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Jenna Ortega for the Beetlejuice Photocall of the Day

Kelly Brook From Big Titty Model to Big Back Model of the Day

Charli XCX for Demon Kim Kardashian’s Brand of the Day

Christina Aguilera and her Botox Face and Ozempic Body Get Slutty of the Day

Shannon Mcmullen is the Instagram Of The Day

2008

Oct

RIP MOTHERFUCKER the Jennifer Hudson Edition of the Day

7 Comments »

Jennifer Hudson didn’t die, her mother and her brother did. They were found shot to death in what police think is a domestic dispute. I can only assume Jennifer Hudson is destroyed by this and it probably wouldn’t be right to crack any black people die in the ghetto jokes, especially considering these black folk are rich.

According to the Chicago Tribune, a 7-year-old boy named Julian King is missing. Police would not say whether he is a relative of the actress. They are also looking for a white 1994 Chevrolet Suburban with Illinois license plate No. X584859 or a teal Chrysler Concorde four-door with the left front headlight hanging down

A 1994? This girl’s won an Oscar and has hit songs, couldn’t they get a newer car? But I guess that’s not really a major concern, considering her family was just murdered…and she is now an orphan.

So i if you see those cars, call the police….not that anyone who reads this site leaves their house, but I just felt it was my duty to throw it out there…

RIP motherfuckers, it’s a sad day for my Dreamgirl and there’s nothing funny about this kind of thing, this will destroy her, let’s hope her faith gets her through this, because she is really big on God, and I assume, she feels like God has let her down, and that usually leads to some major self destruction and/or suicide because her life is pretty much over and she will need lots of therapy to get through this, so let’s hope she survives.

On a side note, police are looking for William Barfour, Balfour listed Hudson’s mother’s address as a place of residence within the last year. According to the Illinois Department of Corrections website, Balfour is currently on parole after serving jail time for attempted murder.

Note to self, don’t let an attempted murderer move into my home, because it may end in murder.

This is a crazy story, a sad story and I hope they get the fucker and give him the death sentence, only instead of lethal injection or the chair, they have Hudson smother him with her big ol’ tits, cuz used the wrong way, those things are lethal…and if they do, let’s hope they videotape it because it may revolutionize porn.

Posted in:Dead|Jennifer Hudson|Mother|RIP Motherfucker

2008

Oct

Brittny Gastineau and Her Slutty Shirt of the Day

3 Comments »

Here’s real life Gossip Girl Brittny Gastineau, some rich slut who has a football playing father, who spent her youth as a socialite, rich slut and is spending her time now trying to get a legitimate career in entertainment and she is doing that by showing up to an event wearing her lingerie for a shirt, when lingerie is supposed to be meant for strippers, Valentine’s Day and 25th anniversary bedroom celebrations, and the whole thing is just crazy.

I mean Halloween is next week, and girls go out in lingerie all the time, so maybe she’s getting a head start, but an insider told me that she’s dressing up like Paris Hilton in her sex tape, because when you’re a slut in everyday life, Halloween can only take 2 routes and they are dressing wholesome for the irony of it, or going balls out and getting naked.

So she may be a week early in this get-up, but I’m not complaining, I think lingerie should be mandatory business atire, despite how wild the concept is, and if I owned a company, that would be the law, but since I don’t own a company, because it would go bankrupt before it started, and because I’d be arrested in the first week for exposing myself to my staff because I’d make it clear that was part of their job description, despite it being against the law, I’ll just settle with these pictures of some rich socialite wearing her underwear as outerwear, because that concept is just wild.

What’s next? Usingsex toys in public, or bikinis in the winter, or socks for condoms, or plastic bags for shoes like the homeless dude down the street….I guess fashion is just way to crazy for me….assuming that this Brittny Gastineau character has any idea what fashion is, because I know I don’t.

Posted in:Brittny Gastineau|Lingerie|Shirt|Slut

2008

Oct

Blake Lively and a Shitty See Through of the Day

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So Blake Lively is on the show Gossip Girls and she is supposed to play some kind of teenage slutty rich girl, but when lookin’ at these picutres she does look a day over 40. I don’t understand what happened to her, but I do know that throwing her in that weird strapless bra brings back more memories of underwear shopping with a grandmother than seeing a girl people are supposed to want to fuck in a see through shirt. All they need to is throw a cocktail in her hand, a cigarette in her mouth and a catalog of stories of unrequited love and extreme bitterness towards relationships, men and divorce and you’ve got the cashier who used to work with at a pharmacy, drunk and dolled up at our company Christmas party, only if I remember correctly, that night started with her similar white bra falling out of her dress repeatedly and ended with a pretty decent blowjob for someone who really hated men.

EIther way, here’s Blake Lively in a shitty see through dress showing off a stupid outdated bra.

Posted in:Blake Lively|See Through

2008

Oct

Show Your Heart On For Eagles of Death Metal of the Day

8 Comments »

I am running a contest on the site. This is an exciting day for all of us, especially if you are a fan of Eagles of Death Metal and into exploiting yourself on a minimal level to win.

