Looks like there was a lesbian party on Ellen, at least more of a lesbian party than usual, I mean Ellen is so much of a lesbian that I feel like I turn more and more into a lesbian every time I watch the shit. I mean I’ve never sat through a full show, but if I did, I’d probably run into the kitchen and chop off my dick and put on a bra and go out to get my newly cut pussy licked, before bleeding to death and dying.
Either way, Lohan is clearing up the rumors about her break-up, I think it’d be nice for you to listen to her represent herself instead of listening to the rumors, while I imagine getting my pussy fucked by Ellen with a strap-on.
I love this security guard in this video, maybe it’s because I hate the paparazzi, but it’s probably because the dude is cool. He’s telling the scummy paparazzi to fuck off and when they tell him he’s taking his job too seriously, he keeps telling them to fuck off.
There’s no way you or anyone can really respect the asshole paparazzi with their cameras, sure I use their pictures all the time, but that doesn’t mean I think they are good at taking pictures or that I think shit is an honorable career, they are fucking theifs who try to rip everyone off with their shitty pictures and insane prices and they even killed Princess Diana.
Either way, I was walking my dog and he made friends with this emo kid. I’m talking skinny jeans, funny mohawk, artist t-shirt, who was probably in his early 20s. I was thinking to myself that shit is way too androngynous nowadays, like that dude really looks like a girl and when I asked his name and he told me it was Melanie, I still didn’t catch on to the fact that I was talking to a fuckin’ girl. I only realized while walking away what I just experienced and I am still confused about the whole thing.
Here are some pictures of a sexy Lohan sunglass shopping. People say she’s too skinny, but let me remind you, there is no such thing as too skinny, there is however such thing as too fat and unfortunately, I’m sitting next to her right now….
BONUS – Don’t pay any attention to Ali Lohan’s tight little shorts cameltoe, girl’s only 15 dude….I’m in Canada…14 is Legal…Not that I’d ever do a 14 year old…I’m just saying, we may not get Hulu, but we do get prime teen pussy….right….
If you’re wondering why sexy Lindsay Lohan is covering her face, it’s because she got a face tattoo like Mike Tyson did after he got out of prison, as a symbol to never forget, because in a lot of ways, she just escaped a prison of her own and that is a lesbian relationships, because they are hell, you know since girls are needy/emotional/crazy/get their periods/want to cuddle/love male attention that isn’t yours/always creating drama and issues because they are psychos who need dudes to control them to keep them in check like nature had originally planned for them, before they got all independent and weird and I blame the media for that.
Lindsay Lohan is making a comeback. I mean if you consider FunnyorDie a comeback. I used to hate on FunnyorDie, but in the end, I think getting celebrities to do viral videos is a fucking goldmine and they are a hell of a lot smarter than me.
This video is of Lohan’s fake E-Harmony profile video and she makes fun of herself, she looks good, and it may not do anything for her, but it should remind all of you that Lindsay is a superstar, she’s not going anywhere, and as much as you all think she’s done and in the fuckin’ gutter, she’s not. I have a feeling she knows exactly what’s going on despite being known to be a little emotional, shit’s got too many people involved to go awry.
So watch it and start showing Lindsay some love, because I know I want to…all over her tits.
Rumor is that Lindsay and Samantha broke up. Lindsay seems to be taking these times of trouble pretty well, you know since she hasn’t killed herself. That’s always a good sign and Samantha has been off hanging with the Good Charlotte sisters because they make anyone feel better about themselves. Whenever I feel bad, I just google image search their suburban tattoos and it usually helps me pull the knife away from my wrist.
But that’s not the point, the point is the paparazzi are on Lohan’s dick, because she’s a superstar, and they want exclusives, and as she asks them to get off her property, she calls my name, in some kind of desperation. “jesus”….the words just roll off her tongue in some kind of beautiful angelic tone, like the sky has opened up and I have become the chosen one, and by beautiful angelic tone, I mean throaty and tobacco damaged…
When was the last time Lohan said your name in a paparazzi video, I’m thinking never. So don’t be jealous.
Sure Lohan has no idea I exist, but what’s that got to do with anything. Subconscious man…it’s some deeper shit than you’ll ever understand.
Fine she wasn’t saying my fucking name, she was using Jesus, our lord a savior’s name, you know the motherfucker who died for your sins and had a whore mother who lied to her husband about cheating on him, claiming this whole divine conception, or whatever other bullshit she spewed to save her marriage, and that’s okay, it’s Easter, she’s been all jewed out all these months, it’s time to remind her about her Christian roots.
But you gotta admit, if she did say my name in a paparazzi video, it’d be pretty cool.
