2009
10
Aug
Kristin Cavallari is in her bikini and I don’t give a fuck. This shit is boring and the only thing exciting about seeing her on the beach is the small hope that she is on her period and some will drip into the ocean attracting a couple sharks to end her miserable existence because I hate her and her dumpy, useless, reality TV piece of shit vagina.
I just woke up, I am too old to go as hard as I do.
Posted in:Bikini|Kirstin Cavallari
2009
07
Aug
I am slowly dying – and so is Heather Graham’s sex appeal, but before she’s a total sloppy pig, she’s still got a few more years in her, I don’t know if I’m gonna be so lucky, that’s why I am going to pass the fuck out so I can punish myself all over again, and I’ll leave you these pictures to help you while punishing your genitals you pathetic motherfucker. I’ve had enough writing for the weeek.
Posted in:Bikini|Heather Graham
2009
07
Aug
I am okay with staged scripted shit that tricks people into thinkin’ shit is real life, but only when the robot drone souless cunts who are in the shit are half naked, because when a girl is half naked, I generally don’t give a fuck about her downfalls, unless it is my wife, in which case I have no choice but to focus on all things bad about her body and point and laugh at the shit to keep her thinkin that she’s useless so that she doesn’t smarten up and leave me.
If you think I’m not making sense, you shoulda seen me last night, I was like one giant and confused run-on sentence, only the real life version…..not the scripted real life interpretation like this bitch in her bra or bikini top with a fuckin’ mic box attached ther her.
Posted in:Bikini|Whitney Port
2009
07
Aug
Britney Spears was out doing a photoshoot in a white bikini, something one might think is a crazy as she is, not because everyone knows she’s had 2 kids and moms don’t belong in bikinis, but they do belong in the kitchen making dinner, but because she’s in a white bikini and her vagina is a bigger slob than she is. Some of us will never forget the pictures of her period stains, unless I just made that up and was thinking about this girl I once knew who used to not wear tampons but would eat her period out of her panties because she didn’t like the idea of losing iron or toxic shock syndrome and she was pretty fucking strange, but not as strange as the way these pictures are making me feel. I think I am actually loving these pictures of a washed up whore, I’m lovin’ her body and I can only blame one thing and that is that I am probably still fuckin’ drunk from last night and everything is better when drunk, except I still manage to hate myself, but I guess that’s got nothing to do with these Britney pics, so I’m gonna take Chris Crocker’s advice and leave her alone.
Posted in:Bikini|Britney Spears
2009
06
Aug
Have I ever told you about the time I had sex with Cindy Crawford? Well it wasn’t exactly sex. I just happened to be on the sidewalk near the hotel she was staying at when she pulled up in some massive SUV and got out with 4 or 5 security guards. I had no idea who this tall, well dressed, hot 40 year old was, but the homeless dude next to me freaked the fuck out and was like “that’s Cindy Crawford” making me think that before he was homeless and didn’t care about anything, he may have cared about her.
She made enough eye contact with me for me to pretend that she was inviting me up to her hotel room so that I could crawl up her thigh like it was some kind of jungle gym, because she’s fuckin’ tall and when next to her I felt like some kind of Pigmy circus freak who went up to her nipple, making me think she was a little too much woman to be a woman, but remembered that it was Cindy Crawford, mainly because I have a short attention span and I was drunk.
Unfortunately, I think she was only making eye contact with me to take a mental photograph in the event she happened to bump into me again so she’d know I was a fuckin’ stalker or some shit, but all I really wanted was for her to throw a couple bucks my way, but she didn’t.
Cunt…
Here she is in a bikini.
Posted in:Bikini|Cindy Crawford
2009
05
Aug
Here are a couple pictures of Cindy Crawford cockteasin’ us with her hot ex-model, very fit 40-something year old body in a bikini, unfortunately, my wife wasn’t cut from the same cloth, she was cut from the bootleg stretched out cloth, because if she was my life would be on a fuckin’ boat fuckin and not sitting here rolling a cigarette out of butts I picked up off the fuckin’ street earlier today, even though I quit smoking 2 years ago, I like to bring it back to ensure the damage I did to do myself doesn’t go to waste, because self-destructing is a full time job….
