I'll Make You Famous…
 
 

2006

24

Jan

Topanga's Nipple

tJ9pZWcc10Y.jpgVxzIEcY2WDrok2w.jpgzqquCjNmO9S.jpg

I know her real name isn’t Topanga, but I am too lazy to look into it. She’s one of those useless cunt of an actor who only had one recognizable job, and in her case it was playing Topanga on boy meets world. I guess these pics aren’t as interesting as the bitch from Family Matters who did porn and then Oprah, but this is TGIF at it’s best. I know my see through pics, and bikini pics, and nipple slips are getting boring, but if you had a dick that didn’t work – you’d understand why I look deeper and deeper hoping one day to find a pic that works our for me, if you know what I mean. These topanga pics aren’t the ones cuz she’s fat and her nipples aim to the ground and I never wanted to fuck her when she was on TV. So I guess, I will just keep lookin’.

Posted in:Boobs|Boy Meets World|Danielle Fishell|Nipple|Tits|Topanga|Unsorted

2006

24

Jan

Colin Farrell Sex Tape

cf8.jpg

The good thing about being a useless website that no one reads is that when I post a link to a celebrity sex tape that was submitted to me, and that I couldn’t actually watch because I don’t know shit about codecs, but assume it’s legit so download it and let me know how retarded it is… I totally lost my train of thought, oh right, I won’t get sued for posting this like that fag perez hilton did. That’s the good thing about being a useless blog that no one reads.

Download sex tape HERE

This is old news, I got it days ago, but forget to post it. Sue me. Get it…Cuz everyone is getting sued over this….anyway download the fucking sex tape and leave me alone.

Posted in:Colin Farrell|Sex|Sex Tape|Slut|Unsorted

2006

24

Jan

Agent Provocateur Bush Picture of the Day

Picture 3.pngPicture 2.pngPicture 1.png

I think Agent Provocateur is the hottest lingerie line. The reason is simple. It’s styled from 1920’s burlesque. This shit reminds me of my mom. Back in Mexico in the ’70s, all my mom could afford was used underwear from America, the sexy stuff was from the ’20s and ’30s. She would rock her american panties all day, everyday so it is a fond memory. Well a little more fond than hearing her shove things in her client’s asses, or seeing her get fucked all day everyday, we all need to make a living. I guess the other reason I dig Provocateur is cuz it’s classy and sheer and since I like bush, and I have said that bush is the future of pubic hair styling over and over again. Bald is played out but I think the bikini wax is hype if you are a cheesy chick from the suburbs; the kind of girl who dances on the bar in a “My Boobs Are Real” ironic t-shirt, even though bitch has implants, flashing her g-string that says cutie and shows off her playboy bunny tattoo. But I am done with strippers. I am more into sophisticated bitches who know how to read, who can teach me things, and who have a little bush. This has been the Agent Provocateur Bush Picture of the Day.

Visit Agent Provocateur Here

Posted in:Agent Provocateur|Burlesque|Bush|Hot|Lingerie|Pussy|Sexy|Unsorted|Vagina

2006

23

Jan

Another Pheromone Update

IMG_0528.JPGIMG_0534.JPGIMG_0529.JPG

All you haters just don’t understand. I am setting up this Pheromone Challenge to encourage you to leave your house for a fucking change and meet some people with vaginas. I am not doing this to scam you or to rip you off, like people think. I have said from day one that I don’t fully think it works, I am skeptical as shit, so I decided that we as a collective should put it to the test and share our stories. It forces us to leave our day to day life and hustle bitches with a camera and we will post these stories on this site. If you don’t want to be part of the game, that’s cool, but calling me a scammer is bullshit. When I used to sell drugs, I never cut it with glass or lactose, I would pride myself on having the best stock. I am not a good person at all, but I am also not out to rip anyone off. I just want all you motherfuckers to have some fucking fun.

Now here is my story from ski country. If you watched my useless video you will know that I went to a bar at some ski hill. If you read my last pheromone update, you will know that I am rockin’ a bottle of this shit everytime I go out.

So I meet this dude at the bar ordering a beer, he was solo too. I ask him what his story is and complain about how shitty the bar is. He came down with his parents and left his girlfriend at home for a weekend. I tell him that I have a spray that’s supposed to attract women and challenge him to go up to that girl who can’t dance. He takes me up on the challenge and ends up making out with her a little in the bar. They let me take a couple of pics, but I was wasted, and realize how much they suck.

The other thing that sucks is that the girl’s not so hot, the situation was in the dude’s favor, it was 2:45 am, I call girls like this “table scraps”. Either way, he did just meet her, and they did end up leaving together. So I guess it all worked out for him. More than I can say for you, unless jerking off to amateur porn counts as getting laid by a real girl, you fucking waste of space, cunt.

Get it On With Us

Posted in:stepPHEROMONECHALLENGE|Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

23

Jan

People Who Can’t Dance

Picture 4.png

I was away the last 3 days. I went to ski country with my stepdaughters. Their hot little school friends have a condo up on the ski hill and I guess we were invited out of pity, or whatever it’s called when middle class people who own a car and a condo and a house in the suburbs invite a useless unemployed mexican to their ski lodge. Point of this story is to say that I hit up the only bar at the bottom of the mountain when everyone was in bed and I realized how pathetic I am. The bar was filled with people who couldn’t dance. That got me to thinking, I should record these ppl dancing, so I order a couple of shots of JD, run back to the condo I’m staying at, steal their camera and this is what I got. I also landed some nasty fucking cold/flu and I am lying in bed sweating as I write this, and it’s not because my fat wife doubles as a fucking furnace.

