Bikini Archives - Page 69 of 93 Archive - DrunkenStepFather.com

Archive for the Bikini Category

2008

Apr

Olivia Munn Bikini in Jamaica of the Day

So I don’t really know who Oliva Munn is, but know she has a huge geek following, at least enough of one to have found and released pictures stolen from her Myspace while sitting on it waiting for this day to come for the last 5 months, that I had no choice but to post it….

Since Oliva Munn is on some Geek TV channel with some Geek TV show that actually featured me once, I have no choice but to post her bikini pictures on this site to accommodate the one virginal motherfuckers who found me while jerking off to her show while building his Star Trek model. If only you could channel that brain power and multitasking skills into something a little more productive, you’d have a better chance of moving out of your mom’s basement and break into the real world where real girls could be drunk enough to let you manipulate them to go back to your apartment to fuck, but I guess that’s a shitty trade off from always having food in the fridge and your laundry folded and bed always made, because sex is scary, especially when it’s uncharted territory….

Either way, It’s my way of paying G4TV back

Posted in:Bikini|Olivia Munn

2008

Apr

Kim Kardashian Knows She’s Fat of the Day

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So Kim Kardashian continues to offer absolutely nothing of substance to the world as she sits around in a bathing suit taking in some sun like the useless whore that shit is. It’s like some of us slowly wait for death to save us by hiding behind our computers or going to our shitty jobs or occasionally by doing something life changing for sick kids or AIDS or some shit, and people like Kim Kardashian just live a life of vacation.

The good news is that bitch realizes that she’s a fat slob and decides to bust out the sarong or whatever the fuck those wraps chubby chicks use to cover their asses when they rock their bathing suits because they aren’t fat enough yet to justify swimming in a T-shirt. I know some of you like this whore and her ability to eat lots of food and stock that shit on her ass, so I am posting it, but I think the reality is that I just like outing “sex symbols” or at least bitches who think they are sex symbols for the sloppy bodies they are. I’ve known my fair share of fat chicks who like getting fucked on video because they have no shame and don’t want to admit they are fat and because they like the extra money it gives them to put into their eating habit and I guess Kim Kardashian is just like them.

In a few months, I predict her stomach catching up to her ass and tits and I’ll be posting pictures of her sitting on her couch eating a bag of chips watching Soap Operas or pictures of her struggling her way up a set of stairs. Obesity isn’t a disease, it’s just laziness and I hate all of you who try to argue with me that she’s not fat because I think shit’s pretty obvious or at least obvious enough to Kim Kardashian to cover her ice cream eating ass up. This is just a taste of what’s to come and Kim is probably excited about that, but then again she seems like she’s excited to taste pretty much everything that crosses paths with her and that’s the reason she’s got into this whole mess.

Posted in:Bikini|Fat|Kim Kardashian

2008

Apr

Natalie Pinkham is Some UK News Person in a Bikini of the Day

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Here’s some UK TV personality on the beach with her fit fuckin’ body in a bikini grabbing at her friends ass. Unfortunately with a name like Pinkham, I can’t look at her in a good way. Shit’s vile sounding and reminds me of 2 fat chicks going at each other’s pussies like they skipped a meal and are starving to death.I am surprised that he censors allow that shit on TV or that she hasn’t changed her shit to something a little nicer to the ear like “Pinkslit” or “Pinkpie” or “Pinkclam”, but ham…that shit’s not even good on Easter dinner or on a sandwich on a hot summer afternoon at the trailer park after wrestling the big ol’ pig in the backyard before killing him and eating him to feel like the boss in those parts.

The name takes away from the pussy definition you can make out while she waterskis like some kind of clown, kinda like the time I pulled down a girl’s underwear to go down on her and she had skid marks in her underwear. It didn’t stop me but it also smelled like shit. It’s actually not really the same thing at all but I am feeling hungover and I’ve done too many posts today.

Posted in:Bikini|Natalie Pinkham

2008

Apr

Marla Maples and Her Boy Toy on the Beach of the Day

9 Comments »

So Marla Maples is pretty much only famous for being breaking up billionaire Donald Trump’s marriage to Ivana Trump after getting knocked up at 20 years old by him and shotgun marrying him before having his baby, making her pretty much set for life.

