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Sara Sampaio Shows Off her Pussy in Tight Pants Under the Guise that it is a Fitness Video of the Day

Industry Flesh Puppet Jessica Alba Propagandizes for the Machine of the Day

Sydney Sweeney is Glamour’s Woman of the Year of the Day

Paige Spiranac Feeling Herself Up of the Day

Margaret Qualley is Hot for an Ugly Chick of the Day

2009

Apr

Amber Heard Topless in Some Movie of the Day

1 Comment »

Her name is Amber Heard, she was the highschool girlfriend in Pineapple Express. She is naked in this video that is supposed to be from her new movie called the informers. I dont know anything else about her. I don’t know if she is in highschool, the fact that she’s topless leads me to think she isn’t, but the perkiness of her tits, leads me to pretend that she is.

I guess that’s the reason so many guys I know like premature babies or girls with developmental issues and that’s because they look 14 when they are 18 and by people I know, I mean you.

Personally, I am more into grandmothers and their grey, hard, leathery pussy, but only because it comes with a pension, nap time and all the baked goods my fat kid self can desire…

Posted in:Amber Heard|Informers|Topless

2009

Apr

Some Lingerie Store Politically Correct Bullshit of the Day

2 Comments »

I get that lingerie companies don’t want to alienate any women from wearing their product. You can be 90 pounds to 900 pounds and motherfuckers will still celebrate you as long as you are paying, so it is only natural for a lingerie company to do some politically correct campaign to let women of all sizes know they can get their support right at Ultimo no matter what shape or size, all the while not taking a second to think about what the men watching are thinking.

So to clear things up, we fuck enough fat, uneven-titty, flat chested, garbage quality women, we don’t need you to celebrate them on our fucking time, by having some kind of topless love in where you’re all fucking sister and happy you found a bra and pantyset that feels right for you, you can do that shit behind closed doors and send us the highlight reel, provided anything sexy goes down, because this Women in Songs garbage makes me mad, but lesbian group sex doesn’t, especially when it is with girls who had no idea that they had dykin’ out in them before sitting in a room trying on panties with each other, even if they aren’t perfect looking, it’s a quantity over quality situation.

Posted in:Lingerie|Ultimo

2009

Apr

Samantha Ronson Spins at a Stripclub of the Day

11 Comments »

Samantha Ronson DJed the stripclub opening Pam Anderson was at and I wonder if she found love for 10 dollars a song like I have so many times.

I always laugh when I see lesbians at the stripclubs I go to, they are usually really fat, manly, horny bitches who all the strippers flock to because they feel less violated when something that claims to have a pussy slaps their ass, despite the fact that there’s no real proof she’s a woman, and really all evidence points to penis.

They always seem to be out of control, drunk, screaming, annoying, flashing the strippers their tits, putting money in their mouths and laying on stage, eager to get pussy and it is like watching an obese person at the all you can eat buffet, knee deep in mash potatos, if you know what I mean. It’s one of thoseKaty Perry lesbian fantasy killer situations that makes all the guys in the club hate that she’s stealing the limelight….

On a sidenote, is this the end for Ronson, I mean all the stripclub DJs I’ve ever seen are pretty bottom of the fucking barrel, does leaving Lohan mean a life of awkward parties, stripclubs and back alley abortion clinics, you know bringing music to ease the pain of killing your unwanted fetus.

On another sidenote, I am sure she got paid 20,000 dollars to do this, and the place I go, the DJ only gets paid in handjobs.

Let’s do one more sidenote, I hate you.

Posted in:DJ|Samantha Ronson|Stripclub

2009

Apr

Katy Perry’s Dumpy Ass in Pink of the Day

3 Comments »

Katy Perry is a sloppy, piece of shit of a girl who I hate. I am glad she took my Twitter advice to keep her shit under fucking wraps, I’m talking a Snuggie or something similar when she goes out in public because whenever I see her show just a little fuckin’ skin, that Kissed a Girl song jumps into the itunes in my head and I get all sexually confused, because girl on girl action is supposed to be the fucking fantasy, but Katy Perry on girl is just fucking awkward, fat, pale and ugly, making me wonder whether I am really a man or not and the answer to that question always comes back inconclusive.

Posted in:Dumpy|Katy Perry

2009

Apr

Pamela Anderson at Some Stripclub Opening of the Day

7 Comments »

Pam Anderson was at the opening of some NYC stripclub which was pretty obvious because that’s pretty much what her Hollywood career has been. You know big fake everything, fucking rockstars and guys with lame tattoos, getting STDs and now that she’s washed up and disgusting, it’s only natural that she go back to “den mother” all these girls just starting out, and I use the word natural very loosly.

