I'll Make You Famous…
 
 

2008

09

Jul

Heidi Klum Licking Ice Cream of the Day

I tried to convince a teenage girl to let me film her eating her Dairy Queen soft serve the other day. I told her that I wanted to put it on the internet and make her famous, at first she was excited about it, but then I accidentally tried selling her on the fact that tons of old men would totally be jerking off to it, something I probably should have kept to myself until after we made the video.

The truth is that getting off to a girl eating ice cream is pretty fucking desperate. It’s the shit pedophiles do everytime they go to the ice cream parlor to scope out hot new pussy (literally) multiple times a day and it seems pretty fucking creepy to do when you’re older and watching girls your own age do that shit. You all think it’s this whole simulated blowjob shit, but we all know if Heidi was really trying to show us how she sucks cock, she would have chosen chocolate ice cream.

Posted in:Heidi Klum|Ice Cream|Licking

2008

09

Jul

Maria Beatriz Antony is a Topless and Bikini Wearing Soccer Girlfriend of the Day

I was walking down the street the other day and saw what looked like a scene from West Side Story, not that I’ve ever seen West Side Story, but because I know it’s some kind of immigrant gang wars and that’s the shit I was in the middle of yesterday, only instead of fighting over a chick or drugs, these dudes were fighting over soccer.

A group of one set of immigrants with a soccer ball wearing soccer jersey were walking, and these other immigrants who were sitting on a stoop screamed out “You are going for the wrong team, Espania for life”, now I know the Euro ended at least a week ago, but these motherfuckers are so jacked on the shit that I was either expecting them to break into some gay song and dance to express their passion for the sport like normal homosexuals who like watching sweaty men run around with balls, or cut each other. None of that happened.

I guess what it comes down to is that if you’re a working class immigrant with 10 kids you made sure were born in this country, and you spend most of your time at work to make less than minimum wage, only to come home that is barely a home because you all sleep in one room, to an annoying immigrant wife and her shitty rice and bean meals she made because it’s all you can afford, where you fall asleep to memories of your beautiful country and villa that you still own out there but can’t afford a plane ticket to move back, because you were an idiot who fell for the lie that you were moving to the land of opportunity and actually moved to the land of poverty and worse living and working conditions than the third world you love so much, soccer is a good distraction. I just prefer alcohol, it’s more numbing.

Here is some soccer player’s hot immigrant girlfriend topless and in a bikini beause the irony of it all is that soccer players land good fucking vagina, even though soccer is a girl’s sport played by dudes with the gayest haircut and locker room stories I’ve ever heard.

Posted in:Maria Beatriz Antony|Soccer|Topless Bikini

2008

09

Jul

Rihanna Hosts Parties with Her Boyfriend of the Day

I don’t understand this hosting party bullshit that’s blowing up internationally. It’s like these club promoters pay insane prices for celebrities to spend about an hour in their club in some roped off booth, where the celebrities barely drink and fuck right off as soon as their obligations are met. They don’t actually party at the club, they don’t sign autographs, they just walk in and out. I heard that when Rihanna and Chris Brown were here, the were paid about 50,000 dollars for a fuking hour or two and the club was so excited with how successful the event was. They thought it put them on the fuckin’ map or some shit and all the people who were there actually felt like they parited with a famous person, leading me to believe the world is retarded.

The truth is that I am just jealous, because it would be a dream job for me to to be brought into host an event and annoy the patrons in places I normally can’t get into. It’s kinda what I do with myself anyway only I don’t get paid for the shit and usually end up kicked out. I would not only would I happily finish the free booze I was offered, but I’d also host the event for the free booze and no fee making me very affordable. I’d try to fuck all the groupies lookin in on mye but the main problem with this plan is that no one gives a fuck about me and even if they did, the places I’d get asked to host would be places you’d get raped or murdered at.

I guess it doesn’t matter, what does matter is that Rihanna and Chris Brown are fucking and she looks good enough to me in her silver dress.

Posted in:Parties|Rihanna

2008

09

Jul

Some New J.Lo Bikini Pics of the Day

I saw a teenage pregnant girl and her teenage baby daddy walking down the street. It was funny because I could tell that dude refused to pay for her abortion because he wanted to buy an ounce of weed instead and was having second thoughts, like the time I spent the allowance my wife gave me on a wooden statue of Jesus at a garage sale, which seemed like a great idea, until I brought it home and realized that I didn’t have any booze for the next week. I could tell that dude was going to run as fast as he fuckin’ could when the baby took it’s first breath and for some reason, that made me happy.

