Bikini Archives - Page 66 of 93 Archive - DrunkenStepFather.com

Archive for the Bikini Category

2008

May

Gemma Atkinson in Her Red Bikini For Communism in Cuba of the Day

Here’s some Gemma Atkinson Bikini Pictures from Cuba, where she’s enjoying the friendly people, the beautiful beaches and the warm Caribbean Ocean, something that you’ll never be able to do because you government hates Cuba and has been trying to make them go bankrupt the last 50 years in hopes of taking the motherfuckin’ place over and turning it into a Peurto Rico or Hawaii.

I know that I wouldn’t be so down or so quick to call myself the land of the free when the government will arrest me if I step foot into a resort island that everyone else in the fuckin’ world has been enjoying for affordable vacations all these years. I know some people who have spent some time in Cuba and when I ask them how it was they all say amazing because there were no Americans, so maybe it’s better for the rest of the world that you stay the fuck out of Cuba, I’ve seen what happens when you visited Iraq and that kind of behavior would probably discourage chicks to tan with their fatty tits.

Either way, here’s Gemma with her retarded tits in her Red Bikini for Communism in Cuba.

Posted in:Bikini|Gemma Atkinson

2008

May

Elisha Cuthbert’s in a Bikini Again of the Day

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Here’s Elisha Cuthberty and her dumpy ass still on the beach, only today they decided to do fun activities like Sea Kayaking. I know that getting away to a sunny paradise is something you want to take full advantage of but when your a fresh new awkward lookin’ couple, I think it should be spent exporing each other’s bodies, figuring out what each other like sexually and most importantly fuckin’ like crazy people, because from my experience the best sex I’ve had has come from the mentally and emotionally unstable.

This one time, this schizophrenic chick drank on her meds when she wasn’t supposed to and it lead to her pretty much raping me and begging me to have a threesome, I was totally down until I realized that the other person involved was her alterego who was a 45 year old Jewish Accountant demanding me to give him my recipts, I still did it cuz I was in a vagina but I questioned my sexuality for about a week.

I guess none of that matters, what does matter is that Cuthbert is wearing her American pride bikini to get popularity votes by supporting your troops in Iraq while her hockey player supports her tits in his mouth as the dance around on the beach like a couple of fags.

Posted in:Bikini|Elisha Cuthbert

2008

May

Elisha Cuthbert’s Second Day in a Bikini of the Day

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Image Removed due to Papparazzi

Elisha Cuthbert is on Vacation in Hawaii and new bikini pictures of her from her trip with her boyfriend have hit because it turns out that people with money wear more than one outfit over the course of the week, something I can’t really relate to. I have my one trusty pair of jeans that are too small on me and my 3 T-shirts that I rotate as often as I have to based on smell. I do have a lot of pairs of socks because I’ve accumulated them over the years, they don’t match but they get the job done and I don’t really believe in underwear. I have the same pair of running shoes that I’ve had or about 7 years and that’s pretty much the story of me, but when Elisha Cuthbert pictures are being posted, I know that I’m not what you care about. I am a second rate citizen and can’t compete giving me more reason to hate this bitch for trying to steal my thunder. That said, she’s from Montreal and I’d love to find out what her home address is here so that I can invite myself over or Christmas Dinner. It’s probably a a lot better than the free shit they give you at the homeless shelter and it’s never too early to start planning.

BONUS – People Are Claiming This is A Nipple Slip…I Don’t See It…But Then Again…I’ve Had Sex

Posted in:Bikini|cleavage|Elisha Cuthbert

2008

May

Bai Ling Bikini Pics of the Day

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Bai Ling was out getting publicity by hanging out with her new friend and boyfriend Pink, which isn’t a very good name for anyone’s boyfriend, but when they wear women’s clothes it’s kinda accepted, despite how uncomfortable their twisted androgynist ways that lead to them wearing women’s clothing in the first place is. There’s pretty much nothing interesting to say about her, other than that she’s pretty skinny, but then again she’s Asian and I guess that just means she hasn’t found the great taste McDonald’s has to offer like all the other fat chinese people that are floating around. It’s not their fault it’s just the American Way.

