Bikini Archives - Page 74 of 93 Archive - DrunkenStepFather.com

Archive for the Bikini Category

2007

Nov

I am – Le Call in a Bikini Again of the Day

I am a lot like Owen Wilson, except for the fact that he’s a suicidal drug addict who fucks hot shit, when I am just a drunk fat dude who recognizes that I suck at life but would never jump. I also don’t fuck hot shit or I just fuck shit unless you count the time I was still slamming my wife and she shit on my dick because she ate too much mexican food and thought she just had to fart and I still finished, but that was years ago and I only did it because being Mexican, the irony was poetic and poetry always makes me cum.

I was at a bar last night and it turns out that people at bars hate me as much as I hate myself, because the last 6 times I’ve left my house it’s ended in some serious conflict where I am the center of the fucking problem. The problem is usually that I am a schoolyard bully who gets off on fuckin’ around with people, and instead of muscling them out and stealing their lunch money, I just run my mouth off and they don’t get me. I don’t do it to fight, I do it is for jokes, but it turns out that I am not funny and that people don’t get me and I can only blame you for my problem, because you’ve given me false sense of talent for emailing me telling me that I am funny, like Hayden Panettiere’s got the false sense of being hot. I am so bad at this blogging shit that I shoulda used this paragraph in the Hayden post but didn’t. No wonder people try to beat me up.

Either way, here are some pictures of his new vagina with a stupid name in a bikini from a few days ago because she’s easy on my hungover eyes and because she’ll lead this fucker to actually killing himself when she fucks off on him after becoming famous off his controversy, and I am all about people who inspire people to succeed.

I am – Miranda Kerr Bikini Fashion Show Pictures of the Day

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Guess who just woke up still drunk from the Thanksgiving party I had for myself last night that involved drinking and a turkey that wasn’t so much of a turkey but more of a bottle of Whiskey……Here’s some Australian model named Miranda Kerr modeling some bikinis. It’s Thanksgiving and I figured I should throw something up for you fuckers, because I have a feeling that the 6 of you are the kinds of guys who don’t get invited to family functions and ever if you were, you’d be uncomfortable leaving your computer for the amount of time it would take to eat dinner and because I am in Canada and it’s a work day for everyone here, not that that really has much influence on the way I live my life as is now, cuz this isn’t a fuckin’ job.

Either way, I’ve decided that Vagina is my poison, but that’s just because I’ve only been with disgusting girls and like to joke about how I only bag dirt, like a gardener or a hippie with a compost pile in his self containted organic living compound. But then I remember that joke isn’t funny and cry instead because I realize that I suck at life and would like to give thanks for that.

I don’t know when these Miranda Kerr Bikini Pictures were taking, but she’s hot right now and I am into hot girls, so that’s my post.

Related Posts:

Heidi Klum Playing With Her Tits Video from Yesterday
The Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show in Picture
The Victoria’s Secret Angels Fly Virgin

Posted in:Ass|Bikini|Fashion Show|Miranda Kerr|Unsorted

2007

Nov

I am – Le Call in a Bikini of the Day

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You don’t know who this bitch is and either do I, but the word on the internet is that she’s Owen Wilson’s supermodel girlfriend who I’ve never heard of, but then again, I am not good with remembering names or celebrities, I only remember vaginas.

The thing I like about Owen Wilson is that he tried to kill himself and failed. I always find failed suicide the biggest fuckin’ joke, not because I am into people dying or anything like that, but because you know when a motherfucker hates themselves so much and wishes they were dead and decide to actually go through with it because they are failures and suck at life so much and don’t deserve to live and end up failing at that too, it’s like can’t you get anything right you fucking loser.

I knew a dude who jumped off an overpass onto a freeway back in the day, his logic was that if he doesn’t die, he’ll at least get run over, but what ended up happening was two broken legs and few other broken bones and some head injury and no cars ran him over, and no one called an ambulance for him for 4 hours, because he did it late at night in some deserted part of the highway that no one was driving on and now dudes half retarded and has a limp and everytime I see him I can’t help but laugh.