About 5 minutes later, I saw a hot mom, she was carting around a couple of kids and was dressed like a classy escort in short shorts and a cleavage shirt, obviously she successfully bounced back from her pregnancy. I guess she missed all the attention boys used to give her before she gave up her uterus to some rich guy for a secure future and a benz. J.Lo wasn’t quite as lucky with that, but here are some pictures of her in her bikini from the other day, from some new angles for you J.Lo fans.

Posted in:Bikini|J.Lo

2008

09

Jul

Angelina Jolie is an Unwilling Spokesperson of the Day

Someone took this picture of some ghetto Chinese imported weight loss product that you probably get Cancer when you take, explaining your suddenly attractive new figure as you rot away from the inside out, only to take a bloody shit filled with your organs to really know it’s working. It’s one of those feel the burn situations that is all in the name of beauty. The reason I am posting it is because Angelina Jolie is photoshopped onto their packaging, like she was actually paid the retarded money she commands for this kind of spokesperson shit, but by lookin’ at the funny packaging that is written better than anything on this site, you know that she wasn’t.

My local stripclub that uses a picture of Adriana Lima on all it’s ads and lap dance menus, which makes sense because I hear getting naked is the only way out of Brazil and after enough drinks, the haggard low budget strippers who work there will start lookin’ like her. I guess it’s all the power of marketing, but I know that shit’s also unauthorized and ripping off celebrities gives is more satisfying than dropping 50 dollars to grab a pair of saggy tits.

Posted in:Angelina Jolie|Unwilling Spokesperson

2008

09

Jul

Cindy Brady Pukes from a Hangover in a Radio Interview of the Day

Here is a funny video that you can probably relate to of the actress who played Cindy Brady hungover during some morning radio show where she excuses herself to go puke, all in front of her 10 year old son. When asked why she did this, she said that she drank too much wine the night before, that she isn’t a drinking and that if she didn’t excuse herself, she would have puked all over the radio hosts faces, something that may turn on my 1 Asian friend who I recruited at a Chinese restaurant because he started talking to me about how amazing of an eater my wife was. I am hungover everyday, the only time I puked was after drinking a bottle of Triple Sec or some other obscure drink you aren’t supposed to drink, but do because you are an alcoholic and it’s the only thing around. I don’t frown on hangovers or drinkers and think Cindy Brady, despite not really being around anymore, is my kind of star. Today, I feel a lot less guilty about jerking off to her braces filled mouth while watching Very Brady reruns.

Posted in:Cindy Brady|Hangover|Pukes

2008

09

Jul

Nadal’s Girlfriend Named Xisca Rocks a White Bikini of the Day

Nadal just won Wimbeldon, that probably means he made a lot of money for a week’s work and here he is relaxing with his Spanish girlfriend named Xisca, something you probably can’t pronounce because it’s too foreign to you. The truth is that landing hot pussy when you’re this dude is probably not all that challenging, and instead of looking at him in envy, like you’re some kind of loser, you should take a moment to give the heroes in your life some credit for the shit they’ve accomplished.

The most recent hero in my life is my neighbor. No, he didn’t kill my wife. He did however fuck the system and hasn’t had electiricity for the last 6 months because dude’s a fucking hurtbag. Tonight, I walked in only to find an extension cord running form the hallway outlet and despite it taking him 6 months to figure out, I thought it was a good fucking strategy to save a couple of dollars. The real impressing thing in all this is that he still manages to bring home hot fuckin’ pussy when he’s wasted and despite walking into a pitch black shit hole of an apartment, they still end up fucking him. I guess they feel like they are camping or have that help a guy while he’s down mentality that every girl I’ve ever slept with also had, but the point of all this is to say that if you’re fucking broke and still getting laid, you’re someone who deserves more love than some light on his feet tennis player.

Posted in:Nadal|White Bikini|Xisca

2008

09

Jul

Alicia Keys and Her Thick Legs of the Day

My wife told me i am getting fat and that when I walk, my tits bounced. I asked her if she’s looked in the mirror over the last 5 years, because she’s so fucking fat, she’s got tits growing on the back of her fuckin’ knees. She then told me that she was at a friend’s house watching Oprah and they said that for every 30 pounds you lose, you gain an inch on your cock. That way when I fuck her, maybe I’ll be able to make it past her labia and she’ll feel something. I told he that her fat herpes ridden pussy is the last thing I want to make it into and that I am going to go out and try to gain another 60 pounds so that I don’t even have a penis anymore because that’s what she fucking does to me, she started to cry, but not as loud as Alicia Keys’ piano stool, she looks heavy and I assume shit is reinforced, otherwise it’d be trying to kill itself by breaking in half. Here are some pics of her thick legs performing recently because you’ll take what you can get.

