Legs Archives - Page 15 of 22 Archive - DrunkenStepFather.com

Archive for the Legs Category

2008

Jun

Alicia Keys Has Some Fat Legs of the Day

Looks like Alicia Keys, who was reportedly a marathon runner has hung up her running shoes and committed herself to her piano and by piano I mean extra-large double cheese pizza. I had more respect for this girl when I thought her last name was actually Keys, thinking how crazy a coincidence it was. But it turns out that it’s just some kind of nickname thatshe gave herself that happens to be a lot more appealing than Large Fry Thighs.

I wonder if I’d be more successful if I changed my name was Jesus Useless Guy On the Internet, since it would let people know what they are singing up for, but the flow just isn’t as cool as “Keys”, but that’s not my fault, I’m not black.

I also had more respect for her before finding out she came from money and had actual music lessons and training, I was a little more accepting to her obesity when I thought she taught herself the piano playing a chalk drawing of a piano in the projects, it just makes for a better heartwarming story on Oprah.

Either way, some of you find her hot, I’m just posting these to try to drill it into you that she probably is, because carrying that load around is tough on her body and she just can’t seem to stop sweating.

Posted in:Alicia Keys|Fat|Legs

2008

May

Lindsay Lohan Broke Up With Me of the Day

2 Comments »

Lindsay Lohan or the person pretending to be Lindsay Lohan on Facebook has taken me along for a ride on her emotional rollercoaster of a life. It all started when I read that she had a Facebook account and didn’t bother lookin’ for her because I spent too much time talking to a fake Lohan on mysapce a couple of years ago an it never led to my dream of watching her shower on webcam, so I just ignored it because I am playing hard to get.

Either way, she reached out to me and sent me a random message making me realize the person was fake and pretending to be Lohan but gave me a bit of an egoboost regardless because I have nothing going on in life and people rarely add me to Facebook, so it was nice knowing that someone eager enough to pretend to be Lohan knew who I was. The Lohan account ended up adding me as a friend, one day she Facebook chatted me but I wasn’t on the computer and missed out so I decided that I should try to take advantage of this shit in the event it is actually Lohan, which is possible considering she’s not doing a whole lot in life right now. So I went out and called the number listed on the profile about 100 times and got no answer but left messages I forgot to record. I hit up Samantha Ronson on Facebook trying to get more info while getting her to be my middleman (literally) to get intouch with Lohan in hopes of taking the site to the next level with her money and support.

I went back online today and bitch deleted me so my Facebook relationship with Lohan or someone pretending to be Lohan is officially over and I am a little broken up about it.

Here are some parting images of Lohan in Beverly Hills with some older lady, because despite not having Lohan on Facebook, I’ll always have pictures of her to remind me of our short lived internet love affair and pictures are a whole lot more stable than she is.

Posted in:Legs|Lindsay Lohan

2008

May

Diane Kruger Has Hot Legs of the Day

4 Comments »

Diane Kruger’s got some motherfuckin’ legs. I don’t know much about her other than the fact that she’s gotta be a model based on these motherfuckin’ legs but I could be wrong, it happens pretty much every day of my life.

I met a really skinny dude the other day, he was pretty much pushing’ 110 pounds because he was dying of Aids and he was lecturing me about how easy it is to pick up girls. He claimed that despite having Aids he gets pussy all the fuckin’ time, I just figured that it was because Aids bitches are easy since they figure everyone would be too fuckin’ scared to sleep with them so when someone willing comes their way they don’t say no, but he claimed that it’s because the weight loss has made his dick look exponentially bigger against his leg. Since he’s just skin and bone, when he gets a boner it’s thicker than his thigh and that optical illusion tricks all the bitches, that’s when he decided to drop his pants in brad daylight in the park to show me his fuckin’ hard on and that’s when I realized that he wasn’t a needle sharing Aids patient but was infact a fucked up the ass Aids patient so I bounced.

I guess I’ll just let you wonder if Diane Kruger’s skinny legs would make your dick look bigger, because wondering from your shitty house is the closest you’ll get.

