2009
20
Mar
Here is Lindsay Lohan leaving a club, she’s gotta be sober, I mean otherwise she wouldn’t look like she was taking a nap, you know cuz when I get wasted, I always look alert and ready to drive the fuckin’ schoolbus. I quit doing the Lohan Death Watch, but I figure I might as well do the Lohan is Sleepy watch because it’s Friday and I need to got Britney Spears hunting.
Here’s the video….
Posted in:Addict|Lindsay Lohan|Slut|Sober
2009
19
Mar
Here’s some Lindsay Lohan with some skinny legs because she doesn’t eat much more than pussy and coke and I like it. The world’s got too many fat people, so maybe this bitch is onto something.
There is an amazing intensity that comes when you don’t eat for a few days, you know cuz your brain is lacking nutrients and your body is in some kind of hypoglycemic shock, that always keeps you on your motherfuckin toes, never really knowing what to expect, or whether you’ll be killed before they die of cardiac arrest.
Posted in:Legs|Lindsay Lohan|Skinny
2009
17
Mar
I have been trying to reach out to Lohan’s people to get her to start doing product placements for my site, you know since she is always being shot by the paparazzi and on the news, she should start selling ad space on herself. You know 1,000,000 dollars for a week on her forehead, 2,000,000 for her cleavage and 50 cents for her pussy, because that’s what it’s worth on the street. But she never answered me, she was too busy wearing this see through shirt a money making opportunity she fucked up.
Posted in:Crazy|Lindsay Lohan|See Through|Uncategorized
2009
16
Mar
I remember a time my wife wasn’t too fat to get her period. Those were horrible fucking weeks building up to the shit. Not because it meant no sex with her, because that was something I fucking celebrated, but it meant that she would be fucking nuts.
I can’t imagine what throwing drug, alcohol, insanity, lebsianism to the mix, but the whole thing is pretty fucking funny. Not cuz I hate Lohan or Ronson, but because I hate drama and their lives are so fucking stupid, makes for good times.
I’ve texted both of them, they didn’t answer, I don’t like being ignored or stood up via the internet. Cunts.
Posted in:Lindsay Lohan|Samantha Ronson
2009
13
Mar
I am not in the mood to hate on Lohan anymore, sure she caused some headaches for me when she found out I was internet friends with Sam Ronson, who is no longer my internet friend because Lohan stepped in and put a stop to that. Sure, I had some outrageous text message fights with her over the 6 months that this went down, because she was kinda crazy, and sure the last time I went to see Ronson play, I was escorted out of the club within a minute of being there, even though no one knows I write the site, but was told that I am not welcome there, and it had nothing to do with my urine soaked elastic waist band pants.
But now that all that anger and drama is over, life is more boring, I have no one to have fake internet fights with, I have no celebrities to make me feel validated, like my mean spirited shit actually gets noticed, so as Lohan and Ronson lost interest in tolerating me, I lost that stamp of approval that made me feel like the site wasn’t a stagnant piece of shit.
This is going to be my last Lohan Deathwatch post, because it’s played out, boring and a waste of fuckin’ time. She’s not dying, she’s just skinny, and I like skinny girls, so the last thing I should be doing is encouraging weightgain.
So Lohan, if you’re reading this, I miss you.
Posted in:Deathwatch|Lindsay Lohan
2009
12
Mar
Lindsay Lohan’s Deathwatch continues…she’s still alive and trying to pack on the pounds by switching up her diet from being a diet coke, cigarette gum, vodka redbull, cocaine diet, to a regular coke, cigarette gum, vodka redbull, cocaine diet. That’s an extra 200 calories a day, so she’s probably not going to bottom out just yet, but you can’t live long off cafeine and other substances, so our day will come. Let’s just hope that this bitch never meets Kelly Clarkson, because that Kelly Clarkson diet plan despite may save Lohan’s life and we don’t want any of that happening….
Here are some really fucking exciting pictures of Lohan and Ronson leaving Ronson’s house to the Filipinos/Mexicans to clean up their lesbian drug addict mess.
Bonus Here’s Some Lohan Slutty Conspiracy of the Day
I got this email. I thought it was funny….
CONSPIRACY THEORY: Where Lindsay Lohan Really Got the Name For Her New Self-Tanner
As many of you probably already know, Lindsay Lohan has her own brand of leggings called “6126 Leggings” and apparently the line has been so successful that she is expanding her line to include another product she loves to wear, self-tanner. I always thought 6126 was a stupid name for a brand and the name of her self-tanning mist is just as dumb, it’s called Sevin Nyne. Noticing that Sevin Nyne, is an obvious play on the numbers 7 and 9, I thought to myself, self, maybe 6126 is also a play on numbers? It only took a quick second to notice that 1+2+6=9, throw the 6 in front of the 126 and bam you got 69!I guess Lindsay loves the position so much she named her leggings after it which isn’t that much of a stretch considering her current relationship status. I bet she thought she was so smart disguising it the way she did.
