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Sydney Sweeney Gives a Booty Show of the Day

Christina Aguilera Whorin’ Old Lady of the Day

Christina Milian Posing with Produce of the Day

Aurelie Dupont is the Instagram Of The Day

Britney Spears Returns With Weird Dancing of the Day

2008

Dec

Nicola McLean is Christmas of the Day

3 Comments »

This Nicola McLean bitch is the new spokesperson for Christmas or some shit. She is relatively a nobody, from the UK, on some reality shows and shit, but all of a sudden, the calendar hid december and next thing you know, new Christmas and winter themed pictures of her in her lingerie or showing off her tits at event start hitting the internet hard. I am not sure what’s going on in these pictures, but looks like Yahoo! goes a whole new marketing strategy to take over Google, because big titties seem to always work….

Speaking of big, I was at some point last night and my eye sight is fucking shit….I was pushing through this crowd of people and brushed into some tall, thin, long haired person. As I put my hands on her hips I softly said “excuse me for brushing up against you, I’m pretty big”, and that’s when the person turned around, smiled at me and was a fucking dude. True story.

I guess that’s got nothing to do with Nicola McLean or her tits, but since it was my company Christmas party for one, I figure my story ties in nicely…..and I guess that’s what matters.

Posted in:Christmas|Nicola Mclean

2008

Dec

The Carmen Electra Nude for Playboy of the Day

16 Comments »

The highlight of my week was talking to a girl about how she lets her boyfriend cum inside her, because she was 18 and 18 is awesome. The highlight of your week will be these pictures of Carmen Electra that I will be asked to take down in a couple of hours, so take it in motherfuckers, or get to your newstand and buy the issue, like that’ll ever fucking happen when you can find it on the internet for free…..I don’t really understand why magazines still exist, but I do understand why Carmen’s taking her 40 year old body back to Playboy and that’s because it looks pretty fucking alright.

Posted in:Carmem Electra|Playboy

2008

Dec

Lily Allen and Her Miscarriage Fish Nets of the Day

5 Comments »

Here are some pictures of Lily Allen in a homemade Coco Chanel shirt that I find kinda funny, because a bunch of years back, I did the same thing with a marker and a white t-shirt, only I didn’t do Coco Chanel, I went with Nike, because I wanted people to think I was into fitness and not trying to make some kind of commentary on designer clothes being a waste of money, despite Lily Allen’s closet probably consisting of more designer shit than anyone you know, leaving her in no position to get all ironic on our asses, if that’s even irony, because I am not a fucking English teacher and I don’t do definitions, but you know what I’m saying, it’s like a chick with implants stuffing her bra, or maybe it’s not like that at all, what do I fucking know, I’m hung over….

The good news is that her pantyhose to a good job keeping the fetus she’s been too emotional to flush and that she instead shoved back inside her in place. It’s like trapping the fucking thing in a net so it doesn’t run away like she’s on a fucking fishing trip, if you know what I mean….which you don’t because I don’t.

For the record, she may look like a dumpy short legged troll, but I’d still fuck her.

Posted in:Fishnets|Lily Allen|Shorts

2008

Dec

Some Crazy Homeless Dude Needs to a Record Deal of the Day

3 Comments »

Part of what I do with my time is hang with homeless, drug addicted beggars on the street. I like to keep my shit real despite having a shitty apartment, wife and food in the fridge half the time. The truth is that I’ve always related to homeless people better than I have with corporate 9 to 5ers, maybe it’s because homeless people just don’t give a fuck about things like clothing, cars or showering, and just care about getting another fuckin’ drink.

Anyway, in my time for every 50 totally hopeless crazy motherfucker I’ve talked to, there’s always been one talented motherfucker, who just let whatever vice get the best of him, who needs a couple bucks to get some food or more crack or whatever and never really got to showcase their skills. There’s been artists, musicians and even an Academy Award winner, so when I saw this video of some homeless dude beatboxing, and I fucking hate beatboxing, but he’s sounding better than the shit I hear on the radio, better than Kanye West, I figured I’d post this shit cuz you never know, maybe it’ll help him get in touch with a record label or something and make his life better, and if it doesn’t at least you get to hear some weird shit you wouldn’t hear otherwise….I just made him famous.

Posted in:Homeless Talent Show

2008

Dec

Paris Hilton’s Bff Gets Slammed of the Day

2 Comments »

In totally uninteresting news, Paris Hilton’s New Bff got slammed in the car following Paris Hilton around. Sure, it’s not the way you’d expect anything remotely close to Paris Hilton to get slammed….but it’s still funny to see her get her leg slammed by the car door and seeing her hurt, because you’d figure competing to be Paris Hilton’s best friend would be a painful enough experience and leave you hanging from the attic rafters once you realize what you just won, even if getting paid to hang out with Paris is probably better than her previous job, but I know that no money in the world would convince me to spend time with Paris Hilton, unless that time was spend hurting her. I’m crazy like that and lying, because if she paid me 1,000 dollars a week, I’d fuckin’ be by her side every fucking time she called on me, defending her honor, but that’s only cuz I prostitute my integrity for drinking money pretty much all the time….

