I'll Make You Famous…
 
 

2008

28

Aug

stepLINKS of the Day

I got an email the other day that had the subject “This is What I’m Usually Doing When I Peruse Your Site” or some shit and I got nervous to click the link because got knows what the fuck people do when they visit this shit, but my curiosity got the best of me. I was glad to see that the dude wasn’t sending me video of him jerking off, killing animals or children or beating up his wife, but I wasn’t so happy when I found a picture of a toilet filled with some wonky lookin’ shit that dude took before wiping his ass. I gagged because I love shit as much as the next guy, which is not very much and I debated not even writing this because I expected the other 5 of you to send in pics of your toilets filled with shit, I’m just hoping the other 5 of you don’t have enough money to eat or enough money to find toilets to shit in because I don’t know if I’ll be able to stomach the shit (literally) and my have to change my email like a girl getting stalked by an ex boyfriend. Either way, it’s Frosh week and I got a whole lot of shitting of my own to do, and by shitting I mean drinking with 19 year olds begging them to show me their anuses but I do have time to post my links because it’s kinda what I do here….enjoy the goodness and don’t send in pics of your shit…unless it is shaped like a naked 18 year old slut…this is not reverse psychology because I really like seeing your shit….it’s seriously because I don’t want to see your shit….thanks in advance, asshole.

The Lohans Now Have a Steep Competition for the Most Fucked Up Family in Hollywood
GO

Tomb Raider – Underworld
GO

Keeley Hazell is Topless
GO

Katy Perry is an Attention Whore and I Want to Punch Her and That Shitty Song in the Face
GO

Cristina Parody Topless Throwback
GO

How To: Fight a Bear
GO

Use This To Get Sex..Because Sex is Fun
GO

Mulder is Addicted to Sex…And So Am I….I Just Can’t Manage to Do It…Or Find Girls TO Do It With Me….
GO

Fat Hairy Guy Learns How to Kiss By The Hot Girls Who Live Upstairs from Him….While They Wear Bikinis….and Demonstrate On Ice Cream….
GO

The 10 Hottest Reality TV Stars of All Time…
GO

Photoshoot with the hottest girlfriend in NASCAR
GO

Lindsay Lohan is Mad AtHer Father. So Mad She Decided Not to Wear a Bra to Get Back At Him
GO

Jessica Simpson Shut the Fuck Up
GO

Who Doesn’t Love Midgets, Honestly?
GO

Carol Castro is Some Model Who Is Stirring Shit Up in Some Spic Country For Posing in Playboy With a Crucifix….
GO

Sheryl Crow Does Denim Like The One Ball Festishist She Is….
GO

Kate Moss Posing Topless in Some
GO

Khloe Kardashian Actually Gets a Tattoo That Touched My Heart in Ways I don’t Ever Want to Touch her Massive Body…It’s in her Dead Dad’s Handwriting….
GO

Randy West…in a 1970s ad for The Love Rug (he’ still making porn today):
GO

Miss Hawaiian Tropic 2007
GO

Women of the Web
GO

Pernilla Lundberg is Your Thursday Wank Fantasy
GO

Find The Best Porn on the Internet According to Me
GO

Bloody Mess Faceplant
GO

All the Fun of a Girlfriend, With None of the Hassel
GO

Girl Laughs so Hard She Pisses Herself
GO

Your Dream Vacation is Here
GO

It’s True! There Are Girls Out There Who Want to Fuck You
GO

Now THAT’S Police Work
GO

Sandy Likes Dirty Magazines
GO

Dakota Rae is Taking Off Her Thong
GO

Self Short Lover
GO

Well, It’s Official, Crazy Runs in OJ’s Family
GO

Ramen Girl Goes Down
GO

Shoplifter Celebration
GO

Motorike Mayhem
GO

I Hope Madonna Breaks Her Hip on Tour
GO

If I See One More Fucking Celeb Wearing Ray Bans, I Swear to God
GO

Coco is a Hot Babe and I Want to Bang Her
GO

Blonde Hottie in Thigh Highs
GO

Ahh Drunks Russians Are a Neverending Source of Fun
GO

Three Words Darling – Too Much Anal
GO

Dani in the Backyard
GO

Blah Blah Blah Lauren Conrad Blah Blah Blah
GO

Jodie March Defines Elegance and Grace
GO

The Lovely Cristina Lazar
GO

So I’m Moving to Columbia
GO

God Bless America
GO

Krystal Forscutt Goodness
GO

Tropical Storm Maddness
GO

Remember Rebecca Gayheart?
GO

Avoid Intimidation from a Cop
GO

New York Slut in a Red Slut Bathing Suit
GO

<.center>

Posted in:stepLINKS

2008

28

Aug

Jessica Biel Takes a Lesbian Power Hike of the Day

Jessica Biel reminds me of this dude i know who just never stops working out, he doesn’t fuck Justin Timberlake, but has told me that sometimes when fucking random girls he picks up, he plays the Sexy Back song over and over in his head, so if that’s not a six degrees of separation situation, I don’t really know what is, but I do know that Timberlake’s not the one doing the fuckin’ in this relationship and sometimes that’s okay because it can be hard being the man in a relationship, you know with all that pressure to provide and protect, passing the reins off to your bigger, stronger and more endowed lover only makes sense.

