Lingerie Archives - Page 6 of 9 Archive - DrunkenStepFather.com

Archive for the Lingerie Category

2007

Nov

I am – Chauntal Remakes Britney Spears Gimme More Video of the Day

This girl played Lohan in some shitty viral video that went around and I thought she looked good enough to see naked so I reached out to her and did an interview. She hasn’t really been in touch since, even though I like to think I helped make her famous, then today emailed me this Gimme More Remake and after watching it, I realize it’s Chauntal again – remaking the most played out song of the year aside from Soulja Boy.

Now I don’t know how much time goes into remaking a Britney Spears video, but it must be nice to be so bored or to have nothing else going on that you can spend a day doing this shit. That is time that could have been better spent making a shower video, or a masturbation video, or if that’s too slutty for her, then a yoga video, or a dancing around your apartment video that would have taken a lot less work and been a lot more interesting to watch. In reality, this is a Britney Spears video remake, that’s time that could be better spent taking a day long shit.

Either way,when fans react to their fallen leader by throwing on some lingerie and thinking shit’s no pornographic, but satire, I link it, because I encourage any excuse a girl uses to justify putting on lingerie to make them feel like they aren’t a slut but an artist. Like that time I told a girl at the lingerie store that I needed to see how the panties fit because I needed to get them for my wife for Valentines Day and she was about the same size, even though she was about 1/3 of the size of my wife. But I gave a whole sob story about how I lost my job and had 40 dollars to my name and was spending it on my wife because she’s been such a support system to me and all that bullshit, and the sales girl did it. Within 10 minutes we had our own Victoria’s Secret Fashion show and I ended up not buying anything she wasn’t impressed that I left empty handed….I ended up fucking her. Then I realized i was reading my Penthouse Forum magazine I got for free because they reviewed my site (badly).

Related Posts:

stepINTERVIEW with Chauntal from a While Ago
Britney Spears Vagina Shot
The Britney Comeback Tour Leaked Pics

2007

Nov

I am – Adriana Lima and Marisa Miller in the Victoria’s Secret Fitting Room of the Day

5 Comments »

I’ve been getting a lot of slack for not being a site that is accessible to girls. They get turned off because of my sleazy commentary offends them and they never come back, even though every post I write is for hot chicks, because if I wasn’t trying to get hot girls to love me over the internet, I’d just be a fag trying to impress a bunch of dudes and that’s not really my thing, but I know it’s your thing, but that’s because you gotta fine love somewhere and gay dudes are pretty horny.

So I got an email asking for Nell and my stepdaughter to come back because they added a much needed feminine voice to the site. I don’t know where either of those girls are, they kinda fucked off on me and haven’t answered my emails in the last couple months, so I figured I’d just write a post as a girl in hopes of getting hot girls back in because I want them to want my dick over the internet and come back for more everyday because I write about celebrities….and girls love celebrities and I love girls, so we’re pretty much destined to have you take a shower for me on webcam, internet soulmate.

Here is my post written as a girl:

blah blah blah blah “adjusts hair”, blah blah blah “applies make up”, blah blah blah “shows off new nails” , blah blah blah “makes a gesture representing how big the boyfriend’s cock is”, blah blah blah “giggles”, blah blah blah “giggles some more”, blah blah blah “adjusts bra”, blah blah blah “hugs girl i’m sitting with”, blah blah blah “stands up”, blah blah blah “pulls underwear out of ass and adjusts pants”, blah blah blah “walks out of coffee shop”

I am sure this post would have been a little more believable if I actually listened to girls when they talk, but I’m too masturbating my limp penis in front of them while staring at their tits and drooling through the restaurant window. I hear hot girls are into that because they like to be noticed….

Either way, here are Adriana Lima and Marisa Miller in the Fitting Room for the Victoria’s Secret Fashion show that’s been hustled the last month like it was the coming of Christ, which to some virgins and married middle aged men out there, it probably is, because these bitches are some of the hottest models around and them in lingerie is better than them in clothes but not quite as good as them taking showers for me on webcam. I’m talking to you internet soulmate.

Marisa Miller

Adriana Lima:

Related Posts:

Miranda Kerr Bikini Pictures
Heidi Klum Playing With Her Tits Video
The Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show
Victoria’s Secret Angles Fly Virgin

2007

Nov

I am – Cindy Crawford’s 1989 Bloomingdale’s Catalog of the Day

1 Comment »

Every girl seems to want to be a model. I always meet girls who are aspiring models. It seems like it’s the thing to do or at least the dream job for a chick because it assures them that they are good looking. Every fucking day I come across a girl’s posed pictures on the internet and I know she’s just wishing she’ll be walking the runway and traveling the world while fucking dudes in bands or actors, living in Penthouse apartments and making huge money for having pictures taken of them.

I know that out of all the girls I meet who are aspiring models, pretty much none of them are really going to make it, because to be scouted by the right dude and thrown into the right jobs is almost like winning the lottery, but I always encourage them to come over to take some erotic pictures in my shitty apartment when my wife’s grocery shopping because I know that means I have about 6 hours of freedom because my wife loves food, but that’s just because I prey on girls who want to be famous.

