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Jenna Ortega for the Beetlejuice Photocall of the Day

Kelly Brook From Big Titty Model to Big Back Model of the Day

Charli XCX for Demon Kim Kardashian’s Brand of the Day

Christina Aguilera and her Botox Face and Ozempic Body Get Slutty of the Day

Shannon Mcmullen is the Instagram Of The Day

2008

Aug

Christina Ricci’s Got Some Hard Breast Reduced Nipples of the Day

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I knew a girl who had her breast reduced because they were a sloppy mess that aimed to the ground like she was a fat chick, because she was a fat chick in her past and had lost a lot of weight doing coke, leaving her a couple empty potato sacks on her chest that when in clothes made her look like she was still that fat chick and like she never had an eating disorder or drug addiction and she wasn’t having that so she opted for the reduction.

Besides the anchor shaped scar that always reminded me of this dude named Bill who I used to drink with. He was in the Navy and had an anchor tattoo and would always tell me stories of getting busted jerkin off on the job and getting STDs when comin’ to port, only her tits were pretty much perfectly shaped, and when she would never wear bras and always have hard nipples. When I asked her why her nipples were always ready to cut boxes and hijack planes to fly into national monuments, she would always tell me how the doctor fucked up her shit and ever since the surgery they were ultra sensitive, like if played with proper, she could come from the shit.

I am not saying that Christina Ricci had the same nipple-fate as this slut I knew, but she did have a breast reduction and her nipples are hard and that’s more than enough evidence for me. I guess my lack of attention to detail is the reason I am not a CSI. Here are the pics.

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Posted in:Christina Ricci|Nipples

2008

Aug

Miley Cyrus is Still Pretending She’s a Normal 15 Year Old of the Day

15 Comments »

Last week I posted some pictures of Miley Cyrus on a Bike . I went on to say that it was all a scam by Disney who want to clean up her image and where older women stage bikini pictures, she’s going to have to stage some normal 15 year old activity pictures for the world to forget she’s a whore.

When I came across these pictures from the other day, I realized that I could have been a little quick to judge as I tend to be, and maybe she is just a 15 year old girl doing normal things. I mean I did sit in on an advertising class that year I pretended to go to college because of the pussy and I do remember the teacher saying that repetition is the key to getting it into the mind of the consumer, so maybe one of the Executives at Disney was in that class, which I doubt because it was a shitty Canadian community college, but it is possible and they are going to milk this acting 15 shit as long as they can until the public forget the last 6 months and are forced to remember her on her fuckin’ bike.

I guess it’s nice to see a 15 year old who has so much going for them, still down to earth, still living a balanced life and these bike riding pictures are a nice balance to her sucking off three black dudes while fisting her best friend Leslie who said “she’s just being Miley” last night, at least that’s what sources close to her emailed me saying she was up to before re-attaching the seat to this bike she’s riding and takin’ it out for some Pizza!!! Yay Pizza.

Posted in:Miley Cyrus|Slut

2008

Aug

Julia Roberts is in a Bikini of the Day

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Everyone has those days where they feel like they look like shit. In Julia Roberts’ case, she’s actually got a reason to, because she does look like shit. I mean all the movie magic, make up, body doubles in the world can’t make her something I’d ever want to have sex with when sober, booze on the other hand makes me do a lot of things I regret and the fact that her womb is worth millions, kinda counterbalances the fact that she’s busted.

Lucky her, the paparazzi were there to snap off these pictures of her in a bikini, normally the only time a guy looks at her in a bikini is when she writes a check to the dude she promised an exuberant life of luxury to under the condition that he knocked her up

It is beyond me when she was such a big deal in the 90s, I have no idea how this homely cow went from rags to the highest paid actress in her time, but I can only assume her blowjob is spectacular, because it is really the only way.

