I'll Make You Famous…
 
 

2008

11

Apr

Tara Reid’s is a Star Party Girl of the Day

Tara Reid is a machine and parties all the time. I don’t think she gets enough credit for the work that she does because going out is a total pain in the ass. Everyone hates on her for being useless but the truth is that she draws a crowd when she hits these clubs like some d-list rockstar and she’s constantly bringing her A-game.

I know when I get wasted in barsI am pretty much tapped out for a week. I get 2 day hangovers and usually don’t leave my bed until my wife gets into it but that’s just because there’s not enough room for the two of us. That’s life as a fat man with a fat wife and that’s probably part of the reason why I don’t have the same kind of stamina as Tara Reid.

The good news is that I still drink everyday, but there’s just something easier about getting wasted in a gutter alone than having to make conversation with useless people while trying to look your best, which is something I never have to do because I’m no miracle worker and can’t help but look like a wreck. I guess that’s just one of the many reason’s I’m not like Tara Reid, other reasons include not having fake tits, not having money, not being someone people want to have sex with and not wearing my wallpaper out as a dress because I don’t even have wallpaper. I know…I’m pretty much good for nothing.

Posted in:Party Girl|Tara Reid

2008

11

Apr

Kristin Cavallari’s Ass in Jeans of the Day

Not only is Kristin Cavallari useless, but so is her ass, and here it is in a pair of jeans. One of entertainment’s big mysteries is that people actually watch The Hills. I have been forced to watch a few clips of the shit and seeing the scripted bullshit and horrible acting, confuses me. I just don’t understand the appeal. I also don’t understand how shit got on the air in the first place, let alone becoming a success. It’s one of those shows that makes me want to kill myself because it’s popularity makes me realize just how doomed our world is. I know that may sound a little dramatic like I’m some kind of Liza Minnelli dancing around on stage, making a big deal out of nothing, but the truth is that making celebrities out of people who are shit and pimping out shows that are shit and seeing it work despite being shit makes me think the majority of the world is shit and there’s no hope for me despite also being shit by on a different level of shit that can’t relate to this shit.

Posted in:Ass|Kristin Cavallari

2008

11

Apr

Jamie Lynn Spears Pregnancy Shorts of the Day

Here are some pictures of Jamie Lynn Spears wearing a bit more clothes than she was when she got into this whole mess that she doesn’t think is a mess because she’s a good little child of God and abortions don’t exist in her world, but unprotected premarital sex does, which is kind of hypocritical if you ask me, which you didn’t because my opinion doesn’t really matter.

I fuckin’ love teenage pregnancy and every teenage girl I have ever accidentally knocked up has had abortions, but that was pretty much my doing because I didn’t want the burden, lawsuit, jail time or commitment to a fat lonely girl with daddy issues who turned to me to fill her void and all it really took was a good punch to the stomach. You’d be surprised how fragile a uterus actually is….. I always thought they’d be a hell of a lot more resilient.

Either way, I like to think whoever got her knocked up fucked up, because she was just starting her career up and hasn’t had enough time to really peak in her career. I predict it’s all down hill from here, because I’ve seen young girls bounce back pretty well from this kind of thing, but they never fully bounce back. Not to mention how annoying it will be on the set of her next movie when she keeps having to stop to feed her baby while studying for her GED.

The good news is that this is a story of trash that we all get to take part in, because teenage pregnancy usually happens in small towns with girls no one really cares for and the only people who get to laugh about it are their neighbors and people in their class. Now the whole world gets to take part in the fun of something as beautiful as a kid giving birth to a kid because she decided she wasn’t a kid the night she was letting an older dude shove his unprotected dick in her and cum inside her because she didn’t take sex ed classes while being tutored on set and had no idea the implications of her actions. Good times….

Posted in:Jamie Lynn Spears|Short|Teenage Pregnancy

2008

11

Apr

Britney Spears in Her Backyard Getting Stalked of the Day

So the paparazzi are on my ass for publishing harassing emails they send me and for posting images they claim are theirs even though I find them on forums and shit. I’ve decided to start a war against them, I just haven’t really figured out how I am going to do it because I am poor and in Canada.

I guess what it comes down to is that I find it insane that people can make millions of dollars taking pictures of celebrities like this. Here is Britney Spears in her backyard and some motherfucker got the exclusive by either hiding in her bushes or on her neighbors roof and I know that If I ever did something like this, I’d be arrested.

I know when I take pictures of girls tanning in their backyards or at the park, I always feel like I am going to get caught, so I try to set the camera up to either be hidden or like I am a photography student trying to get a shot of the tree they are next to. Crawling in bushes and shit is just too risky for me and something I’d only do at night andI never actually put the shit online, let alone sell it to magazines and websites for insane prices.

I guess the point of this post is to say the paparazzi do illegal shit to get their pictures and profit from the shit so I think it’s hypocritical that me posting pictures I deem where illegally taken as being copyright protected. It’s like a drug dealer trying to sue someone for not paying for weed you sold them. Shit just can’t hold up in court.

This post isn’t funny, and that’s because I am depressed. Hold me.

Some Bonus That’s Not Really Bonus of Britney Made Up and Showing Some Tit to Go With Her Fat Chin….