I guess the good news for Owen Wilson is that he is lucky he didn’t end up dying and that he got a new lease on life, because it seems to be working out for him alright, this girl is much higher quality than that damaged Kate Hudson trash, even though the girl only with him because she’s using him to get her name out there because she knows there’s going to be media attention since he tried killing himself, and I’ve never been too worried about girls using dudes as long as they are putting out, because shit’s usually less expensive than hiring whores.

Related Posts:

There’s No Way Kate Hudson Could Lead Anyone to Suicide
Kate Hudson Bikini Pics To Use for Comparison
Karolina Kurkova’s Ass in Intense Shorts Because She is a Supermodel
Some Rachel Hunter Bikini Pictures Because She Was a Supermodel

Posted in:Ass|Bikini|Le Call|Supermodel|Unsorted

2007

Nov

I am – Vanessa Minnillo Still in a Bikini of the Day

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So bitch is rockin a bikini on the beaches of the Virgin Islands, which is kind of appropriate because you’re jerking off to these pics and well, let’s face it, fucking yourself doesn’t count as losing your virginity….I don’t know why I bother with the you’re a virgin jokes, they really aren’t funny but I guess funny isn’t really my thing…

The reality is that I write this site for hot chicks and if you’re reading this and not a hot chick, you’re seriously fucking up my masterplan. I figure hot chicks like celebrity shit and I don’t so it’s a sacrifice I am willing to make in attempts for getting them to fly me out to Virgin Islands or really any tropical place, including their bathrooms, because compared to the shit hole I shit in, the local gas station bathroom is luxury, to watch them frolick around in a bikini, but only because the hot chicks I am interested and who I am writing for are also rich and willing to support me.

This is all part of my hot chick brainwashing quest, because I am tired of seeing hot chicks with guys I consider losers, even though they are good looking and have money and cars and buy them nice things and treat them better than I will, because Chachi motherfuckers and their magnums of Grey Goose with their gel haired dropping jokes from some shitty movie they just saw or doing the Borat are the people who deserve to be virgins.

Either way, Here are them there pics.

Related Posts:

Vanessa Minnillo in a Bikini Yesterday
Vanessa Minnillo’s Ass Shopping
Vanessa Minnillo Fully Nude Pictures
Nick and Venessa in the Hot Tub

2007

Nov

I am – Vanessa Minnillo Bikini Ass Pictures of the Day

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The dude who invented the bikini was a smart person. Shit has become the norm on the beach, and event though that means bitches who have no business wearing bikinis rock them, so do hot chicks. Since ugly girls don’t register in my brain and just blend into the scenery no matter how fat and disgusting they are, them in bikinis doesn’t phase me. What does phase me is that decent lookin’ girls have been walking around half naked since they were kids, the were raised on this shit and that makes girls more comfortable walking around in their bra and panties, because shit’s equally revealing. It’s like the dude who invented the bikini was a master trainer, and shit worked out, only we all get to reap the rewards of his perversion pretty much every time we leave the house, or get a girl back to our place. Not that you know anything about that, but either do I, and that’s why we’re crew.

Here are some pictures of Nick Lachey livin’ the life on a yacht with his Boy Band money proving that you don’t need talent to be a hustler. He’s his girl Vanessa Minnillo who’s in some bikini and has a fuckin’ tight body and knowing that he cums inside that on the regular can only make me hate myself for never learning how to dance.

Related Posts:

Vanessa Minnillo’s Ass Shopping
Vanessa Minnillo Fully Nude Pictures
Nick and Venessa in the Hot Tub
Some Jessica Simpson Hiding in her Bikini

Posted in:Ass|Bikini|Minnillo|Unsorted|Vanessa

2007

Nov

I am – Gemma Atkinson’s Hairy Stomach in a Bikini of the Day

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So it turns out that when I go out, it’s pretty much the live-action version of this website. I get off on disturbing the peace and shit disturbing. I am not entirely sure the shit I say and do because I am fucking wasted and don’t really keep tabs on it, because I am too busy trying to stand but I do know that at some after party I was at last night, I was asked to leave, and by asked I mean the bouncer grabbed me and escorted me out.