Posted in:Diane Kruger|Legs

2008

Apr

Sophie Monk’s Got Some Hot Legs of the Day

3 Comments »

I guess I shouldn’t rip into Sophie Monk for having been with the Good Charlotte sister who is now with Paris Hilton because I’ve probably talked about it a few times and shit is played out. She already dropped his ass and I think it’s time for me to move on too. It looks like Sophie Monk’s got a new pussy to throw it to that is a much better lookin’ in women’s panties than the last one, which isn’t saying much because he only wore them when he was writing his shitty songs, which wasn’t that often. It’s safe to say that this upgrade’s probably got a fresher and smaller vagina than Benji’s new find, but to be fair, everybody does so I guess that’s not saying all that much about her, but it is saying that Benji got a shitty deal with Sophie Monk looks like this and is hitting the streets more and more now that he’s out of the fuckin’ picture. I guess if I was involved with such a cunt, I’d keep myself locked up for fear of being seen in public. Shit’s embarassing, like the time I was dating a 4 fingered (on both hands) ablino who was about 70 pounds overweight, which amazed me since she didn’t have many fingers to shovel food down her throat fast enough to get to that level, but she managed to pull it off somehow and she always insisted I take her out for milkshakes after I fucked her and I’d always refuse. I have no issue admitting I have no standards to myself but I am not about to do it in front of my peers to judge me, not to mention I didn’t want her to think I was her boyfriend because I know the sex would have ended, she’d just want to cuddle and I’d have to admit that I am not just a pervert but actually a loser and at 15, I wasn’t ready to come to terms with that.

Posted in:Hot|Legs|Shopping|Sophie Monk

2008

Apr

Cameron Diaz has a Hot Body of the Day

16 Comments »

Cameron Diaz is the new GQ cover girl and I think she’s lookin’ pretty good. She’s always had a good body with long legs and I guess that’s the reason Justin Timberlake used her to be his pretend girlfriend so that we didn’t catch onto him being a fag. You know anyone who dances like that’s either into little boys or big boys or pretty much anything with a penis and it is with my expert opinion that Cameron Diaz doesn’t have a penis but she does look like she likes penis with makes the whole thing pretty confusing to me. Since I am hungover, I’ll leave this post like this. I decided that I have nothing else to say about it. Speaking of confusing – WATCH THIS

Posted in:Cameron Diaz|GQ|Hot Body|Legs

2008

Apr

Miley Cyrus Showing Off Her Teenage Legs of the Day

9 Comments »

I guess one of the good things about 15 year old girls is that they don’t have cellulite like they will when they actually become women, but they are so annoying when all they want to watch is Hannah Montana reruns, especially when they are Hannah Montana.

I don’t find anything appealing about these pictures, other than knowing that bitch is probably the next in line for an abortion at the on studio abortion clinic they are rockin’ over at Disney and this bitch and her crooked smile don’t have shit on the 15 year old girls I see out in clubs dancing on the bar like they were 25 and lookin’ for a one night stand because I was out at a bar this past weekend and this girl with braces walks up to the girl next to me and brags about how she got into the club and didn’t get carded, I turn to her and ask how old she is and she says 13 and runs off to a group of 16 year old dudes who pour Grey Goose down her throat and get her to flash them her panties and I realize that I was born in the wrong generation and Paris Hilton deserves a little more credit that she’s getting for breeding a generation of herpes by 14 that I won’t be a part of because I’m just too damn old and will just have to accept the fact that it’s yet another thing I’ve missed out on in my life which is just another example of how Paris Hilton contributed to my miserable life…..

Posted in:Legs|Miley Cyrus|Short Skirt

2008

Mar

Lindsay Lohan’s Legs Rub Together When She Walks of the Day

6 Comments »

So it turns out that Lindsay Lohan’s thighs rub together when she walks, which isn’t really that big of a deal considering my wife’s tits rub her thighs when she walks, but then again my wife’s idea of walking is sitting on our ghetto couch and in all fairness to my wife, she’s not a celebrity and never will be, unless she’d doing the before pictures for some weightloss scam that they will photoshop a fit girl’s face onto to sell product. In reality, my wife being fat is all my fault because I told her I was tired of fucking her and wanted a blow-up doll. Since, she’s french she understood that I wanted a bouncy castle and decided to turn herself into one, at least that’s the only explanation I have for what has proven to be a really disgusting part of my life.

