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Archive for the Bikini Category

2007

09

Jul

I am – Hayden Panettiere Bikini Pictures of the Day

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Everyone has been writing about this girl like she’s the next Lohan, I was always confused about it because she looks like a fucking troll. I was thinking that at first she was a make a wish foundation candidate and people were just giving a terminally ill girl her dream, but her career has been too long lived for it to be a make a wish deal and people seem to just ignore the fact that she is or looks disabled.

She does remind me of this one girl I banged once. She was pretty sad and lonely and no one liked her because she was 4 foot 4. She had only had never had a boyfriend, but had sex with anyone willing, unfortunately I was one of those guys. She insisted that I don’t use a condom, and what that happens I insist on using one, because she didn’t know me for more than about 45 mins before ending up naked in the back alley of a bar. Either way, when I was done, I had to tie the condom in a knot and put it in my pocket because I was convinced she was so desperate that she’d take the fucking thing and try to knock herself up.

Either way, to those who find this Panettier bitch hot, here she is half naked.

Posted in:Ass|Bikini|Hayden Panettiere|Tits|Unsorted

2007

09

Jul

I am – Brooke Hogan Bikini Pictures of the Day

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Here are some pictures of Brooke Hogan on the beach in a bikini lookin’ alright for Brooke Hogan.

The funny thing about bikinis like this is that they are pretty fucking revealing. I was looking at these pictures before posting them and I could see her full vagina. I can tell where there’s meat and where there isn’t and that’s pretty much the closest thing there is to seeing her sprawled out on a bed diddling herself naked. When a girl is just rockin’ underwear, you don’t see this kind of definition and this post may make me seem creepy as fucking hell but I am not the only one thinking this. I was talking to a friend who just went to some public pool who went off about how he doesn’t understand why guys focus on tits and asses when girls are around them in bikinis, you just have to look at the crotch and pretty much see everything they have to offer. My friend is also a 3 time sex offender so maybe it is a little creepy.

Eitehr way, I want to go off on how Brooke Hogan is thick and disgusting and has a broken down pick up truck of a face and looks like a man but these pictures don’t bother me, she’s tight bodied and bigger and now that I know she’s got a box and not balls, I am way more into her and her cheap stripper ways than I was before.

Posted in:Bikini|Brooke Hogan|Pussy|Tits|Unsorted|Vagina|Wet

2007

09

Jul

I am – Mandy Moore Bikini Pictures of the Day

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Here are some pictures of Mandy Moore in a Bikini.

The problem with running this website is that I write too fucking much that no one reads, so that I am constantly out there trying to remember stories and things I see to throw up on the site. I’ll be on my way to the grocery store or post office or some other menial bullshit with my eyes set on finding something to either inspire me or remind me of shit I have done when I was younger. Memory is a fucking weird thing and shit comes to me at really random fucking times in waves. I was sitting on the couch the other day thinking of nothing and all of a sudden I had vivid memories of my childhood like I was watching a fucking movie and I haven’t thought of it for years and I could practically taste the fucking dust in my mouth from our shitty over crowded shanty that we lived in. Either way, today I am totally drawing a fucking blank and can’t even remember what happened to me yesterday or what I did or who I saw because I was drinking again.

I do remember that DJ AM is slamming this Mandy Moore slut and I have issues with DJ AM because he goes around telling people from my city how much he hates me. I don’t really mind being hated because it’s become my job to offend people by saying what’s on my mind, but you would think that someone like DJ AM would be used to the criticism and have better things to do than worry about a site with no readers, like maybe slamming this little number and by little I mean 6 ft and fat, the kind of girl you’d pick to be on your co-ed football league because she’s built like a fucking tank.

My new theory on this fucking guy is the he’s some kind of diet guru girls turn to for weightloss advice or he gives them AIDS, it is the GAYER THAN BICYCLE SHORTS disease. He used to be 400 lbs and when Nicole Richie got with him she was a fat little troll and became what she is today, a skinny little troll and I am guessing Mandy Moore is doing all she can to get down because being a fat chick with no tits is embarrassing and every girl wants to be skinny.

Either way, he plays shitty music, he was engaged to a pretty shitty girl but he does have a pretty decent life traveling the world going to bars and drives expensive cars. I don’t see why the fuck would he care about what someone like me thinks or says enough to tell people that he hates me other than the fact that dude’s a little hyper fucking sensitive or working on my marketing for me.

