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Archive for the Bikini Category

2008

21

Apr

Jennifer Aniston Bikini Pictures of the Day

Jennifer Aniston was out in a bikini this weekend and you probably were too, which is a little awkward since it belonged to your sister and you were wearing it while watching porn because it makes you feel pretty. I guess Jennifer Aniston’s sex life involves a lot of porn since she hasn’t fully recovered from losing Brad Pitt to Angelina. The truth is that Aniston looks pretty good but there’s just something about her that makes her have little to no sex appeal. I remember watching Friends in the 90s because it was the only place to find hard nipples on prime time TV, making her like the only girl in your class willing to fuck you amongst a group of other girls a false sense of being hot.

This post is as boring as these pictures but that’s just the way it is when you’re dealing with Jennifer Aniston. The only thing interesting about her is that this Greek ass likes getting fucked because that’s just the Greek way…..and your way cuz you’re gay…way to gay….

Posted in:Ass|Bikini|Jennifer Aniston

2008

21

Apr

Fergie Bikini Pictures of the Day

I met a girl where I meet all the girls I know and that’s at the stripclub this weekend. Strippers always act like they are celebrities, or unattainable, or more important than they are and try their best to avoid having to talk to me and when they do they try to make me feel like I’m lucky to be talking to them, but the truth is that it’s one of the only places where 10 dollars puts that ego aside and leads to me grabbing their tits within about a minute of approaching them. The are just high volume shitty prostitutes that try to convince themselves that they are celebrities and I like to single out the one with the most attitude to use.

Either way, this weekend, the stripper was some fitness bitch who was more acrobatic than the other lazy sluts. She was bouncing off the walls, flipping herself in all ways possible and knew how to work the crowd because she spread her ass apart on stage like it was a cheap porno shoot. She had a hard face from years of smoking, drinking and drugs and her body was fuckin’ tight and she was doing it all to a Fergie song and I thought that I just witnessed some kind of ironic moment, but don’t know what the word ironic means so can’t be too sure….

Here’s Fergie in a bikini from this past weekend with her tight body and hard face….unfortunately she’s not spreading her ass like my Fergie was, but I guess this is as close as she gets….since she’s famous and doesn’t need to do it to pay her rent which is really too bad because Fergie was a drug addicted child star who burnt through all her money and could have either gone deeper into the gutter, but somehow managed to get out that makes us the real losers in this whole recovery shit…

Posted in:Ass|Bikini|Fergie|Tits

2008

15

Apr

Sienna Miller’s Hot Cocaine Body Rocks a Cameltoe in a Bikini of the Day

Sienna Miller is good to go. She’s got an amazing cocaine body and I love that she doesn’t mind showing it off like some free spirited vegan feminist in sandals with a huge bush, but unlike the vegan feminist, Sienna Miller doesn’t rip cocks off men everywhere and hold them over her head like she’s carrying some Olympic torch in her quest to take the penis down, but instead begs for it to be stuck inside her because it’s a lazy day and she just feels like smoking some cigarettes, drinking some wine and laying on white linens naked all day after getting fucked.

Sure it could just be misrepresentation and misinterpretation, but she seems to be the good kind of hippie, the kind who is into fucking but who lives in luxury lofts, wears designer clothes and has enough money to pay me child support after I K-Fed her. Not that I ever will, but you get what I’m saying here, her vagina’s so hungry it’s eating her white bikini bottoms and that to me is enough proof of what I just wrote. Reality is that none of us will find out, but you can try to pretend you are while masturbating. It wouldn’t be a first time for you…at least you’re giving your dead relatives who are watching over you something to watch and by watch I mean be ashamed of…I guess it’s your kind of over-acheiving or some shit, you know adding chronic masturbater to being an unemployed, overweight loser on welfare in his mom’s basement is kind of an achievement.

Posted in:Bikini|Cameltoe|Cocaine|Sienna Miller

2008

15

Apr

Michael Caine’s Got Some Hot Pussy of the Day

Michael Caine hanging out with some slut who isn’t his wife is pretty awesome, but not as awesome as menopause. Nothing turns a woman into a squared out dump truck quite like hormonal changes in her body. Aging is a glorious thing, where skin loses it’s elasticity and falls off your bones and your ass becomes a sack of fucking shit and not just a tool used to fill a bag with shit. I have no idea who this chubby, dumpy girl is, but seeing her gives me a total fuckin’ boner, but that’s just because I can tell she’s easy and would appreciate any attention she gets because that is all part of the beauty of fleeting beauty.