Either way, here’s Lohan’s thick drug addicted thighs rubbin’ together.

Bonus – Some Shitty See Through Action from the Other Day:

Posted in:Leggings|Legs|Lindsay Lohan|Thick

2008

Mar

Nicky Hilton’s Got Skinny Fuckin’ Legs of the Day

12 Comments »

I know that I linked these pictures last night, but since no one clicks on my links, I figured I’d throw them up here because they confuse me. Nicky Hilton’s legs look like they are from Ethiopia and haven’t eaten much more than a couple of malaria ridden flies in the last 6 months or like the have full blown Aids from a blood transfusion they got 15 years ago because they are hemophiliacs or maybe even from an unfortunate one night bareback session with some dude they met at a bath house….but the rest of her looks thick and sloppy.

I am all for eating disorders, because I like my women skinny but I prefer them when they have an entire body affect and don’t just target one body part because it makes bitch look like some kind of cartoon and the last time I fucked a cartoon I thought my dick turned into a multicolor mess with googly eyes, but it turned out it was just the liquid acid someone slipped in my drink and I was actually just fucking a shoe I found on the side of the road. It was pretty embarrassing.

Posted in:Legs|Nicky Hilton|Skinny

2008

Feb

Lindsay Lohan in Some Shorts and Shit of the Day

13 Comments »

I was having a conversation about Lohan with some internet chick the other day because I was trying to get her to send me nude pictures and the celebrity angle is the only way I knew how to relate to 20 year old bitches. I was asking her if she would rather fuck Lohan or Paris and she wouldn’t give a straight answer. When she asked me, I told her that I would never fuck Paris Hilton, I don’t know why because I have no standards, I have fucked girls during their herpes outbreaks and none of them looked as good as Paris Hilton which says a lot about the kind of pussy I get. I just find her trash, expensive trash, but trash nonetheless. It’s like when a wife catches her husband cheating and throws the wedding ring in the garbage. Sure that ring is expensive but motherfucker’s covered in rotting vegetables….but I would fuck Lohan.

I think what it comes down to is that sure Lohan is a bit of a hipster poser trying to fit into that whole coke party scene where the kids look homeless and listen to electro, while Paris is a bottle whore who goes to the clubs where cheesy dudes drop 1000s of dollars to look like they are ballin, while their waxed worked our chests match the glisten in their hair gel.

So the point of all this is to say, Lohan is just cool shit as far as I am concerned and I can see past her shit smeared skin and bloated sloppy body, and it’s good to know she’s back to hitting up the clubs, because that’s when she’s most accessible.

Bonus – Here She is in Shorts Yesterday During the Day

Bonus – Here’s Her Shitty Photoshoot for Paper Magazine

Love Me or Hate Me? Give me a Call and Let Me Know How You Really Feel….Don’t Hack My Site Again
GO

Posted in:Legs|Lindsay Lohan|Shorts|Slut

2008

Feb

Sophie Monk is Still Hot of the Day

10 Comments »

I have a thing for Sophie Monk and I think it’s got to do with her being hot despite lookin’ like some kind of puppy, with her unusual lookin’ face that probably took unusual amounts of loads with her unusually big lips, making her unusually a good fuckin’ time…..

Unfortunately, those loads came from the Good Charlotte Sister who is obviously rebounding badly with a major downgrade , but it was never meant to be….not because she’s too good for him, because she is but because he had a hard time pretending she was his twin brother and could never get past the fact that she wasn’t. Sure he’d closed his eyes and visualized, but she just wasn’t where she needed to be. Twins are connected on some weird level making sex with your twin some kind of masturbation miracle…you know when you’re asked if you’d suck your dick if you could…well these brothers get pretty close and no matter how hot Sophie Monk was, or how hard she tried, she always came in second. I guess blood really is thicker than water….

Not to mention physically she was all wrong. She had long blond hair, while his brother had short brown hair, she had tits and a vagina while his brother only had a vagina while writing his shitty songs that teens everywhere ate up like it was the coming of christ when really it was just the bi-product of brothers cumming on brothers…..