Posted in:Bai Ling|Bikini

2008

May

Phoebe Price Bikini Pictures of the Day

2 Comments »

I don’t know how much Phoebe Price paid for this bikini photoshoot, but it is obviously staged and retouched. It was only last week when Phoebe Price made me sick to the stomach with her sloppy fuckin’ legs and I guess she realized that she had to redeem herself, because despite being useless to the world, she doesn’t think that she is. It’s the kind of delusion that allows fat chicks to wear spandex or ugly chicks to go to modeling casting calls because they’ve never been shut down in their life, despite a dire need for them to be shut down to save us the fuckin’ headaches of having to post about them and by us I mean me.

Posted in:Bikini|Phoebe Price

2008

May

Elisha Cuthbert Bikini Pictures of the Day

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Elisha Cuthbert is in Hawaii with her Calgary Flames hockey playing boyfriend and I find that shit offensive. We get it, you’re fuckin’ Canadian bitch, you like hockey so much that you have to let their dicks up inside your dumpy ass consistently and to you hockey players are some kind of royalty because in Canada that’s how shit works and Hockey is the only thing important because celebrities in Canada and movies and TV and Music from Canada are all lame . I know that I hate hockey and I fuckin’ hate hockey fans and up until last week, when the Montreal Canadians were thankfully eliminated from the series I couldn’t leave my motherfuckin’ house without seeing the fagiest fuckin’ flags on cars and shirts on every fuckin’ person like I was in some kind of Twilight Zone episode because t, like Cuthbert think Hockey is a fuckin’ religion and would probably jump on hockey dick the first chance they got even if they never experienced dick before because they feel that passionate about the shit. I don’t understand why people can’t be normal and just obsess over normal things like the Girl Next Door, but I guess it doesn’t matter when Cuthbert is in a bikini because her nipples are hot and her body looks pretty alright and if I was a hockey team I would totally gang-rape her too, because it’s not considered the gayest thing when you’re a pro athlete and you spend your entire life in a shower or changing room with a group of men you’re supposed to be brothers with and prove that bond by shoving broom sticks up each other’s asses as initiation.

Posted in:Bikini|Elisha Cuthbert

2008

May

Jennifer Aniston’s Bikini Pictures of the Day

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I guess Jennifer Aniston is trying to deal with failed relationships and the whole biological clock tickin’ shit by spending all her time on the beach in the sun while fucking John Mayer when he’s not too busy to fuck her, with what I hope is with a vasectomy dick, despite celebrities not being into the whole safe sex concept, because this bitch is hungry for babies. She’s the kind of girl who you have to bring your own condom for fear that she poked a hole in the shit and you have to either flush that fucker down the toilet or tie it up and stick it in your pocket because the second you pass out you know she’s got it flipped inside out in attempts to knock herself up. She’s the kind of girl who stopped taking the pill by conveniently doesn’t tell you and begs for you to cum inside her instead of on her tits like she normally wants which sets off alarms in your head that you don’t listen too because you’re about to bust inside Jennifer Aniston depsite how boring she looks in a bikini she’s still worth the fuck and if you’re someone like me, she’s worth knocking up because she’s probably a lot less annoying than my wife and has a lot more money and I think knocking her up is a fair trade off for a better lifestyle. I’m a whore like that.

Posted in:Ass|Bikini|Jennifer Aniston

2008

May

Josie Maran in an Affordable Bikini of the Day

5 Comments »

I hate Josie Maran. I called her a slut for getting pregnant a while ago and some psycho fan hacked my email and pretty much could have taken down this site about 2.5 years ago. It was the day I realized how there are actually people out there who think that they are in relationships with girls they see on the screen and have intense emotional attachments to these girls because they have nothing else going on in their lives and figured that there was a market to try to piss these people off everyday, so that’s what I set out to do, I am just not very good at it.

