I saw a girl drop the “just because I am blond doesn’t mean I am stupid” line at the local coffee shop and I wanted to throw-up on her because that fucking shit is retardedly played out and has probably been dropped more than her disgusting whore panties because let’s face it Blonds are sluts….at least that’s the rumor.
Speaking of Blonds being sluts, there is no way that this bitch has anything to do with Owen Wilson killing himself and failing miserably making him look like that pussy in your class who was crying for attention and this was the cool Goth way to get it.
Trying to kill yourself over Kate Hudson is like killing yourself over the ugly girl you went to high school with and never spoke to except on the day you realized her mom was a hot slut who liked to wear skimpy bikinis leading to you talking to her and getting yourself invited over until until you got caught peeping on the mom changing one summer afternoon….
What I am getting at is that this bitch isn’t worth shit, she’s already used up and has a kid, she’s got nothing good going for her and ending up with that dude Dax from Punk’d is pretty much a relationship I can respect because he’s such a waste of fucking space too.
I just realized that he could have tried to kill himself because of regret that he actually stuck it to her..you know like when you fuck a bitch that makes you question your sexuality and you don’t want to go on living life as a queer….I didn’t think of it like that because I am Mr Positive today, but I am still convinced Owen Wilson did what he did because cocaine makes you fucking crazy. I know kids who have turned bisexual on it, I know people who have tried to jump off buildings on it, nothing really good comes from it, except for a ton of blowjobs when you have it cuz bitches do anything for the stuff….
I found gum on the street today that was still half wrapped and I was fucking excited because the first thing I thought to myself was that I didn’t have to brush my teeth today and anything that gets me out of boring hygiene practices that are totally outdated is fine by me. Enough with my good news….
I came across these pictures of Anna Kournikova eating in a bikini top and I didn’t know whether they were old or new, but figured I sure as hell better post them before my 2 readers who I hate lash-out on me…
I went to the strip club last night because there are serious deals on drinks on monday night, I always call it hurtbag mondays because the people in the place are just as fucking desperate as the girls working…I am talking the ugliest of the ugly strippers are there trying to make ends meet because the weekend didn’t work out too well for them because no one got a dance.
The most amazing thing happened when I got there. All the prime bitches were out working, the college kids were back in town and showing their new found friends what strippers in this city are like and that’s when I realized it was Tuesday, and that I missed hurtbag Monday by a day and that depressed me more than I thought it would. The only real hurtbags in the place were a group of fat chicks who showed up an hour before closing to land some already primed guys they knew were leaving blue-balled. I guess deep down inside I feel at home on hurtbag monday.
I can only assume your life is even more depressing because you read about mine so here is some Anna Kournikova emotionally eating her way into a size 14 for you.
I found gum on the street today that was still half wrapped and I was fucking excited because the first thing I thought to myself was that I didn’t have to brush my teeth today and anything that gets me out of boring hygiene practices that are totally outdated is fine by me. Enough with my good news….
I came across these pictures of Anna Kournikova eating in a bikini top and I didn’t know whether they were old or new, but figured I sure as hell better post them before my 2 readers who I hate lash-out on me…
I went to the strip club last night because there are serious deals on drinks on monday night, I always call it hurtbag mondays because the people in the place are just as fucking desperate as the girls working…I am talking the ugliest of the ugly strippers are there trying to make ends meet because the weekend didn’t work out too well for them because no one got a dance.
The most amazing thing happened when I got there. All the prime bitches were out working, the college kids were back in town and showing their new found friends what strippers in this city are like and that’s when I realized it was Tuesday, and that I missed hurtbag Monday by a day and that depressed me more than I thought it would. The only real hurtbags in the place were a group of fat chicks who showed up an hour before closing to land some already primed guys they knew were leaving blue-balled. I guess deep down inside I feel at home on hurtbag monday.
I can only assume your life is even more depressing because you read about mine so here is some Anna Kournikova emotionally eating her way into a size 14 for you.
I’m entering my first year of college in a week or so and had to go confirm my registration yesterday afternoon. I’m not looking forward to college to be honest, but if anything it will provide me with good writing in the form of sleeping with my professors, going to keg parties and lots of “experimenting” with drugs and members of the same sex. Although it’s not really experimenting anymore when you do it every weekend.
