Topless Archives - Page 12 of 15 Archive - DrunkenStepFather.com

Archive for the Topless Category

2008

Apr

Amy Smart is Almost Topless on a Movie Set of the Day

This nipple tape bullshit reminds me of every hipster event I’ve accidentally walked into where girls think it’s not very lesbionic to put electrical tape on their nipples as they wear their mesh shirts. I don’t really fully understand that shit and I don’t really understand how this dude’s job consists of putting tape on a half-famous bitches tits, but it reminds me of the bus boy at the strip club who has to get on stage and shift change to disinfect the shit, only probably less hazardous.

I had this idea of going to the toy store the other day because I figured it would be a good place to be inappropriate. I walked around lookin’ for new mothers to harrass. The best I pulled off yesterday was taking one of those new born baby dolls and going up to the mom and asking her some trivial bullshit question that I knew would have an long drawn out response because new mom’s love talking about themselves as they hang out in their home in their post-partem depression while their husbands stay at at work late banging new pussy. Anyway, as this unsuspecting mom started going off on her rant about formula babies versus breast fed babies I slowly started undressing the doll and touching it inappropriately until she cut the conversation short, didn’t know whether to tell me off, call the authorities or just deal with her own awkwardness and it was funny.

Now I don’t approve of pedophiles and I think it’s some serious sick shit, but I do approve of making people feel ridiculous awkward in seemingly innocent places for a good time using a doll as a prop. I guess I consider creeping out a toy store an accomplishment an accomplishment Amy Smart probably felt when she landed a job that only had one half-assed taped up tit sex scene in it….because covering her nipples seems to be what she’s typecast for. It doesn’t matter – just look at the pics.

Some Tagged Pics Thanks To The Nice People at the Paparazzi Agencies…..Because They Want You To Know Who Owns These Pictures…Kinda Like The Time My Friend Gave Some Slut Herpes So She Would Never Forget Him…Only Not Quite as Nice of a Gesture….

Posted in:Amy Smart|Topless

2008

Apr

Miley Cyrus Topless in Vanity Fair Scandal of the Day

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So Annie Leibovitz is a pedophile and takes sexually suggestive pictures of 15 year old girls for the sake of art, the same excuse every other pedophile uses, but the good news is that Annie Leibovitz is one of those pedophile’s society accepts and awards because their creative vision has nothing to do with their sexual disorders and dysfunctions, like Roman Polansky who is an Academy Award winning pedophile.

At least that what the Spin Doctors (not the band), over at Disney are saying by making the world think MIley was manipulated into getting topless. I guess they don’t want to look like the pedophiles that they are, you know luring little kids to sit on the laps of cartoon like mascots in a amusement park designed to be a magical place for kids while producing brain washing movies and TV shows that have sexual subliminal messages that little kids get addicted to while pretty much owning the girls who star in said shows by paying them insane amounts of money to keep their mouths shut about the seedy shit that goes on behind the scenes. You know the whole use the tool to reach the youth and money make while telling them that a whole lot of girls would kill to be in their position so if they know what’s good for them stick this in your mouth and be sure to stick your finger in my ass while doing that, sweetie, but don’t tell anyone cuz I’ll ruin you, bullshit. Money, Fame, Disney and Vanity Fair are all equally fucked up, but what it all comes down to is Miley Cyrus is a total fuckin’ slut, 15 or not and she probably demanded to be shot topless, and now they are just passing the blame cuz Disney is a wholesome money making machine that made something like a billion dollars off this show and getting any bad press or losing any loyal fans over this will make reaching next year’s billion dollar objective harder and this topless shit doesn’t represent wholesome or some Christian Conservative bullshit that is all part of what makes the USA a total fucking lie. You know the whole we’re so good and wholesome on the surface, meanwhile so corrupt behind the scenes as we’re pumping blow and dicks into our 15 year old actors. We’re the fuckin’ Magical Kingdom fun for the whole family.