But it all started with Josie Maran and her allowing a man to come inside her. Either way, this is her in a bikini and she’s actually not too bad to look at. I guess I partially understand why someone would want to bang her enough to name is rubber vagina he built after her because she’s bounced back from what she did to herself but then again, I am basing it on ghetto pictures taken for a ghetto bikini company that probably paid her ghetto dollars to do this but can probably afford a ghetto graphic designer to photoshop this shit, so I guess this and saying she looks good is about as relevant as posting pics as her career that she hasn’t quite fully made a comeback to despite remaining completely insignificant. I’ll stop now.

Posted in:Bikini|Josie Maran

2008

May

Pink in a Bikini Top of the Day

1 Comment »

So I was hanging out outside the Maternity store again, not because I thought it would be funny to call the girls walking in sluts as they passed me by, or even give them the eye that I knew what went on in the bedroom to get them into this mess to begin with, but I was there because my wife is fat in the uterus and I like trying to buy shit designed for pregnant girls to hammer the idea in her head that she’s gotta hit the fuckin’ treadmill. I wasn’t actually going to buy her anything because she doesn’t deserve gifts but there was a hot girl who walked in there who I thought needed to be followed in and that’s the line I used to get her to try shit on for me. When I asked when the baby was due, she told me she was there for her sister and thanked me for destroying her self esteem. We really hit it off as she told me to fuck herself and walked away.

That’s when this bull dyke working the cash came up and asked me to leave. I asked her what it was like being amongst all these pregnant chicks all day knowing that she will never have a baby because society doesn’t approve of her having a baby because she’s a lesbian and that’s when she told me that she wasn’t a lesbian but in fact a gay dude named Frank who designs all the clothes in the motherfuckin’ store and that’s the gender confusion I think Pink goes through everyday. You know when a couple of dudes invite her out to the beach to pick up girls cuz they think she’s one of them and she pulls off her t-shirt only to show them her bikini top, making them think she’s playing some kind of practical joke because she’s the one in the group whos a total fuckin’ jokester and they are forced to gang rape out of anger for the lie she fed them and when they find out she has a pussy like that Boys Don’t Cry movie, cuz nothing says I am straight like fuckin’ my homie when I find out my homie has a cunt.

Either way, here she is in a bikini top so take it in as some kind of warning because if she ever comes to your small town lookin’ for friends and beggin’ to jump in on your pickup basketball game or night out at the stripclubs she’s desperate for friends and comes to you, you won’t get caught up in the lie.

Posted in:Bikini|Pink

2008

Apr

The O.P. Campaign Casts Trash of the Day

3 Comments »

Here’s some ghetto ad campaign for a ghetto bathing suit line that sells at Wal Mart and it’s starring a whole lot of useless people, like Rumer WIllis, Josie Maran, Kristin Cavallari, Christina Milian and some other assholes. They probably would have been better off hiring a whole group of no names who were actually worth lookin’ at in bikinis, not a group of ugly bitches and has-beens, but I guess there’s a reason why I am not a corporate marketing executive and instead spend my days on my couch.

I guess it’s nice to see Rumer Willis is still capable of smiling despite how fucking ugly her face is. I guess she’s got enough positive attention over the years that she doesn’t realize just how broken down she is. Maybe she’s just overjoyed at the fact that she landed some work or that someone actually asked her to get half naked and she’s up on this for free just for the chance to show the world that she’s good enough to fuck from behind. That’s assuming the company actually paid her, which I highly fuckin’ doubt and would make sense considering Wal Mart brands don’t have much budget. It’s like her big break because the last time anyone asked her to take off her clothes was her doctor and he was just checking to see if she had all her lady parts because her jaw threw him off and I guess there was that time that a kid in her class tried to fuck her in hopes of selling the sex tape to her parents to prevent public embarrassment when the world saw her penis shaped clit.

It doesn’t matter, what does matter is that Ashlee Simpson’s wife didn’t feel up to getting out in a bikini, I guess the whole marriage thing has lead her to let herself go a little.

Either way, here are the pictures of the stupid campaign.