Here’s Jessica Biel on a power hike, burning off some calories in hopes to make her muscles look jacked for her man, the way he likes his lover’s muscles to be, because he’s on step away from coming out of the closet. Jessica Biel is just he gateway person to fully embracing a new and exciting lifestyle.

Posted in:Hike|Jessica Biel

2008

28

Aug

Jessica Simpson is Still Trying to be Country of the Day

Jessica Simpson is still trying to be country and the whole thing is getting pretty fucking obvious, boring and desperate. Seeing her in some country farm girl dress that looks like it was made by her fashion forward mother who has an affinity for the big city fashions and who tries to stay on top of the trends by copying patterns out of dated fashion magazines and who dreams of a glamorous life that wasn’t of her in Paris, New York, Milan equipped with nothing more than whole lot of fabric and a sewing machine, but who is instead on the receiving end of her husbands abusive drunk weather hand from working the farm. Unfortunately, we all know this bitch is rich and famous and the furthest thing from country. Her stupid costume won’t fool us and either will her uneducated drawl and I predict the next step for her is bringing a cow on stage to milk and I an only keep my fingers crossed that the cow they cast is her sister, it would kill 2 birds with one stone, you know with the whole hick incest thing and all. Either way, I’d still fuck her and her joke of an attempt to re-invent herself. Just because a whore doesn’t charge you for a blowjob doesn’t mean she’s no longer a whore. It does however mean she’s a fuckin’ saint, if you know what I mean….

Here’s Jessica.

Posted in:Country|Jessica Simpson

2008

28

Aug

Mary Kate Olsen and Ben Kingsley Kiss in Some Movie of the Day

Mary Kate Olsen and Ben KIngsley are in a movie that may already be out but I’m not really up to date on shit called “The Wackness”. It is about 1994 New York and Kinglsey and Olsen have a kissing scene that may be more of a sex scene but I really have no fuckin’ idea because I don’t care, it’s a fuckin’ movie and I am sure some of the scum this girl has dated has been a lot worse for her health than a 64 year old, like Paris’ Stavros and every sluts’ Heath Ledger probably lead to herpes when Kingsley just leads to mental anguish and unfortunately not Alzheimers.

Age differences don’t gross me out because guys no matter what age they are will be able to find at least one girl young enough to be their grand daughter who was raised without a dad and who looks to him for support and who he looks to for hot sex with a young girl, so it’s kinda just the way things work and the exciting thing is not exploring her tight little pussy but the discounts you get when you go to the amusement park on dates and get in with the Father-Daughter price. Only in this case, you are with a daughter you can fuck instead of a daughter you awkwardly accidentally walk in on and don’t know how to process her hot body because you know you made it, you know you can’t like it, but you know that it’s porn-worthy.

Maybe the looks you get when you are a grey haired fat dude and you’re making out with a tight bodied 18 year old aren’t because people are disgusted by you and are infact just jealous because when I am 64, the one thing I know I’d want is a 20 year old on my dick and that’s the end of this.

Posted in:Ben Kingsley|Kiss|Mary-Kate Olsen

2008

28

Aug

Keely Shaye Smith Bronsan is Still Fat in Her Bikini of the Day

[ Images removed in compliance with DMCA Notice ]

Keely Shaye Smith, although not as fat as my wife, is still not the woman Pierce Bronsan married. We should give her some recognition of the achievement that is wearing a bikini, not because she is defying the norm and embracing her really fat flaws that are more laziness and overeating than actual flaws, like a woman accepting who she is and not letting her stop her like she’s some kind of amputee going for a jog or some shit and doesn’t deserve that kind of acknowledgment or reward, but the mere fact that she managed to find a bikini in her size is legendary and one for the fuckin’ books. She’s disgusting, has no business getting out of her elastic waste band fat chick jeans, but does it anyway and I’d thank her for encouraging other fat chicks to do the same, but the last thing I want is to see more obesity scantily glad, so instead I’ll just tell her to fuck herself.

[ Images removed in compliance with DMCA Notice ]

Posted in:Bikini|Fat|Keely Shaye Smith Bronsan

2008

28

Aug

Miranda Kerr Isn’t That Hot of the Day

I am already excited about going out and getting drunk in a couple of hours because I can’t seem to remember all the funny shit I saw yesterday and I need new material. Every couple of months, my brain just stops working on me and shit I tell myself to remember always just disappear, but I do know that it is Frosh week and despite how annoying it is seeing a bunch of young girls hanging out with a bunch of lame dudes that they just met when they moved to the city wasted, naive and pretty much acting as wild as they fuckin’ can, it’s better than sitting on my couch listening to my wife breathing in the other room.

