrating their 60th high school reunion, because besides waiting for death, it’s all they really have to do today…

Either way, here’s Heidi and her plastic tits, plastic life and plastic boyfriend, playing with the crops she once helped protect.

Posted in:Heidi Montag|Pumpkins

2008

15

Oct

Miley Cyrus Gets Fed The Miley Shake By Her Dad and Causes a Riot of the Day

1 Comment »

Miley Cyrus launches new shake at Millions of Milkshakes

So it turns out that the Hollywood.tv people who have been delivering FREE celebrity videos the last little while and who I have been stealing videos from to mask as my own content are owned by some rich brown dude from London, who owned a Hollywood style 24 hour Diner that made him enough money to move to LA in hopes of starting one here, but instead got wrapped up in following celebrities around, befriending them and giving them exposure on that youtube site, only to allow him to open up an LA location, but now with high profile appearances an Milkshakes named after them.

This video is of Miley Cyrus trying her milkshake and stirring up a whole lot of chaos, but I think the people aren’t so much excited to see her, but concerned as to why Billy Ray Cyrus is feeding her whip cream like he is her lover and they are the stars of some really bad softcore porn. Keep your penis in your pants Cyrus, you aren’t in whatever hick town you’re from where you think that because you made her, she’s yours to do what you want with….save that erotica for the executives at Disney, at least they’re filling up her bank account everytime they fill up her asshole with their fingers and tongues….you’ve had enough of a free fuckin’ ride motherfucker….now start acting like her fuckin’ father and stop trying to get in her pants…You sick fuck.

I don’t really know what I’m talkin’ about, it happens, pretty much everyday.

Posted in:Incest|Miley Cyrus|Miley Shake

2008

15

Oct

Naomi Campbell Has Some Topless Pictures and No One Cares of the Day

2 Comments »

I guess no one really gives a fuck about Naomi Campbell, but I am in the mood to post skinny, rich, blacker than night, black chick tits and I had pretty limited options. I don’t know when these pictures were taken, I don’t know why they were taking, but I am going to go out on a limb and assume that they are work-related as she is a model. I met a model last night, she turned out to not be a real model, but an elderly model in the Wal Mart flyers/circulars/whatever the fuck they are called, she was just sitting at this hotel bar having a drink like it ain’t a thang, no one was going up to her and harassing her, like I’d expect and it was the closest brush with celebrity I ever had. It was even more memorable than telling Wesley Snipes he deserved an Oscar for Passneger 57 because shit changed my life, before he went broke and sits in a van outside his re-possessed home dreaming of the good old days and calling his agent to see if they got him lined up for that Sears athletic line ad because he needs the money to pay the rent on his 1 bedroom apartment. I asked her about how hard it was to really make the excitement on her face while her “grandkids” were jumping into a pile of leaves so believable and she just looked at me, square in the face and said “talent”. I got her autograph, I’d scan it, but I don’t have a scanner, but I do have these Naomi Campbell pics to tide you over…

Posted in:Naomi Campbell|Topless

2008

15

Oct

French Singer Messes Up The US National Anthem at a Hockey Game….Then Karma Gets Her…of the Day

6 Comments »

The C.I.A. fucked this bitch up for disgracing and offending their country by putting a gun to this bitch’s head and making her walk out and embarrass herself more than she already did when trying to sing the US National Anthem and slaughtering it by not knowing the words. The truth is that she seems French Canadian, I think she works at the deli down the street from me and sells me week old bread, pate and cheese for cheap, but I could be wrong, those French people all look the fuckin’ same, but the truth is that there’s no real reason for her to know the US National Anthem, other than being asked to sing it since she is clearly not even American….

I am sure none of you would know the words to the song is and you live in the fucking country, if it wasn’t for the patriot training camps your Government calls Elementary school, where you were forced to sing that shit everyday and recite the constitution forward and backwards while re-enacting the civil war and memorize all other things American, without putting energy in learning about other countries, because as you have been told the USA is the ONLY country….so instead of being offended about this shit, think everyone should know your shit as well as you know you’re shit, I’d like you to sing the French National anthem to me, but that’s only because I love your angelic voice, it is like porn to me….

Either way, this video is funny, I laughed because she’s fucking useless.

Posted in:Hockey|National Anthem Fuck Up|Singer

2008

15

Oct

Christina Aguilera Keeps Things Interesting of the Day

3 Comments »

I don’t know what happened to Augilera, but she got all crazy a couple years ago, we just didn’t know about it because we were too busy focusing on people who are more important than her and not the back burner that she was about to spill over on. She went through the tacky slut phase rebelling against her candy-coated image by getting implants and somehow turning into this 50’s pin-up girl, where she caked on more make-up than Boy George, while dancing around dressed like a sailer like we were in the navy and hadn’t seen cunt in years, which isn’t all that far from the truth, but you know what I mean. Then she married the Jew, probably never fitting into his family for being a non-Jew, leading to a whole other identity crisis, that has left her with a baby, a clown face, weirdly shaped titties all while being too good for any of us to bag, which is the real sad truth that is our lives….here she is performing.

Bonus That’s Not Really a Bonus – Aguilera Dressed Like a Clown For Mother Africa

Posted in:Christina Aguilera|Weird

2008

15

Oct

Hayden Panettiere Gets Political on Funny or Die of the Day

5 Comments »

So now that Hayden Panettiere is 18, she feels like she’s got the right to talk politics and preach her bullshit opinion. Here she is for Funny Or Die, making Will Farrell richer while making videos that aren’t funny, doing some pretty weak sarcasm telling people to vote for McCain if they want to die and that they should also take up drinking and smoking and having unprotected sex with random people, which I have to agree with, but I am not saying it to be funny and I don’t want to get political here because it’s boring, especially coming from someone with no business talking politics, so I guess what it comes down to is that Hayden Panettiere should DIE because that video was a bust, as was this post, but at least you can look her dropping the f-word while jerking off to her pictures now…..

Posted in:Funny or Die|Hayden Panettiere|Political