I'll Make You Famous…
 
 

2008

28

Mar

Sophie Monk is Banging Paris’ Hilton’s Boyfriend of the Day

It was reported that these are pictures of Sophie Monk and Paris Hilton’s boyfriend pizza boy she found on the streets of New York a few months ago and decided to take under her labia and turn into some kind of male model, at least that’s the line she used to get him in her unprotected because I guess a slut like her doesn’t like condoms very much, and her uterus is so damaged from abortions that pregnancy scares just don’t happen anymore, and dude liked promises of riches and fame, so he did it. It’s like that time I used to tell girls I could make her famous because I was a producer and working on a yet to be released MTV show and all she had to do was suck me off to get an audition, sure i had my share of rejection but it was a numbers game and there was always a bitch dumb enough to fall for it.

Either was, I was pretty disgusted thinking that Sophie Monk did a wife swap with Paris Hilton, since Paris is fuckin’ her Good Charlotte sister and now she was supposed to be fuckin’ her import model, because I figured that Sophie Monk got the short end of the deal. Sure, fucking a phallic lookin’ object is better than fuckin’ Benji Madden, but not if Paris had been there first. I started thinking about how I don’t even like fucking my wife when she tells me about previous dudes she’s fucked or masturbated to, because it takes away my virgin thoughts I had of her. I knew she had kids, but I just figured it was some kind of immaculate conception and that I was the only person dirty enough to get in that. I also always hated getting with whores and being able to smell the last dirty homeless motherfucker who got a piece of her and I never liked fuckin’ girls when I knew their past sexual partners by face because everytime I fucked them all I could imagine is them there first and it made me feel like a bigger loser than I knew I already was.

A girl like Sophie Monk has the potential dating pool that is far deeper than any dating pool I’ve ever swam in, and even I managed to avoid fuckin’ sloppy seconds. Incestuous Hollywood is disgusting and the reason most actors are dirtier than pornstars, but the good news is that this isn’t even pictures of Sophie Monk and that this whole post was just a huge waste of time. Too late to not publish it now. Asshole.

Posted in:Hot|Sloppy Seconds|Sophie Monk

2008

28

Mar

stepLINKS of the Day

So someone reported me to the photo agency posting pictures I don’t own but that they own. Reality is I get shit off a forum and don’t know where they come from, so to me shit’s a found object, like the time I found a wallet with 80 dollars in the shit and bought myself 2 cases of beer. It was the closest I ever came to winning. If they want shit untouched, then keep it locked up better, because I am not about to research the source of a fuckin’ picture when I find it on the internet, it just doesn’t make sense to me and people reporting me a fuckin’ lame, like the loser in elementary school who tells the teacher that all the cool kids were out smoking cigarettes at lunch, getting us all suspended and the reason they have no friends….no one likes a narc.

Either way, some paparazzi agency emailed me this:

jessica-simpson-kinda-had-an-
upskirt-that-you-cant-see-of-the-day

sophie-monks-got-an-outty-
vagina-of-the-day

These images posted on your site belong exclusively to Fame Pictures and since you haven’t requested permission to use them, they are in direct violation of copyright infringement. I am glad to discuss an affordable rate plan for use of our images. Otherwise, remove the pics immediately or face the legal repercussions of unsolicited use.

Justin Smith
Fame Pictures
Sales Manager
JustinSmith@FamePictures.com
(310) 395-0559

This was my response:

Dear Justin Smith…If that is your real name because it sounds pretty fake to me,

I have permission to use them – thanks for the heads up but it’s all under control sweetheart. My site doesn’t make money so I can’t pay for pictures. But love the name of your company. Fame is so relevant for a paparazzi agency, you fuckers are more than just scumbags with camera, you actually have a really unique corporate vision. Speaking of Fame…I wanna live forever, you know like the shitty musical. You like that don’t you, you fuckin’ homo. Showtunes for life motherfucker…or should I say…brotherfucker.

