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Archive for the SFW Category

2015

05

Nov

Angelina Jolie is Old as Fuck of the Day

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I prefer Angelina Jolie when she was a pre-famous, 90s hipster, into the art scene…all while being dark and serious…maybe even damaged thanks to her famous father…misguided, lost, useless….probably fucking a lot…hot and tight bodied who didn’t really know better, but had no real consequences to her actions thanks to having that rich father…

The whole 40 year old mom with bad Botox….reminding us of her glory days…just doesn’t do it for me. I guess I was never really that big of a fan of her homewrecking tits and lips..to really stay committed to her like Brad Pitt, a man who could fuck everyone, including George Clooney and who probably does, they are Hollywood and being together is good for business…

So I just see old…tired…mom of too many purchased and biological babies…who has decided she’s a writer and director, because I guess she is, since she writes movies and directs them….since Hollywood likes financing their golden child…

But I guess she doesn’t look as bad as most 40 year old moms of 12 kids…just bad for Angelina Jolie…and I guess what it comes down to is that this reminds me how old I am …and that my life consists of writing about her like this matters..which is enough to make me drink, but I guess waking up is enough to make me drink…so that’s not saying much.

Posted in:Angelina Jolie|SFW

2015

05

Nov

Kendall Jenner Nipple Celebrates 40 Million Followers with Censored Tit Flash of the Day

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Kendall Jenner hit 40 million followers…so she flashed her tit…like some white trash, trailer park trash, college coed at some frat party before jumping into a wet t-shirt contest…

Not that I have anything against titty flashes, I think tits are great and I sexualize them harder than Feminists could ever imagine a tit being sexualized….in their “It’s to feed babies”….even though they have a lot of downtime when not feeding babies, especially when they are 20 and being used to get noticed…when babies aren’t even in the fucking mix…plenty of opportunity for people like me to sexualize the motherfuckers…or the the owner of the motherfuckers to take a cue from the family code of conduct manual they are given at birth that the mom spent the fucking OJ years writing…it’s called “Owning the Fucking Media like it was a Rich Man with Our Pussies”…

Garbage.

Here’s the rest of her shoot – by Moises Arias who was so lucky to spend time with Kendall taking pics…at least that’s probably what she thinks.

Posted in:Kendall Jenner|SFW

2015

05

Nov

Alexis Ren Tongue of the Day

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I think the world needs more girls with hot young bodies posting half naked pictures on the internet to go viral, and not just with herpes, even though herpes is in the cards for them, based on the career and ladder climbing, sugar babying and gold digging, as they become “it girls” with millions of followers…for brands to hire them for their perceived celebrity…

I don’t think there are enough half naked, attention seeking, validation seeking people on social media looking for that mass appeal, critical mass stamp of approval…

I do think we need more and more desperate for fame 18 year olds…that will do anything for this fake, candy-coated, lie that is social media…

Because I’d rather dilute the bitches who are winning in this world like the Jenner – Hadids of the world…who are just fucking garbage that had everything given to them…without having the fuck their way to the top..

The idea of fucking whoever the way because they want to and not to advance their careers…is upsetting to me…

So let’s give the more normal people attention….right…

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Posted in:Alexis Ren|SFW

2015

05

Nov

Bella Thorne Cleavage and Mouth of the Day

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45 Year Old Bella Thorne….posted some semi-erotic selfies on her snapchat, that didn’t include accidental masturbation videos that she posted to her “story”…that were destined for some dude she fucks…which is too bad…but I did include cleavage, the poor man’s tit pics, something that when she was 17 was more erotic because her actually topless would get you arrested and no one wants that…but cleavage, that shit is fair game and the reason you hang out outside the Victoria’s Secret changing room at the mall….but at 18, or in Bella Thorne’s case 45 pretending to be 18, as Disney does with their people because they hate those annoying Child labor laws, but want people to think the 16 year old they are watching is 16 and not 45….I expect more spread asshole..it is the window to a girl’s soul…and yes, I always say I wish these pics, on every post, were spread asshole shots…it is repetitive, but true…I do wish every post was spread ass shots…and I’m not about to pretend I don’t…

Here’s Bella…even her trendy name seems like a lie..

Posted in:Bella Thorne|SFW

2015

05

Nov

Alyssa Milano is Old as Fuck in a Bathing Suit of the Day

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I never fell into the Alyssa Milano trap. I never understood why everyone freaked out about an average looking italian girl…especially not when she was in her 30s. It just made sense to me and could only really mean one thing and that one thing is that the people who visit or write these kinds of sites are nerdy losers who are incapable of moving on, to fan and stare at and really obsess over their idols, jerk off material of the past…it’s like it seems more real if you watch it age…even if it wasn’t that good when it was young…making me realize just how pathetic some people are in terms of their lives, their interests, what they masturbate to…and pretty much everything about them….

Who cares about Alyssa Milano, unless she’s breast feeding for social media as she does….I mean looking her in a bathing suit is just terribly normal…and normal to me is bad. I like either way below normal that it is on the verge of disgusting, or way above normal that I am blown away…but middle of the road is just too suburban that it sucks..