Posted in:Bikini|Michael Caine

2008

14

Apr

Pink in a Bikini of the Day

Image Removed due to Papparazzi

Here are some pictures of Pink in a bikini and I am tired of saying she’s a man, or she’s done a good job tucking her dick into her bikini or that it’s really funny whenever guys dress up in their girlfriends bikini while drunk on the resort or some shit…..

The truth is that Pink is not a man, she’s just ugly, and the only thing she’s got in common with a man is the fact that she likes licking pussy. She’s got pretty much no sex appeal whatsoever but I am sure she’s quite the hit in the lesbian bars because she’s obviously a fuckin’ bull dyke.

She can’t trick me with her lesbian lover who looks a lot like a dude, the pregnant man who was on Oprah ruined it for all the transgendered people out there, and we are onto you motherfucker. I was at a bar this weekend and some hipster weirdness in a pair of sparkley leggings and a maternity shirt was in the bathroom next to me. I called him out on being the pregnant dude from Oprah and he didn’t laugh he just looked at me in a way that screamed no matter how long they fight for their rights to be themselves, there’s still going to be a drunk Mexican dude to shit on them and the fruity way we dress.

That fact that she’s trying to look dainty and girlie in a bikini to prove that she’s the girl in the relationship doesn’t help their case. We’ve all heard her sing and normally when girls sing well it turns me on, because all I think about is that girl singing angelically in the bedroom and whenever I see a girl rockin’ a mic, all I think about is how it would be so fun to shove it up her ass while she’s sucking me off, but then again I always think about shoving things in girls’ asses when they’re sucking me off, it’s kind of a problem.

Unfortunately, when I look at Pink, the only thing I think about is clenching my ass so she doesn’t shove weird things into me and when she busts out in song with all her raspy feminist angst anthems, the only time I am willing to bring that into the bedroom is if I am trying to convince a hot lesbian that I used to be a chick and that this thing in my pants is just an over-sized clit, which is usually a pretty easy fucking sell because penises don’t come this small and because straight guys don’t listen to Pink. You should try it out.


The paparazzi are cocksuckers and are trying to take me down just as hard as they took these pictures of Pink that I had to take down because they are assholes but you can find them HERE

Posted in:Bikini|Pink|Slut

2008

14

Apr

Sienna Miller is Showing Some Tit on the Beach of the Day

Sienna Miller looks like a girl who likes to fuck, but then again so do most girls, but that’s just because I am a pervert and look at the world through my own kind of rose colored glasses where every girl I come across is a total slut in my fantasies and love taking it from every angle. It makes life a lot more fun to live, which is something I need because pretty much all other aspects of my life are some kind of sick joke that God’s playing on me, not to mention that even my rose-colored glasses view on the world has a serious downside and that is that none of those sluts are getting with me.

Speaking of sluts who aren’t getting down with me, here are some pictures of Sienna Miller running around on the beach and in the ocean like some kind of girl on vacation because she has made enough money to keep her out of having a normal 9-5 career where she has to sleep with her boss to get a raise or even a career stripping, but the good news is that she’s still doing the whole getting naked for money shit, just on a hire pay scale and in the movies so that she can easily convince us that it’s her craft and not using her body for profit, not that it takes any convincing for any of us because we like looking at it.

The truth is that all girls should take her lead, there’s really no purpose for bikini tops, it’s just some conservative American formality that takes away from my fun. They just get in the way, they leave annoying tan lines like some kind of Playboy Model, Pornstar or slut from the 90s and hide a natural tool used to feed our offspring that we should be celebrating. Covering them up isn’t giving them the justice they deserve, it’s some oppressive shit and the truth is that they are often more interesting to look at then the slut they belong to so if there’s one body part you shouldn’t be allowed to show off, it’s that ugly face of yours, so wrap it up like you’re in Muslim country now and show me your motherfucking tits, like Sienna Miller’s doing…..

Posted in:Bikini|Sienna Miller|Topless

2008

11

Apr

Serena Williams Lookin’ Hot in a Bikini of the Day

I’d say that these are pictures of Kim Kardashian in a bikini because I like bad jokes, but I don’t want to lie to you guys for the sake of a bad joke. The truth is that this bitch is the complete opposite of Kim Kardashian because she’s actually an athlete, while Kardashian just sits around and eats all day. Sure, she looks fatter than the widow who spends her days at Dunkin Donuts since her husband died since she doesn’t know what to do with herself but eat because he was her life, but the truth is that she’s some kind of champion.

I am guessing that she’s bulky as fuck because of extreme muscles, like this old body builder I drink with who did his fair share of steroids but now looks like Oprah, but all I see when I look at her is some kind of pro wrestler and not a dainty little tennis player and that’s probably why she always wins, it’s like going up against a tank and usually tanks are hard to take out.