I spend a lot of time in stripclubs, I know how these things work. I see the old haggard stripper who you wonder how she got where she got and why she’s still allowed to work and you realize that she’s been there for decades and can’t get fired and that she acts as a mentor to the other girls because she’s seen it all , and her daughter so happens to work alongside her to pay for her college and that together, they get naked for money and that they only talk to me when they are really really desperate for money and have been rejected by everyone else in the club, including the staff, so I know the whore game, and I know that despite Pam Anderson getting sidetracked along her true calling with that whole Hollywood, celebrity shit, it’s never too late to crawl back into the gutter position your fate had lined up for you, your tits, your fake hair, lips and fabricated, plastic sex appeal.

Posted in:Opening|Pamela Anderson|Stripclub

2009

Apr

Paris Hilton and Her Magic Tits of the Day

2 Comments »

Paris Hilton is out with her new boyfriend and she’s showing off her tits. I don’t care, maybe you do…sure I like tits as much as the next guy – but Paris Hilton I can do without. She was born a rich kid, never had to work a day in her life, but instead decided that that wasn’t good enough and that she needed to go out and do things “on her own” and become famous “on her own” and now, 10 years later, we’re still fucking talking about her, still taking pictures of her, and the only talent she really has is being a whiny brat who gets what she wants. So fuck you Paris Hilton for making me post this by dressing like a slut with tits, even though you don’t have tits, making the whole thing that much more confusing than it already is.

Posted in:Magic Tits|Paris Hilton

2009

Apr

Some Girl Eats A Banana With Her Feet of the Day

4 Comments »

Here is a video that dropped last week of a girl trying to eat a banana with her feet while in very little clothes and handcuffed.

The funny thing about this is that it was one of my pick up lines that I’ve tried on girls, you know “hey baby, come over and eat some banana with your feet half naked while handcuffed” but I slowly phased it out when they slapped me, called the bouncer to take me out when I thought they were just going to the bathroom of the club to wash their pussies up for me to eat them out and pretty much never agreed to do it.

I guess it’s just one of those genius things that it took someone to do on video to remind me that although my ideas are good, I need to work on my delivery….

Posted in:Banana|Feet|Underwear

2009

Apr

A Little Claudia Schiffer for Old Times of the Day

1 Comment »

David Copperfield and I had a lot in common. Firstly, we both got mistaken for pedophiles when we first started out or magic careers and would solicit boys and girls in the park to watch our magic tricks, hoping they’d go home to mom and dad and demand they book us for their birthday parties. Secondly, we both had a love for Claudia Schiffer, a supermodel at the time. The only difference was that Copperfield managed to take his magic to the motherfuckin’ top and I was stuck doing a bad coin trick some asshole taught me to get money on the streets, and he got engaged to Claudia Schiffer, while she still doesn’t know I exist. It is one of life’s great tragedies, but the good news is that I am used to tragedy. I decided to post these pictures of her to remind me of something I never had…..

Posted in:Claudia Schiffer

2009

Apr

Dizzee Rascal’s New Song and Video of the Day

6 Comments »

I used to listen to Dizzee Rascal all the time. I heard about him from some young girl I was trying to bang but who never let me do much more than finger bang her one night when she was asleep next to me that I never told her about.

She was all about this UK Grime shit at the time, and being a grimey motherfucker, it was no surprise that I got hooked.

So for the last 5 or 6 years or 7 years, I’ve been listening to a few songs from Dizzee Rascal, so when I came across this new song and video, I had no choice to post it.

It’s fucking bananus.

So if you’re coming to the site for things that aren’t songs I like..and are things I find funny or sick, then here’s the video of the world’s smallest bodybuilder in action…I can’t jerk off to this shit but then again, I’m not you…

Or maybe you’re more into half naked tits posing…So here’s some Coco Never Before Seen Footage Exclusive Photoshoot Shit from the other day…

This post was brought to you by raping and pillaging worldstar.

Posted in:Armand Van Helden|Dizzee Rascal

2009

Apr

Tila Tequila Does her Cam Girl Bullshit of the Day

7 Comments »

I posted some bullshit Tila Tequila promoting her new album the only way she knows how and that’s by cheapening her whoreself by doing a camgirl show like the poor drug addict girl I met on craigslist lookin’ for real porn work, or the chick I met at Burger King drunk who added me to AIM and opened up to being a cam girl and who I eventually convinced to go on cam and vacuum naked when she wasn’t at work. Those were the glory days of the internet when you went on cam because you were an exhibitionist who liked people watching you naked or someone too lazy to get a real job trying to pay the rent, before you needed shitty half naked cam videos to drive traffic to your site or sell records….

I guess you couldn’t expect much more from Tila, half naked on the internet are her roots and I’m not complaining, I think all bitches should get naked to sell shit, I’m talking to you girl who works the cash at the grocery store…and to you girl at the coffee shop who always gives me sex eyes…..and to the girl who works at the pet store and pretty much every girl I come across in the day to make my life more interesting and sexy.

Posted in:Camgirl Dance|Tila Tequila