Thanks to DJ AM, who we all know is Gayer than Bicycle shorts, I am one degree of separation from this bitch I am posting about and I feel pretty fucking shitty about that because I could care fucking less but I do think it’s funny.

Posted in:Bikini|Mandy Moore|Unsorted

2007

06

Jul

I am – Jennifer Garner Surfing of the Day

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Here are some pictures of Jennifer Garner surfing in Hawaii on the 4th of July. I think she’s been in Hawaii surfing for a couple of weeks now and I am a little jealous. Not because every piece of white trash in America’s dream vacation is Hawaii, but because surfing seems pretty cool.

I keep telling people that when I stop doing this website I am going to move somewhere and surf all day, just because people who surf look relaxed, healthy and like getting fucked up. They also have chicks flocking to them in bikinis. The only problem with my surf dream is that I weigh about 300 lbs and although being fat and pasty isn’t stopping Jennifer Garner, it will stop me because I am considerate to other people. Sure, she had a kid and she’s really not even that fat but she isn’t hot and that’s just as bad as being fat, maybe even worse.

Chicks who have kids like use the kids as an excuse for being fat and it seems to be accepted as fact. Reality is that the bitch is just lazy and decides to never go back to their pre-birth weight and would rather sit at home eating donuts until their husband leaves them for the secretary at their office jobs. Sometimes dealing with the wife crying about how she’s devoted her life to you, worked so hard for the family by watching Soap Operas all day and never getting off her fat ass to work at having any sex appeal for the husband to want to stay with her is worth going through to have some fun.

Either way, I also hate the water, never travel and I am too broke and lazy to make a move to get to a surf spot, but it’s still a nice dream….one that keeps me going….

Posted in:Ass|Bikini|Jennifer Garner|Surfing|Uncategorized|Unsorted

2007

06

Jul

I am – Ashley Tisdale in a Bikini Again of the Day

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I think this is my third time posting Ashley Tisdale bikini pictures this week. I also think that it is the third time I’ve ever heard this bitches name, which leads me to believe that if you want to get noticed on the internet all you have to do is take off some fucking clothes. It seems like that’s all anyone really cares about when it comes to being on a computer.

I got some hate mail from some dickhead who runs some pretentious “cool hunting” site. He wasn’t too into an email I sent him saying that he never answered me in the past when I was trying to help some dudes I know promote their site. He wrote back abrasive as shit about my email to him saying that because I wrote that email, they blacklisted my friend’s site.

I don’t like when people give me attitude so I wrote him this:

Learn how to read or are you too busy being a self-proclaimed cool hunter, like you fucking know what cool is. It’s easy to pretend you’re some stylish, well read, intelligent dude who knows what’s up on the internet but we all know the internet and people who run websites, myself included are fucking losers. Cool people are too busy being cool to write articles about what they think is cool.

You’re onto some some David Coresh shit, you know how he decided one day that he’s god and people should bow down to him. I think that’s called a superiority complex, but I am not a psychologist, but for the sake of the internet, I will start a site called PsychologyExpert.com and send you my diagnosis of what I think is wrong with you daily.

I bet you just sit at home jerking off all night, when you aren’t too busy trying to research what cool is, because when you are cool the last thing you do is tell people how cool you are.

I am sure you haven’t seen a vagina in years, maybe that’s the expertise you should be focused on. The how to recognize a vagina after years of not seeing one dot com. Asshole.

With Love,
Jesus Martinez
Drunkenstepfather.com

Please send him hate mail HERE Thanks.

Posted in:Ashley Tisdale|Ass|Bikini|Unsorted

2007

05

Jul

I am – Lindsay Lohan Bikini Pictures of the Day

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Here are some pictures of Lindsay Lohan in a bikini while taking some time off of rehab to enjoy the beach like anyone who has an addiction and is supposed to be being treated would. It’s like fuck counseling the sun is out, men with abs are waiting with booze and drugs at the Mailbu home, rehab can wait til it’s raining out.

I was talking to someone about Lindsay Lohan, well not actually talking to them, I’m not into talking about celebrities in my free time but I do listen to people talk about celebrities. This time it happened to come up when we were in line at the grocery store. I was buying cans of Chili because they are probably the best meal you can buy with 59 cents. Either way this married mother was talking to her friend about how much Lohan has pulled her shit together and how she’s so inspiring. I was thinking to myself that this shit is all for show. What do you think the lawyer’s number one argument for her DUI driving case is? That she’s cleaned up. So while she is seemingly in rehab sometimes and she is seemingly getting better because she goes on hikes, rides tricycles and cancels vodka sponsored parties and wears bikinis looking well rested and big breasted, the public is already warming up to this skank.