Posted in:Bikini|Cindy Crawford
2009
04
Aug
In my life as a pervert, I don’t think I have ever seen a girl wearing a bikini while she plays tennis and I have definitely never seen a bitch wearing high heeled shoes while she plays tennis, and the only explanation I have for this is that this is the big reveal because she feels good about herself cuz her boyfriend’s been fuckin’ her proper and she isn’t as sloppy as she used to be so why not let the tabloids write about you, but she doesn’t feel quite good enough to wear running shoes, because they don’t make your legs look long and luxurious like heels do and the whole thing is a pretty desperate cry for attention, while her stomach is clearly making a desperate cry for an ab workout.
Posted in:Bikini|Jennifer Love Hewitt|Tennis
2009
04
Aug
Ewwwww Interracial kissing….I can’t believe this hasn’t been banned yet…you know that there aren’t laws about this shit…especially considering in some states you can’t fuck a woman up the ass legally, but it’s ok for a black man to kiss up on a girl who isn’t black…next thing you know they’re gonna have the right to ride in the back of the bus, or even have their own TV station.
The exerpt above was written by me in 1950, in a lot of ways, I predicted the future and my words should be seen as gospel and not smut….What it really comes down to is that girls love black dudes and black dudes love any girl who isn’t black so the whole thing makes perfect sense, especially when you give the dude some celebrity status, throw him on a TV show and make him okay to bring home to mom and dad and rich enough to pay child support after he deadbeat dads on her for new pussy, even when this pussy he’s already with is pretty fuckin’ substantial…
On a sidenote I know a married white woman who carries a picture of Gary Dourdan in her wallet cuz he’s her fuckin’ dream guy and good for him for breakin’ down barriers, it’s 2009 motherfuckers, the year to make some beige babies….
Here’s a video of what happened to a black dude riding with a white girl….
Posted in:Bikini|Gary Dourdan|Groupie
2009
03
Aug
I am almost tired of uploading pictures of bitches in bikinis, but figured the last bikini post of the day might as well go to a fucking professional, expecially one as amazing as Miranda Kerr is amazing. When she first hit the scene I found her shit tired and boring and overrated, but whoever it was who found her and brought her into my life, by making her a model deserves a promotion or some shit, he’s a fucking hero. She and her young tight body that dreams are made of…at least someone’s dreams…not my dreams…cuz I am realistic about shit…I more into having dreams about more attainable chicks…like ones who don’t live on the other side of the world and who are desperate for money and willing to do anything for 20 dollars cuz their life depends on it…those girls are EASY….these supermodel bitches are totally high maintenance and expect you to shower…unless they are Kate Moss…in which case they expect you to have STDs…which is part of the reason why she’s awesome…but just as much the reason why she’s disgusting…while Miranda Kerr is just lovely. Here are the pics. I am going to pass the fuck out now…too much third grade level writing for one man in one day.
Posted in:Bikini|Miranda Kerr|Model
2009
03
Aug
This one’s for Michael Bolton because I am a huge fan and like providing him with pictures of the pussy he was with for so long in her bikini, because I know that the slutty pics you took of her get boring after jerking off to them long enough and new material makes for a fresh love affair with your ex, even if it’s not so pornographic as the shot of you sucking off the man you hired to fuck her while you watched because eveyrone knows you’re a ‘mo. The only problem with my plan is that you don’t know this site exists…but thankfully I know you exist…I have everyone of your albums….one would say I am your biggest fan….maybe we can do lunch one day or something…or right you don’t know I exist and I’m just day dreaming about your luxurious hair here….don’t I feel stupid…..
I have no idea what that was all about, but here are pics of Nicolette Sheridan and her pretty hot old lady body cuz she was smart enough to not have kids with Michael Bolton cuz he was too busy saving his cum for men….
Posted in:Bikini|Nicolette Sheridan