What I am saying is Alyssa Milano and her hairy arms she’s had lasered…is just boring, but let me post it anyway.

Posted in:Alyssa Milano|SFW

2015

05

Nov

Joe Jonas is an Adele Singing Clown Because He Fucked Gigi Hadid’s Double Chin of the Day

Here’s a little Gigi Hadid and her wonky face….talking about being a rich kid with connections…allows you to become an “it girl”…as you can hang out with other rich kids and go to all the rich kid parties and do richc kid things….while brands are trying to figure out how to adapt to the market and reach young people…as young people watch these idiots, because I guess other than their money, they are terribly fucking average in all ways…so it gives the general population hope.

Listening to Gigi Hadid, while watching her 20 year old chin waddle, rocking that deep voice…I remember that this girl is a fucking lie….and I understand why she’s gone the easy drop out of school route to exploit her tits and her self because it makes her feel validated…

The fact that she’s the “face of a make-up brand”….but more importantly the pussy that the Jonas Brother’s shoved his purity ring inside before trying to pull it out with his dick…but that is no more, she can take her whoring to other places…because the couple they called GI JOE…is done…and no one over 20 cares…

Here’s the Jonas Brother’s Doing a cover of Adele…dealing with the sadness of “I fucked this high maintenance rich kid, now I can go fuck groupies, because I am no longer pretending to be a virgin”…while Gigi deals with the remnants of Taylor Swift, Demi Lovato, Ashley Greene pussy in her pussy, because pussy…

Here’s her VS acceptance speech – because it’s all she’s ever wanted growing up a rich kid with everything…one day maybe she’ll fake it til she makes it…and gets asked to walk…like she was Lily Aldrige…

I prefer the immigrants..

Posted in:Gigi Hadid|Joe Jonas|SFW

2015

04

Nov

Gisele Fake Tits in a Bikini of the Day

Gisele’s bikini model body…that was already questionable as woman before she had kids and turned 35….you know the kind of bikini model you thought “Shit, she’s definitely a Brazilian tranny, because she can shoot everyday of the month thnaks to no period”..with a not so feminine, but breast implanted and ripped due to high testosterone body…faking the birth of her children….while faking the sexuality of Tom Brady…but the truth is, she probably has a vagina…I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt…even if seeing her in a bikini does zero for me…the truth is nothing does anything for me…even seeing a babe spread open and fingering herself does zero for me……I’m impotent…

She’s old, I never found her hot, but she still gets paid big money for this shit, reminding me that my opinion doesn’t matter..

Here she is doing it for free…in the BEST video I’ve ever seen..


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Posted in:Gisele|SFW

2015

04

Nov

Hilary Duff for Glamour Mexico of the Day

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Hilary Duff fans fucking love Hilary Duff. They are most likely the people who still read blogs like DrunkenStepfather that talk about people like Hilary Duff or any of these other sluts like they are newsworthy, like they matter, in some fan boy shit, even if I’m just trying to call the motherfuckers out for being garbage…

She was the 16 year old, daughter of a stagemom, who went Disney and became a huge brand….and the only interesting thing that’s ever happened with her, besides her thick fit sturdy body…was when she was married to a Canadian billionaire who played pro Hockey, because I imagined her as the puck slut getting railed in the lockerroom after the games, and it made her squeaky, possibly scientology reputation more appealing..

Now she’s in Glamour Mexico….and it’s not very exciting..but it is Hilary Duff everyone…that’s all the excitement we need…

Posted in:Hilary Duff|SFW

2015

04

Nov

Amber Heard is a Homewrecker in C Magazine of the Day

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Here’s a little home wrecking…harlot who figured “USE Johnny Depp to get ahead”…because he’s Johnny Depp and pretty much runs Hollywood thanks to surviving the 90s drugs…and sex with Kate Moss…because it was when she was 19 and not after all the unprotected sex with needle sharing rock stars…

She’s the official stepmother of 16 year old Lily Rose Depp, who everyone can see on instagram hanging out with Jenners, where you would want an LA rich kid who is virtually on her own fending for herself in her dad’s mansion, while he’s at one of his other houses..fucking this Homewrecker…living out her childhood crush…dreams…all because her pussy is the kind of pussy that makes dudes do really dumb fucking things…like marriage…I’ve heard of those kinds of pussies..watch out…

Posted in:Amber Heard|SFW

2015

04

Nov

Lana Del Rey for Vogue Turkey of the Day

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Lana Del Rey has zero sex appeal, but her songs are just so on point, meaning sex appeal doesn’t matter….

When she’s showing her thigh in obscure market Vogue magazine, it’s higher concept, less sensationalized, or desperate than someone who also has no sex appeal, but has hit songs…Lady Gaga…

I call this “Straight from Lake Placid Private Schools…”….because that’s pretty much her story, where all the inner torment happened…small Olympic towns in upstate New York that vistors would say “this is so cute, it’s like out of a movie or even Europe, OMG they even have a Starbucks”…but beneath that Starbucks on mainstreet surface…there is darkness..sultry voiced darkness…that is Lana Del Rey…

Posted in:Lana Del Rey|SFW