Posted in:Backyard|Britney Spears|stalker

2008

11

Apr

Serena Williams Lookin’ Hot in a Bikini of the Day

I’d say that these are pictures of Kim Kardashian in a bikini because I like bad jokes, but I don’t want to lie to you guys for the sake of a bad joke. The truth is that this bitch is the complete opposite of Kim Kardashian because she’s actually an athlete, while Kardashian just sits around and eats all day. Sure, she looks fatter than the widow who spends her days at Dunkin Donuts since her husband died since she doesn’t know what to do with herself but eat because he was her life, but the truth is that she’s some kind of champion.

I am guessing that she’s bulky as fuck because of extreme muscles, like this old body builder I drink with who did his fair share of steroids but now looks like Oprah, but all I see when I look at her is some kind of pro wrestler and not a dainty little tennis player and that’s probably why she always wins, it’s like going up against a tank and usually tanks are hard to take out.

I am convinced that she’s one of those Ladybug situations, where a dude dresses like a girl and cleans up because guys are better than girls at sports, but I guess no matter what she is she’s disgusting and here she is in a bikini…..

Posted in:Bikini|Serena Williams|Tennis

2008

10

Apr

stepLINKS of the Day

More from Flynet and their quest to kill Jesus Martinez (me).

The DMCA letters, invoices and emails that are sent to you and you host is confidential information, not material for you to post on your site. What you are doing is illegal and we are now receiving emails and calls from some of your viewers. These must be removed immediately.

Flynet Pictures LLC

Here are my links:


Jordan is Dressed Like a Mermaid with her Smaller Tits for you Fish Fetishists…
GO

Spanish Thong Reporters
GO

Keeley Hazell’s Tits Busting Out of her Bathing Suit HARD!
GO

Ashlee Simpson Screwed Mariah Carey
GO

Miss San Jose 2007 Leaked Sex Tape
GO

If Your Fantasies, You Fuck Them, In Reality, They Won’t Talk to You
GO

Some Chick With Her Crazy Vagina Tattoo
GO

Sledgehammer Work Out
GO

A Good, Clean Feeling No Matter What
GO

Harry Potter’s Creator Getting Her Big Rich Tit Grabbed
GO

Use This To Get Sex. You’ll Love It. The Sex I Mean
GO

The Only Sensible Use for a Webcam is Bitches Getting Naked…
GO

Find Girls to Fuck. It’s Really THAT Easy
GO

Courtney Love and a Bag of Pills Leave a Club in London
GO

Yes Lionel, We Like Her with Bigger Breasts Too
GO

Tyra Banks is Retarded Even When Planting Trees…
GO

Fergie is Spent
GO

Oklahoma Court Rules That It is Legal To Take Upskirt Pictures of Teenage Girls
GO

Here’s the Whole Teenage Girl Beating VIdeo With Some Annoyng Voiceover
GO

The New New Kids on the Block Song is Boring
GO

Tila Tequila’s TIts at the Airport
GO

Some Site Rated me 8.9 / 10 in Entertainment News….
GO

Some Tasteful Artistic Nudes
GO

One of my readers plays the Violin and this is his Radiohead Remix…
GO

Jennifer Connelly Pretends She’s African for Charity Water….
GO

A Gallery of Naked or Half Naked Protesters
GO

Some Playboy Party Video
GO

Some Car Show Sluts
GO

Drunk, Naked Acrobatics
GO

FUCK YOUR JOB!!
GO

This is Nancy Stelle
GO

Porn You’ll Want to Take The Day Off Work For
GO

DJ Sassy is Topless on a Beach
GO

Some Islam Brainwashing
GO

What’s Kristen Bell Thinking About? Probably not fucking you….
GO

Pete Doherty is a Junkie Fuck, and Everyone Hates Him
GO

Teacher Gets Beat Down in Baltimore
GO

Monika Hangs Out in the Woods…Naked
GO

An Email to Berlin – 5 Bucks If You Can Finish the Video
GO

I Will Never Tire of Seeing Heidi Klum Topless, Ever
GO

Balls Face Plant
GO

Slut Whores Up Bathtub; Takes Picture
GO

Some Vintage Daryl Hannah Topless
GO

A Nice Collection of Nudes
GO

Check Out the Axe Body Spray Model’s Myspace Cuz She’s Hot
GO

FROM PHOTOBUCKET:

Is she a teen model or just a slut who gets naked?
GO

Lookin’ Good Sweetheart
GO

Some Young Chick Topless
GO

Some Girl and Her Bush
GO

Photobucket Funeral is Some Weird Shit
GO

FROM THE FORUM

ANTHRAX!
GO

In Search of Petra Verkiak
GO

Amy Fucking Reid
GO

Sara Stone
GO

MORE Videos That Has Been Wanked By Many
GO

Stacy Valentine is at the Dentists Office
GO

Gorillaz
GO

Teen America
GO

Sativa Rose
GO

Posted in:stepLINKS

2008

10

Apr

Natalie Pinkham Bikini Pictures Day Two of the Day

I posted pictures of Natalie Pinkham in her bikini yesterday. She’s some kind of TV personality in the UK that my one UK reader never heard of. I generally don’t take anyone who reads this site’s word on anything, because I can only assume they are as useless as me so I’m stickin’ to my story and even if she’s an unknown, someone’s taking pictures of her so she’s important enough to post here.

