I'll Make You Famous…
 
 

2008

23

Sep

Kim Kardashian’s Cry For Attention on Dancing With the Stars of the Day

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So Kim Kardashian is always willing to further her career and better herself by taking that fat ass to greater heights by jumping in front of the camera every time it’s around. I think it stems from a jealousy of her friend Paris Hilton, who is irrelevant now, but at the time Kim copied her Sex Tape formula was a big deal, so I guess that means that Kim has taken the crown of uselessness.

In continuing her quest of uselessness, she was on Dancing With The Stars last night and I’ve always been told that you watch a girl dance to figure out how well they fuck, in Kardashian’s case, I saw her fuck before I saw her dance, and could have told you that this cold, dead fish of a pussy is nothing but a fat rich kid who is only good at laying there. She hasn’t got the energy or flow to put in the effort where it is needed, and her ego makes her think that’s okay because anyone she’s fucking, is just lucky that she let them in her. It turns out that her dance is even worse than her blowjob skills, and I really didn’t think that was possible, so maybe Kardashian’s breaking boundaries by proving to me that she is in fact even more of a waste of space than I originally thought she was.

The highlight of the clip is when the judge tells her she should make herself more available because she’s a treasure trove that everyone wants to explore…..without realizing that she’s already done a decent job of that…..either way, watch the clip and vote this whore off.

Here she is trying to show off some of her dance moves, and by dance moves I mean her ass in spandex. Enjoy.

Posted in:Dancing With the Stars|Kim Kardashian

2008

23

Sep

Shannon Elizabeth is a Squeegee Punk of the Day

Wanna know what happens when you are a 35 year old actress who has doesn’t get much work despite having 30 credits under her belt, most of those probably low paying cameo roles, including her big American Pie breakout as the webcam slut before webcam sluts were an everyday thing, who have turned to playing poker semi-professionally, like a few of my hopeless friends who rock the video lottery machines 12 hours a day waiting for the big payout because they can’t get work and because every once in a while they manage to double their welfare checks? They drive Hondas. Although a reliable Japanese car that is good on gas, it’s not really respected in Celebrity circles, but then again, either is Shannon Elizabeth. So it all makes sense.

Posted in:Shannon Elizabeth|Squeegee

2008

23

Sep

Mainpage Youtube Video of the Day

To avoid the paparazzi, who are seriously tying to bring me down these days, I am going back to some features I used to do. One of them is the mainpage Youtube video of the day, where I find a video on the mainpage of Youtube that doesn’t deserve to be there, only today, when I got to the site, I saw a video that I was happy to see there.

I constantly get in fights with friends, family and pretty much everyone about being a hater. They tell me that I am cynical and unfunny and have no business judging other people’s work, because I haven’t proved myself to be any better. Yesterday, my stepdaughter brought me a video about guys singing a song about Canada and I turned it off 5 seconds in because I knew it was garbage. Last week, I went to an independent movie with my wife that was supposed to be really funny and I didn’t laugh once. So being a joke snob and not finding anything worthwhile is pretty much a downer for me and for the people around me.

What they don’t realize, is that I find concepts weak, I find execution weak and that’s really the only reason I don’t laugh. If shit was thought out and produced well, I probably would be laughing like an idiot like they are, but I can’t see past the flaws.

That’s why, I was excited to see a video by a friend of mine, who isn’t actually a friend, but someone I link to and who I am trying to help bring up his own site, because I think dudes got a good angle, has interesting things to say and has the potential of blowing his project out of the water, leaving his past project, Vice Magazine in the dust, because over the years, I have hated 90 percent of what Vice does, but the stuff that this dude produced is what carried the magazine. He was the real brain behind it and all the good stuff that came out of that magazine were from him.

So this is a video/mockumentary done by him and I think the concept is amazing, I think the delivery’s good and I think it’s worth watching, so fuck you to all the people hating on me for hating, because I am down with some things, sometimes, if they are good. Now watch it.

