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Archive for the Bikini Category

2008

19

May

Lindsay Lohan in Her Bikini of the Day

5 Comments »

Lohan was out in her bikini this weekend, while I was out wondering the streets all alone, hoping something interesting came my way. It never did. I guess it’s pretty obvious that her life is better than mine and to make matters worse, that whole Facebook Lohan was all a lie and the Lohan who was sending me messages was a fake and not the real Lohan reaching out to profess her love for me while declaring that all these years I’ve been watching her, she’s been watching me. I am pretty much over it.

I was talking to a girl I know who has slept with hundreds of dudes, I like to call her my little Lohan even though she’s about 200 pounds. We were talking about STDs and abortions and she claims to have never had either despite never using condoms. I tried to explain to her that it’s a number games and she’s either lying to me or the luckiest slut in the world, but then I got to thinking that maybe STDs and pregnancy are just a myth and that you should bang every girl you come across unprotected to prove the media and their scare tactics wrong. But then I realized that this 200 pound bitch’s uterus was probably eaten by her hungry stomach one day when she skipped lunch in some attempt to have a fashionable eating disorder before realizing how much she needs food and more importantly that every dude she’s been with had to have been a 25 year old virgin because no matter how horny a guy is, there is no way he’d get up in that unless it was for practice in hope of landing a real girl.

Either way, here’s Lohan in a bikini and I still want to play with her vagina, but that’s probably just because I have no friends and figure that her vagina is pretty friendly and doesn’t discriminate new people it meets….

Posted in:Bikini|Lindsay Lohan

2008

19

May

Britney Spears Costa Rican Bikini of the Day

8 Comments »

When I see Britney Spears in Costa Rica, I think about how much the salt water must burn her pussy, but that burn probably goes away after the infection caused by leaving a tampon in for 3 months because she forgot it inside her clears up, leaving her vibrant and fresh smelling for a change and by vibrant and fresh smelling I mean fat but not too fat.

I am convinced that in 6 months from now, Britney is going to be fit and as hot as she used to be but a little more fun to fuck than she used to be because crazy girls are wild in bed and 18 year old popstars are too shy and insecure to show you a good time, making it feel like you are raping her everytime you fuck her, which is something she needs to go through to get to the point of crazy that makes her good in bed,

So don’t believe everything you read, those rumors that rape ruin people is just bad publicity for rape, because every girl I know who has unwillingly had sex with a man because she was drunk or asleep needed that to teach her what guys really want. Don’t get me wrong, I am not talking about the kind of rape that leaves a girl passed out in a ditch or parking garage battered with a pair of bloody panties and turns her into a lesbian, I am talking about the good kind of rape that is more of an educational experience that happens on dates across america on a regular basis.

Either way, here’s Britney in Costa Rica, I wonder if she’s had a chance to play with the monkeys, you know dressing them up and pretending they are her babies that the law wrongfully took her away and left her broken down and a disaster that I want to bang, but I have no standards.

Posted in:Bikini|Britney Spears|Costa Rica

2008

16

May

Laura Vandevoort on Set in a Bikini of the Day

1 Comment »

Laura Vandervoort is some no-name Canadian actress who has been in a whole lot of shitty Canadian productions that I’ve never seen despite being in Canada, but you probably have because one of those shows is Smallville and it’s about Superman and you just can’t get enough of Superman because his strength always gets you through the ruff patches.

She is in the In the Deep 2 movie that Audrina is in and I hear she was casted because of her hot body and not so much because of her 2005 Wizard Magazine award for her role as Supergirl. Wizard Magazine is just the reason why you know who she is, because like Superman, you can’t get enough of Wizard Magazine because it keeps you in the loop of all things virgin dudes are into and you pride yourself on that.

Either way, she looks pretty fuckin’ good in a bikini, even for a Canadian, who you wouldn’t expect to have much of a beach body, but you would expect them to have a pretty solid snow shoveling arm.

Posted in:Bikini|Laura Vandervoort

2008

16

May

Audrina on the Set of Her New Shitty Movie of the Day

2 Comments »


So the formula for useless slut success is pretty simple. Get fake tits, suck the right dick to end up on a shitty MTV show that for some reason is a huge success because people obviously have nothing better to do with their time. because they are even more useless than the fake tit sluts on the show.

That popularity leads to shitty movie roles like to the sequel to a Jessica Alba movie that only got an audience because Alba was in a bikini the whole fuckin’ time and the movie companies know that we’re easily manipulated. Unfortunately, the next round doesn’t have as much of a budget and they couldn’t get Alba because she’s pregnant and too expensive, so they took the next best thing, someone who wasn’t scared that a role that shitty would ruin their career but would instead think of it as an opportunity of a lifetime and that person is Audrina from the Hills.

Posted in:Audrina Patridge|Bikini

2008

15

May

Lily Allen Covers Up in a Bikini of the Day

3 Comments »

Lily Allen didn’t end up killing herself yesterday to find her miscarriage in heaven, but she did decide to cover up her dirty fat chick tits. I can only assume that the biggest disappointment for her in losing the baby was that she was never going to get her big pregnant tits to balance out that ass of hers. I guess she could always go out and get implants but there’s no real challenge in goin’ under the knife, all it takes is money and based on today’s world useless bitches everywhere seem to have no problem having more money than me. That’s not really saying much considering the dude who collects cans from the trash all day has more money than me, but he does work a lot harder than I do.

Posted in:Bikini|Lily Allen

2008

13

May

Tara Reid Rockin’ Out on the Bikini Because It’s All She Does of the Day

5 Comments »

It turns out that even party sluts need a break every once in a while, you know sometimes they just want to put the binge drinking, late night coke parties, random hook ups, dancing on the bar in a bikini top like an eternal spring break party on the back burner to feel like a normal person. They usually do this by settling down with some random guy they met in the club and it lasts for about a week, until she realizes how fuckin’ boring relationships are and she ends up sneaking out when dude is asleep and goes back to her party slut ways.