I guess I am just pissed because every time I lure 15 year olds into my photo studio I have to make them promise no to tell anyone about the topless pictures that I have to keep locked away in a safe. I am just kidding, I don’t have topless pictures of my 15 year old stepdaughter or any 15 year old, despite popular belief based on the name of the site by people who judge books by their covers, I am not into young girls, I prefer sex addicted 30 year old sluts to experimenting teens. The only thing I say that could be confused for liking young girls is that I wish I was 15 this generation, just because when I was 15 I was getting shit pussy cuz all the hot pussy was too prude to lick my asshole at teenage parties, and the only reason I know this shit is cuz of an Oprah episode, so she’s the real smut peddler.

The truth is that I just watched that Ellen Page movie called Hard Candy where she plays a 14 year old boy and cuts off some internet predator photographer pedophile’s dick last night after finding his kiddie porn stashed away in a safe. I would have thought she’d just be happy someone was giving her some attention, but no she has to go out and cut dicks, I heard she wrote that part in for herself because she’s a penis hating lesbian.

The funniest thing about the whole thing is that she’s not even topless, she’s just fuckin’ ugly. They are making a big deal out of nothing by focusing their energy on the wrong fucking issue and should be spending their time trying to get her some cosmetic dental surgery.

Posted in:Miley Cyrus|Topless

2008

Apr

Billie Piper Topless Beach Pictures of the Day

8 Comments »

Billie Piper was the Miley Cyrus of her generation in the UK. I know nothing about her, but she had some number 1 songs in 1997 when she was 15 and I guess she never really made it all that big because instead of continuing her career she went and got married to some older guy radio host who she divorced to re-marry the weird lookin’ dude she’s with in these pictures.

The word is that she’s pregnant and that would explain why her tits look like shit and she should worry about covering them up instead of getting them some sun, but I guess if she had that attitude she probably would have never got into that whole mess that ruins your body called pregnancy in the first place.

Posted in:Beach|Billie Piper|Topless

2008

Apr

Mischa Barton’s Shitty Sex Scene of the Day

6 Comments »

So Mischa Barton is trying to revitalize her career after being a drunken useless whore with fat thighs who was the worst actor on the show the OC which says a lot about how bad she is at acting considering the show was the equivalent of a Soap Opera in quality and Soap Operas remind me of some shitty college student video project or porn without the fucking. The movie is called Closing the Ring and I don’t know when it hit theaters or if it hit theaters but I do know that Mischa got topless in it and I’ve got the clip of her in action.

The one thing I hate about sex scenes in movies is that they aren’t realistic, sex is supposed to be dirty and sloppy and awkward, it’s never thei gay romantic shit where you gaze into your lovers eyes and tell them how much they mean to you while you spend 15 minutes kissing her in a loose fitting top that gives the audience a glimpse of her breast before dude has his way with her in positions that just aren’t real. I’ve always said that if I ever right a movie, the sex will be real, there will be penetration, none of this high school grinding shit that gets girls horny and makes guys feel like they can never deliver the goods proper because they aren’t gay actors and actually want to stick our dick’s inside.

I guess all that matters is that Hollywood sex scenes do it for you because you finally get to see some starlet you like in compromising positions and you probably don’t care about how fuckin’ bullshit the whole scenario is, because you just want to get tits and you don’t let things like Soap Opera caliber performances upset you. Unfortunately, I do and I hate Mischa Barton more than I did 5 minutes ago.

Posted in:Mischa Barton|Sex Scene|Topless

2008

Apr

Elisha Cuthbert Does Maxim Topless of the Day

5 Comments »

Elisha Cuthbert did Maxim and looks good but I pretty much have no interest in this Cuthbert. She’s from Montreal but has denounced Montreal, which I totally understand but since she thinks she’s too good for the city, whenever she comes back to visit her family who still lives here she acts like she’s god’s gift to the city, like she’s the biggest export that everyone should acknowledge when all she’s really done is one stupid teen move and a job on 24 which to me is substantially less successful than other Montreal exports like Celine Dion that bitch is my hero.