This as her second day in a bikini, forces me to reflect on my experience with her yesterday. I ripped into her for having a vulgar last name, not vulgar in a good way like “DrippyCunt” or “AnalWhore” but in a name that made me think of eating a ham sandwich and not the kind attached to a hot chick, but a 3 day old one that I found in the trash and had no choice to eat because my drinking left me on the street and it was the only food I could get my hands on.

The good news is that with a new bikini comes a whole new outlook on life and I realize that complaining about a girl’s name is pretty fuckin’ weak. The reality is that I am a horny fuck and her body looks pretty fucking good to me. A name really means nothing and bitch could not only be named PileOfShit but also smell like a pile of shit and I’d still try to pretend I was a grain of sand as I irritated her pussy while she laid there in her wet bikini drying off in the sun. When she’d ask me what the fuck I was doing, I wouldn’t answer because I’m that good of an actor and everyone knows that sand can’t speak.

Posted in:Ass|Bikini|Natalie Pinkham|Wet

2008

10

Apr

Roseanne Barr Talks About Her Vagina Surgery of the Day

So I’ve been posting these pretty disgusting clips of Whoopi Goldberg talking about menopause and how it makes her panties wet, which was surprising because the thought of Whoopi in panties makes me sick to my stomach but the thought of her in a pair of wet panties makes shit all okay because as long as a pussy is wet, I’ve got no choice but to try to stick things in it. There’s nothing less attractive than sticking your hand down a sleeping girl’s underwear to find nothing but a cold dry pussy because it makes sticking things in pretty hard and since the fucking thing is unwilling.

Anyway, Roseanne was on Craig Ferguson’s show that I am shocked actually is still on the air and she makes some vagina surgery jokes. I always just assumed that since Roseanne is fat, her massive vagina would be buried and not meaty, so I can only assume this is a joke, but if it isn’t and she’s serious about wanting to use her disgusting empty donut box, I probably wouldn’t say no. That’s not saying much about me, but it’s saying something and that something is that I am a fucking sick person.

Posted in:Roseanne Barr|Surgery|Vagina

2008

10

Apr

Mischa Barton Bikini Pictures of the Day

I was trying to start up a paparazzi agency this morning and realized that I could never pull it off. I’ve been to LA before and when there I never ran into any celebrities on the street and I didn’t see any paparazzi, nipple slips, upskirts or bikini pictures either. I figure that the only way these fuckers land pictures of the celebrity is because they are hired by the celebrity take them and since I am pretty much a nobody, there’s no way I’ll be getting calls from publicists to show up at celebrity backyards with photo equipment that I use to make look like I was hiding in the hedge to snap off the pics of them smoking in their bikinis or cuddling up to another celebrity in some staged bullshit that they want to make look as real as possible so that people start talking about them in a positive light again.

I could be wrong but that’s the only explanation I have for Mischa’s dumpy body lookin’ a whole lot less dumpy and her chillin’ on the beach in a bikini that was just happened to be caught by a photographer looks more posed than my family portrait we got done at Sears in 1995 and that hangs proudly over the hole in the wall that would have been a fireplace if my shitty apartment wasn’t a crack den.

Get a bitch in a bikini and it’ll make us all forget about her negative press because we are fuckin’ cavemen and the smell of a half naked bitch makes us forget how fuckin’ useless she is.

To prove my point that this shit’s been lit, photoshopped and taken at a better than good angle, I’m talking miracle angle that I need to have any pictures of me taken from to make me look less like a homeless person who’s been dumpster diving outside McDonald’s the last 15 years for 18 hours a day scraping up the equivalet of 30 Big Macs a day and more like some good lookin’ male model that I feel I am on the inside, look at these pics of her fat fuckin’ ass and cellulite from the other day

Posted in:Bikini|Mischa Barton

2008

10

Apr

Miley Cyrus is an Annoying Cunt of the Day

Here’s a shitty fucking introduction to a Miley Cyrus performance at some Idol Charity Event that I can only assume happened because the show had a few minutes to kill and this is the only concept they came up with last minute and figured it’d be easy to execute since Billy Crystal had nothing else to do and hasn’t had anything to do in the last 5 years.

Basically the core of this comedic genius, is that they are playing up that Billy Crystal has no idea who she is and gets her name wrong and offers her career advice in some kind of shitty irony that makes stupid people laugh. All it really did was give her a great opportunity for to brag about her accomplishments as a number 1 movie as having to 2 number one albums all by the time she’s 15. I guess this proves that she’s the number one fifteen year old cunt out there and I don’t mean that she is best 15 year old pussy out of all the 15 year old pussies, I mean that she just thinks she is and that’s the whole fuckin’ problem with this bitch. The good news is that reality has a way of taking little assholes off their thrown and I am not sure when it will happen, but know that it will and that brings me satisfaction.

Here She Is Performing Her Bad Song Badly

Posted in:Miley Cyrus