The good news is that the 45 year old uses her free time, which she has a lot of, because when you’re set for life after letting a billionaire cum in you back in ’84, you don’t have to get a job waitressing to pay the rent like you would have if you hadn’t used your young kinda hot at the time, powersuit wearing looks to get ahead, and by get ahead I mean trick a billionaire into marrying you after flipping the condom inside out and impregnating your 20 year old womb.

But she can use all that free time from being rich by association to go to the gym like it was a full time to stay fit for her 31 year old reality star from The Bachelor named Andy Baldwin, because holding onto your youth is a something most chicks want, but normally can’t pull off because oreos are just too damn good.

Either way, here are her abs in her bikini with her younger boyfriend who obviously sees a golden opportunity just like his girlfriend did back when she was his age. They do have so much in common….

Posted in:Bikini|Boy Toy|Cradle Robber|Marla Maples

2008

Apr

Janice Dickinson is Hot in a Bikini of the Day

5 Comments »

Janice Dickinson makes me feel like an asshole for jerking off to the geriatric aquarobics class at my local community center when there are elderly women out there who still look better than the younger chicks I’ve seen naked.

I know she’s had a lot of work done and is pretty much 80 percent made of plastic but shit’s working for me. Sure her ass is sloppy and her skin is leathery but if you saw the 50 year old bitches who I’ve been with, you’d think of me in a totally different way, or maybe you would expect it from me, it doesn’t matter. What does matter is that what it comes down to is that old ladies are easy, willing, experienced and can’t get pregnant because of their dried up wombs, pretty much the perfect situation to have, except for the grey pussy hair, impending smell of death and most importantly the constant harassment of making sure I didn’t want another freshly baked cookie after eating 6.

Here is some more Janice Dickinson bikini action because she hasn’t died of heat exhaustion like my 60 year old neighbor did last summer during the heat wave and that’s worth celebrating….

Posted in:Bikini|Hot|Janice Dickinson

2008

Apr

Hulk Hogan’s New Pussy of the Day

8 Comments »

Tanning expert Hulk Hogan has a pretty good deal. He’s sitting on a fat bank account while all the other trash from Tampa who he grew up with are collecting welfare checks or working shitty jobs to pay for their shitty trailer park homes. Now he decided to take the attention away from his rich brat of a son’s almost murderous car accident by staging a divorce from his useless ex-stripper lookin wife, who pretty much let him do whatever he wanted before the accident because she doesn’t want to lose that meal ticket. But now he gets to do it in public and that makes fucking new pussy all the more exciting.

Anyway, in making their story more believable he’s gone out and got himself a girlfriend who looks like she could be his illegitimate daughter with another stripper he spent his first wrestling check on 30 years ago, which would explain why she’s so fuckin’ clingy. It’s one of those “daddy where were you all my life, you asshole, but I am so happy to have you back in it, because mommy fucked so many dudes during that period of her life that we never knew we’d track him down, but sure glad we did because it turns out you have lots of money you’ll be forced to leave to me cuz of genetics” situation, only this time instead of the usual giving her the last 30 years of birthday and christmas gifts that most dads who get tracked down with paternity test technology, he’s giving her his cock.

She’s ugly, has fake tits and looks like an older version of his daughter and younger version of his wife, making Hulk feel like he’s living the good life he could only dream of back when he was growing up wrestling alligators at Busch Gardens..before he was the Hulkster….

Posted in:Bikini|Girlfriend|Hulk Hogan

2008

Apr

Tiffani Amber Thiessen Bikini Vacation Pics of the Day

15 Comments »

It looks like when you’re Saved By The Bell, you’re not saved from middle-aged weight gain. I always had a feeling that this bitch had too much of a body at a young age to fight the inevitable which is that it just doesn’t stop until your hit by a bus while trying to cross the street on your state issued disability scooter, but the good news for Tiffani Amber is that she’s made enough money to not that phase her and that allows her to go romp around in her bikini “cliff” jumping with the girls like adult life was summer camp all the fuckin’ time.

I know she’s not that fat, but give her a couple years because my keen eye sees that shit coming faster than you do – pretty much anytime a girl offers you sex. It’s called pre-premature ejaculation and happens before the girl even gets naked for you. It’s pretty sad, but you could be worse off, at least that’s what you can tell yourself to make the pain less painful.