While most of my friends drove off to state college earlier this month in their new cars their parents bought them , o go live in apartments their parents also pay for, I am living at home, going to community college and don’t even have my license yet. If I was smart or good at sports I may have got a scholarship and since fucking people isn’t a highschool class (yet), I guess I’m shit out of luck in the area of financial aid.
This is the part where I would normally link the photos to what I just wrote about, and you would either laugh or write some cry baby comment about what I wrote, but I can’t think of anything right now, so here’s a shit load of Megan Fox pictures with her looking like a sexy student.
I have no idea who Phobe Price is but they talk about her on a few other sites I go on, and I didn’t want to make it seem like we weren’t in the know, even though I just admitted to all 3 of you reading out there that I don’t know who she is anyways, thereby admitting that we aren’t in the know. But thats beside the point.
The resident slut of my old highschool was famous for befriending loser fat and/or Ugly chicks in hopes that it would make her more physically appealing to the round of jocks and preppy assholes she opened her legs to on the regular. Nothing makes a dog hotter then when you put it next to a pig. She would let them gang bang her at the big partie’s they would have when their parents went out of town to Florida, or whever the fuck rich people go on vacation these days, I wouldn’t know.
It was a fantastic twist of fate when during a yearly physical for the football team, one of the guys found out he had got Herpes and that not only had he traced it back to getting it from this slut, but half the fucking team had it thanks to all the group activities they had been having on the weekends. It got even more funny when a few of the fat girls found out they had it too. Turned out that the slut was bi-sexual and used to fuck around with her fat friends before she dropped them. The outbreak was so bad they had one of those school assemblies about safe sex and showed us those awesome outdated movies from the 1950’s full of safe sex propaganda.
I doubt Phobe Price has Herpes, but you can bet your ass she’s been the “Ugly Friend” on more then one occasion.
I have posted about this bitch before. She’s pretty much a nobody. Her mom was married to a UK footballer and she ended up on some reality show where she got drunk and slutted out and since then she has been on a quest to be the biggest whore out there but she’s doing a pretty bad fucking job proven by the fact that her fake tits suck and she’s wearing a bikini….if she was a real whore there’d be a dick in her mouth or something similar like maybe a vagina….
Either way, I got punched in the face yesterday. I wasn’t too surprised considering I tend to say pretty funny things to people randomly that they always seem to take offense to. This time it was because I was walking down the street and heard a baby crying really fucking loud. I looked up ahead and saw a mother in her van and they where black and she was trying to calm the baby down. I turn to a guy standing about 10 feet away from them and think this is a perfect opportunity to drop a harmless racist joke. So I say “you know what the baby is crying right?” and the guy says “why” and I say “Cuz it just found out it was black”…..seriously a totally harmless joke but it turns out that he was the father of the kid and doesn’t like black jokes since he’s all United Nations and marries black women and has black babies….I am not a racist, but based on this guys reaction for thinking I am one, I don’t suggest you be one either.
That is today’s life lesson, now look at this Bianca Gascoigne bitch in a bikini and realize that I’d bang her even if she was black because I don’t discriminate, I only do it sometimes for the sake of jokes….
Everyone is giving this bitch a hard time about being a shitty mother and they are making a big fucking deal about her smoking with her kids in pictures. That’s like giving someone a hard time about feeding their kids eat McDonald’s for dinner , or making them skip school to go on Christmas Vacation or some shit. If they think this bitch is a bad parent, they should see some of the people I know, who are on welfare and who are addicts and who live in shitty fucking apartments and spend their money on their addictions and not on their kids well-being. These are the kids who show up to school covered in dirty, smelling of piss and lookin’ all malnourished as they stare at you eating your sandwich with envy when all they have to eat is a can of creamed corn but no can opener. The fact that they are born from Britney’s disgusting vagina is a fucking blessing, they may be neglected by her and she may find it fun to watch them play with endangered species and they may be a form of her insane entertainment or some kind of fashion accessory that she looks at with her glazed over, medicated eyes like they are her very own personal dancing monkeys…but she has a staff to pick up her slack and there is always private school…..so her smoking is really not a big deal and if they want to make a lesson out of anyone they should hit up some of the ghetto neighborhoods where crackbabies are left to fend for themselves at the age of 2, instead of bugging Britney. She is rich and because of that we should all leave her the fuck alone….