The good news is that in the meantime, Tara Reid is settling down by getting in a bikini on the beach with the dude she’s using to feel like a normal 35 year old, because bitch’s body looks pretty fuckin’ banging and drunk or not, I’m down with staring at it.


See More High Res Pics of Tara Reid in Her Bikini in the Forum
GO

Posted in:Ass|Bikini|Tara Reid

2008

12

May

Heidi Klum is Rockin’ Out in a Bikini of the Day

1 Comment »

I was served by the hottest lookin girl I had ever seen at a store today. Her face was flawless and I was wondering why she was working such a shitty job when she probably had the potential of making a hell of a lot more money if she just used her looks to get ahead. I was tempted to tell her how hot she was and how she should be doing something better than an 8 dollar an hour gig because I know way uglier chicks than her making 50,000 dollars a month just getting naked and doing lesbian shit online, but I wasn’t in the mood to socialize because I am socially awkward and always seem to say the wrong thing. Like this weekend, when I told a girl she was haggard in efforts to make her laugh before realizing that girls don’t find being called haggard all that funny. Anyway, this seemingly hot chick moved away from the counter she was hiding from and from the tits down she was obese. I am not talking a little obese like a girl who just needs to jog for a couple of months, I am talking fat camp obese and I took my food and walked away confused at what my brain just went through because this girl went from being smokin’ hot to being scary and fat in a matter of seconds and I just don’t have the capacity to process that shit fast enough.

Here are some pictures of Heidi Klum on the beach in a bikini which isn’t anything abnormal since we’ve seen her half naked over the course of her career, but I guess it’s safe to say that despite still being hot, she’s not where she used to be and I can only blame Seal for ruining her in more ways than just her post pregnancy body, if you know what I mean.

Posted in:Bikini|Heidi Klum

2008

12

May

Elisha Cuthbert is Still in Her Bikini of the Day

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Image Removed due to Papparazzi

Elisha Cuthbert is still on the beach, but then again these pictures could be a couple of days old – I am not entirely on the ball when it comes to this shit. I have a few issues with the site, mainly that I could be getting sued for the use of copyrighted images despite taking down the images within 24 hours of receiving notice of who the pictures actually belong to because when I post them I have no idea who took them. I know this shit is repetitive and I am trying to figure out how to work around it, but there really is no way and as bigger corporations make their way onto the internet, running personal sites like this and running commentary on shit I find online is becoming harder to do. I don’t know what the future of the site is but I wanted to let you know that a lawsuit could be hitting soon and it’s kinda putting a damper on my day, kinda like how you feel after seeing your celebrity girlfriend who you thought you had a chance with because she’s not all that famous out in Hawaii with a richer more successful and famous dude than you, because you can be pretty sure if they are on a resort together, they are definitely havin sex with each other.

Posted in:Bikini|Elisha Cuthbert

2008

12

May

Bai Ling’s Tits on the Beach of the Day

1 Comment »

The good news about Bai Ling is that despite having little to do with her time, she still manages to find a way to show the world her huge dark nipples. I have never really had the experience of getting with a girl who has nipples like this and that’s probably a good thing because I know that any bitch packing a mini dick on her tits would use that shit to to prison rape me every time I cheat on them in hopes of getting with a nipple that is less like suckin’ a dick and more like being with a chick.

I realize that every other site that talks about her nipples are saying the same thing about her, but there’s really only so much you can say about a girl who manages to show her nipples more than any other person all while no one knows who the fuck she is or what she has done or is doing. It’s like every time she shows up to an event and finds herself not on the list because no one knows who she is, she manages to get in because the people working the door know they have seen her nipples on the internet and that must mean she’s someone and that her name not being on the list is just some kind of mistake.

Either way, if I like how despite having something she should probably be insecure about, like someone with 3 nipples who won’t take her shirt off in public or or someone with a retardedly large testicle who won’t have sex with girls becuase of embarrassment, Bai Ling still manages to bust that shit out like she doesn’t give a fuck about it, I think it could be a language barrier.

Posted in:Bai Ling|Beach|Bikini|Nipple

2008

12

May

Jennifer Aniston is in the Pool with John Mayer of the Day

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John Mayer is the sloppy second predator. He finds these recently broken hearted girls who are down on their luck when it comes to love and feel like shit about themselves, making them an easy target to bed. He is the rebound king, but probably doesn’t play basketball, because he spent most of his youth playing the piano instead like some kind of homo, a homo who no girls around him would have sex with cuz he was the loser music class all star and apparently that didn’t go as far as being captain of the school sports team.

The good news for him is that in his time alone he realized that to get over one guy a girl gets under the first guy that comes her way and as long as he is the first guy she gets under, he gets all the rewards of her previous sex-life with her longterm relationship she is just trying to get over. So he treats them all special and makes them laugh knowing that it probably won’t take up more than 6 weeks of his time and in those 6 weeks will get unprotected sex, anal sex and all the other things the last guy had to work hard to get the slut to do, all without any work because the girl he is dealing with is trying to get back at the last dude.

I know that Jennifer Aniston’s last long term relationship was 3 kids ago, but she’s still raging on the inside and you can tell by how hard her nipples are for her stand-in cock, until Brad Pitt realizes that leaving her was the biggest mistake of his life and comes crawling back to her, which probably will never happen, but does happen in her mind everyday as she plays out that fantasy over and over.

Posted in:Bikini|Jennifer Aniston|John Mayer|Nipple