DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

Sara Sampaio Shows Off her Pussy in Tight Pants Under the Guise that it is a Fitness Video of the Day

Industry Flesh Puppet Jessica Alba Propagandizes for the Machine of the Day

Sydney Sweeney is Glamour’s Woman of the Year of the Day

Paige Spiranac Feeling Herself Up of the Day

Margaret Qualley is Hot for an Ugly Chick of the Day

2007

Aug

I am – Jennifer Garner's Orgasm Face of the Day

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So may token gay blogger looks like he is going to be a fixture and I hope you all enjoy it because that’s the whole reason he is here. I am all about helping you come to terms with your underlying homosexuality, while giving the homos on the site a man to fantasize about. I am trying to make myself famous and this is the best way.

The only set-back is that Julien isn’t an inflated, blue haired faggot that looks like a circus clown who got lost and ate all the elephant feed, but maybe the internet will move from having disgusting looking idols to just having disgusting sexual deviant idols. Only time will tell and here’s his post for the day….Cocksuckers….

I have been going on gay chat sites for a quite a while. It’s a really great place to meet “straight” guys who want to suck to dick but who are too afraid to go the gay bars. I prefer these kind of guys because they are all about the sex and are not looking to spoon afterwards.

So I was talking to this guy and he decided to send me a few of his pics. One of them was his “O face” (or “orgasm face”) and it was horrifying. His eye was all squinty and he was doing this thing with his mouth and it made him look like a retarded rabbit. He must of thought it was sexy but it really wasn’t. He might as well have sent me a picture of his last bowl movement.

Here is a picture of Jennifer Garner making what looks to me like her O face. Now she doesn’t look as bad as my guy did, but she still looks a little downsy. But just because it doesn’t work for me doesn’t mean some desperate straight guy (you) isn’t going to print this out, put it on his pillow and then fuck a plastic pussy pretending that he is making Jennifer Garner cum. Well, I’m all about fantasies but believe me even if by some magical turn of events, Ben Affleck died and you managed to fuck Ms. Garner, there is no way you would make her cum.

Smooch!
Julien

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Jennifer Garner Paddle Surfs in Bikini Bottoms
Mom’s in Thongs
J Lo’s Fat Ass of the Day (since Afleck Fucked Her)
Christina Aguilera’s Orgasm Face

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2007

Aug

I am – Karen Mulder Bikini on a Boat Pictures of the Day

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Karen Mulder is some model who was big at some point in her career and tried to kill herself in 2002 by taking pills like she was Owen Wilson. IN 2006 she had a kid and I am reading wikipedia right now…..

Speaking of suicide and kids, I am always fascinated when a guy tells me he has a kid, it means that some girl liked him enough to keep his baby and I just can’t seem to grasp that concept, because girls never even liked me enough to have sex with me when sober, return my calls when, admit they ever banged me, or talk to me if they ever ran into me on the street.

Either way, I landed my wife because she was really fucking lonely and even she wouldn’t have had another kid to keep me around so I am pretty much this dude who will never have a kid because no girl would carry my baby and I will always remain fascinated with guys who tell me that a woman either wants their kid or has their kid, because it means they are doing something I am not and that they are by far more a man than I’ll ever be. I have low self-esteem but the only because after years of the same message being driven down my throat you realize that you suck at something, in my case life. I think it makes for good comedy.

At least better comedy than your depressing life… living the suburban life, with the suburban middle management job you hate, going home to your boring wife who is 35 pounds heavier than when you first met, and ugly kids… making your monthly payments on your house and car…over-extending yourself because you want to take the family to Disneyland, or because your kid’s in private school because you want a better life for him and you need to buy him designer clothes so he doesn’t feel inadequate amongst his peers…Or you’re living at home with your mom, unable to find a job, jerking off more than ever, spending your time online trying to find pussy but even the girls you pay to go on cam won’t show you their cunts…forcing your to carve a vagina into your bedpost, the same bed you slept on when you were ten, because that’s the only thing that would fuck you…….I guess there’s a lot funny about that..