You can tell the fucker who ratted me out to lick my fucking asshole, it’d be the closest thing he’s ever got to pussy because I know who he is and I know where he lives and I am always up for a good fuckin’ time. RESPECT,

Love

Jesus Martinez
DrunkenStepfather.com

Yeah, I know that was weak. I am drunk Now let’s hope there’s no lawsuit cuz I’ll have to shut down the site. Here are my links:

Mary-Kate Olson is Looking Fine
GO

Blind Fold Boxing
GO

Give Your Friend a Chicken Bullion Shower
GO

The Pussycat Dolls Are in Trouble
GO

Ashley Tisdale’s Giant Nipple
GO

Some Fine Bitches Your Virgin Ass Will Never Get to Touch Ever
GO

Some Sexy Sluts in Bikini
GO

Hot Girls and Beer Bongs, Like Peas and Carrots
GO

Sometimes It’s Fun to Leave a Little to the Imagination
GO

This May Help You Solve that Little “Virgin” Problem
GO

Well, After This I Def Need to Buy a Jeep
GO

I Gotta Day, I Am Lovin’ These X-tina Nursing Tits
GO

So Close To Seeing Janice Dickinson’s Shrivled Vagina
GO

Remy Ma is Going to Jail
GO

Sex is a Two Person Sport
GO

Kate Walsh is Standing Up for Sex Education. I Am Standing Up for Watching Sex with Kate Walsh
GO

X-Tina’s Neighbors Are a Bunch of Prudes
GO

Learn to Shake Your Ass Like a Black Chick, Then Teach Your Girlfriend If You Ever Get One
GO

The Toilet Lady’s Boyfriend is in a Whole Lot of Shit
GO

Watch This Chick Work Out While She Does Her Laundry
GO

Man I Really Need to Start Playing Golf
GO

Watch This Fleixble Chick and Imagine All The Things You Could Do to Her If She Wasn’t a Virgin
GO

Mommy Likes to Flash Her Tits
GO

Pass The Days With Porno
GO

Shay Lauren is Hanging Out In Lingerie
GO

Oh The Things You Come Across on the Net
GO

An Almost Jessica Simpson Upskirt
GO

Okay, Fergie Looks Like She is Made of Wax
GO

And Now, a Bikini Break
GO

Baby Needs Some Practice on the Pole
GO

Slut Apolonia Lives a Fairy Tale
GO

This Blonde Office Babe Just Doesn’t Get It
GO

I’m Not Really Sure What’s Going on Here, But I Laughed Anyways
GO

Anna Kournikova = Boners
GO

Some Throwback Monica Bellucci Nudes
GO

This is Vicky and She is Gettin’ Naked
GO

Alicia Witt is a Whore
GO

Women Who’s Name End With “A” Have Hotter Bodies Than Other Girls…It’s Proven
GO

Cameron Diaz Killed 2 People or Something
GO

Here’s a Bianca Beauchamp Fetish Model Gallery for You Perverts
GO

Deaf Guy Enjoys Spring Break Bodyshot
GO

Meet Spitzer Swallow’s New Escort
GO

The Fake American Apparel Artist Strikes Again
GO

Some Brown Chick in the Shower
GO

Sports By Brooks Girl Jackie Shows Off her Tits
GO

Here’s Some Slut Named Lucy
GO

Some Elisha Cuthbert Lookin’ Messy
GO

FROM PHOTOBUCKET

Photobucket Tits
GO

Pbotobucket Young Pussy
GO

Photobucket Wii Insertion
GO

FROM THE FORUM

Pre-Release Moby
GO

Pre-Release AZ – Undeniable
GO

Rilo Kiley – under the Blacklight
GO

Juliana Hatfield – In Exile Deo
GO

The Rockfords
GO

Kraftwerk – Autobahn
GO

Deep Pruple – Burn
GO

LIVE – Songs From the Black Mountain
GO

Spiderman 2 Music
GO

Spice 1 – AmeriKKKa’s Nightmare
GO

Eric Clapton Discography
GO

Thongs
GO

Bikini Clad Midget
GO

Awesome Car that i Won’t Drive
GO

Forgive Me Father
GO

James Lidell
GO

Evanesence
GO

King Crimson
GO

Eric Clapton
GO

Bonde Do Role
GO

The Photoshop Thread
GO

Monopoly 2008
GO

Spitzer’s Gal
GO

Avril Lavigne
GO

Here’s a Song About a Pepaw
GO

Posted in:stepLINKS

2008

27

Mar

Paris Hilton Offends Turkey of the Day

You would think that Paris Hilton would offend a country just by entering it, but it turns out that she has the capacity to go even further by taking their traditions and giving them herpes by posing in her stupid way that someone mistakenly told her was cute and she hasn’t stopped doing since. It’s a lot like that time I went to some native american rights protest and danced around slappin my mouth like I didn’t pay taxes.