At the time I didn’t realize what I had done to deserve that abuse, and just thought they were racist, and put up a fight but it turns out that I was chasing a girl around the party trying to snap pictures of her, she ended up poking me in the eye and I decided to threaten to beat her up, not because I was actually mad or because I would have gone through with it, I am pretty weak and usually get hurt by girls if it ever leads to a throw down, I just do it to wrestle them and have a legitimate excuse to grab their tits. I just thought it was funny and did it for dramatic effect. I’m poetic like that.

Speaking of dramatic effect, Gemma Atkinson’s got a treasure trail like a dude…It’s kinda confusing me because the contrast of her big tits and her hairy stomach is making me feel like I just walked into the changing room at a drag show, which hasn’t happened yet, but after seeing these pictures, should.

Related Posts:

Older Gemma Atkinson in a Bikini
A Different Set of Gemma Atkinson in a Bikini
Gemma Atkinson in Lingerie

2007

Nov

I am – Demi Moore Bikini Pictures of the Day

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I once randomly met a dude who decided to open up to me about how he fell in love with a girl in a picture. I am not talking about you perverts who print up these celebrity pics and scrap book them to cum on at a later date when your mom’s out of town on business, I am talking about a girl who was on a picture at a bed and breakfast he was staying at in the South of France, I guess he’s a romantic like that and I joked about whether his picture went to the beach and got topless with him and if they had sex while having a picnic eating baguette and cheese while drinking cheap bottles of when and he wasn’t laughing, he was lookin’ traumatized.

He went on to tell me that day after day he would see this picture of a beautiful girl and he would obsess over it, like lying in bed at night thinking about who the mystery girl was. By the fourth night he cracked, and snuck down and got the picture and jerked off to it, because he was in love and wanted to consummate their relationship. The next day he had decided to ask the woman who owned the bed and breakfast who the girl in the picture was and she said it was her daughter when she was 20, the summer before she died in a car accident 10 years earlier.

I feel like that jerking off to dead people, is kinda the same feeling you’d get having sex with Demi Moore. Here are her bikini pictures.

Related Posts:

Vintage Demi Moore Nudes Before She Launched Her Career Cuz Naked is the Way to Fame
Ashton Kutcher’s Mustache
Demi Moore’s Nipple
Rumer Willis is Lookin’ Good Sweetheart

Posted in:Ass|Bikini|Demi Moore|Unsorted

2007

Nov

I am – Princess Stephanie in a Bikini of the Day

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So I got really fucking wasted and it was fuckin’ messy. I don’t remember much more than a whole lot of shit talking and meeting a group of people from Australia who were amazing. One of them was this little hot Hilary Duff girl who I was trying to seduce with my drunken conversation but ended up fucking it up because I am easily distracted and got some girl who claimed she was 15 to stick her tongue in my mouth. She was jacked on blow and her tongue tasted like shit, but I did it because I had no choice. It was my duty.

On the walk home, I decided to stand outside a chachi bar and talk to my people, because me and chachi motherfuckers are cut from the same cloth. After being blown off by every single one of them, I decided to tell the world how Montreal is filled with losers. Lucky for me, I was next to Mr Strong Mafia Guy, who must have been the ambassador for the city, because when I walked by him and told him he was a Montreal piece of shit loser, he told me to fuck off, so I said that I’d fucking kill him and he went fuckin’ crazy. I guess Junior Mafia Guido and his 240 lbs of muscle doesn’t like when short fat motherfuckers tell him they are going to kill him, because he fuckin threw down his blazer and unbuttoned his shirt while his slut of a girlfriend tried holding him back saying shit like “if you do this I am leaving” and other really dramatic things that her stupid brian managed to put together. I am glad I made their night more exciting. I like to think of myself as some kind of Santa Claus who brings joy to people’s lives every time I leave my house. This is all batting practice for stepTV 2008 baby.