Here are some pictures of Karen Mulder, the bitch who failed at killing herself because she takes life and herself too fucking seriously, while on a boat tanning in St Tropez because life is so hard on her….don’t take yourself too seriously, have fun with your shortcomings because if you can’t laugh about shit you end up being miserable, and there’s nothing fun about crying, now is there, pussy. I am pretty inspirational. I am like a modern day Batman…

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Anne Hathaway Bikini on a Yacht
Adriana Volpe Topless of the Day
Rebecca Gayheart Topless on a Yacht
Abigail Clancy Topless on a Yacht

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2007

Aug

I am – Lauren Conrad Bikini Pics of the Day

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It turns out that girls from The Hills were all out on the beach the other day, running around in their bikinis, and giving us all something to look at, I can only assume something scandalous is about to happen on the show, otherwise they wouldn’t be out together. I may have never seen the show and I have no idea what their dynamic is, but I can guarantee that they all hate each other’s guts and call each other cunts and have cat fights behind closed doors but that’s only because that’s how girls are, especially stupid girls who crave attention and want to be the big stars, but in reality what the fuck do I know about girls….other than that I love tits, ass and vagina…

I was hanging out at the local cosmetic counter this past weekend, because on weekends in the early afternoon, girls borrow their parent’s cars and show up to get their essentials for the week or for the night out that lies ahead so they they show up in casual clothes, like tights or yoga pants or whatever makes their asses look amazing….Either way, the only products they have for dudes in the place is cologne so I’m standing there in the cologne section, trying not to get busted looking at this hot 18 year old’s ass that is squatting and I can swear I can see her full box defintion from behind, when this homeless looking tattooed up 60 year old bitch walks in and starts giving herself a whore shower. So she’s spraying herself down with all different types of cologne and is shaking like a meth addict and sees me looking at the hot chick through the shelving….She doesn’t realize that I am being a pervert and thinks I am actually shopping and that I just busted her, so she comes over to me and starts giving me advice on what cologne to buy, like she’s an expert and a serious cologne shopper when in reality she’s just tired of smelling her own ass when she sits down and this is her best solution to the problem because it’s free unlike doing laundry…Either way, she fucks off and I look back to the hot ass and it’s gone..

Here are those Lauren Conrad pics, because she’s still young and tight bodied and I’d totally watch her squatting in front of me at the cosmetics counter of the local department store…

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More Heidi Montag Bikini Pictures
Kristen Cavallari Bikini Pictures

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2007

Aug

I am – Gwen Stefani Shops in her Bikini Top of the Day

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I was hanging out with some street kids last night because I was drunk. I don’t normally make a point of chatting up the dirtiest fucking tra I can find, but when I am drunk I am pretty much willing to talk to anyone who is willing to sit through it and lucky for me, last night’s audience was a group of squeegee punks. They were asking me for a cigarette because I guess they were too poor to buy themselves cigarettes. They had a dog, a guitar and a film camera from the Dollar Store. They asked me to take a picture of them and I asked them to sing me a song, so the dark skinned ratty motherfucker with dreads starts singing about living on the streets. When I asked them where they were headed they told me to get some food and back to one of their apartments. I was pretty pissed off when I found out that the street kids I was dealing with had homes, so I started to give them shit, then they told me that they were all on welfare, lived together and lived the street kid life but didn’t actually live on the street. They were high on meth and when I offered them 20 dollars to do a street kid porn for me, the girl who had the biggest fucking gut, told me she was only 17.

These Gwen Stefani pics are to celebrate lost opportunity and broken dreams because bitch is a fucking suburban punk who made a name for herself in some candy-coated ska band and was marketed as a punk to the world while the closest thing she’s been to a punk is when one tries to squeegee her limo window on her way to a sold out arena show….and the closest thing to dumpster diving bitch has ever done was when she went grocery shopping with her husband in her bikini….and he made bitch carry the groceries…

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Gwen Stefani Ruins My Fetish of the Day
Gwen Stefani and Her Baby
Lohan and Gayheart Grocery Shopping
Alba Grocery Shopping

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2007

Aug

I am – Audrina Partridge from the Hills in her Bikini of the Day

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I have never watched The Hills, mainly because I have a penis…and because I am not a 13 year old girl or some kind of homosexual, even though homosexuals seem to be popping up everywhere. It’s like it’s really cool to be gay or someshit. When I was younger, faggots would stay in the closet for fear of people hating them or bashing them, so they’d get married have kids be miserable through the 90s, sneak out on “business trips” and brokeback mountain camping trips, give their wife AIDS then by the time the year 2000 hit, Gay becomes cool, Tom leaves his wife for some dude, she’s devastated and has AIDS, his kids get all fucked up, his daughter disowns men and starts eating box and his son becomes a tranny and the gay movement continues because all these gay kids have gay fathers and it becomes one big “Gay is Okay and socially accepted and it’s wrong to beat up fags and drag them behind pick-up trucks or leave them in ditches to die because we hate gays” party and I guess that’s okay because it’s natures way of population control and because without fags we wouldn’t have bull-dykes and I love getting dirty looks from bull-dykes who hate me for having a penis, it makes me feel like I am an animal in the jungle and she’s about either going pounce and rip my penis off and shove it down my throat, or invite me to go camping at the Vegan conference…