Ignore the horrible quality and bad editing. I am Jesus Martinez, bitches, low quality is what I do.

Watch My Video Here

Posted in:can't dance|Dancing|hot sluts|Unsorted|young sluts

2006

23

Jan

People Who Can't Dance

Picture 4.png

I was away the last 3 days. I went to ski country with my stepdaughters. Their hot little school friends have a condo up on the ski hill and I guess we were invited out of pity, or whatever it’s called when middle class people who own a car and a condo and a house in the suburbs invite a useless unemployed mexican to their ski lodge. Point of this story is to say that I hit up the only bar at the bottom of the mountain when everyone was in bed and I realized how pathetic I am. The bar was filled with people who couldn’t dance. That got me to thinking, I should record these ppl dancing, so I order a couple of shots of JD, run back to the condo I’m staying at, steal their camera and this is what I got. I also landed some nasty fucking cold/flu and I am lying in bed sweating as I write this, and it’s not because my fat wife doubles as a fucking furnace.

Ignore the horrible quality and bad editing. I am Jesus Martinez, bitches, low quality is what I do.

Watch My Video Here

Posted in:can't dance|Dancing|hot sluts|Unsorted|young sluts

2006

19

Jan

Pherlure Update 5

IMG_0453.JPGIMG_0452.JPGIMG_0451.JPG

Dear Jesus,

I read your site daily, sometimes multiple times a day. I think your site is some of the most pimpin shit on the internet. I decided to take you up on your pheromone challenge, because I thought it would be funny to see if it works or not, and because I want to support what you do.

I ended up getting it in the mail a couple of days ago and the first thing I did was spray it on and go out to one of the bars near my university. I ended up meeting this girl, chattin’ her up and making out with her. I brought her home and had a wild fuckin’ night, or night of fuckin’.

I refuse to admit this was only because of the pherlure, since I am a pretty hot stud of a man. HAHA. But I do know that I got laid the first night I used it.

I couldn’t get you pics of us fucking or making out, that would have been too obvious, but the girl insisted on doing my laundry the next day, and I wouldn’t let that happen without getting a couple of shots for you.

Hope you like em!!

I will send you more stories and better pics and keep up the good work, you ROCK!!

Sorry dude, I won’t suck your dick, pheromones or not. You have to be the biggest suck up I’ve ever got an email from, and the girl probably slept with you, cuz you wouldn’t stop telling her how pretty she is, you fuckin’ homo. Thanks for the submission and go get me more pics. I will admit that I laughed when I saw her doing your laundry. That shit is classic.

All you people who don’t know what’s going on, you can read what this pheromone challenge in all about.

By Clicking Here To Read Previous Update

If any of you wanna get involved read the pheromone review here

If you want the shit I’m gonna use to score the syph – buy it here

Posted in:stepPHEROMONECHALLENGE|Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

19

Jan

Myspace Mom of the Day

422113734_l.jpg422114654_l.jpg422117068_l.jpg

I’m a fun loving girl and I believe that women only emprove with age. Live for my fun and interesting job and of course my gem Trevor who will grow up to b an amazing man. Not like some guys out there… no players here, my page is a dog-free zone! Only real men write to me. I also like to get in touch with women who are adventurous… you know what I mean. The

This women is 41, has a son old enough to check out whether his mommy has a Myspace profile. She lives in Canada and is lookin for pussy on myspace. I find this funny. I would hate to look up my mom on Myspace at a friend’s house and find this, not because she can’t spell, but because she’s airing her dirty laundry and cooter for everyone to see. So her her last bf cheated on her and now she’s into girls, what a fucking cliche, did she learn how do deal with her emotions by watching an afterschool special. Do those still exist? I think they are the reason I have had unprotected sex and smoked rock, I used to watch them when I was 10, they taught me so much, like how to roll a joint and ruin a family.

Posted in:MySpace|Slut|teenage mom|Unsorted

2006

19

Jan

Lohan and Leto

DyVwxXPKbGDZDG.jpg

I really don’t know where I am going with this. But this is probably old pics of Leto and Lohan on the set of the John Lennon Murder Movie. I posted this pic because Lohan has had sex with Leto and this is a picture of them together. If that doesn’t excite you like it does for me, I understand, nobody cares about this but me.

Posted in:hook up|Jared Leto|Lindsay Lohan|Sex|Unsorted

2006

19

Jan

Hayden Panettiere Lingerie

f200d_i2.jpg872bc_i1.jpg95d26_i3.jpg

I was born a long time before this girl. She’s pretty fresh and illegal, comin in at 16 years old but already a dirty girl. I don’t wanna come off as mr fucking morals, because I prove time and time again that I have no morals, but I do know that if I was this girl’s father, I’d probably encourage her to wear something a little less lingerie-like, something like a turtle neck or something. I am not a father however and I make my step daughters run around the house in American Apparel booty shorts and wife beaters with no bra, but if I was there real dad that would never happen. The question today is where is Hayden’s daddy, did he leave the family, was he arrested like Lohan’s dad, why is she such a broken girl and how long before her sex tape is leaked onto the internet.

Posted in:Hayden Panettiere|Lingerie|Unsorted