Bikini Archives - Page 54 of 93 Archive - DrunkenStepFather.com

Archive for the Bikini Category

2008

Aug

Jennifer Flavin in Her Bikini of the Day

Everyone’s been focusing on Sly Stalone in these beach pictures, mainly because he’s 60 and jacked and obviously on steroids and that seems to be a big deal to gossip reporters, but the truth is, dude has been ripped for the last 25 years and who really gives a fuck about an old tired man holding onto his youth as tightly as he can, especially when he’s prancing around with his wife, who is in a bikini and a lot easier on the fuckin’ eyes than the freak of nature she is married to.

Speaking of freaks, I was walking downtown last night and a bunch of guys were brawling with Hockey Sticks, like seriously beating the fuck out of each other like they were Rocky, and despite all the blood and damage done, I thought the whole thing was pretty fuckin’ funny considering we’re in Canada, like these motherfuckers couldn’t have just used rocks or knives or guns like normal people, they had to go out and fuel a fuckin’ stereotype.

I guess who cares about my story, just look at these pics.

Posted in:Bikini|Jennifer Flavin

2008

Aug

Kate Moss’ Ass Crack and Hard Nipples in a Bikini of the Day

5 Comments »

I once knew a drug addicted whore, actually I’ve known a lot of crackwhores, I’ve even dated crackwhores who I didn’t know were actual whores, but would come home to catch her sucking random cock behind my back for money and I’d let her stick around because I was actually squatting in her shitty apartment and I had no where else to go, but that’s really got nothing to do with this post of Kate Moss’ ass.

When I look at it I am reminded of this cokehead I knew who would never shit because she was on this diet coke and cocaine diet. She hardly ate actual food, but obviously had to sometimes to stay alive and about once a month she would take these nasty fucking shits that made my wife’s shit look like a fuckin’ delicious chocolate birthday cake. After partying, she’d sneak off to the bathroom and would be in there for about an hour and within 5 minutes a nasty fuckin’ smell that you could taste would pollute the living room I would be sitting in. It was like a mix of chemicals and death and no matter how hot this bitch was, I just couldn’t bring myself to eat her out knowing the mess that was inside her.

I guess it’s pretty relevant to be talking about shit for such a shitty fucking post, now look at some pictures of Kate Moss on a boat, showing some tit and ass, as she likes to do because she just doesn’t give a fuck because she’s like a modern day hippie, who everyone has already seen naked and who doesn’t mind being naked and that’s something I respect in a woman, except when not giving a fuck means not showering and gaining 60 to 100 pounds in 6 years of marriage.

Posted in:Ass|Bikini|Kate Moss|Nipple

2008

Aug

Paz Vega’s Bikini Ass of the Day

4 Comments »

Paz Vega went out to the beach with her one year old kid and she wore a pretty interesting bikini, my wife has the same one, or at least one that fits the same way, but that’s just because all fullback bikinis look like thongs against her huge, rotten ass.

I always get hate because I hate on new mothers because pregnancy ruins their bodies, but I guess sometimes, in the rare case, they bounce back. It’s kinda like how a small percentage of people are immune to the AIDS virus and it could be you. The only way to really find out is to get out there and fuck intravenous drug using whores without a condom as often as you can. Let me know how it works out for you.

Posted in:Bikini|Paz Vega|Thong

2008

Jul

The Guy from CSI’s Girlfriend has an Amazing Ass of the Day

5 Comments »

I was at a bar last night and I witnessed 2 relatively hot chicks recruit some dude to have a threesome with them. They walked up to him and started rubbing up on him and telling him how amazing he was and all this shit. At first I was a little thrown off and jealous that they didn’t come up to me and offer me the same fuckin’ deal, but I realized that I kinda smell like piss and haven’t showed for a few days, thanks to having no hot water. I guess what made the whole thing easier on my self esteem was that I was at a full service strip club and that I knew dude would be shelling out lots of money for that experience but it still made me feel inadequate, almost as inadequate as the dude in CSI rockin’ a speedo. I have no dick, but at least my balls give me more fuckin’ volume than him and for some reason, motherfucker’s hanging out with the hottest ass I’ve seen in a while, and that reason is because he’s on TV and you aren’t.