Posted in:Mainpage Youtube Video|Youtube

2008

23

Sep

Megan Fox Is Wet in a Dress in Her Next Movie of the Day

You all love Megan Fox. You think she’s so fucking hot and so fucking cool, but I am convinced that it’s all smoke and mirrors. Sure, she looks like a porn star, but she was some wholesome family programming chick and I am convinced her agents and executives wanted to turn her into a product by giving her that bad girl vibe. I have a feeling her shitty prison tattoos are all part of the bullshit scheme, along with the plastic surgery she’s had to make her look more like Angelina Jolie, and quotes from GQ saying she’s so into Jenna Jameson right now, like some bi-curious bad girl, when everyone knows that real bi-curious bad girls, have no interest in washed up, pregnant porn stars. It’s all like a really bad episode written from the cushy executive offices of the guys who came up with the take the ugly loser girl’s glasses off and let down her ugly loser girl hair and trick the popular boy who teases her that she’s a hot girl into falling in love with her or of the producer of Full House or, I’m just waiting for the cheesy music to chime in, so that we can all come to an agreement and understand each other’s point of view, but I am hoping before that music chimes in, Brian Austin Green from 90210 gets hit by a bus, because you always need a casualty to get a point across….

Either way, she is hot, she is lame, and her nipples are hard in her new movie. These are the stills, that I am allowed to post, so the paparazzi can’t sue me for this one. Fuckers.

Here’s the video, the movie looks stupid and I hate MGM for sending them to every site, here I was thinking I had an exclusive, before realizing that I never have an exclusive.

Posted in:Megan Fox|Wet

2008

22

Sep

stepLINKS of the Day

Sure my weekend didn’t involve plane crashes, but I like to think of myself as a plane crash everytime I have a drink in me, only instead of leaving casualties, I just do a good job making enemies. The weekend started in a Portuguese Mafia bar with an immigrant waitress and a bunch of dudes who didn’t like me in their stomping grounds and ended in an all night deli playing with some Goth dude’s pitbull and I don’t really remember much in between except French kissing an 80 year old at some restaurant she was celebrating her birthday at and more disgustingly, taking a shit while drunk in an alley near all the clubs without realizing that people used that alley as street to avoid all the chaos of the main artery, resulting in a lot of awkward waves. Speaking of awkward, here are my links…..

Fuck You Dane Cook, I Hate You
GO

Behind the Scenes With Charity Hodges
GO

Lucy Pinder and Chanelle Hayes Are All Naked Up in Here and Shit
GO

Sorry Pammy, But It’s Over, You’re Beat and We Know You Have Breast Implants….
GO

The Time Traveler
GO

Charisma Carpenter – Defining Milf
GO

Jamie Lynn Spears Subject to Porn Investigation Thanks to Her Class Act of a Teenaged Boyfriend
GO

Adriana Volpe Topless Throwback
GO

Bill Ray Cyrus Knows How to Pimp His Daughter the Right Way
GO

Find The Best Porn You’ll Watch All Monday Night
GO

Lindsay Lohan My Buddy Lesbian Playsets!
GO

And That’s How You Get Child Services to Your House
GO

Start You Week Off on the Right Foot Here
GO

Somebody Pass Me a Fucking Baseball Bat
GO

Let’s Talk About Jerry, And His Wood
GO

I Guess a Street Dentistis Better Than NO Dentist
GO

Magic is Bullshit, And Here’s Some Proof
GO

Find a Girl to Fuck, Because That Blow Up Doll Must Be On It’s Last Legs Right Now
GO

Cirque du Soleil Faceplant Removes All The Gracefulness Entirely
GO

Double Lezzie Masterbation is as Awesome As it Sounds
GO

More Lohan Gayness
GO

Bobby Billard’s Tits Are Fucking Huge
GO

Now THIS is a Fucking Web Cam Slut Video!
GO

Top Ten Worst Movie Moments
GO

Anna Kournikova is a Very Little Yellow Bikini
GO

Get Some Emmy Sluts Here
BONUS – Jennifer Love Hewitt’s Ass Had Finally Downsized
GO