I went to a bar the other night, that used to be a dive and I hadn’t been for a while. I got drunk and realized that 80 percent of the men were poofters, and although the place was filled with chicks who were obviously too good looking to talk to me, they were all dancing on their tables and shit with dudes who thought they were Britney Spears and I felt like the place had turned into a gay bar. so I got drunk because that’s really the only time I feel good.

The point of all this is to say that I don’t watch The Hills….it’s about rich sluts from California that everyone fell in love with when they were in high school, it was scripted reality TV and this bitch Audrina Partridge, who I’ve never heard of, is one of them Now she’s on your screen in a bikini….have fun because her body is pretty tight, her razor burn hot and I’d totally do her.

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Kristen Cavallari’s Facebook Pictures
Kristen Cavallari Lasik Eye Surgery
Kristen Cavallari Bikini Pics

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2007

Aug

I am – Elizabeth Hurley in Some Photoshoot of the Day

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Elizabeth Hurley

These pics of Liz Hurley are from some fashion shoot which may or not be new, and I don’t know enough about fashion to be able to tell or not, and in the end neither do you. What I do know is that when you get as little action as you do, hot women are hot women, and as much as you would like to hold out for that blonde bikini model who lives up the street from you, we both know thats not going to happen, ever, and it makes more sense to beat off to these photos, old or not.

I’ve always liked Elizabeth Hurley because when you here her formal British accent everyone automatically pictures her sitting at home in a formal floral dress, drinking Earl Grey Tea with her pinky in the air. Truth be told, she’s actually from a pretty shitty neighborhood in Britain and had it pretty rough growing up. She’s filthy rich now, especially since marrying that Hindu rich guy. So I guess on some days she probably does sit at home in a floral dress, drinking Earl GreyTea with her pinky in the air, or she just gets naked and rolls around in all her money. I prefer to think of the latter.

hugs and kisses
Marie-eve Martinez

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Posted in:Elizabeth Hurley|Model|Tits|Unsorted

2007

Aug

I am – Elle Macpherson Pure Hotness of the Day

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Elle MacPherson

I was the bar last night and saw a bitchin’ cat fight on the street as I was stumbling home with the random I met who’s name I can’t remember right now. I was pretty drunk, and was paying more attention to the hand up my skirt then the words being spat back and forth as fists were flying and high heels were being removed for weapons purposes. Therefore I have no idea what the fight was about. I’m guessing something really stupid tho, because normal, sensible grown women don’t fist fight on crowded rainy streets at 3am.

I think it’s funny how women hate other women for no other reason then the fact that they are women. Feminists will go and and on about how men purposely turn us against each other in a way to keep us more pre-occupied in our problems with each other versus the problems in regards to how women are treated in this world. It makes sense in some ways, but it always forgets the most important fact which is that women are catty bitches who more often then not need to step down off thier high horses, cut the jealousy, and as I always like to say, get the sand out of their vaginas. I’d like to see that in the next piece of feminists literature some hippy chick that doesn’t shave her legs hands to me.

The reason most women hate women like Elle Macpherson however, is that they are bored house wives with fat asses who spend way to much of their husbands money on make-up and Oil of Olay in hopes to make themselves attractive. Elle Macpherson on the otherhand jet sets around the world being naturally thin with no make-up, unbrushed hair and giving guys around the world everywhere boners that rip their pants.

hugs and kisses
Marie-Eve Martinez

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Posted in:Elle Macpherson|Hot|Model|Unsorted

2007

Aug

I am – stepLINKS of the Day

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I left my house today only to find a ton of college girls in town. I guess it’s that time of year, summer is over, even though it’s summer vacation everyday for me. I was faced with so many half naked young girls with their tits all hanging out and shit and so many of them were running into the pharmacy, I could only assume they were buying birth control because it’s always to have raw dog sex responsibly, otherwise the herpes wouldn’t be as fun as they are supposed to be when you’re all pregnant and shit….