Posted in:Ass|Bikini|CSI

2008

Jul

Heidi Range Rocks a Bikini of the Day

3 Comments »

Some average at best popstar from the band Sugarbabes in the UK was out in a bikini and was shameless pullin’ a Lohan by having her best friend undo her bikini top because it’s just so fuckin’ hard to reach it herself, then pulled a Miley by taking slutty pictures of each other posing in a pool for the boy she is seeing and it all went over pretty well with me, because I come from the school that all girls are into pussy and all girls and their best friends moderately dyke out and are in love with each other, I’m talking gentle touching and kissing and showering together, and checking out and comparing their naked bodies with each other but never fully embracing the double sided dildo and lesbianism, but still doing things that make their boyfriends’ masturbation fantasies more believable.. I don’t say that because it’s a fantasy, I say it cuz it’s the truth.

Speakin of fantasies, I decided to go to the rich part of town to see what rich girls look like in person. I walked into the coffee shop where they all hang out and this dude who I see in my neighborhood begging for change was sitting at a table reading Wall Street Journal and sipping expensive italian coffee. I was fuckin’ mad that I’ve been throwing quarters his way the last 4 years, thinking he was more hurting than me, and in all honesty was doing it for selfish reasons, like it made me feel good that someone was worse off than me and throwing money at him, even though it wasn’t much was probably the same feeling a rich person gets when they buy a Bentley with cash. So I go up to him and call the fucker out and it turns out motherfucker’s just a con artist from a rich family who panhandles for entertainment purposes and really lives in a big house and drives a nice car and it made me feel like a fuckin’ asshole, but the good news is that he gave me 20 dollars for always hookin’ him up and asked me to keep things on the downlow and I am really that inexpensive to win over…..

Here’s this Heidi bitch and her bikini.

Posted in:Bikini|Heidi Range

2008

Jul

Bar Rafaeli is in a Bikini of the Day

17 Comments »

On the surface Bar Rafaeli is a good looking, bikini ready and bikini wearing model with a pretty hot body, but that’s all white wash because under this pink bikini lives a Jew. I love how everyone thinks I am an anti-semite because I say that Jewish girls aren’t hot 99% of the fucking time. Even Jewish guys I know agree with me and their own mother’s are Jewish so I don’t really get what the big deal is.

Speaking of Jews, a Jewish friend of mine, yeah I know, no Jew is a friend to anyone, told me today that he just got out of the Hospital for mennigitis, which is a pretty serious thing to come out of the hospital for. I went on to tell him that he didn’t get that shit from drinking out of puddles or sleeping with dirty girls, but because it’s God’s wrath for being a Jew. He didn’t find it funny and went on to call me an anti-semite too. You just can’t win with these people, one minute they are trying to rip you off and the next are crying about the holocaust, get over it people, if it wasn’t for the Holocaust, Israeli Bar Rafaeli wouldn’t exist so you can thank Hitler for these titties…

Posted in:Bar Rafaeli|Bikini

2008

Jul

Paulina Rubio Rocks a Bikini For Mexico of the Day

4 Comments »

I get emails all the time, which at my level of popularity is about once a month, asking me to give scoop and gossip on Mexican celebrities because I am Mexican. I feel like that’s the same kind of racial profiling that would ask Obama to freestyle rap, that would expect all arab people to suicide bomb things and I take offense to it. I haven’t been in Mexico since I was about 4 or 5 years old and I haven’t been back, so I really have no idea what the fuck is going on there but I do know that Paulina Rubio is from the mother country and here she is in a bikini.

Now, I’m kinda on the same kick as my black friend who turns his head on black strippers because he feels they are taking the wrong route to advance the race as a whole, he felt like seeing them objectify themselves like a group of sluts was disgusting and that they should have been doing other more respectful things with themselves because stripping was just perpetuating the stereotypes he had to live with. So he’d get all preachy on this shit when we would all make it rain on them hoes but had no problem getting lap dances and blowjobs in the booth with white girls, because he didn’t respect white chicks since they didn’t go to the same church as him. So I have some issues posting this shit, but that’s not because I see my mother in these pictures, but because I see a boxy corn tortilla and bean eating, short and thick Mexican hiding behind her relatively tight body because it’s just a matter of time before she looks like every other Mexican chick I’ve seen and that makes enjoying these shitty pics impossible.