I am convinced that she’s one of those Ladybug situations, where a dude dresses like a girl and cleans up because guys are better than girls at sports, but I guess no matter what she is she’s disgusting and here she is in a bikini…..

Posted in:Bikini|Serena Williams|Tennis

2008

10

Apr

Natalie Pinkham Bikini Pictures Day Two of the Day

I posted pictures of Natalie Pinkham in her bikini yesterday. She’s some kind of TV personality in the UK that my one UK reader never heard of. I generally don’t take anyone who reads this site’s word on anything, because I can only assume they are as useless as me so I’m stickin’ to my story and even if she’s an unknown, someone’s taking pictures of her so she’s important enough to post here.

This as her second day in a bikini, forces me to reflect on my experience with her yesterday. I ripped into her for having a vulgar last name, not vulgar in a good way like “DrippyCunt” or “AnalWhore” but in a name that made me think of eating a ham sandwich and not the kind attached to a hot chick, but a 3 day old one that I found in the trash and had no choice to eat because my drinking left me on the street and it was the only food I could get my hands on.

The good news is that with a new bikini comes a whole new outlook on life and I realize that complaining about a girl’s name is pretty fuckin’ weak. The reality is that I am a horny fuck and her body looks pretty fucking good to me. A name really means nothing and bitch could not only be named PileOfShit but also smell like a pile of shit and I’d still try to pretend I was a grain of sand as I irritated her pussy while she laid there in her wet bikini drying off in the sun. When she’d ask me what the fuck I was doing, I wouldn’t answer because I’m that good of an actor and everyone knows that sand can’t speak.

Posted in:Ass|Bikini|Natalie Pinkham|Wet

2008

10

Apr

Mischa Barton Bikini Pictures of the Day

I was trying to start up a paparazzi agency this morning and realized that I could never pull it off. I’ve been to LA before and when there I never ran into any celebrities on the street and I didn’t see any paparazzi, nipple slips, upskirts or bikini pictures either. I figure that the only way these fuckers land pictures of the celebrity is because they are hired by the celebrity take them and since I am pretty much a nobody, there’s no way I’ll be getting calls from publicists to show up at celebrity backyards with photo equipment that I use to make look like I was hiding in the hedge to snap off the pics of them smoking in their bikinis or cuddling up to another celebrity in some staged bullshit that they want to make look as real as possible so that people start talking about them in a positive light again.

I could be wrong but that’s the only explanation I have for Mischa’s dumpy body lookin’ a whole lot less dumpy and her chillin’ on the beach in a bikini that was just happened to be caught by a photographer looks more posed than my family portrait we got done at Sears in 1995 and that hangs proudly over the hole in the wall that would have been a fireplace if my shitty apartment wasn’t a crack den.

Get a bitch in a bikini and it’ll make us all forget about her negative press because we are fuckin’ cavemen and the smell of a half naked bitch makes us forget how fuckin’ useless she is.

To prove my point that this shit’s been lit, photoshopped and taken at a better than good angle, I’m talking miracle angle that I need to have any pictures of me taken from to make me look less like a homeless person who’s been dumpster diving outside McDonald’s the last 15 years for 18 hours a day scraping up the equivalet of 30 Big Macs a day and more like some good lookin’ male model that I feel I am on the inside, look at these pics of her fat fuckin’ ass and cellulite from the other day

Posted in:Bikini|Mischa Barton

2008

09

Apr

Tori Spelling Pregnant Bikini Pictures of the Day

Tori Spelling is disgusting so it’s not surprising that she’s celebrating that she’s been knocked up by running around in a bikini. It’s her way of letting us all know that some dude was willing to get up in that and that we’ve missed our window because she’s a taken women. It’s her big fuck you to everyone who ever slept with her but insisted on using a condom so that they never have to be stuck to answering to her for the rest of the kid’s life and like all pregnant girls who pull themselves away from the toilet long enough to do some kind of photoshoot, she’s showing off the battle wounds of sex, that are just going to get worse when the baby pops out of her leaving her with even less sex appeal than she had before this whole mess. Pregnancy is only a beautiful thing to the girls who are pregnant because all their friends tell them how beautiful they look while under their breath are thankful it’s not them. Not to mention, they only hang with a pregnant chicks to make themselves more appealing. It’s like how chicks hang with ugly girls to make themselves look hotter because standing next to a knocked up bitch makes any girl look skinny and desirable, because only really desperate assholes with sick festishes are horny enough to hustle a pregnant chick, so hanging with a pregnant chick is also a filter because that is the kind of guy no girl wants to mistakenly have a one night stand with unless of course she’s pregnant and wants to be naughty for a night, because it’s pretty clear that they already put out.

Here’s Tori in her bikini….

Posted in:Bikini|Pregnant|Tori Spelling