I then walked by a group of street kids who looked dirty as fuck, I am talking no showered dirty not ass to mouth dirty and one of them was pregnant. I could only assume the dude with the squeegee was the dad and the other girls were her entourage but when she lit up a smoke and asked for money for beer and an aborition, I couldn’t help but give her what I had because the though of her nasty box and the smell it probably has getting knocked up was so disgusting that it was exciting to me….

Your life may not be as good, but here are my links..Click Them….

Some Fat Chick Who Sucks Dick on Camera is Beggin You To Help Her Get New Tits
GO

Nipple Slip at the Ed Hardy Fashion Show
GO

I think it’s time for a Pogo Stick Back Flip
GO

Some Japanase Martial Arts Bitch Could Kick Your Ass…Which Isn’t Saying Much…. Video
GO

Lookin’ Good Sweetheart
GO

Nick Hogan is in deep shit Because He Got Caught Jerking Off To His Sister’s Bikini Pics or Something Like That….
GO

Glenn Twins Are a Couple Sluts Who Are Half Naked
GO

Britney Spears Showing Off Her Ass In Public
GO

Whose Boobs are These? The Miss Teen USA Edition
GO

Some Naked Beer Run is Pretty Hysterical…
GO

Some Not So Subliminal Print Ads for an Alcohol Company
GO

Some Hayden Panettiere Look-ALike Naked….
GO

Naked Chick at the Beack Video
GO

2007’s Best and Worst Celebrity Beach Bodies
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This Tennis Player has Huge Fucking Tits…For a Tennis Player….
GO

I am Always Offended When People Sing Duets with Dead Singers…I am Even More Offended When They are American Idol Starlets….This is Dean Martin and Paris Bennett
GO

Here’s a Little Celebrity Photohunt to Pass Your TIme
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Cindy Crawford is Stacked
GO

Bobby Brown is living in a fabulous new house
GO

Some smart kid figured out how to unlock the iphone, but I really don’t care cause I can’t afford one anyways
GO

Sheryl Crow in a see through top
GO

Japanese Bondage gameshow, because Japan gets weirder by the day
GO

Cindy Crawford hot tits
GO

Keeley Hazell in a wet, see through bikini
GO

Because you area virgin who still plays video games
GO

Aiesha Tyler’s dress is stupid, but she is hot and funny as hell, so who cares
GO

More Asian pointlessness
GO

Some old hag leaves $12 Million to her dog. Can someone fucking explain how that is possible please?
GO

That loser kid from Transformers is poking Rhianna
GO

Mandy Moore and Wilmer Meet Again…
GO

Porn Star Belladonna calls it quits
GO

Lohan rehab drama
GO

Just another night on the South Side of LA
GO

Some Hayden Panettiere photoshoot
GO

Some Cam Girl Gets So Hot She Wants to Take Her Clothes Off
GO

Snake in the toilet
GO

Some new Jessica Alba photoshoot
GO

CBGB founder dies at 75
GO

More Britney drama, this time in the form of freaking out on video
GO

Filthy phone sex in an elevator
GO

Bjork is a bit of a nutter
GO

Girls in the tub
GO

Charlie Sheen throws a temper tantrum
GO

Alyssa Milano modeling clothes from her “clothing line”
GO

Gemma Atkinson in white cotton panties
GO

Tom and Katie’s body guard tells all
GO

Planet Asia is Some New Rapper You’ll Probably Like Cuz You Are Jiggy…
GO

Kate Bosworth in Some Dress
GO

Pete Doherty and Kate are back on again
GO

Mom and Daughter Porn Prank That Will Make You Laugh – NSFW
GO

Jessica Alba and Cash Warren Back Together….Love is So Sweet
GO

The World Doesn’t Have Enough Siamese Twins…..Video
GO

Hayden Showing Off Her Tits A Bit
GO

Don Vito is in Trouble Again
GO

A Pretty Fucking Hot Carwash
GO

This Site’s Been Around forever Give it Love
GO

Probably Some of the Weirder Nudes I’ve Seen on the Net
GO

Heather Graham Red Sox Tit Video
GO

Lohan Posing all Hot and Shit
GO

This Spray Will Get You Laid
GO

Posted in:stepLINKS|Unsorted

2007

Aug

I am – Keira Knightly Is a Skinny Bitch of the Day

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There was a time when I had a pretty rude gay, black , Jewish blogger working on the site, but he became some kind of drug addict and only delivered a couple posts, so I hunted down Julien to be the next gay to take this site to Perezdom…because it turns out people are fags. Since Julien is a sex addicted drug using freakshow he wrote a pretty intensely gay post…I think he miss understood when I said be bitchy with write about having a dick in your ass like you’re a bitch…anyway this is what he wrote:

This guy was fucking me last night and after he came, he fell asleep, like right after. It was like someone had hit him over the head and he passed out. I mean he was still inside me and he was fucking snoring. In my younger years, I wouldâ€™ve just pulled him off of me and rolled over and went to sleep, but Iâ€™m older and wiser and empowered or some shit. So instead of just lying there I decided to help myself out. I figured I might as well get something out of this night. So I jerked myself off with the guy still lying on top of me. The guy finally woke up after some of my wad shot on his face. He completely flipped out and kept on saying he hadnâ€™t been so insulted in his entire life and blah blah blah. So he got his clothes on and stormed out of the apartment. I donâ€™t understand what the big deal is, I mean itâ€™s just cum, itâ€™s actually good for the skin. Itâ€™s better than a facemask. I should sleep with someone like Keira Knightly. I mean, she has such great skin, guys must cum on her face all the time.

Smooch!

Julien

I told him that that was by far too fucking intense for my readers since this isn’t a gay erotic site and the best case scenario some virgin in the mid-west probably got hard to that shit and is now driving around with a baseball bat that he is going to use to kill some local faggot because he thinks it’s the only way to reclaim his manhood…so Julien came back at me with this one….

A few months ago, some famous bitch said that gay men, specifically fashion designers, were to blame for all of the eating disorders and skinny women in the media because they have some unrealistic ideals of what a woman should be. Now if you look at a train wreck like whatever Jenna Jameson is turning herself into, I would agree with her. I mean have you seen her lately? She looks like the fucking creature from the black lagoon. But for every Jenna Jameson, there is a Keira Knightly. I mean this bitch is skinnier than a chopstick but she is fucking hot. If this is what a combination of gay men and eating disorders can accomplish, I have nothing bad to say. Hell, sheâ€™s the reason I only eat one meal a day. Sheâ€™s totally my thinsperation.

So when all those homophobes are saying that gay men should burn in hell and blah blah blah remember, we created Keira Knightly.

Smooch!

Julien

Maybe the gay thing’s not going to work so well, but I am sticking to it…so come back tomorrow for more!

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Keira Knightley in a Bikini (ignore all the spam comments)

Posted in:Keira Knightley|Skinny|Token Gay Blogger|Unsorted

2007

Aug

I am – There’s No Way Kate Hudson Could Lead Anyone to Suicide of the Day

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I saw a girl drop the “just because I am blond doesn’t mean I am stupid” line at the local coffee shop and I wanted to throw-up on her because that fucking shit is retardedly played out and has probably been dropped more than her disgusting whore panties because let’s face it Blonds are sluts….at least that’s the rumor.

Speaking of Blonds being sluts, there is no way that this bitch has anything to do with Owen Wilson killing himself and failing miserably making him look like that pussy in your class who was crying for attention and this was the cool Goth way to get it.

Trying to kill yourself over Kate Hudson is like killing yourself over the ugly girl you went to high school with and never spoke to except on the day you realized her mom was a hot slut who liked to wear skimpy bikinis leading to you talking to her and getting yourself invited over until until you got caught peeping on the mom changing one summer afternoon….

What I am getting at is that this bitch isn’t worth shit, she’s already used up and has a kid, she’s got nothing good going for her and ending up with that dude Dax from Punk’d is pretty much a relationship I can respect because he’s such a waste of fucking space too.

I just realized that he could have tried to kill himself because of regret that he actually stuck it to her..you know like when you fuck a bitch that makes you question your sexuality and you don’t want to go on living life as a queer….I didn’t think of it like that because I am Mr Positive today, but I am still convinced Owen Wilson did what he did because cocaine makes you fucking crazy. I know kids who have turned bisexual on it, I know people who have tried to jump off buildings on it, nothing really good comes from it, except for a ton of blowjobs when you have it cuz bitches do anything for the stuff….

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