I remember when I knew a girl who used to let everyone fuck her. She seriously had sex with any guy she came across and one day she announced that she was a born again virgin. She joined all these stupid support groups for virgins that you all probably know about, she didn’t have sex for about 5 weeks, but every day in those 5 weeks I had to hear about it from someone. Reality is she went back to working cock after those 5 weeks, nothing really changed, but for those 5 weeks, bitch wasn’t looked at like a herpes ridden whore everyone knew she was, people looked at her with a whole different wholesome attitude. I knew all along that it was false hope and I’d tell my buddies over and over again that she’d be back, because her addiction to the cock was a lot more important to her than her need to be respected and heard….I was right.

Point of that story is to say that Lohan is keeping up appearances, trying to save face, trying to regain the trust of employers, trying to regain the trust of the public, trying to have a sold case in court all by taking a break from the parties for a little while, but I know that she is still nothing but a coke addicted whore. The old Lohan will be back….in the meantime her tits look fucking stacked and rehab or not, lies or not, I’m still gonna look at ’em.

Posted in:Bikini|Lindsay Lohan|Rehab|Tits|Unsorted

2007

05

Jul

I am – Jenny McCarthy and Jim Carey on the Beach of the Day

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Here are some pictures of Hollywood “POWER” Couple, Jim Carey and Jenny McCarthy on the beach holding hands and they freak me the fuck out. These two look like they are brother and sister and I don’t normally have any skills at spotting similarities in people. I am also not very good at remembering names, secret handshakes or anything I do after about 1 drink because I am convinced my liver gave out on me a few years ago and shit goes straight to my head like I was an anorexic 15 year old girl at my first club.

Either way, incest freaks me out so much that I even had a dream, some may call it a fantasy about it the other day. In the dream, I walked in on a brother and sister having sex. I was into watching them fuck at first because I am a voyeur but when I realized that they were two people I knew who were related I freaked the fuck out. When I confronted them they said that their parents were brother and sister and that their grandparents were brother and sister and they were just doing what they knew. It was a weird fucking dream that I have no idea where it came from but it made me stop asking people I know if they would bang their sister. I know talking about dreams is as gay as it gets but when incest is involved I just can’t keep it to myself.

When I was younger I met this dude who used to brag to us about how he took his sister’s cherry. He was kind of an idiot farmer and thought we’d think he was cool but shit was just too twisted for me to grasp. He would tell us that he would sneak into her room at night and have his way with her and she was totally into it. He would brag about how accessible it was and how we were all a bunch of virgin idiots who didn’t know that the prize was so close to home. I never knew what happened to that dude, because he ended up getting caught and sent away so don’t let Jim Carey and Jenny McCarthy trick you into thinking this shit’s ok just because they are famous, how big her tits are or no matter how much you think that you’re the hottest thing out there and the only thing good enough for you is a bitch who looks like you….and remember no matter how long your hair is and no matter how many punk rock t-shirts you wear, you’re never hardcore when wearing schpants….

Posted in:Bikini|Implants|Incest|Jenny McCarthy|Jim Carey|Tits|Unsorted

2007

05

Jul

I am – Hilary Duff Bikini Pictures of the Day

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When I think of Hilary Duff in a bikini, I think of a time when she was underage and people would send me hate mail for calling her a slut in training and now I pat myself on the back because we know that no self respecting girl would whore out half naked on the beach with her sister and men with their hard nipples for dirtbag internet weirdos like you to get all hot and bothered over, meaning that I was right and since that rarely happens it makes me happy.

When I think of Hilary Duff I always think of that fucker that she dated. He is the DJ AM of rock music and that means he is even gayer than bicycles shorts partially because he’s dropped load in DJ AM’s sloppy useless seconds but also because he’s an overpaid monkey that doesn’t deserve to be where he’s at who wears monkey and is more into watching his twin brother bang chicks than banging them himself. I guess it’s just like watching himself in action.

I used to think that twins fucking each other wasn’t gay, I never thought about 2 dudes fucking each other, just the lesbian way because I was involved with a girl who had a twin and I always tried to get them to fuck, but they wouldn’t they weren’t the kind of twins you see in playboy.

Hilary’s sister is not her twin, she is the ugly version of her but she’s riding her fucking coat tails. I would still watch them bang because I have no standards but am happy that bitch kept her shirt on because I can only take so much DUFFGUSTING in one day. That’s my lame blogger name for these cunts because it seems to be what lame bloggers do and I am just trying to fit in.