I love Lindsay Lohan. She is hot and I don’t think she’s too skinny, there is no such thing as too skinny, that’s just something fat chicks say to make them feel good about themselves, the same fat chicks who aren’t fucking you.
Sure, I thought she was going to die this year. I thought that it would be suicide or cardiac arrest, but I’m over all that. I am convinced she’s ready for the takeover she’s been laying the groundwork for the last few years and that this relationship with Ronson and this breakup with Ronson is all part of some master plan we’ll all understand one day.
If anyone is gonna die, it’s gonna be me, I’ve had a cough for fucking days and I think the end is near. At least I’ve lived long enough.
I haven’t been keeping track of pretty much anything the last couple of weeks, because I don’t really care. I read Lohan and Ronson are broken up, I read Ronson is getting a restraining order because Lohan is crazy and on drugs, and I did a google search to see if Lohan has died yet, because she hasn’t called to wish me a happy birthday and that’s so unlike her, you know since she’s never called to wish me a happy birhthay, or called me for anything for that matter.
I ended up coming across this video, that 300,000 people have seen, so I am not really quick on the shit, but apparently Lohan got on stage with Lily Allen at her concert and if you can stomach seeing this fat broken uterus in offensively tight shorts, you’ll see Lohan get on stage and sing along with Lily Allen awkwardly, probably because she knows that Lily Allen is good friends with Sam Ronson, and Lohan’s done gone nuts.
Why did I just write all this?! I really couldn’t tell you.
Lindsay Lohan may be crazy, I don’t know her so I couldn’t really tell you what the fuck she’s into, but I do know that she’s driving around a porn producers expensive car, she’s reportedly broke and out of work, she’s pretty much admitted to being a sex addict, you know to fill the void she feels from being an empty person with no father, she’s into eating pussy, which makes porn scenes all the more interesting.
Actually, it makes life all the more interesting and if you land a girl who is into girls and interested in eating pussy and actually means it, you have got to work that angle fast, because before you know it, she’ll be off doing it with other guys and girls and all that groundwork you laid into gettin her to accept it as a possibility gets thrown the fuck out of the window and into some other asshole’s bed, before you get your taste. It’s like you spend all your time on someone, and they take that shit to share with the guy next door, before you get the chance to really appreciate what you created.
I used to bang a friend of mine’s girlfriend. When he first got with her, before I got with her, he’d complain about how bad she was in bed, how she wouldn’t let him cum in her, how she was fuckin’ standard and so he spent a solid 6 months training her to be the little slut he wanted and when he finally got her to a good place, she moved in on me because she was all sexually confident with her new found skills and he was out of town, so I got this well practiced pussy and I think it was the only time I ever came from a blowjob, it was fantastic, especially since I didn’t have to go through all the hard work, unfortunately, the aftermath when my friend found out, wasn’t quite as pleasant….
I’d like to take a minute to laugh at other people’s misfortune….
her latest movie will not be released to cinemas. Labor Pains will premiere on cable TV in America in July before going straight to DVD in August. In the film, Lohan plays a woman who fakes pregnancy in a bid to keep her job. The actress has completed just one movie since her 2007 flop I Know Who Killed Me, and recently lost out on the lead role in director Tim Burton’s forthcoming remake of Alice In Wonderland.
If you read the synopsis of this movie, you’ll realize why this shit is going straight to DVD, it’s so fucking stupid, I am offended it was made in the first place.
Laughing at Lohan’s misfortunes isn’t like laughing at some retard on life support falling down a flight of stairs, you know, because she’s already won the fucking lottery and has made more money that she ever deserved, and if she’s going broke, good, she deserves it, because she’s a fucking mental case spoiled brat who doesn’t know what she had and the opportunities that were given to her because she’s all self righteous and shit.
The biggest joke is that I hear she’s trying to become a full time model, you know because the work is easy and comes natural, meanwhile she’s 5 foot 2 in heels and looks like a wrecked 40 year old dying of breast cancer.
She’s also trying to partner up with Sean Penn, Seth Rogan and whoever else will listen to her to try to get her career going because the media and obsessed fans have been negative about her and have perpetuated rumors about her and her personal and professional life that made her unhirable.
So I guess when she realizes she’s fucking useless and it’s over, we can all expect a lawyer’s letter, because she’s gonna sue the fuckin’ world for making her famous, then taking it away from her or some shit.
Either way, the whole thing is pretty fucking funny.
Here is Lindsay Lohan leaving a club, she’s gotta be sober, I mean otherwise she wouldn’t look like she was taking a nap, you know cuz when I get wasted, I always look alert and ready to drive the fuckin’ schoolbus. I quit doing the Lohan Death Watch, but I figure I might as well do the Lohan is Sleepy watch because it’s Friday and I need to got Britney Spears hunting.