I guess the biggest shock was that she was asked to be a guest judge for their country’s beauty pageant which doesn’t really say much for Turkish women, but knowing me, I’d probably still ask them to let me watch them bath, you just can’t stop a pervert.

Posted in:Offensive|Paris Hilton|Turkey

2008

27

Mar

Lindsay Lohan’s Legs Rub Together When She Walks of the Day

So it turns out that Lindsay Lohan’s thighs rub together when she walks, which isn’t really that big of a deal considering my wife’s tits rub her thighs when she walks, but then again my wife’s idea of walking is sitting on our ghetto couch and in all fairness to my wife, she’s not a celebrity and never will be, unless she’d doing the before pictures for some weightloss scam that they will photoshop a fit girl’s face onto to sell product. In reality, my wife being fat is all my fault because I told her I was tired of fucking her and wanted a blow-up doll. Since, she’s french she understood that I wanted a bouncy castle and decided to turn herself into one, at least that’s the only explanation I have for what has proven to be a really disgusting part of my life.

Either way, here’s Lohan’s thick drug addicted thighs rubbin’ together.

Bonus – Some Shitty See Through Action from the Other Day:

Posted in:Leggings|Legs|Lindsay Lohan|Thick

2008

27

Mar

Kim Kardashian’s Got No Make-Up On But She’s Got an Eyebrow of the Day

These pictures were listed as being Kim Kardashian with no make-up on, something I am pretty convinced doesn’t exist because she’s more into make-up than a drag queen trying to trick me into letting him suck my dick because he’s a girl and it gets me every time because I always fall for it….

Either way, I can’t tell what her deal is because I am too busy worrying about that eyebrow she’s got living on her forehead and I have a feeling that it is slowly trying to take over her face. Maybe it’s her dad’s reincarnated some new growth on her unibrow and he’s trying to make her look vile because he’s tired of her draggin’ his name through the mud by having nature channel sex on video but I guess that theory is pretty unlikely and it’s just her Armenian genetics, something a lot less exciting that my original theory.

Posted in:Eyebrow|Kim Kardashian|No Make Up

2008

27

Mar

Jessica Simpson Kinda had an Upskirt that You Can’t See of the Day

I don’t know how old these pictures are, or if they are even of Jessica Simpson, but it looks like she’s trying to stop all of us from seeing her vagina and I am sure that’s nothing you aren’t already used to because even when you’re at sex parties and bitches are wiping out on GHB, you still can’t manage to get a peak because you aren’t really there since the invitation was lost in the mail, at least that’s what you tell yourself to make you feel better about never getting to join in on the fun everyone else is having. Don’t worry, the last time I went to an orgy, I got herpes and despite it being the gift that keeps on giving, it’s pretty much the shittiest gift that keeps on giving, worse than that pair of socks your Aunt knitted you that you can’t seem to take off because they are so colorful and scream your name every time you open your sock drawer.

I don’t know what I am talking about because I have never really been giving a shitty gift, but that’s because no one’s ever given me any gifts, so I’m trying to relate to something I don’t know here and you should give me a break.

Posted in:Jessica Simpson|Upskirt

2008

27

Mar

Janice Dickinson Stores her Phone in Her Tits of the Day

Image Removed due to Papparazzi

Breasts, like my ass, are a great place to store things. I know girls who put their make-up, phones, drugs, condoms, money, perfume and worldly possessions in their bra and it always makes feeling them up feel a lot like Christmas or some kind of magical treasure hunt, but not as magical as the treasure hunt I have to go through every time my wife wants me to diddle her and I have to maneuver my way through her fat to the source of her junk or even when I leave my keys or something I need on the bed and it gets sucked up into her fat folds as she sloth’s out on it….I guess that’s part of what makes my marriage fun.

Either way, here are some pictures of Janice Dickinson getting a manicure with her cellphone jacked in her tits so she doesn’t miss any important calls from people asking her who the fuck she is because let’s face it, she’s not all that famous, but shit should be jacked in between her legs and set on vibrate because that’s pretty much the main reason the pervert who behind the vibrate ringtone invented it. While laying in bed alone at night with his “How Things Work” manual, he had dreams of walking down the street and seeing girls moaning with pleasure all because of his manly technical knowledge, giving every girl who ever rejected him an orgasm without them knowing it and that shit was his way of playing god. True Story.