What I was trying to do was reach out to her sister because I heard she was worth fucking and more accessible since she’s trying to break free from her sister’s shadow. Girls her feel less relevant than their sisters are always willing to suck dick because they feel they deserve the attention. I once knew these sisters who were both pretty slutty, but the one who killed herself was the one who wasn’t molested by her father. She always felt like a second rate citizen to her sister who was obviously more desirable, at least in her mind because their dad chose her and that left some serious emotional trauma. I like the think that the Cuthbert sister is up on the same shit, but instead of their dad choosing Elisha, the rest of the world has and that’s some pretty serious shit to try to live up to and that’s why I am willing to hold her hand through the hard times.

To Read the Article on Cuthbert
GO

Posted in:Elisha Cuthbert|Maxim|Topless

2008

Apr

Sienna Miller is Showing Some Tit on the Beach of the Day

4 Comments »

Sienna Miller looks like a girl who likes to fuck, but then again so do most girls, but that’s just because I am a pervert and look at the world through my own kind of rose colored glasses where every girl I come across is a total slut in my fantasies and love taking it from every angle. It makes life a lot more fun to live, which is something I need because pretty much all other aspects of my life are some kind of sick joke that God’s playing on me, not to mention that even my rose-colored glasses view on the world has a serious downside and that is that none of those sluts are getting with me.

Speaking of sluts who aren’t getting down with me, here are some pictures of Sienna Miller running around on the beach and in the ocean like some kind of girl on vacation because she has made enough money to keep her out of having a normal 9-5 career where she has to sleep with her boss to get a raise or even a career stripping, but the good news is that she’s still doing the whole getting naked for money shit, just on a hire pay scale and in the movies so that she can easily convince us that it’s her craft and not using her body for profit, not that it takes any convincing for any of us because we like looking at it.

The truth is that all girls should take her lead, there’s really no purpose for bikini tops, it’s just some conservative American formality that takes away from my fun. They just get in the way, they leave annoying tan lines like some kind of Playboy Model, Pornstar or slut from the 90s and hide a natural tool used to feed our offspring that we should be celebrating. Covering them up isn’t giving them the justice they deserve, it’s some oppressive shit and the truth is that they are often more interesting to look at then the slut they belong to so if there’s one body part you shouldn’t be allowed to show off, it’s that ugly face of yours, so wrap it up like you’re in Muslim country now and show me your motherfucking tits, like Sienna Miller’s doing…..

Posted in:Bikini|Sienna Miller|Topless

2008

Feb

Mariah Carey Topless on the Beach of the Day

1 Comment »

Here are some pictures of Mariah Carey topless on the beach. She’s doing a pretty damn good job covering up her shit. She’s even strategically placed her dog and used him as a bra which leads me to wonder what else she does with her dog. Not only does the little fucker get to eat her panties, sniff her crotch and eat her tampons when she’s on the rag, watch her take a shit and get closer to her tits than you ever will, but since bitch is crazy, it’s safe to assume that dresses him up for dinner in a little tuxedo pretending he’s her date, since no guy goes near her for fear of having her have a nervous breakdown on them….but that dog just can’t say no…mainly because he can’t talk but also because he feels so luxurious….

Speaking of luxurious, I am drunk and realized that my hair is falling out. Not only am I a fat middle aged poverty case but now I am also a bald fat middle aged poverty case. It’s pretty depressing, but considering I have no self-esteem as it is, I guess it’s not a big deal….probably the same kind of feeling Mariah has when she decided to paraded around the beach like she’s 20 and this is college spring break….