Princess Stephanie is kinda like Santa Claus too, only instead of gifts she brings an old body in a bikini and on days like today, that’s just as good. Cuddles.

Related Posts:

Princess Madeleine Bikini Pictures
Little Princesses Morning Reflections that Scare Me

Posted in:Bikini|old|Princess Stephanie|Unsorted

2007

Oct

I am – Hayden Panettiere Bikini Pictures of the Day

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Hayden Panettiere dressed like a skinny looking girl in a bikini for halloween, but we all know that hiding somewhere under that bikini is her stalky troll body…I guess she is hollywood and this is the magic of movie special effects make-up or some expensive bikini or some shit because I rarely see girls take off her clothes and look better than when she has them on, but when it does happen it’s magical. We call those kinds of girls “sleepers” because no one notices them, and when you get them and their over-sized t-shirt comes off and reveals perfect tits and a bangin’ body you ask yourself why you were wasting your time with the hot chick everyone else is trying to get their dicks inside because she wearing revealing clothes trying to get attention and it’s working…..and laugh when you decide to let them have the hot whore and not be one of the assholes trying to hook it up because you just won the fuckin’ lottery with this sleeper.

I did once knew this girl who was the girl everyone wanted to fuck and somehow I got her back to my place when wasted, not that I had a place at the time, but she was too drunk to realize we were in under an overpass. Either way, as the clothes came off and the padded bra turned her C’s into manly pecs, and her controlling underwear turned her booty into a sloppy bowl of corn pops and I didn’t wanna have my Pops like their commercial always told me I did. But then her hair extensions came off showing off her female-pattern baldness and her make-up rubbed off turning her into a fucking monster…and it wasn’t halloween….

I am thinking that’s kinda what’s happening in these pictures, only it happens everyday while Hayden puts clothes on. It’s like as the t-shirt goes on, her abs turn into a gut and as her slim fit jeans go on her legs get short and thinck. For the record, I still slammed the bitch, but that’s just because I have no standards and how often do you get a girl, even if she doesn’t really look like a girl under an overpass wanting your dick, and by wanting my dick I mean passed out and having no idea where she is….

Related Posts:

Older Hayden Bikini Pictures
Hayden Pickin’ her Wedgie
Hayden Buying a Thong

Posted in:Bikini|Halloween|Hayden Panettiere|Tits|Unsorted

2007

Oct

I am – Danielle Lloyd Likes Skiing in Bikinis of the Day

1 Comment »

All this losing all my money shit’s killing me. I think I just shat out my liver or something that looked like my liver. It’s either stress or the ebola virus, either way I am fucked. But I figured you shouldn’t suffer because I am suffering. We only have a limited time together, so I gotta make the best of it. That’s how much I like you and because corporate america can take my money but they can’t take my funny, or my bad poetry….

I have been hustling facebook the last couple of days and I came across a comment from some girl I don’t know that said she got a 63% on her test so I wrote:

I hope it wasn’t your “What you look like naked” test…cuz that would be depressing. Based on your pics, I woulda given you at least a 65%…baby…

So do you come here often?

Love

Jesus Martinez
DrunkenStepfather.com

Either way, here are some pictures of:Danielle Lloyd, doing what she does, which is pretty much rock a bikini everywhere she goes, even to the ski hill, because that’s how committed she is to her useless career that’s only going to last another 15 lbs or 5 years, whichever comes first, so she’s gotta bank everything she can, it’s gotta last her a lifetime.

Related Posts:

Danielle Lloyd is a Hairy Armpit Lesbian
Danielle Lloyd Ass Flash
Danielle Lloyd Green Bikini Wedgie
Danielle Lloyd’s Bad Ass in a White Bikini

Posted in:Bikini|Danielle Lloyd|Skiing|Slut|Unsorted