That said, Miranda Kerr is supposed to be this prodigy model and everyone is freaking out about her and I just don’t get it. There’s really nothing special about her and to honor that, I wrote a post that is really nothing special. It happens.

Posted in:Hot|Miranda Kerr

2008

28

Aug

Only God Can Judge Jodie Marsh and Her Tits of the Day

I don’t know what I am more scared of having unprotected sex with, self proclaimed sluts who have tattoos on their arm that read “my crazy life, only god can judge me” and who wear ridiculous outfits out to events showing off their retarded big tits that made them lots of money, or everyday single girls who bang more men in a year that Jodie Marsh has in a lifetime. It’s like we all like to judge the exhibitionist tacky girls, but we sweep the Sex in the City, one night stand queens who dress classy and have careers but like having as many men as possible because sex is fun under the rug. It’s like the girl you think you want to bring home to your mom, has seen more cock than a Rooster farmer because shit fills her miserable void and the girl who looks like she definitely has herpes just likes male attention but never actually puts out because putting out is beneath her when all her life all guys wanted was to get in her pussy. It really doesn’t matter, but what does matter is that I don’t agree with her tattoo that she got to feel better about her slutty antics, because I am judging her right now and her and her big tits can’t stop me.

Posted in:Jodie Marsh|Slut

2008

28

Aug

Madonna is a 50 Year Old in Fishnets and Lingerie in Concert of the Day

I am sure I am not the only person who has masturbated to Madonna in their lifetime. Whether it was the movie Truth or Dare or her Sex book, she was always a driving force in being a naughty little girl. Unfortunately, like all naught little girls, they grow up and now she’s 50, on tour and trying to hold onto the fact that we all jerked off to her at one point in our lives, without realizing that her vagina has expired. She is pretty fit for an old lady but still an old lady and I, along with the front row at her concert are happy her underwear bottoms and fishnet outfit she’s wearing are tight enough to keep her shit in place, because I’d hate to see her uterus fall on the stage, actually I’d probably love it, but it would still be disgusting to see. This is her at her concert in Nice France and shit’s definitely not as Nice as it could be. You liked that shitty play on words, admit it.

Posted in:Bikini|Concert|Lingerie|Madonna

2008

28

Aug

Emmy Rossum has a New Blackberry of the Day

I don’t know who Emmy Rossum is but I do know she dresses pretty inappropriate to Blackberry launch parties. Bitch is rockin’ some kind of dominatrix outfit you’d expect to see on Rihanna when performing or in the underground clubs I’ve always wanted to frequent but always get turned away at the door because I am alone and not in a pair of chaps. I mean it may be the tamest latex outfit I’ve seen, but like my pervert friend who always talks about this 300 dollar PVC outfit he bought a girlfriend a few years ago and who he has since then passed on to every girl he’s fucked because he can’t cum unless he gets to see it drip of the girl he is with’s slicked up bodysuit, it’s good enough to generate some dirty thoughts and that makes it good enough for me, which isn’t saying much considering I can turn a grandmother grocery shopping into a sexual experience, like last week when I almost got hard over a 90 year old with a walker because I liked the way it made her stick her ass out like she wanted it. I’m not necessarily normal though, and I guess Emmy Rossum is trying to break free from being labeled normal in this small step towards sluttiness that I approve.

If you’re wondering where people go after running over kids while talking on their cellphones, it turns out they hit up the Blackberry launch, because it’s really only normal for murders to always keep their murder weapons up to date. Like when a hunter buys a special edition just released gun or some shit, only the running over kids version…

Posted in:Blackberry|Emmy Rossum|Latex

2008

28

Aug

Ashley Tisdale Got a Haircut of the Day

Writing about celebrities I don’t care about everyday is pretty fucking tedious. Before starting this site I was way more self absorbed and would really only worry about what was going on in my everyday life and wouldn’t really pay any attention to what rich and glamorous girl who I didn’t find half as hot as some of the girls giving me lapdances, was in a bikini, but unfortunately this is the life I chose and the course I took and I am so on top of shit that when Ugly Jewish Girl who is actually almost 30 but pretends she’s closer to 20 to get roles of the day get haircuts, I notice.

I never thought I’d spend my day trying to say clever things about some of the most uninspiring things out there, but I guess it’s better than my last job packin’ boxes at a food processing plant that I got fired from for being drunk. Sure the money’s not as good, but I have no one to tell me that I am not allowed to drop my pants, drink my booze and smoke my cigars. It’s almost as amazing as the fact that people actually find Ashley Tisdale someone hot and worth jerking off to, I can only assume have lowered their standards because they think she’s actually a real life highschool girl and not just a slut pretending to be one, because in my experience older guys always lower their standards when they find a teenager willing to fuck them, because there is no other reason for anyone calling this piece hot.

Here she is wearing a period shirt so that it doesn’t stain when shit splashes up when she’s peeing.

Here she is in some crazy pants….before the Haircut….

Posted in:Ashley Tisdale|Haircut