Speaking of fitting in, I have a feeling that dude gave Hilary Duff a bit of a complex, when you leave your chick for someone who looks like a little boy, it’s gotta hurt somewhere, either leading her to anorexia or to throwing in the towel and emotionally eating her way out of it. By looking at these pictures I couldn’t tell you if bitch is fatter than before but she does have more tit, maybe it’s because she’s a late bloomer, maybe it’s because she went on the pill to prevent getting knocked up by some loser she knew was a loser but stuck with him anyway, maybe she should of used condoms because he probably gave her some HPV, HSV, HIV or something else he picked up on the road while banging dudes who looked like chick, but bigger tits is good enough reason to support her half assed music career, her half assed acting career by staring at these pictures of her playing in the sand like a person who lost their childhood to Disney. Another reason to like her is because she let’s fat hairy dudes who are too shy to take their shirts off at the beach hang with her and that pretty much describes all of you, so if she supports your kind, you should support hers. I learned that when I was overcoming my hatred of homosexuals.

Posted in:Ass|Bikini|Haylie Duff|Hilary Duff|Tits|Unsorted

2007

04

Jul

I am – Ashley Tisdale in a Bikini Again of the Day

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Here’s that little High School Musical dirtbag rockin’ another bikini and making a sand castle like she was 7. I think Disney probably puts shit in their craft services cart that keeps the staff young. I call it Peter Pan Never Never Land sauce because Walt Disney was into little kids. It takes more than a man with a dream to make a magical land, it takes a man who likes kids a little too much, but it was a different era then and it made him rich and since rich people are untouchable I guess that shit will never get out, but I will tell you this, Walt Disney molested my Grandmother, at least that the story she always told us. She was also insane and never left Mexico so it probably never happened but every time she’d see one of us with some knock off Disney toy she’d go on a fucking rampage and shake in the corner for an hour crying.

I lived in this small town and in the small down was some weird magical village some creep made himself and marketed as a local amusement park with clowns, a petting zoo, one of those bouncy castles, and a few half ass activities like one water slide, a playground and some other games and shit. I never went because I don’t do that shit. Either way, he had been running it since the 60′, the golden era for theme parks and they ended up shutting him down in the 90s for some dirty shit that I think people should be shot over.

Either way, looking at these pictures of a 22 year old who looks young teen is some legal shit, at least she’s not fat and I can handle lookin at her in a Bikini even if she thinks she’s 7. Happy 4th of July you American fucks.

Posted in:Ashley Tisdale|Ass|Bikini|Playing|Tits|Unsorted

2007

03

Jul

I am – Eva Longoria Bikini Ass of the Day

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I was talking to a few blogs the other day and they told me shit about how companies approach them to buy them out all the time and advertisers beg them to be on their sites and I realize that I am really doing something wrong because I never get those emails.

I guess I am too hardcore for a mainstream company to want to be a part of and my commentary is pretty irrelevant and has nothing to do with anything really. It isn’t reporting celebrity news, it isn’t changing lives, it isn’t even informative for people looking to better themselves. If I knew how to read I would have taken the time to read a book on how to start a business and it would probably tell me to identify a need and deliver to that need.

It turns out that there’s no real value in what I do. This site is pretty much a waste of space. It barely even entertains the 7 people who check it out daily. So maybe I am having a mid-life crisis trying to find a purpose in life or maybe trying to find something a little more relevant to society than doing what I do but in the meantime in trying to figure all that shit out I am going to leave you with these Eva Longoria bikini ass pictures….

I think what it really comes down to is that there is a place in the world for everyone. I walked into a Subway yesterday because I had to take a shit and my wife made the bathroom off limits for the afternoon, evening and as it turned out part of today too. I don’t know what died in her colon but whatever it was it had a lasting impact on my day. Anyway, I was at Subway at about 10 pm and I saw two socially awkward looking people. The chick was a heavy midget with one leg shorter than the other and the guy was kinda tall and awkward and looked like he was from another country.

These two people were playing MAGIC Cards, for those of you who don’t know, this is the shit that virgins who like wizards love, and I realized that these two people were on a fucking date. Instead of instinctively laughing at them, like I would have when I was a teenager, I felt happy that they found each other. Two seemingly socially awkward losers playing creepy socially awkward card games were getting more sex than you.

Posted in:Ass|Bikini|Eva Longoria|Unsorted