Posted in:Bikini|Mexico|Paulina Rubio

2008

Jul

Shauna Sand Rocks a Bikini of the Day

5 Comments »

I didn’t go to bed last night because I was looking for something exciting, I didn’t find much but when I got home, the sun was up and I decided to lay out on the building’s fire escape and get some like I was back home in Mexico. I passed the fuck out and didn’t hear a fuckin’ thing, until I was rudely awaken about 20 minutes ago by the guilt of not updating the fucking site, like this shit was my job or my wife or some shit. So the homeless guy who was pissing next to me didnt annoy me, the pigeon who shat on my face didn’t annoy me, my crazy screaming neighbor and her crazy screaming husband and their crazy screaming baby didn’t annoy me, the police sirens, the cars honking, the construction down the street and the fact that I was sleeping on a metal fucking grate didn’t annoy me, but you somehow managed to annoy me.

Here are some pictures of Shauna Sand, showing off her whore body and her shitty ass and bad fake tits on the beach. I am only posting them because I like the fat dudes expression when she walks by him, like he just witnessed the coming of christ or some shit because they don’t make pussy like that where he’s from. These could be old, but you can never tell with Shauna Sand because she always looks the same shade of haggard orange and she always wears the same shoes, it’s like bitch is timeless or some shit.

Posted in:Bikini|Shauna Sand

2008

Jul

Kelly Rowland Shows Off Her Fake Tits and Forehead in a Bikini of the Day

19 Comments »

I don’t know why Kelly Rowland is at the beach, it’s not like girl needs a tan and every black person I know hates swimming because there was no pool in the projects they are from, just broken down fire hydrants they used to run through and that doesn’t really help you become comforable with sharks. They also hate getting their hair wet, even when they shower because it fucks up their relaxer or whatever the fuck they put in that shit, so Kelly Rowland’s really got no business being at the beach other than to get some attention by showing off the smallest set of fake tits ever purchased.

I blame Beyonce for leaving Rowland behind on her rise to the top. Now when you ask teenagers if they like Destiny’s child when you are trying to make conversation with them at the mall, they don’t know who the fuck you are talking about and look at you like you’re some kind of sex offender who talks to them about blowjobs on Xbox Live late at night.

I guess when you were once at the top, beggin’ for someone to pay a little attention to you isn’t worth laughin’ at, and you should all just make Rowland feel better about herself and take a good look at how skinny shit is…maybe you could even put it on the cover of a tabloid to help prevent her from following her career’s steady plung by jumping off her 18th story condo balcony.

I like to think I just saved a life. I am a hero like that.

Posted in:Bikini|Kelly Rowland|Tits

2008

Jul

Britney Spears in a Bikini in Cabo of the Day

8 Comments »

So Britney Spears is in Cabo with her hired friends and dancers training hard for their big VMA performance I heard about on the radio. I could be wrong and these pictures could be old and the hired gay dude may actually be one of her “real” friends and not an employee or someone trying to ride her coat tails and get some media attention, but it doesn’t matter because she looks amazing. This is just further proof that if you throw a bitch in the gym for 6 months and force photographer to put on a grainy lens, she totally looks worth fucking, but in all fairness to Britney’s slow dive into the gutter, none of us can small the smells she’s releasing or see the brown stains around her pussy on her nice white bikini, so her hard work in being insane and giving up on life hasn’t fully gone to waste, as long as she stays out of the pool because she wouldn’t want the chlorine may to kill off the bacterial build-up collection, it’s taken 2 years to make and it can’t go to waste….

Either, I wish they made glasses that had the same effect that I could use on my wife because if they did, I am sure my penis would still work like a normal, vibrant, sober 40 year old man. I know I am boring today, but it’s monday and I hate you as much as I hate this computer.

Posted in:Bikini|Britney Spears|Vacation