I'll Make You Famous…
 
 

2008

01

Oct

Jessica Simpson Performed Her Imitation Country Music on Dancing With the Stars of the Day

I always just assumed that Jessica Simpson moved to her country singing because she was from Texas, there was longevity because the fans are loyal like you ol’ one legged dog Buster, who’s never let you down, and because she realized that her voice wasn’t strong enough to keep up with the popstars and her body was aging and tired of the dance. Then I saw this video of her on Dancing with the Stars and I realize that Jessica Simpson’s voice isn’t even strong enough to be country, and country is some pitchy twang shit that sounds like dying animals. Don’t get me wrong, I love a lot of old country, I don’t think it’s untalented people who shouldn’t be making music, I just think Jessica Simpson is untalented and shouldn’t be making music. I think the real tragedy in all this is that Kim Kardashian was asked to dance badly alongside Jessica Simpsons bad singing, instead they hired professionals to do it and if you’re wondering how I know they are professionals, it’s because they didn’t stop halfway through and start pointing and laughing like they should of.

Either way, here are some pics of her because despite not being able to sing, she does have a vagina and I’ve never made a vagina go through a rigorous talent competition or sing off ho down to see if it was worth fucking…because from my experience they are all worth fucking.

Posted in:Jessica Simpson

2008

01

Oct

Kim Kardashian Speaks After Being Kicked Off Dancing With the Stars of the Day

Kim Kardashian dances like she fucks and that’s why she was kicked off of Dancing With the Stars last night. In the interview after the show, where her mother defends her for doing great despite having no performance experience should be a sign that she is a talentless nobody who doesn’t deserve to be on TV. There was a time long ago, when getting on TV meant that you had some kind of basic talent for performing, whether dancing, singing, acting or comedy. With reality TV shows, any asshole can get on there, even if their personalities are as empty as this bitch, and people seem to get sucked in and watch. The worst thing in all of this is that all she has going for her is a fat fucking ass, that she doesn’t even know how to move, which should be fucking illegal.

Guess what, I’ve got a fat ass too, my friend’s call me Willy when I go to the public pool, I am not fucking around, this shit is criminal and I want to know where’s my fuckin’ reality show, clothing line, dancing with the stars appearance and 40,000 dollars a night to host club nights around the fuckin’ country.

Life just isn’t fair for the poor and the real tragedy in all this is that getting kicked off a show isn’t like it was in the Roman times, where they’d feed the loser to the fuckin’ lions, because let’s face it, that’s really where Kim Kardashian belongs.

Here are the first three videos I found on Youtube for Kim Kardashian Dancing With the Stars. I am sure they prove how hard she sucks….but I am not going to watch them to remind myself, but you can.

Posted in:Kim Kardashian|Uncategorized

2008

01

Oct

DJ AM After Crash Pictures of the Day

DJ AM made it out to his friend Chris Baker’s memorial service. Chris Baker was Travis Barker’s best friend and assistant who died in the plane crash that left AM burnt so badly that he could walk around 2 weeks later to attend memorial services, flirt with girls on Facebook and ignore my messages wishing him good luck because along with being a burn victim, he’s also an asshole.

It’s good to see him making a speedy recovery. I know his fans are all excited about his return and the truth is that no matter how much of an asshole you are to me, you don’t deserve to be in a plane crash or spend the rest of your life in therapy because of the nightmares of that firey night don’t let you sleep because of fear and because of survivor’s guilt. Shit’s enough to make a former drug addict go back to drugs or maybe even commit suicide, so I’m not going to drive that point home because enough people have died in this whole mess, the one thing I would like to see die from all this is DJ AM’s bar mitzvah DJing because I find the success he’s found in playing top 40, the pussy he’s pulled from playing top 40, the cars he drives for playing top 40, the money in the bank from playing top 40, despite being a technically good DJ who can scratch and who all other DJs love because he hooks them up, to be pretty fucking offensive and it would nice to find out that his macbook pro filled with songs that died in the plane wasn’t backed up. Keep your fingers crossed.

Posted in:DJ AM|Plane Crash

2008

01

Oct

Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson Are Still in Bikinis of the Day

I don’t understand how the paparazzi can justify trying to charge me 100 dollars a picture of Samantha Ronson and Lindsay Lohan out on vacation, sucking popsicles in their bikinis, when the paparazzi don’t pay Samantha Ronson or Lindsay Lohan to take the pictures of them. Sure they hire some local Mexican with a camera to stalk them, but that can’t cost much more than 4 dollars a day. I heard that mexicans make less that 10 US Dollars a week if they work at the hotels there, so I know the scum that is the paparazzi isn’t paying these fuckers much more than that for getting the picture, so why the fuck should I contribute to their industry that is making them rich off pretty much doing nothing but takin’ shitty fucking pictures. That’s why I am posting them without paying for them.