Posted in:BFF|Paris Hilton

2008

Dec

Buy Scarlett Johannson’s Used Kleenex of the Day

1 Comment »

So Scarlett Johansson was on Leno, she claimed she had a cold she got from Samuel Jackson, and they decided to auction this shit….

Here’s the ebay discription:

During her 12/17/08 appearance on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, Scarlett Johansson blamed her cold on The Spirit co-star Samuel L. Jackson, saying she caught it from him. She believed that for this reason her cold had some “value.” During her appearance on The Tonight Show, she blew her nose into a tissue provided by Jay Leno. All proceeds of this sale will benefit USA Harvest, the charity of Scarlett Johansson’s choice.

That’s a really weird fetish , because anyone buying anything Johansson is doing it for sexual reasons, especailly when they are paying 2000 dollars for a dirty fucking Kleenex and I don’t know how they are getting away with it because the one time I tried selling my wife’s soiled panties on ebacy, because shit was gross and I knew that some dudes out there like gross, and are willing to pay for gross, you know putting her crusty shit on standing in front of the mirror, or rubbing it on their faces so they can smell her dirty ass but for some reason ebay kept pulling my auctions and banned my account….

But when you are NBC and a celebrity, you can take your germ filled kleenex to ebay for some kind of publicity stunt, that is hyngeinically just as disgusting as my wife’s shit stains, and you know anyone paying 2,000 dollars for this is not going to be doing anything wholesome with this shit, they are probably planning on cloning her, because it is time to replace that sex doll with Johansson’s picture taped to its face, with a real Johansson….Weird Science.

Check out this weird auction. I am really hung the fuck over…
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Posted in:ebay|Scarlett Johansson|Used Kleenex

2008

Dec

stepLINKS of the Day

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I went out drinking and it was pretty life changing. I made the mistake of bringing my wife and now my shit hole I call home is worse than it was 3 weeks ago.Covered in puke and making me sick….. Don’t worry about me, I am drunk…here are my links…I am too drunk to try to bother wriring somthing. True Story…..Good thing I am drunk…

Happy Birthday Little Adolf Hitler
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Danielle Lloyd’s Tits Can Only Get Her So Much
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It Figures a Homo Like Clark Kent Kept a Diary
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Spencer Pratts Sister is Ugly, But Has a Fine Rack
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Shake It To the Ground, Bring It Back Up
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The 9 Hottest Russian Women, EVER
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Sophia Webber Needs to Take Those Jeans All the Way Off
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Why Hello Cecila!
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You Can’t Say SANDWICH?! REALLY?
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Jennifer Aniston Really Needs to Let The Past Go
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Aubrey O’Day Becomes Bisexual for Attention
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The Only Thing Left for Jordan to Brand with Her Name is AIDS Medication
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Halle Berry Nip Slip
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Mickey Rourke is a Real Looker
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And That’s Why You Don’t Show Off in Your New Mustang
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Ashley Simpson is a Dog and Should Be Trained As Such
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Because Bars Just Don’t Cut It In the Ways of Getting Laid Anymore
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The Top Ten Sexiest Women of 2008
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Because I Know You Can’t Do This By Yourself
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Striptease of the Day
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More Porn Than Ever I Know What to Do With
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The Ultimate Love Song, Because Your Life Isn’t Depressing Enough Already
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Kate Hudson Isn’t TRYING to Stay Single, She’s Just Using That As a Cover For Her Desperation
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Johnny Depp Can Fuck Any Women in the World, But He’s Banging This Ugly French Chick
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Mandy Musgrave is Kind of Hot in that Secretary Sort of Way
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More News on Lohan’s Stalker
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Bunnys Gotta Get Love Too
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Samantha By The Pool
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Toilet’s Really Do Have More Than One Use
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Gisele and Layla Celebrate the Holidays
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Brasilian Bikini Model Fight
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Who Doesn’t Like Having the Top Down?
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I Suppose We Can All Use an Extra Pair of Eyes
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I Dont Understand How Britney is Back If She is Looking For Disgusting Than Ever
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All the Single Ladies!!
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Make A Homemade Metal Detector
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The Us Government Hates Elizabeth Hasslebeck As Much As I Do
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SURVIVOR!!
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Playboy is Gonna Get Into Some Shit For This
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I Keep Watching This Fisting Video, So Here It Is Again
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More From the Victoria Secret Fashion Show
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The Naked Girls of PETA Over the Years
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Some Webcam Girl Shakes Her Ass
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Some Slut Dressed Like a Santa I’d Fuck From Behind
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Posted in:Uncategorized

2008

Dec

Natalie Martinez in Death Race: DVD Special Features of the Day

2 Comments »

Natalie Martinez is not my sister, but I’d sure fuck her like she was. Some PR chick sent this out to me going off about how she’s the next Megan Fox and I got excited thinking she’d be poor, Mexican and covered in mud willing to sit on my dick for exposure, but it turns out she’s not Mexican but some Cuban who’s parents didn’t sink on their raft over hear and I guess that’s a good thing because she’s worth a round, even if she’ll never actually be famous with a name like Martinez, seriously bitch, they’ve got it out for us.

