I'll Make You Famous…
 
 

2009

12

May

They Say Lindsay Lohan is Pregnant of the Day

They say Lindsay Lohan is 7 weeks pregnant and doesn’t know the father. I say, she finally got that cup of sperm I mailed her as a gift after hearing about the break-up and artificially inseminated herself and that’s why she’s doesn’t know who the father is because we haven’t met.

Despite strongly believing in ABORTING THE MISSION, I am willing to be a father to this single mother household. I guess I just asked Lohan to marry me. I can’t wait to hear from her people with their answer.

The truth is that I don’t believe she is pregnant and if she is it is some immaculate conception, Jesus Christ shit, because last time I checked, eating pussy doesn’t get you knocked the fuck up. So I guess that makes her some holy figure that the rest of you can start praying to, and I’ll jusy say “I told you so” because I’ve always known she was an angel.

I guess the real truth is that no one really knows what the truth is because celebrity is just a series of lies and cover-ups so I’m just posting this because I find the whole thing entertaining enough while sitting on my couch staring out the window at my Asian neighbor hanging her laundry to dry fantasizing about taking off those oversized panties she just hung up, with my teeth. My life is very simple….

Here is Lohan showing off her “baby bump” and by that I mean her hip bones and skinny goodness…

Posted in:Lindsay Lohan|Pregnant

2009

12

May

Hilary Duff in Some Workout Gear of the Day

If you’re wondering how Hilary Duff’s been staying in good enough shape to put up with the Hockey Team gangbangs her boyfriend puts her through, you know because she’s in love with him and understands that as a jock, he has obligations to his team, to build a sense of family in sharing everything he has with them, she’s a real trooper and here she is in some gym clothes leaving the gym where she spend the better part of two hours doing squats to stretch her asshole out.

Posted in:Hilary Duff|Workout

2009

12

May

Halle Berry Tits in a Tube Top of the Day

Oh shit, it’s Halle Berry in a tube top. Where’s the creepy guy who got arrested for pulling down unsuspecting girl’s and their unsuspecting tube tops a couple of summers ago cuz he loves titties as much as he loves sexual harassment when we need him. Oh that’s right, sitting right here typing this. Legally obligated to stay at least 15 feet away from tube tops, but at least I’ve got the pics. Motherfuckers.

Posted in:Halle Berry|Tits|Tube Top

2009

12

May

How the Fuck did I Miss This Video of the Day

I don’t know how I missed this video of the dude who writes Egotastic in his element, surrounded by his action figure, talking about his chronic masturbating, recycling his semen by eating his own cum and making out with the closest thing he’s ever had to pussy.

Sure it may not be the dude who writes Egotastic, but whoever this dude is, this has to be a joke, no one can be like this, but it is pretty amazingly uncomfortable.

Posted in:Creepy Dude|Egotastic

2009

12

May

Shitty See Throughs of the Day

In trying to stay in touch with my one reader, I figure I’d post these shitty see through pictures, in a take what I can get kinda way. You know, because it is the story of our lives, never really having much choice in the tits we get to see, and really just taking what we can fuckin’ get. So here is some Gisele and Nicky Hilton from last week mainly because I had the pictures uploaded, but also because at least one person out there wants to fuck these bitches because they are better lookin’ than their disgusting wife, who won’t stop trying to kiss my neck today, I think it is because I haven’t showered and smell like last night’s dinner and she’s hungry (all the time).

Nicky Hilton Shitty See Through of the Day


Posted in:Gisele|Nicky Hilton|Shitty See Through

2009

12

May

I want Heidi Montag-Pratt to Die of the Day

This is fucking disgusting. No seriously. It makes me fucking mad. I feel the hate in the depths of my bleeding asshole. These motherfuckers play the media in the most obvious way and it works. They know they don’t have to be creative, they can just be annoyingly obvious as they cry for attention as they are pretty much mocking us as they do it and they are getting paid and it is working for them. If only it was this easy for the rest of us, not that I’d ever trade my disgustingly pathetic existence to be this couple, because if I was this couple, I’d do the right fucking thing for society and kill my fuckin’ self. I’m talking murder suicide.

Either way, this is my plea to get you to stop supporting these monsters. Please help make them go away.

Posted in:Bikini|Heidi Montag|Music|Video

2009

12

May

Taryn Manning is the Crackwhore of the Day

You may remember Taryn Manning, she’s the haggard lookin’ whore from the movie 8 Mile. She’s also got some lesbian rock band with her brother, a clothing line and is into other shit like getting high, drunk and having sex with random men as long as they tell her she’s the prettiest girl in the world. I don’t know about the last part, but she’s definitely got a pretty hard fucking face that reminds me of street whores who are down on their luck, have daddy issues, and who beg me to tell them they are pretty before sticking it in them, so I’m posting it as fact.

I know people who find her hot, I always found her vile and I have even taken our friendship to facebook, where she was a cunt to me. so I can’t stand her.