When looking for shit to post today – I came across this picture of Nicole Schrezinger’s barely there nipple in her video and this funny post alongside:
If you think it’s photoshopped, download the video. Skip through the frames at around 3:31.
It reminded me of what I assume the 5 of you are like. You rent movies because they have a nudity warning and when that nude scene hits you pause the shit and when the DVD was invented you got fucking excited because of the zoom feature allowing you to focus right in on the nipple or ass on the screen. You are the kind of guy who saves every bikini, topless, nipple slip, upskirt picture you can find of celebrities and even have a folder on your hard drive called “Celebrity Porn” where you have each picture cataloged by date it hit the internet. When you meet up with your other virgin friends, you all talk about girls and what sex would be like and which celebrity you would marry if you ever met them, assuming that they’d totally see past your lameness and just on your dick, because I guess that’s what fantasies are for and when you’re done trading your notes on what movies and what timecode in the movie the best nude/ hard nipple/ tight pant/ short skirt scene hits, you’re at the comic book store wondering what it would be like to fuck a cartoon. You are weird, you are a collector, you like videogames and you are my only fan.
I’d like to thank you for that with this Nicole Schrezinger Nipple at frames that start at 3:31 in her video…You’re welcome for making your day today an easier one…..Cuddles.
Download the Video – Whatever U Like featuring TI – If You Want It. GO
When looking for shit to post today – I came across this picture of Nicole Schrezinger’s barely there nipple in her video and this funny post alongside:
If you think it’s photoshopped, download the video. Skip through the frames at around 3:31.
It reminded me of what I assume the 5 of you are like. You rent movies because they have a nudity warning and when that nude scene hits you pause the shit and when the DVD was invented you got fucking excited because of the zoom feature allowing you to focus right in on the nipple or ass on the screen. You are the kind of guy who saves every bikini, topless, nipple slip, upskirt picture you can find of celebrities and even have a folder on your hard drive called “Celebrity Porn” where you have each picture cataloged by date it hit the internet. When you meet up with your other virgin friends, you all talk about girls and what sex would be like and which celebrity you would marry if you ever met them, assuming that they’d totally see past your lameness and just on your dick, because I guess that’s what fantasies are for and when you’re done trading your notes on what movies and what timecode in the movie the best nude/ hard nipple/ tight pant/ short skirt scene hits, you’re at the comic book store wondering what it would be like to fuck a cartoon. You are weird, you are a collector, you like videogames and you are my only fan.
I’d like to thank you for that with this Nicole Schrezinger Nipple at frames that start at 3:31 in her video…You’re welcome for making your day today an easier one…..Cuddles.
Download the Video – Whatever U Like featuring TI – If You Want It. GO
There’s a viral video going around the internet and it’s pretty much one of those comedy songs I find lame, set to a video of Lohan or someone who is supposed to be Lohan. Since I love Lohan and do everything I can to get closer to her, I hunted down the girl who played her in the video and she agreed to doing a stepINTERVIEW with me. It was an amazing experience that I may never forget until I get drunk and a new girl who plays Lohan comes along, but in the meantime, I want to make this girl as famous as I can…because I love her.
Here’s the interview….
So you play Lohan in this viral video I saw and decided that I had to interview you, so the question that’s been on my mind for the last week is how did you prepare for the role as Lohan? Did it involve a lot of drinking, drug use and unprotected sex?
I did not take on this role to bash poor Linds, absolutely not! I simply emulated many of her mannerisms and that’s as far as the prep went, thanks. I just figured the more glamorous (yet sexy) with elements of humor, the more tasteful the video would turn out. The minute it crossed the line on being mean or harsh to get a cheap laugh, the video would be trash…but that never happened, yay!
I actually like her a lot and really hope she gets healthy. I think she is a very talented actress (people forget she played 2 characters in a movie at 12 yrs old, talent) BUT at the end of the day, SAD STORY:(
All of these beautiful young starletts are throwing amazing careers away because drugs and alcohol control their lives, leaving them lost and unstable. It’s not our place to pass judgement & it doesn’t make these poor girls bad, wrong, insane, or stupid…they just need HELP, its just SAD.