Posted in:Beach|Mariah Carey|Topless

2008

Feb

Lindsay Lohan Nude Photoshoot Outtakes of the Day

1 Comment »

So all you motherfuckers got all excited about seeing Lohan topless or nude despite being covered in freckles in the Lindsay Lohan Nude Photoshoot for NY Mag. I didn’t really give a fuck about them either way, because a staged photoshoot with tits is boring, no matter who the tits belong too. I want to see vagina with dick in it from a picture taken by a paparazzi in a closet, none of this airbrushed studio bullshit…. I did ask a plastic surgeon if her tits were real and he said they were real…implants. I also spoke to a dude who goes to her coke parties and he said she was always naked and advertised the fact that her tits were great fakes. I am going to say shit looks real to me…real fantastic and all you virgins are too busy jerking off to agree.

Either way, the fuckers at NY Mag who threatened me with a law suit yesterday are milking this story as hard as the cocks they like having shoved in their fashionable pretentious lawsuit threatening asses and released these out takes that look the same as the last batch….kinda like a Lohan herpes outbreak, the sores always hit the same spot and lacks excitement because you already know what to expect.

Either way, let’s hope bitch will take Marilyn Monroe’s lead and let this be her last photoshoot before having an overdose on barbiturates leaving her a hollywood legend that we can all look back upon and remember how hollywood turned her into a spoiled talentless cokewhore who was addicted to sex but never released a sex tape but always made us feel better about our miserable lives 20 years from now….

Related Posts:

The Cease and Desist Email I GOt From NY MAG Gayness
Lohan’s Tit in Her Nude Photoshoot for NY MAG
Old Lohan Pussy Flash
Lindsay Lohan’s Other Vagina Flash

Posted in:Lindsay Lohan|Nude|NYMag.com|Photoshoot|Topless

2008

Feb

Lohan Topless in Some Photoshoot of the Day

1 Comment »

These pictures of Lohan in some photoshoot for New York magazine recreating some Marilyn Monroe shoot were just sent to me and she’s topless. Now everyone who reads this site know I have a fake crush on coke whore and her tits are pretty much the main reason why. It’s definitely got nothing to do with her freckled skin that is cute when she it on a kid running a lemonade stand and not so cute when it looks like the coke whore just did some scat porn to get more coke and hasn’t had enough time to shower.

I don’t know what I am talking about, I’m riding off a 3 day hangover. Look at the pics because the best way to draw attention to your useless drug addicted self is to get naked. Remember that girls and be sure to start by sending them to me first.

I know having a sheet between you and lohan seems pretty shitty in pictures because it’s blocking out her pussy, but if this was real life that sheet is a necessity but preferably in latex because skin to skin contact with this whore has some serious repercussions , it’s kinda like wearing a helmet when riding a bike or when retarded so you don’t smash your head in the wall repeatedly.

I had to Take the Pics Down So Check them Out Here – but Put Them Back Up – Fuck ‘Em…
GO

Here’s My Email Communication with NY Mag
GO

Posted in:Lindsay Lohan|Naked|Nude|Photoshoot|Topless

2007

Oct

I am – Joanna Krupa 2008 Topless Calendar Pictures of the Day

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Joanna Krupa is a model who has been on the cover of a ton of magazines and has been in Playboy because she is hot and looks good naked. I have no idea what else she’s done as far as work goes but I do know that these topless calendar pics are a good fuckin’ move because she is hot and looks good naked. She was born in Poland so I can only assume she got her career started at a young age as a contortionist who would balance on a Ball with a bear during the communist years when Poland was known for their circus performers, or maybe she was a Gypsy, like the cunt who lives in the next building over from me. The other day I was walking down the street and she stopped her car next to me and started screaming at me about shit I didn’t understand and could only assume was some kind of relapse into WWII concentration camps. Unfortunately she ended up trying to run me over but missed, because I could have used the insurance settlement and I don’t really need my legs anyway because I like to sit….on Joanna Krupa’s face…because she’s hot and looks good naked.

Related Posts:

Joanna Krupa at an Event in a Nightgown
Joanna Krupa in Lingerie at an Event
Joanna Krupa’s Tit’s Out in Miami
Joanna Krupa at the SI Swimsuit Party