Britney’s Single is Getting Delayed, But More Importantly, WTF is Happening On the Cover?
GO

Will Keira Knightly Just Get It Over With And ADmit She Has an Eating Disorder Already?
GO

Getting Liad Made Easy
GO

Striptease of the Day
GO

Clown Ruins Small Child’s Birthday Party
GO

Here’s Some White Trask Sluts Whoring It Up
GO

Sweet, Sweet Candy
GO

Abbey Lee Kershaw is My Kind of Bikini Model
GO

HOw About a Tv Quiz Show Tit Slip?
GO

Katie Price is Whining About Her Tits Again?
GO

Rap Battle Search Engine Hilarity
GO

Robin Williams is as Sick in the Head as I Am
GO

George Michael Caught Doing Nasty Things in Bathrooms Again
GO

Bianca Beauchamp’s Big Tits Are Feeling Blue
GO

the Ten Hottest Import Models of All Time
GO

BOGGLE is OFFENSIVE….
GO

Web Celeb Hall of Fame… Notice How I am Not On It…Cuz I Suck At the Internet…
GO

Posted in:stepLINKS

2008

22

Sep

Steve Aoki Doesn’t Care About the Pilot and the Co-Pilot of the Day

So Steve Aoki issued this “statement”, about DJ AM and Travis who are recovering in Georgia where Aoki went to be by their side, since he’s good friends with AM.

OUR PRAYERS GO TO DJ AM AND TRAVIS…


Most important news: Adam and Travis are going to be ok! I can’t give too many details away but things are looking up. It’s just the healing process now and then back on their feet in no time. Adam’s cracking’ jokes just like usual the second day of his recovery… on to bigger and brighter things!! It’s fucking crazy they survived that crash. Condolences to lil Chris’s families and Charles families.

xo Steve Aoki

I guess in typical LA rich kid behavior, they only care about themselves and their immediate circle. The crash happened because of a blown tire and had nothing to do with the Pilot or Co-Pilot’s negligence and I am offended dude didn’t pay his respects for the family of the people who died flying his rich friends around. Ya know, if they didn’t charter that fucking jet and flew a commercial airline like the commoners they once were before becoming rich as shit, that pilot and co-pilot would be still be alive today, so if anything AM and Travis had a huge part in the death of these 4 people indirectly. Everyone is saying how lucky they are to have survived, I am sayin’ if they were lucky, their plane wouldn’t have caught fire.

Either way, I know Aoki means and is generally a cool guy and is probably just shaken up because he was supposed to be on that plane and just forgot about the death of people he doesn’t know, and AM and Travis will be fine, possibly mangled, but able to enjoy the sunset and the stars and life, which is a good thing, even if AM has to wear a mask like some kind of superhero, and that’s the end of talking about this stupid airplane crash despite it being an insane tragedy and all that shit…..

Here is a video of the plane on fire with Barker screaming for help…this shit is scary and sad and I doubt I would have handled myself very well even witnessing the accident, let alone being in the accident. Crazy stuff we’ve got here. Crazy stuff.

Posted in:AM|Crash|Steve Aoki|Travis

2008

22

Sep

Lindsay Lohan and Her Lesbian See Through Shirt of the Day

I had a lesbian fantasy once. It was when I was still committed to my wife and convinced that I could see past all that was wrong with her and tough it out. I told her that we should consider swinging or threesomes as it would add excitement to our lives, and she entertained the idea, but was never comfortable with the whole licking another pussy thing, so I just did what any dude who wanted to have his wife eat a pussy would do and brought home some slut one night after drinking, got her back into the bedroom and woke up my wife by having this chick suck her tit. She freaked the fuck out on me, kicked the whore out, after paying her because I had no money, and didn’t talk to me for a couple of days. My next attempt at getting her to dyke out happened a few months later when some dude gave me a rubber vagina as a joke and in the middle of fuckin my wife, ran out to the front closet where I had it stored, ran back into the room and threw it in her face telling her to lick it. She didn’t even entertain the idea and kicked me out of the bedroom, where I had no choice but to finish myself off with the rubber vagina and that was the end of my lesbian experiences.