Who?

Eagles of Death Metal are a band. If you’ve never heard of them or want to hear their music Check Their Myspace.

Their Tour Starts October 30. And you can win a chance for you and a friend to get into their show, get backstage and hang with them and by hang with them I mean try to seduce them like the groupies you are. This could be your meal ticket.

How do you win ?

Take a sexy picture or video that ties into the band, ideally one better than the first enty I got earlier today. That means write their name on your body parts, do a dance to their song, film an amateur porn with a picture of the band taped to your girlfriends face. Get creative. I want this shit to inspire me.

Then send in a sexy picture, video, link to a picture, link to a video to email hotline (at) drunkenstepfather.com for me to choose the winner of the week.

Rules:

-The picture/video must be of you or taken by you
-The sexiest/funniest/most creative entry wins
-You Have to Choose the Date and Location You Want to Attend and You Have to Get Yourself There….and include that in the email…

Let me say that again,

– You Have to Choose the Date and Location You Want to Attend and You Have to Get Yourself There….and include that in the email…

One more time,

-You Have to Choose the Date and Location You Want to Attend and You Have to Get Yourself There….and include that in the email…

-I will be choosing the winners.
-I will be posting the entries on the site

Let me say that again,

-I will be choosing the winners.
-I will be posting the entries on the site

Prize:

1- 2 tickets to the Eagles of Death Metal concert of your choice
2- 2 backstage passes to the Eagles of Death Metal concert of your choice.
3- Some time to meet the band, or some of the band, I won’t be there, so you’ll have to figure it all out on your own, but the label tells me you’ll get to meet the band

I am giving out 1 prize pack per week, on every friday for the length of the tour, so if you see your city/town that you want to attend on their Myspace, your best bet is to submit the week before the concert date. Since we’re doing multiple winners and no one reads the site, your chances of winning are pretty fucking high.

So start sending in your entries to to email hotline (at) drunkenstepfather.com

Posted in:Contest|Eagles of Death Metal|Tits

2008

Oct

Allegra Versace’s Pretty Skinny of the Day

6 Comments »

Monster Donatella Versace brought out her own little Halloween creation to some fashion event the other day and I am not talking about her face, I am talking about her daughter Allegra who has been battling eating disorders for a long time, probably because her mother is fucking crazy and she had to put up with that shit her entire life, but who’s pointing fingers, when you’re this skinny, your can use your knees and elbows to point at things, they are sharp and really drive the point home.

As an endorser of eating disorders, I have been trying to get my wife into one for a long fucking time and I think it’s safe to say that this girl has gone a little above and beyond the normal range of starving yourself, to the point where she’s not a hot skinny, but an offensive skinny, but figured I’d post this shit for the anorexic porn fetish people out there, because you love how big your dick looks next to her leg, and you love that her low blood sugar and energy levels make it impossible for her to run away from you….and I guess what it comes down to is at least she’s not fat. So instead of hating on her disorder, we should embrace it and ask her for nudes, because I always wondered what a girl this skinny’s vagina looks like. I am thinking, pretty fleshy, with a little uterus stickin’ it’s tongue out at us, but I really don’t know for sure and that is the real tragedy in seeing these pictures…especially since her heart will explode in the next couple months.

I guess this is a pre-RIP motherfucker post, unless girl smartens the fuck up and eats some motherfuckin’ food, it’s not like she can’t afford a fuckin’ burger.

Posted in:Allegra Versace|Eating Disorders

2008

Oct

Heidi Klum Does Victoria’s Secret Make Up of the Day

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I guess that despite Heidi Klum’s fame and fortune she still belongs to Victoria’s Secret because here she is in pixie wings and posing with a slutty mannequin at their make-up launch. I guess it’s just a small price to pay since they saved her from a life of German Scat porn, an existence nobody really wants, because despite your love for it, getting shit on is never fun or sexy. It’s like that time I saved a girl from getting hit by a car when she was talking on her cellphone and demanded that she lets me see her naked as payment for my good deed, only in this case, Heidi Klum actually listens, where the girl I saved just called her boyfriend and told him some creep tried to get her naked because he pulled her from traffic when she was crossing the street on a green. Hey no one said my idea of saving lives is the same as your idea of saving lives, and in retrospect it was a pretty weak attempt to see pussy, but that’s not the point, the point is that I wonder what that mannequin she’s standing next to is named, she looks like she wouldn’t say no…..no matter how many fingers you’ve shoved in the hole you drilled into her after stealing her from the mall and bringing her back to your mom’s basement with you.