That said, I know a lot of guys out there still want to fuck Lohan, despite the rumors of countless dicks beating you to the chase. I know that this whole lesbian phase, that still isnt confirmed fully, gets you all worked up because their plan is working. It’s like now you feel like you really can’t get with the bitch and it makes jerking off to her that much more vengeful because you don’t realize that as a middle management/blue collar/ whatever the fuck you do, nobody, you really had no chance getting up in that prior to her denouncing of dick.

I am happy about this whole lesbian kick, because even last night, I was out having a couple beers and these two young, college, really mainstream girls who you know probably haven’t fucked that many dudes, and if they had, it wasn’t very good for anyone involved, were drinking at a table next to me. They were the kind of girls who had no style, you could tell never really partied, except for maybe 5 year ago at a few sweet sixteen parties, and remember the glory days of their graduating year of highschool where they gave a fuckin’ handjob once as the best sexual experience of all time. You get what I am saying, they were boring and within 10 minutes of me being there, some guys must have said the right thing,, and next thing you know the little slut they had bottled up on the inside had her tongue down her lab partners throat. I thank Lohan for making that possible by getting the idea of doing what college girls have been doing for years, into the heads of the square mainstreamers. I blame Katy Perry for ruining that potentially amazing moment for me.

Either way, here’s Lohan in a bikini with her hot skinny girlfriend she may or may not be having sex with. Enjoy.

Posted in:Bikini|Lindsay Lohan

2008

01

Oct

Pam Anderson Squatting of the Day

Pam Anderson is squatting like this is because she is fighting with her vagina. The fucking thing is trying to get closer to the dirt where it belongs, trying to bury itself, because it’s done. It’s lived a long and full life that has seen many interesting things and wants to make room for new vagina, and Pam Anderson just isn’t ready to see it go.

Or maybe she’s just squatting like a China Man on a hot China day because she doesn’t have a chair. Maybe
the hepatitis really wears you down, so bad that you can’t stand for more than a couple of minutes without feeling faint, but I like to think it’s vagina suicide. It makes my boring life more interesting.

Posted in:Pam Anderson|Squatting

2008

01

Oct

Paris Hilton’s Shit Song of the Day

Paris Hilton has a new song. Someone emailed it to me. I assume it is the theme to her shitty new show that I will never watch, becasue the only BFF Paris derserves is a punch to her cunt. I don’t know if that made sense, but it doesn’t have to. Paris should stick to what she’s good at, which is having no shame, getting naked on camera and annoying the fuck out of the rest of the world for having a total disregard and no respect for pretty much anyone who doesn’t have a trust fund.

Either way, here’s a little music video that I put together for the song.

Posted in:New Song|Paris Hilton

2008

30

Sep

stepLINKS of the Day

It is the last day of September. It feels like my life is speeding by me and I just can’t keep up. It’s like tomorrow, I will wake up and I will be 75 years old, still married to my wife, who will not be dead thanks to medical advancements, but will equally annoying and demanding as her lifeless obese body lays there attached to a machine that breaths for her and that makes her heart beat for her that she is already lookin’ forward to because she finds both those things fucking tiring, giving her the energy to demand a sponge bath in places I don’t like visiting now because it smells like death and will really not like visiting when it actually is dead.

Either way, if you want to make the best of your short time on this earth, you may want to do it by clicking my links. It’s got a lot to keep you entertained when I am not available to be your dancing fucking monkey you using piece of shit. Cuddles.