Either way, the ongoing joke I have with these young girls is to start off small, like doing the Wal Mart flyer or the Sears catalog, because shit pays well and is better than working at the grocery store scanning my wife’s canned goods….But for some reason these aspiring models have egos and think they are too hot for that shit before even getting started, they don’t realize they need to eat the shit a bit to get to the top and that they aren’t above or too pretty for anything at this point in their career and that’s why I figure that you’ve gotta start somewhere and it might as well be in my bathtub.

So here’s Cindy Crawford in 1989, in a Bloomingdales Catalog modeling lingerie before she became a supermodel, because everyone’s gotta start somewhere. Who knows where her life would be now if she didn’t make that move, so aspiring models….my bathtub is ready and waiting but you may not want to touch it too much, you may catch something.

Related Posts:

Cindy Crawford Bikini Part 1
Cindy Crawford Bikini Part 2
Cindy Crawford’s Still Posing

2007

Nov

I am – The Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show of the Day

4 Comments »

Here’s a big surprise for you, I had no idea that the Victoria’s Secret fashion show was going down last night because I am bad at this shit and generally don’t really care about shit that’s going on. So it was a morning email surprise and now I have a ton of pictures of the event to share with you, so you don’t have to watch the shit when it hits your TV later in the year, or whenever the fuck they air them because your mom will probably be watching them too, and it’s always embarrassing getting a boner with your mom on the couch next to you.

Either way I usually feel like a virgin faggot when I finish writing a post on cleavage or hot asses, because I am more into creeping on girls in real life than writing shit about celebrities I don’t care about on the internet, but the difference in this post is that I do care. I have a thing for Bikini and Lingerie models that you probably understand and have made a point in my life to marry one. Since that never worked out for me I’ve always dated half-rate, discount, bargain basements, last weeks kitchen garbage, versions of bikini models, because let’s face it, my wife would have it going on if she got Gastric Bypass, lost 200 lbs and got surgery to remove the excess skin that left huge scars and stretch marks all over her body, breast implants and maybe even a new face and time machine that turned her 25 again….so in a lot of ways I guess I am dating a Lingerie/Bikini model, I just don’t know it because I am too negative to see what I have before my eyes because she’s fucking disgusting lookin….when if I look really deep, beneath all that disgusting is a hot girl suffocating to death….

Bonus – Victoria “Posh Spice” Beckham and Geri “Ginger Spice” Haliwell Performing at Half Time…..

Related Posts:

The Victoria’s Secret Angels Fly Virgin
Live Bloggin’ the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show Last Year
Lima, Kurkova and Gisele at a Perfume Launch

2007

Nov

I am – Elle Macpherson Posing to Promote her Lingerie of the Day

1 Comment »

I am obviously not very good at marketing, I have a shitty website no one reads and I can’t even get the 2 girls who read my site to get naked for me, but I do know one thing and that is that if Elle Macpherson is promoting her lingerie line, she’d be better off doing it in lingerie and not fully fuckin’ clothed. The only thing she is showing off is the one thing she probably should be keeping locked up, because her fuckin’ feet are big and scare me.

I know that some of you are into this whole foot fetish shit, and that for some reason that fetish has become accepted even if it’s fuckin’ weird, but like most supermodels, bitch is tall, and when a bitch is tall, she usually has big fuckin’ feet to help her balance her 6 foot tall frame, and as much as I love models, I hate girls with big feet.

But this isn’t about me, it’s about Elle Macpherson being a boring old lady when she’s still got it going on and could have made all of our day a better one, but instead decides to cock tease us by not getting naked even after we’ve all seen her naked. It’s like hanging out with a girl you’ve bagged in hopes of recycling that shit cuz it’s good for the environment, and by environment I mean balls, but she won’t give it up because girls control the vagina and think you’re gross but like you’re company. Maybe next time you get with them, you can carry their bags for them and compare stories about when you got you first period, because bitch just amputated your vagina and turned you into a bitch.

Related Posts:

Elle Macpherson’s See Through Shirt

Elle Macpherson is Surfing in a Bikini
Elle Macpherson Rides Bikes

Posted in:Boring|Elle Macpherson|Lingerie|Unsorted

2007

Nov

I am – Sarah Harding at some Lingerie Store Opening of the Day

2 Comments »

Here are some pictures of Sarah Harding doing the Paris Hilton at some store opening, because I guess when you’re some washed up popstar from the UK, Paris Hilton seems like some kind of success story that’s making all the right moves, so bitch goes out and does her hair like her, and shows up at events and poses like her, and even has the wonky eye shit going on, when all she really needs to do is take the free lingerie she gets from hosting this shitty Mall-lookin’ event, and make a fucking video for us all to dance to and by dance I mean masturbate, like I used to do to her shitty UK pop music, it just touched me in all the right places. But that was a long time ago, when masturbating was the only thing I had going for me…and now God’s even taken that away from me.