Here’s Lohan, in a see through shirt, in the midst of her lesbian experience and it may be dull, but I’m still watchin’, because like the rest of you, I have little else to do with my time.

Posted in:Lindsay Lohan|See Through

2008

22

Sep

Vanessa Hudgens Likes Male Attention of the Day

Like any girl who gets naked on the internet, Vanessa Hudgens is desperate for male attention, and it’s got so bad then when she leaves her house she runs up to anyone with a penis and gives them a hug and kiss and tries to get them hard for her, proven by these pictures. I could be wrong, I mean it is possible that these dudes are the executives at Disney who took those nude pictures of her and I guess it doesn’t really matter because if she’s not jerking them off, I don’t really want to see it, but I will post it because I have come this far and figure there’s no turning back now. That is the theme of the day and I blame this 3 day hangover I am working on, that I like to think could just be a terminal disease.

Posted in:Male Attention|Vanessa Hudgens

2008

22

Sep

Jessica Simpson Does the County Fair of the Day

Jessica Simpson wore a corset to show off her tits to the LA County Fair, which is probably an LA rendition of a county fair that actually mocks real county fairs, as mothers and their bratty kids walk around for the novelty of being at a county fair and to feel like their really at a county fair on some Disneyland level, in their designer outfits and fake tit exposing tops after stepping out of their Range Rovers because they feel rugged today and their convertible is not County Fair quality. It’s like the time I met a Jewish girl, who dressed like a typical suburban girl on a daily basis, but who decided she wanted to live a little and get a piercing, so she dressed in punk/emo gear because she thought that she’d be taken more seriously and because she treated her piercing adventure like Halloween or a bad bar mitzvah activity, without realizing that she was being offensive to the piercer.

I guess that is fitting for Jessica Simson, considering she is the LA rendition of country music, what is also fitting for Jessica Simpson, her top, because she’s busting out of it, and you that is how we like it.

BONUS – Jessica Simpson Sucks Up To Her Boyfriend in Hopes That He’ll Cave In and Knock Her Up By Wearing His Jersey at the Airport…Without Realizing that Guys Hate it When Girls Like Us Enough to Be Our Cheerleaders and Prefer the Struggle of Trying to Make Them Think We’re Cool….This is the Kind of Behavior That Will Get her Ass Dumped….

Posted in:County Fair|Jessica Simpson

2008

22

Sep

Juliette Lewis Was Used as a Model of the Day

I saw these pictures of Juliette Lewis modeling from what I assume is Fashion Week in New York that just ended, but I don’t really know because I don’t stay on top of that shit, but I do know that hiring Juliette Lewis to be a model for anything but a drug program doesn’t make sense. I guess the company was on a tight budget and Juliettee Lewis needed the money bad because she owes her dealer or some shit, because she has no business doing this. It’s like hiring Rosie O’Donnell to model swimwear, but not any swimwear, really skimpy and sexual swimwear.

Sure Juliette Lewis is skinny enough to be a model because she’s a fuckin crackhead, but she’s is so fuckin’ ratty lookin, that I wouldn’t want to buy those clothes she wore, but would instead want to burn them for public safety. Sure, I am exaggerating a little, but I would take my wife’s chicken broth/week old kitchen garbage smelling pussy over whatever the fuck this Juliette Lewis bitch has got brewing in her unwashed panties, which I assume smells like feces, rotting meat and death and if you don’t believe me, just look at the pictures, before the paparazzi email me to take them down.

Posted in:Juliette Lewis|Model