Posted in:Bikini|Julia Roberts

2008

Aug

Heidi Montag Plays With Melons of the

9 Comments »

Heidi Montag went fake grocery shopping with her fake nose and her fake tits and her fake boyfriend to help perpetuate their fake life together as real people, in real situations, living a real life and doing real life things and I don’t fuckin’ buy it. What I do buy is that Heidi posing with watermelons is meant to be funny because in all the time I have gone to the grocery store, which is a lot since I have a fat fucking wife who only likes eating or doing eating related activities like buying food to eat later, I have never seen anyone posing like this cry for attention of a girl. I’d wonder what went wrong in her life, like did she get enough attention from her parents growing up or was she the black sheep, did she get a lot of attention from boys or was she the Ugly Betty but less Mexican, but I don’t really care enough to. I find her ugly, useless and this is my weak attempt to make you hate her, the show they are on and the lies they are feeding our kids, because I want them off the air and back in whatever suburban town they crawled out of….

Posted in:Heidi Montag|Melons

2008

Aug

Kelly Osbourne Was Out of Line of the Day

9 Comments »

I can think of a few reasons why someone would beat Kelly Osborne up, the main one being frustration that the girl you are dating looks like a fat fuckin’ teenaged boy who eats too many chips because they are his only friends before realizing life sucks and making his way to the local department store to buy a trench coat to wear when he school shoots all the bullies and popular kids. Waking up to a bitch that looks like that is pretty much all the convincing you need that your life fuckin’ sucks, you are worthless and you should give the fuck up, but when you can’t find a way to leave her because she pays your rent, you find a way to stomach her disgustingness, but as time goes on you realize that she’s a spoiled brat with an attitude that is almost as shitty as the smell of her sweaty, and doesn’t shut the fuck up and as every day goes buy, your fuse slowly gets shorter and shorter, snapping at the littlest things she does, until one day slammin her in the head for telling you that she loves you. Unfortunately, being a fat teenaged boy who cuts herself, being beat by her boyfriend makes her wet that someone would care enough to get physically abusive, when all the other guys just never called back and that makes her want to fuck you, leaving you back where you started because when you land a fat chick, or a fat chick lands you, there’s no escape, they won’t let you out, even if you try to spousal abuse your way out. Trust me.

I guess the black eye could have happened at an all you can eat buffet accident, or maybe in some prescription drug related accident, but I like to think it’s a man trying to teach an ugly girl a lesson situation, but that’s just because it’s like porn to me and I have a one-track mind and that track is the porn track…pretty much the best track around…so if you’re like me, you’ll appreciate these pictures.

Posted in:Black Eye|Kelly Osbourne

2008

Aug

Kate Bowsworth Lookin’ Hot of the Day

7 Comments »

I had an argument with some chick who told me Kate Bowsworth was the hottest celebrity out there. I wasn’t sure who she was because she’s pretty much a no name and I kept using that as the basis of my argument that she in no way is the hottest celebrity because she’s not even a celebrity, before realizing this conversation was on the same level as giving girls in my eighth grade class a number rating with my group of loser friends who could never get up inside the girls we were givin’ 7s to and tried to divert the conversation to her vagina. You know ask her things about it that sound profound but are really my way to get details on what it looks like. It’s a philosophical approach that always tricks college girls. I ask if questions like “if your vagina was a country, what would it be” or “if your vagina was a hat what would it look like” then I bust out a porn mag and ask them to point out the vagina that looks most like theirs and it is always a fuckin’ dealbreaker.

The point of all this is to say, here’s the hottest Kate Bowsworth pic I’ve ever seen, maybe the chick I was talking to was right.

Posted in:Hot|Kate Bowsworth

2008

Aug

Tara Reid Does Swimwear of the Day

6 Comments »

So it turns out that I was wrong about Tara Reid yesterday.I was under the impression that she was just hanging out at the Ed Hardy booth to get some free clothes to wear out since all her other clothing sponsors pulled out when they realized she was a waste of time, something many men haven’t done when fucking her because they figure she’s made enough money to support them if she gets knocked up, without knowing that she got a hysterectomy to deal with pre-cancerous cells caused by HPV, and it turns out that she was at the trade show launching her own swimwear line, because she has spent the last 5 year old Spring Break. I guess she’s more enterprising than I thought she was and I am sure the tacky party sluts who envy her life will eat this shit up like it was a pile of cocaine in the VIP room.

