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Archive for the Bikini Category

2008

27

May

Natasha Hamilton is in a Bikini of the Day

So Natasha Hamiton is another UK slut who sleeps with Soccer Players and for some reason whenever I see a soccer player, even when he’s with a hot lookin’ slut, I just assume dude’s gay. I don’t know if it’s the short shorts or the fact that gay dudes love these motherfuckers, or it’s their European comfort with sexuality that leads them to hugging and kissing and crying in each other’s arms when they lose a match, or if it’s the fact that every metrosexual dressed Italian or Portuguese person in this city rock their tight pants and styled hair to while talking about how much they love their favorite players but there’s something totally homoerotic about this shit that leads me to believe that Natasha Hamilton is just a front for his gay romps with his other players in the locker room shower.

Either way, I was talking to a gay dude yesterday and he told me his first gay experience was when he changed his baby brother’s diaper. It made me uncomfortable but not as uncomfortable as these pictures of this staged relationship when the only thing this couple have in common is a love for cock and getting their hair done.

Posted in:Bikini|Natasha Hamilton

2008

26

May

Lindsay Lohan in France with a Little Bikini of the Day

Everyone seems to care about Lohan in her bikini, but no one seems to ever care about what I am wearing. Well, I am tired of the attention being diverted from me and will tell you this..I have a brown shirt on, sure it started out white about 8 years ago, but these things happen.

Posted in:Bikini|France|Lindsay Lohan

2008

23

May

Juliette Lewis is in Her Bikini of the Day

I was talking to some dude about Juliette Lewis last night because she is his favorite celebrity. He finds her the most interesting, crazy and hottest chick out there. I argued that she’s just some art fag hipster but at least she’s not fat, then I realized that I was talking about celebrities in my spare time and realized that this shitty website has followed me into my everyday life and that annoys me.

I ended up at some club filled with 18 year old girls and found myself waiting in line, where some dude grabbed me and said “hey, it’s Jesus from the internet”, I instinctively punched him in the stomach because I didn’t know what his intentions were, but I do know that getting recognized by 19 year old dudes in clubs was not the purpose of starting this shit up, the purpose was to get hot chicks to email me compromising positions and I guess that makes me a failure.

Speaking of failure, here’s Juliette Lewis in a bikini for the dude I met who thinks she looks a lot to hang out with because she’s totally insane.

Posted in:Bikini|Juliette Lewis

2008

23

May

Sharon Stone’s In a Bikini of the Day

I was at a bar the other night and I suggested to the bar owner that we throw a weekly stepPARTY where we rip off the girls gone wild concept and market it as Spring Break beach party where girls show up in bikinis, have wet t-shirt contests and get it on with each other all while I drunkenly watch as the leader of the night because it’s my fuckin’ party.

The owner was interested but told me that it probably won’t be a hit because the only girl who goes in her bar is this one chick named Alice and she’s about 65, 300 pounds and is missing teeth, but bitch has no problem having drinking contests and showing her tits with the promise of a free shot and I told him that that sounds like a hit to me.

Here are some pictures of a thinner lookin’ 65 year old who still gets naked for money, but I doubt she’ll be coming to my party.

Posted in:Bikini|Sharon Stone

2008

22

May

Some Victoria’s Secret Promo Starring Miranda Kerr, Marisa Miller and Alessandra Ambrosio in Bikinis of the Day

The Victoria’s Secret cult strikes again with their distracting hot bitches in bikinis that they pretty much own like this dude I know who bough a Russian in some Mail Order bride service. Bitch did everything he told her and it was always funny seeing this tall hot blonde chick holding hands with a short, old fat guy, but she was just happy to be there until he pushed too hard and his posters of war-torn Russia that he would point to everytime she was out of line stopped working, leading to her taking the driving seat and eventually leaving him for some younger, richer dude. I just tell him he’s lucky he got out alive, because anyone from a war-torn country is dangerous and reverts back to survival mode when they really lose it but poor fucker is just broken hearted about it. I guess that just proves you can’t buy happiness, but you can buy pussy.

Posted in:Alessandra Ambrosio|Bikini|Marisa Miller|Miranda Kerr|Victoria's Secret

2008

22

May

Uma Thurman is Flat Assed in a Bikini of the Day

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Uma Thurman brought her big old tits out to play on the beach in a bikini because she’s got nothing better to do and despite boring me, they may excite you and that’s what I am here for, It doesn’t give me much pleasure knowing that some of you weirdos may jerk off to my site, but I guess it’s something I just have to accept and being someone who can’t jerk off to the shit I do, I guess I should be more appreciative of the fact that someone can because sometimes lonely nights of jerking off are better than nights spent with girls crying after having had slept with you because they realized the kind of disrespect they just but their body through out of a lapse in judgement brought on by being dumped by their boyfriend, not that that should stop you, or that you should care why they are doing what they are doing, you just need to seize the opportunity and take everything you can out of that vulnerable girl.