LFL is a little on the BOLD side with some of the honest statements about Lindsay, but it is a parody, comedy…just laugh, or not. For those who know me it’s hilarious because the true goof in me really shines through!
What can you tell us about Lohan that we don’t already know, since you’ve played her on the internet I can only assume you’re an expert.
Nope, not an expert…
What does she smell like?
No Comment
Are you comfortable with guys jerking off to you as Lohan?
OMG gross…Okay, this is a comedy boys, where I’m being an absolute nerd…if that get’s dudes off, eew weird! Oh wait, I forgot about the part where I dance in a bra and underwear, oh yeah…but still eeeew! I appreciate all the fans, feedback and love but old, perverted men overly commenting me on myspace or wherever really just gross me out….sorry, hope I haven’t offended anyone;)
All my readers are virgins but, isn’t that kind of like if your boyfriend put a Richard Nixon mask on you while you bang because it’s the only way he can get off…instead of getting of to the Chauntal we all know and love?
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Tell us a bit about yourself:
Acting/dancing/singing all my life…I’m a performer, that’s what I do! And I have the most amazing family & friends anyone could ask for. I am truly blessed…so grateful!
Where are you from?
OXNARD, CA whattttt?!
How did you get the part in the Lohan Video?
Ummm some people think I look like her or something HA. No really, I get told I look like her like everyday it’s ridiculous. Don’t think so myself, but whatever. Ultimately, I just kind of nailed the audition process.
Why is your body so tight, do you work out a lot?
I am a dancer, particularly modern day cabaret and hip hop..Yeppp I love my hiphop, that’s the Oxnard in me! That’s how I keep the bod in shape, or “so tight” excuse me. I love hiking also, it’s very theraputic. Good to get away from everyone and just get a sense of mental clarity.
Do you have a boyfriend?
BOYFRIEND??? Shall I say it? Nope, very single and…not really lookin. I like the place I’m at right now. The next guy I decide will be my boyfriend will be the guy I see myself marrying. So what’s that mean, I’m picky? I guess so. Otherwise what’s really the point, you unhappy couples. I’ll wait thanks…I really enjoy my own company & SIs is like my best friend and I have the most amazing group of girls, so I have more than enough love runnin through my life. I am so busy right now, dudes are kinda irrelavent anyway, unless he’s super hot and sweeps me off my feet!;)
I must say though, I am quite attracted to the dangerous type but with a wise mind and sincere heart. Hahaaa does that even exist? But don’t quote me on that, you can never generalize & I change my mind a lot… ooops…
What about washed up fat mexicans with no job and who hate showering, come on baby, tell me what do you let your boyfriend do to you, if you had a boyfriend, that you won’t let me do to you?
No Comment
I think what I was getting at, is would you meet a dude from the internet?
NEVER…I definitely don’t have a problem meeting dudes, in real life;)
Do you think it’s easier to get an STD from someone you meet online or someone you meet in a club?
Clubs are gross, and the guys online trying to hit on me are the same idiots at the clubs looking to get lucky…bar, strip club, myspace, it’s all the same to them…so either way they all most likely have STDs…”Go Away!”
My readers never leave their mom’s basement, so do you ever go to parks to meet men who promise to buy you candy on the internet? Or are you too old for that?
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What would I have to do to convince you to send me nude pics?
AHahaaa go ahead, try finding some but nude pics of me do not exist…never will, trashy. Maybe like Rolling Stones but most nude mags are cheeeeseball!
I kinda like nude pics and take offense to that….What do you have to say to your many, many fans reading on drunkenstepfather.com? All 5 of us are dying to know what can we expect from you in the months to come? Can we expect a Lohan Stage Act?
There a few project in the works right now…I’ve been on overload since the LFL video, crazy! However, you probably won’t be seeing any more Lindsay stuff from me, other than interviews on LFL. I am an actress/performer, working on all different types of projects, not a LiLo lookalike. And I do love comedy more than anything so I hope I can continue to humor you throughout my career. As of right now, music is a main focus.
Would you sleep with me if I could promise you stardom?
No Comment
Too bad my penis doesn’t work and you are already more famous than me….I think I am in love. Cuddles.
Heres the Video:
Here are some pics:
You can find out more about Chauntal, the girl who played Lohan in the viral video at Chuantal.com – Check Her Out….