Posted in:Alicia Keys|Fat Legs

2008

09

Jul

I Have No Idea Who Loui Batley is But She Is in a Bikini of the Day

Hollyoaks is some UK soap opera and Loui Bately is some high school drop out who is on the show. These are some pictures of her in a bikini for some calendar shoot that may be old, but are being posted because they are bikini pics and it’s my only way of dealing with the fact that somehwere out there, girls are out in their bikinis, having a good time and lookin’ good while I sit here waiting to die. That’s all I have to say about that.

Posted in:Bikini|Loui Batley

2008

09

Jul

stepLINKS of the Day

I am not a racist!!! This email proves it….

Hey Drunken Stepfather.

I really like your blog. I’ve been reading it regularly for like a year or something. So I remember when you were posting about how people were emailing you saying that you are racist against black people. But I’m black and I never really thought you were racist. Well now these jews wanna jump on the bandwagon. Don’t they know that the beauty of ur site is that you offend equally? They need to stop. Anyway, I just wanted you to know that I don’t think you’re a racist.

So there, I am not a racist, brought to you directly from the horses mouth…..if I was racist, I wouldn’t have posted her email because I’d just be amazed that a non-human learned how to type to me, but instead I respect what she has to say and think she’s very lovely.

Here are my links:

Mariah Carey is Photoshopped Hard in her Bikini for Elle
GO

Guitar Hero Bikini Girl Video
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Jennifer Ellison Topless In Nuts
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The Tara Ried Grossness Tour 2008
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They Can Take Her Unborn Baby – But They Can’t Take Her Nipples
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The World’s BEST Boob Jobs
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Erik Estrada Got Jumped by a Midget on Camera
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Porn Stars That Would Make Movies Better:
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10 Dopest Kicks Ever Homies….
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100 Celebrities Arrested for Drugs….
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10 Hottest Lingerie Models
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Kate Hudson Sluttin’ It Up On The Tennis Court
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Liv Tyler is Topless in Denmark…..
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Celine Dion Bathing Suit Pics….
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A Couple Having Sex on the Roof
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Flavor Flav boned a girl in the bushes at age 6:
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Somaya Reece is in the Tub
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Freestyle Basketball
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Web Sluts That Are as Dependable As Your Mom, Who Is Also a Slut
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Prank Call Gone Bad Ends Up Being Hilarious
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Find Girls To Fuck, Because Pretending Your Sister is Your Girlfriend is Pretty sick Dude
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Victoria’s Secret Backstage Shots
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And That’s Why Girls SHouldn’t Ride Bikes Off of Ramps
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Evenging Dress Strippers
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Italy’s Channel 5 Bombshell Newscaster Tit Video Compilation
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Lucy Pinder’s 2009 Calendar is Complete
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Amy Reid Uber Glam NAKED as FUCK
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Name and Number Please
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Lohan Showing Off Her Lesbian Tits
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Paris Hilton Comes Up With the Worst Idea Ever
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Porn for Days
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6 Skirts Fighting the Wind at the British Grand Prix
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Some Israeli Model Gets Paparazzi-ed on the Beach in Her Bikini
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STDs on the Rise for Old Folks….
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Kanye West’s Daily Cry Baby Post From His Web Site
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Men’s Suit Ads…with a babe in lingerie being strangled:
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Cold War Cheerleader Showdown
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Day Shift Hooker Alert!
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Kate Moss is Single Again
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Striptease of the Day
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Get Help Finding Sex Today, Because We All Need a Little Helping Hand, But Not in The Masterbation Type of Way
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A Very Busty Marta
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Guy Falls Through Hole on a Bridge
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More of How to Make a Girl Cum
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A Drunk Redneck Beatdown is the Best Type of Beatdown There Is
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The Yankees Are Better Than You
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How To Lose a Baseball Contract in One Easy Step
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Miss Ghetto of the Year
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Beatrice Borromeo Bikini Pictures From Tuscany!
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Corey Haim is Still All Sorts of Fucked Up
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Cynthia Rodriguez Knows How To Play
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Shyla Jennings Dances on Webcam
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Italian Babe Monica Bellucci Does Elle France
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Michael Vick is Back in the News
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Extreme Prank from Venezuelan TV
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British Toddlers Are Racist
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Zlex Rodriguez Loves Strippers, So I Guess We Have that in Common
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Keeley Hazell is Naked in French Maxim
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Playboy Babe – Laura Croft
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Why Computers Were Invented
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Spycam Bathroom Fun
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Big Boobs Give You the Best Point of View
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Hack Digital Pics and Send Secret Messages
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Posted in:stepLINKS