Speaking of loss, I know that girls aren’t as influenced by Paris as they were a few years ago because she’s old. Now they are all doing the Soulja Boy dance, when 5 years ago they were saying “that’s hot” and weren’t wearing underwear while suckin’ off their boyfriends on video. It’s kinda sad to have lost that too. I guess what it comes down to is that the world is a cold dark place but at least we still have our tears to cry with…

Related Posts:

Sara Harding Flashing Her Tits
Cheryl Tweedy Cole’s Animal Print Bra
Cheryl Tweedy Cole in a See Thru Shirt
Cheryl Tweedy Cole in a Bikini

Posted in:Lingerie|Sarah Harding|Unsorted

2007

Nov

I am – Sarah Michelle Gellar Maxim December 2007 Preview of the Day

10 Comments »

So I got an email saying that Sarah Michelle Gellar is the Maxim December 2007 covergirl with a link to some of the previews. I was pretty surprised because I feel like she’s fuckin’ washed up and that I have a better chance being a Maxim Covergirl than she does, but that’s only because I have hot tits, for a dude, and that shit should be fuckin’ acknowledged because I’ve spent a lot of time sitting and drinking and eating bad foods to make this shit happen and that’s all I have to say about that.

Check Out Sarah Michelle Gellar’s Magazine Preview
GO

Posted in:Lingerie|Maxim|Sarah Michelle Gellar|Unsorted

2007

Nov

I am – Kelly Brook Promoting Her Lingerie of the Day

4 Comments »

The thing I find funny about Kelly Brook promoting her signature lingerie line is that she’s not wearing any of it at the launch, instead she’s standing with models who are uglier than her in the lingerie. It’s some kind of fat manager shit that you see in bars, where the hot girl surrounds herself with table scraps so all the motherfuckers come up to them because they are the prize in the group. I don’t really understand why hot girls are way more fucked up than ugly chicks, but I guess it’s worth the pain you go through, because fucking a hot chick is a hell of a lot more interesting to look at when fucking than an ugly chick, even if that ugly chick over-compensates by giving the best head in the fucking world, and the hot chick refuses to suck dick and just lies there like she’s getting her hair done, it’s some psychological shit that you can’t get with an ugly girl, where the entire time you’re giving yourself high fives in your head for landing such a dime because you know the best you should be getting is the ex heroin addict who works at your 24 hour convenience store but you somehow ran enough game to get the prize….and whenever you win it’s a fuckin celebration, but you wouldn’t know anything about that and either would I because I suck at life.

Related Posts:

Kelly Brook’s Bikini Ass
Kelly Brook’s Upskirt

Posted in:Hot|Kelly Brook|Lingerie|Promoting|Unsorted

2007

Nov

I am – Paris Hilton Dresses Like Herself for Halloween of the Day

1 Comment »

I was going to say that these are some pictures of Paris Hilton dressed like herself, looking like she always does, but in her stupid mind, she probably thinks she’s supporting the troops or some shit, but then this video landed in my inbox and in it she says “I’m wearing this for the troops because I know they’re having a hard time right now and don’t really get to celebrate Halloween.” I think the war would be a lot more fun if the troops actually dressed like this, it’d be like watching a bad drag show where they kill each other, but I guess we’ll just have to leave it up to Paris to be the bad drag show, while living her life of luxury and real people are dying. If she really wanted to support the troops in Iraq, maybe she’d head out there and let them fuck her so that they can get sick leave, or maybe she could send each one of them 10,000 dollars to help pay for the therapy they’re all going to have to go through when it’s all over. Point of this post is that Paris is a cunt….and I know someone who booked her to host their party and she charged 30,000 dollars and an 8-Ball of coke. True Story.

Image Removed due to Papparazzi

Bonus Pictures of Her in Dancing With Sluts and Midgets in Another Costume Inside the Club Dressed as “Jail Bait” Because Irony is What Paris Does…Since She Was in Jail and Is Far From Jail Bait….Maybe 10 Years Ago…Now She’s Just Washed Up, Haggard and Has Had a Couple Hundred Too Many Dicks…

Image Removed due to Papparazzi

Related Posts:

Paris Hilton Does Halloween
Paris Hilton Does Montreal and stepTV
Paris Hilton Partying

2007

Oct

I am – Danielle Lloyd's Halloween Ass of the Day

1 Comment »

I don’t really know if these Danielle Lloyd pictures are new or old, mainly because I don’t spend that much of my time thinking about Danielle Lloyd or following her non-existant career, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t. I am not trying to imply that I’ve got better things to do with my time because I don’t, but I like to think just sitting and staring at the wall is more interesting than keeping tabs on this slut, except that this slut shows up to events the way all girls should show up to events, everyday of the week and all my wall does is stare right back at me.

They say this is her on Halloween, but I wouldn’t be surprised if this was her on everyday of the week, her half naked body is what makes her money, so it’s kinda her job to dress like this, now make it your job to look at it, because we all know it’s better than your last job bagging groceries that you got fired from because it was too complicated for you to figure out. Don’t worry, I don’t think you’re a loser, everyone else probably does, but not me. Cuddles.

Related Posts:

Danielle Lloyd Skis and Bikinis…
Danielle Lloyd’s Hairy Armpits
Danielle Lloyd’s Bikini Ass
Danielle Lloyd Flashes Her Ass