Posted in:Heidi Klum|Make-Up|Victoria's Secret

2008

Oct

Travis Barker After the Great Leg Fire of the Day

8 Comments »

These are the first real pictures of Travis Barker after a month stint in the hospital trying to deal with the horrible burns that he got after being in a plane crash that killed 5 people, just not the right people, I’m talking to you DJ AM. I am just bugging, I don’t wish death upon anyone, I figure it’s just nice to see that this mother fucker is out walking around because I think he’s a real talent. No one plays the drums quite like him and after being in hospital for a month, these pictures could be seen as inspirational and gross, because if I was burned on half my body, I’d make an effort to not advertise that shit, like the time I was at a restaurant and a dude with one of those voicebox things pulled out his fucking throat piece to eat right next to me, making me enjoy my shitty meal a hell of a lot less. We get it, life goes on and we have to deal with our shit, but trying to accommodate to the people around you is just the right thing to do…..I am talking to you guy who lives in the building next door and who insists on walking around in pantyhose……with your blinds open….smiling….cuz you know we’re all watching you in disgust….and you feel like you’re on some kind of stage performing for your fucking fans…..stop.

Either way, as Travis limps in his silly slippers, with his legs that once was covered in ink, DJ AM is touring with Jay Z, banging Mandy Moore and getting all kinds of sympathy from the world, so I guess he is the winner of the plane crash survival bet they had….and I guarantee at least one Barker fan is pouring gasoline on his leg right now, to simulate this body mod, since all the Barker fully body tattoo suit he copied is now pretty much obsolete…..

Posted in:Fire|Plane Crash|Travis Barker

2008

Oct

Someone Owes Superhead 1000 dollars and She’s Coming to Collect of the Day

11 Comments »

Superhead is some whore that rappers and basketball players pass around like a joint. They just can’t figure out what the hell is going on in her mouth to make her give these life changing blowjobs and she’s openly written about her experiences with a variety of famous people.

The one relationship I do remember her being in was with Bill Mahr, the dude from Politically Incorrect, who used to treat her like a piece of shit slut everytime they got it on and he insisted on degrading her by calling her a nigger whore when they would be together and she put up with it, so I guess she’s the perfect girl. You know, no self respect, great blowjobs and as long as you have money or status she doesn’t say no.

This video is of her asking for the 1000 dollars someone owes her and I thought it was funny, because going to the internet asking for 1000 dollars is pretty fucking desperate for someone who’s pretty well known in certain circles, but I guess when you’re a money grubbing whore who spent her last 50 bucks on her weave, 1000 dollars is a lot of money, just think of all the fried chicken that shit could buy…..yeah, bad joke, I know, you don’t have to remind me.

Here she is in a sex tape. This may not be her, I mean I can’t really tell if it is or not, I am not good at identifying people and this shit went down 5 years ago, so this could be her in a sex tape with Mr Marcus, you decide….Warning….NSFW (or pretty much anything, especially racist people’s masturbation practices)

Posted in:Uncategorized

2008

Oct

Jodie Marsh’s Lesbian Haircut of the Day

1 Comment »

Last week I was at a party and a girl was sitting at the bar next to me, she had this stupid shaved side of her head that I hadn’t really seen since the 80s at punk shows and I was kinda surprised it made a comeback since shit was heavily lesbionic. I sat there staring at it for a while, because the girl was one of those fashionista bottle whore types, and not a ratty street kid like you’d expect to see with half her head shaved and over the course of 20 minutes she was next to me, her friend kept coming up to her and telling her how much they loved her hair, when I decided to chime in and say something along the lines of the fact that no penis will ever go near her again….ever, and she just blew me off and by the end of the night, I saw that I was totally wrong, because she was dancing on a table for a bunch of men, which goes to show you that, despite ripping away all things potentially sexy about you, by raping your head, guys will still stick it to you, because you have a vagina.

That said, when I saw these pictures of UK slut Jodie Marsh with the letter N dyed into her hair, like a bad hip hop video, I thought the same thing, but then I realized she’s still got insane tits, so who really cares about whatever fuckin’ statement she’s trying to make, because all I want to do is sneak into her bedroom and steal a pair of her dirty panties to try to figure out the secret ingredient in her Big Mac’s special sauce and I am going to have to with 6 month old stale semen, because I’m pretty sure this chick is a dyke now, or at least that’s what her hair and the company she keeps is telling me. It’s also telling me to stop this post now because no one gives a fuck about her.

Posted in:Haircut|Jodie Marsh|Lesbian

2008

Oct

Charlize Theron’s Mom Tries to Defend Her of the Day

1 Comment »

Charlize Theron gets bambarded by the paparazzi and thinks she looks ridiculous, so she hides behind her mom to protect her and tells us to look at her mom’s legs, well I didn’t really have a chance to do that, because I was too busy lookin’ at her mom’s tits in her cleavage exposing dress, because I figure why go for the unattainable when you can seduce her lonely mother who is secretly jealous of her daughter’s celebrity, because she wishes that when she was in her prime, she had the same kind of attention, and is instead forced to take Charlize’s sloppy seconds, when the real magic that is Charlize came from her vagina, so I am all for going to the source, especially when the source is well past it’s prime, desperate for approval, menopausal and unable to get knocked up, and a minx in bed from all the years of experience, the only challenge is ignoring her grey pubic hair, but that’s always been easy for me, because I am easily distracted by gaping old lady vagina….

Posted in:Charlize Theron|Mom|Paparazzi