Posted in:Bikini|Fun|Tiffani Amber Thiessen|Vacation

2008

Apr

Janice Dickinson Stays Active of the Day

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I think after doing this site for close to 4 years, I have finally come to terms with the fact that I am some kind of sick pervert with major psychological issues. I don’t really feel bad about it because I am not hurting anyone in the process and after talking to people over the years realize that my sick demented perversions are like kindergarden on the scale of perversion. I am like when you get with with a girl and she sticks her finger in your ass or wants to roll play on the most basic level and not perverted when a girl starts busting out strap ons or introducing trannies to the bedroom or making you pretend to be her dad by wearing his favorite sweater and doing it on his favorite chair while he watches. It is tame and harmless and unfortunately for me it finds Janice Dickinson pretty fuckin’ hot, even with her old lady skin hanging off her skinny little body. She looks tight for an old lady, which may not be saying much because I can guarantee that vagina is like a Yaros, built from the inside out and perfect for bringing home your groceries, but there’s just something about her that is hot.

I guess her stamina is also part of the reason I want to watch her fuck. All this running around and shit and she didn’t drop dead from a heart attack or stroke. I hear a lifetime of eating disorders, drug and alcohol abuse destroys hearts, but I guess those scientists were wrong. Even though, I know that anytime I have a coke binge or drink too much or even smoke one too many cigars, the thought of getting off my couch makes my heart skip a couple of beats and leaves me out of breath and clinging to my wife’s thigh for the life of me – like shit’s all about to end…it never does though…unfortunately.

Posted in:Active|Bikini|Hot|Janice Dickinson

2008

Apr

Pamela Bach is the Reason for Hasselhoff’s Drinking of the Day

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You may not know who Pamela Bach is, but she is the reason David Hasselhoff turned to the bottle. Everyone thought that it was because he was David Hasselhoff and the only way he was able to live with himself and his joke of a career was to spend his earnings drinking , but instead it was because of whatever hostage crisis this bitch put him through when she married him to be part of his prestigious life and by prestigious I mean second rate TV show celebrity. I am not sure what is more amazing, the fact that girls are so easily impressed by a dude after a life of disappointment that all you need to do is get on a shitty TV show to get in their pants because they think you are famous enough to let in their vagina and impregnate them, because the last guy who they let do that worked as a trucker in their home town and was a good customer at the dinner they worked at, or the fact that David Hasselhoff was able to convince a girl to marry him despite being an embarrassment to both his family and anyone who ever crossed paths with him. Unfortunately for the Hoff, he jumped at the first vagina that came his way and had no idea that she was more primate than human on that evolutionary chart leading to alcoholism just to fall asleep at night and now alcoholism to just deal with the aftermath of the marriage. I’m sure we’ve all been there and banged girls we shouldn’t have just because they offered and we knew better than to say no because we didn’t know the next time it would happen again and the good news for Hasselhoff is that we now have a little more sympathy for that fucker.

Posted in:Bikini|Hasselhoff|Pamela Bach

2008

Apr

Mena Suvari’s Thong Bikini of the Day

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Here are some pictures of Mena Suvari rockin’ a thong bikini because she’s so hardcore that she doesn’t care if people see her in a thong. She is like every Russian person vacationing on the beaches of Vietnam who seem to love wearing the smallest bathing suits possible like it ain’t a thang when it definitely is a thang because they are fucking old, fat and disgusting. Maybe it’s a communist thing and they feel so liberated that they don’t have to wear rationed state-issued bathing suits and dress like their comrades so they get ridiculous, but I know it is the kind of ridiculous that makes vacationing at Russian hotspots an experience that will test your sexuality and leave you asexual for a little while before coming back and getting back to the porn you are used to.

I never thought Mena Suvari was much to look at, her wonky head brought back memories of retards walking down the street with helmets on holding a rope so none of them get lost and her body is a little too stacked making me think she’s either a lesbian or some kind of female body builder. She’s with some shaved head dude who probably has a penis so that theory is thrown into the lesbian filing cabinet, unless of course that is just a chick tanning topless with a shaved head who does the whole bull dyke, sexually ambiguous thing better than a plaid shirt/construction boot, crew cut wearing fat dyke I’ve seen, because lets face it, based on his stance he looks like the kind of asshole who spends more time in front of a mirror making sure his Tattoos show off through the collar and sleeves of his shirt just right and that his sunglasses are on just right before leaving the house, something an average dude with a normal dude wouldn’t bother with, unless he was going through some kind of sexually identity crisis. That’s just my theory but I have been wrong before…in fact, I am pretty much always wrong.

Posted in:Bikini|Mena Suvari|Thong