I have a friend I call Tara Reid. Not because he’s some hot actress I wanted to fuck, but because dude’s fuckin’ useless. His dad died about 5 years ago and he inherited 400,000 dollars and has been living off the shit, going out every night like a permanent vacation and feeding a huge coke habit as he slowly self destructs. He had a few messy encounters with the law, bar owners and girls and has since decided to kick the shit. The other day, I ran into him and we laughed about the last time I saw him and he was passed out on a park bench, trying to secure his balance and 5 in the afternoon and he assured me that he wouldn’t be that messy again, not that I cared, but I guess he was embarrassed. I asked him if he was still hitting the bag and he said there’s no fuckin’ way and about 5 minutes later asked me if I had any for him. It’s nice to see an old dog not learning new tricks, or bullshitting the world and himself, it’s the kind of consistency I appreciate because it manages my expectations and Tara Reid hasn’t let me down by trying to clean up her act yet and I can only hope, that like my friend, her bikini clad slutting out will never change.

Posted in:Swimwear|Tara Reid

2008

Aug

Shawn Johnson’s an Athlete of the Day

11 Comments »

I posted these pictures of Shawn Johnson in a Bikini the other day and I didn’t do it because I thought she was hot. I did it because you are a proud nation and she’s your golden girl and despite lookin’ like Hayden Panettiere on steroids, you still can jerk off to her because of pride. She was going to Letterman the other day and was wearing some Athletic gear, because I assume she doesn’t know anything other than her life of training hard or how non-athletes dress, but I think it’s safe to say her jacked arms would have been enough of a sign to not challenge her to the parallel bars. Sometimes I wish I could leave the house in my work uniform, but I figure a naked fat guy with a pair of mismatched socks and a lap top balanced on his hairy belly wouldn’t go over as well as I’d like it to…We get it Shawn Johnson, you’re an Olympic Athlete, you can put on a pair of jeans now.

Posted in:Uncategorized

2008

Aug

Elisabetta Gregoraci and Her Hot Ass with her Old Husband of the Day

8 Comments »

Elisabetta Gregoraci is some model who is married to some almost billionaire old guy who is the president of the Grand Prix race car races. She’s got a hot fuckin’ body, one that would cost 5,000 dollars an hour or 30,000 dollars for the weekend under normal circumstances, but because she has a career of her own, she likes to keep her high class escorting masked as a marriage. Everyone shits on her for being a wallet fucker and no one shits on him for being a pervert who likes young pussy and gets young pussy using her wallet and is just another example of how we live in a man’s world and it’s just not fair for fleshy crotched sister, but the way I see it, there are a whole lot of rich young guys out there. The kind who have rich parents, trust funds and even successful careers of her own, so callin’ this bitch out on marrying for money not love, when she has other options, is wrong when it’s pretty obvious that the root of all this is Daddy Issues. Something I fully support because without daddy issues, going to the stripclub or meeting sluts craving attention by flashing her tits at the bar wouldn’t exist and they are things I pretty much need to live.

Posted in:Bikini|Elisabetta Gregoraci

2008

Aug

DeAnna Pappas and Her Fake Husband on the Beach of the Day

6 Comments »

DeAnna Pappas and the guy who won her heart from 20 other guys on the Bachelorette last season were out showing the world that they are in fact in love and are no way contractually obliged to stay together or seemingly stay together after the show by making random photo op outings all to to make the legitimacy of the show seem more than just a cheap ploy to manipulate the public, who are bored in their own life and need these reality shows to connect with people they think are like them and live vicariously through. Advertisers love it, producers make more money because the cast are just average attention craving joes who don’t demand celebrity prices and everyone’s a fuckin’ winner in the end, even the dudes who lost out to this asshole are winners, because they got their 5 minutes on TV that they can tell their kids about, they also got to get up in this bitch, without having to spend a year pretending they love her fat spic ass. She’s definitely nothing special but better than nothing and that’s pretty much the same way I feel about these bikini pics.

Posted in:Bachelorette|Bikini|DeAnna Pappas