What Kid Doesn’t Want to Go to Camp?
Even If It Is Run By a Homo
GO

Janet Jackson Follows in Jermaine Footsteps By Puking All Over the Place
GO

Finally! A Swampthing Live Action Movie
GO

Jennifer Lopez Flashes Her Panties in Macy’s
GO

I Hate You Jennifer Lopez
GO

Let’s Admire Scarlett Johansson’s Rack Together
GO

Because It’ll Be the Best Thing You Watch All Day
GO

What If The Crew of Star Trek Was the A-Team?
GO

April Scott Has Made My Day
GO

Megan Fox Deserves an Academy Award
GO

Seeing Kendra Wilkinson Flash Her Boobs Is Like Watching Star Wars.
We’ve All Been There and Done That To The Point Where We Just Don’t Care Anymore
GO

Some Blind Item That Was Intriguing, But I Couldn’t Figure Out For the Life Of Me
GO

Some Sluts of Oktoberfest
GO

Do YOu KNow YOUR Hip Hop Lingo?
GO

Sluts Are In The Eye of The Beholder
GO

Here’s Some More Celeb Mug Shots!
GO

Because You Mom Can’t Be Your Best Friend Forever
GO

WWE Whore Maria Kanellis
GO

Who Doesn’t Love Christine Love?
GO

Russian Cops Beat Underage Gamblers – VIDEO
GO

Just When I Thought Dita Von Tease’s OUtfits COuldn’t Get Any More Retarded
GO

I Never Get Tired of Treadmill Fuck Ups
GO

Talking Cucumber
GO

Jane is Playing With Herself
GO

As If I Didn’t Already Hate the Hills Enough
GO

Jenny McCarthy is Ready to Throwdown Against Amanda Peet
GO

Paris Hilton Debuts Her Newest Piece of Shit “Song”
GO

Vanessa Hudgens Bought a Mansion
*Yawn*
GO

Because You Will Have the Time Of Your Life
GO

Striptease of the Day
GO

Well This Looks Like Fun
GO

Galaxy Sex!!
GO

You got SERVED!
GO

Jesse Jane is Excited About Something or Another
GO

Shitney is Making HEr Way Across America
GO

Shame of the Jungle
GO

Charlie Lane is Stripping Down
GO

Bounce Those Boobs Baby
GO

Latina Vanessa Arias Does Mexico’s Max Magazine
GO

Some People Are Just Sick and Fucking Disgusting. Seriously.
GO

Oleona in the woods
GO

Here’s the Newest Shitty Kim Kardashian/Dancing With the Stars Video
GO

Lara Bingle and friends in lingerie
GO

More Sluttiness From THe Hills.
Can Someone Just Kill Me Now?
GO

Make People Naked With Photoshop
GO

Orgasm Slut Freaks The Fuck Out
GO

Posted in:stepLINKS

2008

30

Sep

Hayden Panettiere Can’t Figure Out How to Pay of the Day

Like most muscular jock-types, Hayden gets a little confused when it comes to grocery shopping. Sure she has no problem carrying all her groceries in one hand, including one of those huge jugs of water, like she was working the fuckin’ plantation, while doing one armed push ups to her car with the other hand, just because she can, but when it comes to the simple things like putting in your pin number or signing her name, she freezes. I guess that’s just the bi-product of never finishing highschool because you’re too busy getting rich in Hollywood.

Posted in:Hayden Panettiere|Stupid

2008

30

Sep

Slutty Sisters of the Day

I don’t know who these twins are and I don’t really care because I got a fucking finger shoved in my ass toay and I am not really in the mood to use google, for fear that I may land on images of prostate exams being administered, which is never a good thing for me, because girls don’t have a fucking prostate, not that I ever tell them that for fear that they’ll catch onto my lie that is “lookin’ for cancer, since it’s pretty fuckin’ common” to get up in there in the first place and I’d hate my strategy to be let out of the fucking bag.

Either way, these girls look like they are down with anal, I mean all girls who were raised in Hollywood with dreams of fame are, and if they happen to be the only two who aren’t then I bet they are definitely down with showering together, because they are sisters after all and it’s only natural and that’s good enough for me, because they aren’t all that hot as one, but pretty fucking glorious as a tag team.

Posted in:AJ Michalka|Aly Michalka|Sluts

2008

30

Sep

Katy Perry’s Show is Annoying of the Day

I hate Katy Perry and what she does to me everytime her song comes on the radio, which as far as I am concerned is still far too often, even though they’ve replaced the Kissed a Girl/ Ruined My Lesbian fantasies song with a new one off her shitty album. She’s not an artist, or a musician and this is not a performance, she’s a fuckin’ clown and this is a fucking circus. She pollutes the airwaves and she’s definitely driving the final nails into the coffin that is the music industry. That’s why you should all look at her tits, think about different ways to rape her and leave her in the ditch, because she’s just that kind of girl…..you know it always starts with kissing a girl for male attention and ends up in the ditch after one too many roofies….sluts will never learn.

Posted in:Annoying|Katy Perry