Now let’s just hope this PR chick jumps on my dick for posting this smut not because I can’t find anything better out there but because I like doing other people’s jobs for them for free because I am a fucking asshole who doesn’t know how to earn a living like all these other people….and I’m not complaining….because tonight is our office Christmas party, it’ll be sad and lonely since I’m the only one who works here, but I am totally going to fuck the secretary, and by secretary I mean the first girl I can unexpectedly creep up on…because we can’t afford secretaries here…

Here’s an old photoshoot of her when she was working as the face of J-Lo’s creatively named brand, J-Lo

Posted in:Uncategorized

2008

Dec

Aubrey O’Day is a Bisexual of the Day

5 Comments »

This just in….Aubrey O’Day is Bisexual and nobody cares because we’ve all seen this cry for attention in clubs first surface in the late 90s, you know chick on chick on the dance floor while the frat cheers them on like a bunch of horny virgins.

We already saw the picture of her kissing my internet girlfriend who really doesn’t satisfy any of my needs, and isn’t my internet girlfriend because she doesn’t know I exist or get naked on webcam for me, but who I call my internet girlfriend because I am a fan of her page on Facebook, and I like to creep the ladies out like that, Lydia Hearst and I guess that day was the day there was a little more discharge in O’Day’s panties than usual….and her only reasoning for it was that she was into pussy….

Either way, this story would be more scandalous if she released a video of her dog licking peanut butter off her cooch just to put that urban legend to rest and prove that living sex toys are better than the plastic ones you’ve been using with other chicks, as long as nobody finds out about it.

Here’s an old picture of a see-through shirt on an useless whore because I just fell into her attention cry….

Posted in:Aubrey O'Day|Bisexual

2008

Dec

Caroline Kennedy’s Daughter Does Facebook of the Day

14 Comments »

Her name is Rose Schlossberg, she’s 20 and someone sent in these pictures claiming underage drinking and drug use. Now, I started drinking when I was 13 or 14 on a regular basis, by 20, I had already slept with hookers, beat up an ex girlfriend, got fired from at least 30 shitty jobs, burned through an insurance settlement I got as a passenger in a drunk driving accident and pretty much made a fool of myself, got in fights and had at least 40 one night stands, usually unprotected, with girls I wouldn’t like to admit I even spoke to, let alone licked their assholes.

I got out every weekened and 18 is legal here, which makes sense, since you can buy smokes at 18 and smoking and drinking go hand in hand, you can also gamble, move out from your parent’s control, have sex with other people who are over 18, vote and pay taxes, and sign their own permission slips for school, hire whores in Vegas, go to strip clubs and get charged as adults in prison, so why the fuck is your right to drink taken the fuck away from you from some conserverative Christian government in a dated bullshit law. The truth is that I am almost as mature as an 18 year old and I am pushing 40, so the difference between being 21 and 18 is pretty much not fuckin’ there. I figure that most people in the States realize how stupid this law is and buy their kids beer/booze and wine, and even if they are against their kids drinking, they can’t do shit about it.

So here are some pictures of Rose Schlossberg, Caroline Kennedy’s daughter drinking wine with her dyke friends and smoking a terrorist pipe that some college kids use as a bong and some terrorists use before crashing planes into building for Allah and the whole thing is hopefully going to be taken the fuck out of proportion, because you know if you want to represent your State in Senate, you should have a family that follows the law, especially when you’re high profile like the Kennedys, you know with her grandpa JFK who mingled with mobsters, slept with celebrities while, and supported communism, or her great grandpa who bootlegged liquor during the prohibition which in its time was the meth labs of today, but in her defense, she is a Kennedy and in being a Kennedy she’s got no choice but to be an Irish Booze Hound so here are some lame pics of her in lame action.

I hear after these shots were taken she went home to study for her political science she’s taking for fun, before hitting the sheets for 9 pm because she had a big day volunteering at the animal shelter the next day, because that’s the kind of wild girl she is. You can tell by the glasses, I don’t believe in that whole repressed girl letting her hair down myth, I’m a what you see is what you get kinda guy, but I guess I could be wrong.

Posted in:Caroline Kennedy|Drunk|Kennedy|Rose Schlossberg