Further, in regards to her new product, according to http://www.urbandictionary.com, the 79 is simply an enhanced version of the 69. If she loves the 69 enough to name her leggings after it, then I’m sure she also enjoys the enhanced version enough to name her self-tanner after it! This time around she tried to hide it by craftily spelling the words in an unconventional fashion but alas, my mind is as dirty as hers and I discovered this little conspiracy theory which I’m sharing here with the world.
Clever clever…someone call that guy from A Beautiful Mind…or the military…I think we’ve got a code cracker on our hands…someone who can help take down Korea!
Posted in:Deathwatch|Lindsay Lohan
2009
09
Mar
The Lindsay Lohan Deathwatch isn’t going so well because she’s still alive. Sure she’s at a club drinking “red bull” and maybe that shit, coupled with the blow, will jack her weakened heart into some kind of cardiac arrest that leaves her foaming from the mouth in the DJ booth while Sam Ronson drops some greatest hits from today and yesterday like she was some kind of adult contemporary radio station, but Lohan’s smiling in these pics, and smiles are not condusive to someone shitting their eyeballs out of them and leaving a bloody Ebola mess all over the bathroom floor, you know someone on the verge of death. Smiles mean happiness and happiness does not mean impending death. We’ll keep waiting…
Posted in:Death Watch|Lindsay Lohan
2009
06
Mar
Bad news. The Lindsay Lohan Deathwatch continues, which means posting more boring pictures of the cunt doing absolutely nothing. Unfortunately, no plane crashes happened on the way back from Israel, or wherever the fuck they were reconnecting Sam Ronson’s DJing to it’s roots at Bar Mitzvahs where it came from and where it still belongs, bringing happiness to 14 year old horny boys and their slutty jacked up plastic surgeried mothers, there were no drug overdoses, or cardiac arrest or any of that shit, because I guess Moses is on her converting to what he considers the ultimate religion side or some shit.
What’s even more unfortunate is that here she is drinking coke, instead of free-basing it, because I guess she’s trying to fatten her dying-self up to keep this death watch going for a couple more weeks, and the whole thing is pretty fucking annoying.
Here they are in video leaving Villa Nightclub…
Here is another video of them on some “dinner date” which is code of ripping at each other’s faces off cuz of some drug fueled rage…
Posted in:Dying|Lindsay Lohan
2009
02
Mar
Despite looking like death, Lindsay Lohan is still alive, unfortunately, but the good news is that it probably won’t be for long. She’s in the UK doing her thing by going to synagogue and going on dinner dates with her lesbian lover, you know doing her girlfriend duties that don’t involve suckin Ronson’s clit, and both this girls look like fucking shit. I figure they’ve gone back to Ronson’s home to say their final goodbyes to their family and friends at one last bash before taking their own lives, but I could be wrong. I usually am.
On a sidenote, when wasted, I met a 16 year old girl in the bar I was drinking at and she was really into Lindsay Lohan, so I did what any perverted 40 year old would do when a 15 year old girl is in love with Lindsay Lohan, and made her flash me her vagina for her phone number. I am not sure how long it’ll take her to realize I gave her the wrong number because last thing I need is Lohan suing me for giving her number out, but I got to see 16 year old vagina. I figure as long as it goes down in a bar, where you legally have to be 18 to drink, it’s safe.
Wow, my posts are sucking today….
Here they are at a Bar Mitzvah becauase Ronson is Jewish, Lohan is Converting, because they know they are both dying and that in Judaism there is no hell…which makes being a sinner, addict and cunt….
Posted in:Dead|death|Dying|Lindsay Lohan
2009
27
Feb
I guess Lohan didn’t prepare for her rushed, random trip to the UK by bringing enough pantyhose, who knows maybe she has a place there that has the best fucking pantyhose in the fucking world and was the whole reason for her trip to the UK, you know since that’s pretty much all this whore wears, but the reason for this is medical and not for fashion, because if she doesn’t wear them, her pussy will fall out. It’s just that rotten.
On a side note, she still hasn’t died, so the death watch goes on another day, but here are her crew having a Smokin’ Party and I wish I was invited…
Posted in:Lindsay Lohan|Pantyhose|Shopping