Big Bad Paparazzi Made Me Take Down the Pics But You Can See It Here
GO

Posted in:Cellphone|Janice Dickinson|Tits

2008

27

Mar

Hayden Panettiere has a Lame Cameltoe of the Day

I always love when girls wear vagina hugging pants because it gives me enough information to visualize what they look like naked. I know that the chances of them ever showing me their goods are pretty fuckin’ slim, especially since they are young and hot and sitting across from me at the coffee shop, often times telling their boyfriends how some creepy old guy keeps lookin’ at them and it’s making them uncomfortable.

Since Hayden pretty much has as much has the same body type and sex appeal as the dresser I pulled out of the trash last year to help store my wife’s disgusting clothes that I was tired of seeing in piles throughout our room, since I am quite the homemaker, the only reason I’d want to see anything hugging her crotch is to see if she’s got a bigger dick than me, which she does. That’s pretty much the reason I’ve never done any gang bangs in my life, I just know I’d always fall short and wouldn’t be able to live with myself being that inadequate….I’d volunteer to box Panettiere to prove that despite having a smaller dick I am still all man, but I know she’d win. So it’s pretty much a losing day for a loser today.

Posted in:Boring|Cameltoe|Hayden Panettiere

2008

27

Mar

Britney Spears Upskirt for her Dentist of the Day

The shocking news of the day is that Britney Spears goes to the dentist. I was never really disgusted by her hygiene because I know that a woman with that kind of money can’t have a pussy as rank as some of the hookers I’ve hung out with. I am talking the kind I could smell just sitting next to them on the bus on my way home with them, because I’ve never owned a car and have to get them somewhere private somehow and cabs are just out of my budget, especially when I am saving all my pennies to get the most I can get out of them, like ideally having them let me go down on them and other naughty things that leave me smelling like their rank pussies for a couple of days because like Britney, I’m not too into showering and like revisiting my purchase as much as I can because I like getting my money’s worth out of anything.

Unlike me, Britney hit up the dentist today because I am more into seeing how much laziness leads to tooth loss, and she flashed her panties while doin’ it. These are the pics.

Posted in:Britney Spears|Dentist|Upskirt

2008

27

Mar

Disney Advertises on Smut Sites of the Day

The most wholesome family corporation fucks up again. First, Walt Disney was caught molesting kids after taking them to his magic kingdom and showing them special cartoons he drew for them on his penis, true story my grandmother told me he did it to her. Then they made Nazi propaganda videos for Hitler to help kill the jews who were stepping on Disney’s Waspy toes in Hollywoo. Then they were accused of subliminal messages in they movies trying to program kids to hate black people and gays and now they advertise next to porn.

I was scoping out some celebrity smut site that pretty much only posts celebrity nudity, sex tapes, nipple slips and upskirts next to some seriously desperate, virginal commentary and I was pretty shocked to see Goofy staring back at me.

I guess the real reason why I am posting this is because I think my site is more softcore than the smut other sites post, I think it is less offensive but I am red flagged as a porn site and can never land a mainstream deal, like alcohol companies, movie companies, video game companies, so I will never make big money off this shit. Meanwhile, assholes doing the same fuckin’ thing as me but with less finesse according to me and who give the illusion of being SFW by putting stars on a dick and nipple and cunt but still post the dirty version a click away, so that you see full dick are getting these Disney Deals.

Sure what it really comes down to is that I am bad at business, and I don’t really know what I am doing. So good for this site for tricking this system and cashing in on it, but I still think someone at Disney should get fired because seeing their image next to smut is something that I know I find offensive. I am pretty sure their Christian, right winged loyal Disney fans, the kind of bitch who lives alone and collects Mickey Mouse merchandise, wouldn’t approve of.

The reality is that this smut angle could be Disney’s new way of re-inventing themselves. You know first they get Jamie Lynn spears teenage pregnant and now they post next to celebrity nudity, next thing you know they’ll be producing sex tapes, which would make sense since it worked for Paris. I guess this is a glimpse into the future of the world…it will be a debauchery HIV filled mess,because you know when Disney sponsors sex tape sites, the end of the future of our kids is near and I am excited….

Here are some screenshots of this highly offensive Disney campaign:

Posted in:Disney|Porn