BONUS – Uma Thurman hangs with a fat chick in the age-old strategy to make herself appear hotter and skinnier than she really is. It’s some David Copperfield illusion shit that always seems to work.

Posted in:Bikini|Uma Thurman

2008

22

May

Danielle Lloyd Bikini Pictures of the Day

I was just out walking the streets because this has been a hard week or me of writers block and forgetting everything I wanted to talk about on the site and it’s even followed me to bed at night and unlike being followed to bed like a hot girl which would make me happy, the only benefit it has is frustration of having amazing dreams of stories I want to tell you but seem to forget when I wake up, because I drink too much.

So I hit the streets hoping for inspiration and the only thing of interest that happened was when I saw some rich lookin woman in tight pants walking around with a heavy box and I decided to ask her if she needed help with her box and when she hesitantly agreed to let me carry it for her, I said that I was talking about her other box and she just called me a sick fuck and stormed across he street. Sure, it was a standard played out joke, but I feel obligated to drop it every time an opportunity like that presents itself, it’s kinda like how Danielle Lloyd gets into a bikini every time she has a chance, which is always, because it’s all this slut is good for.

Posted in:Bikini|Danielle Lloyd

2008

21

May

Shayne Lamas Staged Bikini Pictures of the Day

Her name is Shayne Lamas and she’s some reality star that offers nothing to the world except for maybe some entertainment a couple of years ago when there was nothing else on TV. She’s doing some staged bikini pictures because it seems to be the way to make a slut more famous and I am buying into the hype and doing my part by posting this shit, because if a girl is willing to prance around half naked for exposure that she will realize will only make her fans want more of her, then it’s only a matter of time before I get to see her cunt. I am a hero like that, sure it doesn’t really get me much love, but who needs love when you have a house stocked with cake thanks to an unhappy and obese wife. Emotional eating doesn’t discriminate by gender you know.

At least she’s trying to connect to real men out there by showing how open minded she is by fishing and running around with something she probably bought at a fish store, which on a side note is my favorite place to spend my afternoons because I like the smell.

Posted in:Bikini|Shayne Lamas

2008

21

May

Jessica Simpson Cabo Cleavage in a Bikini of the Day

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These are some pretty pathetic pictures of Jessica Simpson in a bikini in Cabo, but not as pathetic as me writing about Jessica Simpson’s pathetic bikini pictures, but I figure that she needs some attention since all the focus has been on her sister the last couple of weeks and Jessica is used to having Ashlee ride her coat tails and her bratty spoiled piece of shit attitude doesn’t really like what’s going on, but she can’t seem to find the words to explain what she’s feeling because she’s too stupid so she’s turn to the bottle like most illiterates do, only most illiterates are homeless people who could never adapt in the real world and not big breasted rich chicks.

I don’t know what I am talking about, but I feel like I learned that on the Cosby Show when Sammy Davis Jr made a guest appearance as an illiterate, sure it may not be all that recent an episode but it was considered big news the last time I had TV, it’s not my fault you’ve moved on. Ditcher.

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Posted in:Bikini|Cabo|cleavage|Jessica Simpson

2008

20

May

Reese Witherspoon’s Shitty Bikini Pictures of the Day

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Reese Witherspoon is boring as fuck and looks like a boring fuck and I have always felt that way about her. Sure she’s had a bunch of kids making you think she’s worth fucking, but she just did that to lock in the teen heartthrob who knocked her up when they did a movie together and the other kids were just used as a distraction to how boring she was and dude figured that at least babies give them some laughs and something to do with their time and something to talk about to divert their attention from each other because she pretty much had nothing to offer.

These bikini pics prove that. She looks like a Southern Fat chick who has been lucky enough to not work in the diner where she was supposed to and moved to Hollywood where she won an Academy Award all while fighting off the demons of her past as they try to make her ass as fat as it was supposed to be if she hadn’t ran away to Hollywood all in hopes that it doesn’t win, but it will. It always does. You can’t beat genetics, trust me, I’ve tried.

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Posted in:Bikini|Reese Witherspoon|Tits