Speaking of facebook, I just added some random girl who wrote “do we know each other” or something along the lines of “why the fuck are you randomly adding me you fucking creepy motherfucker” but the nicer version.

This is what I wrote back, but suggest you don’t, if you want to make the friend. We call this being a social chainsaw….

Not officially. I mean I jerk off to your profile picture everyday and I figured I’d add you and see what else you have to offer.

With Love,

Jesus Martinez
DrunkenStepfather.com

Here are some pictures of a dirty little irrelevant whore…who I am sure you’d fuck but spend the next 6-8 weeks lookin’ at your dick pretty fucking closely to make sure nothin’ pops up. Word.

Posted in:Uncategorized

2009

12

May

Jessica Simpson Short Shorts Perform

Jessica Simpson looked pretty fucking dumpy in a pair of short shorts while performing. I know she’s an idiot, but you’d think she be able to wrap her little head around the concept of pants. This isn’t Dukes of Hazards anymore, you’re old and just because you aren’t a mom doesnt mean you don’t look like you’ve had a few kids. Embrace your post-pregnancy lookin’ body, settle down, and put on some fucking pants. You pig.

Posted in:Jessica Simpson|Short

2009

11

May

stepLINKS of the Day

I go to the rich person dog park to watch the Filipino help walk the rich people dogs because it reminds me that my life may be shit, but at least it doesn’t involve picking up another family’s dog’s shit when I am not dealing with their bratty fucking kids who treat me like shit, all for less than minimum wage because I don’t have my work papers and I wouldn’t dare ask for more, or my boss will threaten to deport me. The land of opportunity my fucking ass. I am sure this is not the dream life they dreamt of when mopping floors in the Philippines before making the move here. I also go for the young rich pussy, I am sure it smells nicer than the garbage I’m used to.

Here are my stepLINKS.

Monday’s Just Got a Little Easier
GO

Cher Squeezed Her Granny Vagina into One of HEr 80’s Get Ups and It Ain’t Half Bad
GO

Black Sabbath Fan Freak Out
GO

The 22 Hottest Stripper Videos From Movies
GO

Gateway Pretty Much Makes the Creepiest Father-Daughter Commercials Ever
GO

Stanley Kubricks Long Lost Master Piece
GO

Did You Know? Probably Not, Because You Don’t Know Shit
GO

Avril Lavigne is Getting Fat
GO

Penistron is Exactly What it Sounds Like
GO

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!!
GO

Leighton Meester Bikini Shots
GO

Find Girls to Fuck – Because Sex is a Two Person Activity
GO

Jesus Christ Spencer Pratt Thinks He Is a Rapper Now?
GO

Shit is About to Get REALLY Nasty in Mel Gibson’s Family
GO

President Obama, Meet Natalie Portman’s Nipples
GO

Beyonce is Just a Tad too Dramatic Sometimes
GO

Katy Perry Wants Grampa Peen
GO

I Hope Nick Cannon and Eminem Fight to the Death
GO

Use This To Get Sex..Because Sex is Fun
GO

A Japanese Prank That Never Ends
GO

Haylie Marie Just Loves the Desert
GO

Cop Runs Over a Biker – VIDEO
GO

Luci is Unchained
GO

Katie Price’s Used of Vadge is Back on the Market
GO

Justine Timberlake is a Mother Lover
GO

Now Here’s Some Cars You Don’t See Everyday
GO

Jessica Simpson’s Gut is Almost the Size of Mine
GO

audrina Patridge is See Through
GO

Wlecome to the Pussy Show
GO

Padma Lakshmi Saluted the President By Basically Showing Him Her Tits
GO

Adela Just Made My Day a Whole Lot Better
GO

AHHHHHH Bar Rafaeli
GO

Jenya Shows It All Off
GO

One of the Sluts Who One Flavor of Love Has a Sex Tape
GO

Wolverine in 30 Seconds
GO

She Probably Just Made His Day
GO

Boy George is Out of Jail
GO

The 7 Creepiest Products Found in an Everyday Drug Store
GO

And Now, Some Dancing Pregnant Whores
GO

Some Vegas Pussy in Crochet Bikini
GO

ROGUE COLLECTORS PHOTOBUCKET FINDS
GO

Posted in:stepLINKS

2009

11

May

Leighton Meester is in a Bikini on the Beach of the Day


I saw these pictures earlier, but had no idea who this bitch is, so I didn’t bother posting them, then I realized that everyone fucking posted them and in trying to fit in with other celebrity sites, because they are run by fuckin’ cool people that don’t make me feel uncomfortable, or awkward or a little nervous about their social skills, that exude cool and never desperation as they talk about breasts in a way that makes me believe they may or may not have ever seen a set.

Either way, here she is, next time I’ll let the bikini do the talking and I won’t ignore any bitch who is wearing one. I failed you. Get used to it.

Posted in:Ass|Beach|Bikini|Leighton Meester